So, Tuesday I'm having brain surgery...

[brioche]

I think you're doing wonderfully. I'd still be a mess. And I'd never have the stones to be showing my scars until they wre almost healed.
You rock, lady!

 

[Bandit58]

I hope you're right. You know, all I do is cry all day.

I used to be kinda pretty... okay, well sorta.
http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c170/RoxannaDanna/zztoptop.jpg

now I look like this, the staples are hard to see, though:
http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c170/RoxannaDanna/myscr.jpg

my friends from work sent me this card while I was in the hospital... nice, huh?
http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c170/RoxannaDanna/mycrd.jpg

ADR I know you said you didn't want hugs but you got one from me *hug*

Three years ago my son had a dermoid cyst removed from above his right eye. He had an incision across the front of his head, above the hairline, from ear to ear with about 30 staples. He had two swollen black eyes as well. Now there's no sign that he ever had surgery.

You're beautiful, woman You've been through a lot you're entitled to cry. x12

 

[Netzach]

I got through last year avoiding mirrors and cameras. (I had a *giant* swollen cushingoid face, and being a nurse I'm sure you know what that looks like. WITH the mustache and unibrow the whole yardage -- I have a cherub face to start with, you can imagine...) People will tell you it's temporary, it's vanity, you look great, put on makeup, don't be so vain -- a whole slough of uninformed comments because it's not THEM.

Fuck that. Throw shit around, get mad, stay in, give the finger liberally for a while, do things that don't involve your face and dealing with people you don't know whenever you can and enjoy those hours. Make 'em about you. I took up beadwork.

Most importantly try to believe that it's going to change, because it will. And a really bad year has a way of going really slowly, but seeming very far in the past as soon as you find it over.

 

[A Desert Rose]

... try to believe that it's going to change, because it will. And a really bad year has a way of going really slowly, but seeming very far in the past as soon as you find it over.

Sage advice, Netz.

Think this deserves to be in my sig line.

I would say they did a terrific job. It will be covered when you get the staples out.

Yea and as Michael (my son) says... I still have great hair. ;-)

I think you're doing wonderfully. I'd still be a mess. And I'd never have the stones to be showing my scars until they wre almost healed.
You rock, lady!

I don't rock. But thanks for thinking so. ;-) I'm just doing what anyone else would do... getting a long. And no more whining.

ADR I know you said you didn't want hugs but you got one from me *hug*

Three years ago my son had a dermoid cyst removed from above his right eye. He had an incision across the front of his head, above the hairline, from ear to ear with about 30 staples. He had two swollen black eyes as well. Now there's no sign that he ever had surgery.

You're beautiful, woman You've been through a lot you're entitled to cry. x12

Thank you and I'm happy that he's doing so well. It's so much harder when it's your kid though... you want to make it right and better for them and so often you can't.

********

I wasn't going to post anymore here to avoid any appearance of whining or pimping myself. I don't want to appear to be a big ol' baby. (I can do that alone... or with cellis, Des or shy.)

I have a really good feeling about this thing. I think it will be benign. I think he will do some kind of radiation - maybe gamma knife - and it will all go away. But there are moments in the dark when I start to let the idea that maybe this is a time bomb in my head about to go off, creep in.

When that happens, I drink heavily and do lots of drugs.





lmao... okay, not really.

 

[graceanne]

I got through last year avoiding mirrors and cameras. (I had a *giant* swollen cushingoid face, and being a nurse I'm sure you know what that looks like. WITH the mustache and unibrow the whole yardage -- I have a cherub face to start with, you can imagine...) People will tell you it's temporary, it's vanity, you look great, put on makeup, don't be so vain -- a whole slough of uninformed comments because it's not THEM.

Fuck that. Throw shit around, get mad, stay in, give the finger liberally for a while, do things that don't involve your face and dealing with people you don't know whenever you can and enjoy those hours. Make 'em about you. I took up beadwork.

Most importantly try to believe that it's going to change, because it will. And a really bad year has a way of going really slowly, but seeming very far in the past as soon as you find it over.

Well put, Netzach. I can remember a few screaming temper tantrums I had while on prednisone. Once cause I'd just bought some barrets, and couldn't find em. As far as I was concerned I looked like shit anyway, the least I could have was a way to make my hair look pretty. Looking back of course I know I was being irational - but lets see how rational the rest of you are on 150 mg of prednisone.

Like she said, and I told her at the time, you are allowed to be angry, you are allowed to be upset, and you are allowed to cry. This royally sucks, and it's not fair. Trying to pretend things are ok will just make your recovery time longer, and it'll also make it so when all of it does finally burst out it's a BIGGER tantrum than if you'd just had lotsa smaller ones.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Well put, Netzach. I can remember a few screaming temper tantrums I had while on prednisone. Once cause I'd just bought some barrets, and couldn't find em. As far as I was concerned I looked like shit anyway, the least I could have was a way to make my hair look pretty. Looking back of course I know I was being irational - but lets see how rational the rest of you are on 150 mg of prednisone.

Like she said, and I told her at the time, you are allowed to be angry, you are allowed to be upset, and you are allowed to cry. This royally sucks, and it's not fair. Trying to pretend things are ok will just make your recovery time longer, and it'll also make it so when all of it does finally burst out it's a BIGGER tantrum than if you'd just had lotsa smaller ones.

Oh darling grace... I've put my family through a couple of real ugly situations this week. I've been just plain ugly. But they do seem to understand... God love 'em.

And now, whatever it is, decadron or the dilantin, I'm having horrible hives. I itch all over the place... constantly. Going to have to call the doctor tomorrow. I can't stop taking those pills but they are making me miserable, too.

 

[graceanne]

Oh darling grace... I've put my family through a couple of real ugly situations this week. I've been just plain ugly. But they do seem to understand... God love 'em.

And now, whatever it is, decadron or the dilantin, I'm having horrible hives. I itch all over the place... constantly. Going to have to call the doctor tomorrow. I can't stop taking those pills but they are making me miserable, too.

Well, I'll never forget the look on the kids face the first time I started throwing things. I'm not normally like that, I don't have tantrums. But I was screaming, throwing things, and punching walls. Even K was shocked. Over a small set of barrets. *shakes head* Being sick'll do weird things to you.

As for the hives, have you taken any benedryl?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Well, I'll never forget the look on the kids face the first time I started throwing things. I'm not normally like that, I don't have tantrums. But I was screaming, throwing things, and punching walls. Even K was shocked. Over a small set of barrets. *shakes head* Being sick'll do weird things to you.

As for the hives, have you taken any benedryl?

oh yea... and that no longer works for me. (And as you might know, you can't use benadryl cream and pills at the same time... they counteract each other.) Plus it makes me sleepier with the combination of Dilantin.

I'm hoping that I won't be on the Dilantin too long. I'm not epileptic... I just have a stupid brain tumor.

LOL

 

[A Desert Rose]

Here's a post-op rant...

How you find out who your real friends and family are.

Read on at your own risk...

I got home Thursday night and my mom came home with me. The doctor didn't want me home alone right away. I felt pretty beat up and shitty, to say the least. (In surgery, you have an arterial line in and one in your carotid not to mention 2 IV lines and a cathetor. I was HookedUp.)

On Friday night, my mom's sister called and was really nasty to my mother. Wanted her to get to Phoenix and deliver HER pickup and help take care of their mother (my grandma.) Or better yet, drive her up here and let me babysit her over night because she (my aunt) had someplace to be this weekend.

My mother tried to be low key and not get nasty back but I could tell by her end of the conversation that this was not going well. So I took my phone from her and told my aunt to never fucking call here again or darken my door. That I was not going to be babysitting anyone and that I needed my mother for this weekend and to just plain fuck off.

Then I called my brother in Denver and said, get yourself down here and take charge of this situation before I kill someone. He's taking care of that now.

And this is when you find out who your friends and family really are. I have friends who I've never even met who care more for me than my own family does. Not one of my mom's family called to ask about me... but I've had calls from cellis and Des, who I've never even met in real life. I've had PMs and emails from people, like Shadowsdream, who encourage me and make me smile. And family who can't even be bothered.

Fucking amazing...

Okay... I'm done ranting. LOL again.

 

[graceanne]

How you find out who your real friends and family are.

When I first got sick . . . pretty much no one came around at all. My mother would watch me, so K could get stuff done, but only if K took me to her house. About the time I was getting too week to do anything, I took the energy to call my dad. By this point I was too weak to hold a phone to my ear, so K held it up for me. I said "Daddy, I'm really sick." Daddy said "I'm sorry. How's B?" We had a short conversation where I had to continually bring it back to how sick I was. I felt that I should let him know, after all he's my dad. I heard nothing from him after that. No one from our church called or came and saw me while I was getting blood transfusions (my hemoglobin had dropped to 6). The only time I saw my sister was at a Thanksgiving thing my mother threw. I'd come in, freezing (I couldn't keep warm) and crying cause I'd shit my pants again. She made some flipant remark and I screamed at her, and locked myself in the bathroom to clean myself up. Then K helped me up the stairs (cause I'd start to pass out on my way up), bundled myself up in a heating blanket, a wool blanket, a quilt and sat on the heating pad. No one, other than K, came to see how I was.

To put this in perspecitve: I have five brothers and sisters. I have about 15 aunts and uncles, 5 grandmas, three grandpas and over 30 cousins. (Lots of divorces and remarriages.)

*hugs* Believe me when I say I understand.

 

[A Desert Rose]

When I first got sick . . . pretty much no one came around at all...

...*hugs* Believe me when I say I understand.

And you make me feel much better. Knowing that people like you and KC and all the others who've posted to me or pm'd me, really makes me realize what having friends is all about.

Lots of people have it much, much worse than I. This will all pass and I'll be fine.

I hate these hives, though. They are making me nutty. ;-)

And I want to go back to work, like tomorrow. Doctor says not for at least a month. No driving for that long either. I'm going to go fucking nuts before this is all over. ;-)

 

[graceanne]

And you make me feel much better. Knowing that people like you and KC and all the others who've posted to me or pm'd me, really makes me realize what having friends is all about.

Lots of people have it much, much worse than I. This will all pass and I'll be fine.

I hate these hives, though. They are making me nutty. ;-)

And I want to go back to work, like tomorrow. Doctor says not for at least a month. No driving for that long either. I'm going to go fucking nuts before this is all over. ;-)

I just wish I could do more for you.

And I can imagine the hives are bugging you. Have you tried, maybe, a hot oatmeal bath? When A had her allergic reaction to the penniccilin the dr told us to put her in a hot oatmeal bath and give her benedryl.

 

[John Doe]

Actually, you go out and click on posts (ctrl+A) and copy all the names (ctrl+C) then paste (ctrl+V) them to your document. It's pretty easy and I'm pretty simple minded. ;-) Ask anyone here. I'm sure there are countless people who would testify to that fact.

Oh, okay. Well anyway, be sure to call the doctor if you get any headaches, cranial swelling or y'know, red and gray stuff on the carpet.

 

[m wisdom]

Sorry to hear about the non caring family, things like that gets me mad and I don't even know these people
Glad to see that you are back and posting tho, and your posting style getting back to normal so you must be doing better

Take care

 

[catalina_francisco]

It is so true about these moments letting you know who is really there for you. There have been several moments in my life when a little support would have gone a long way, and yet from those you would expect to be first in line to help there was a noticeable absence of door knocking, mail, or phones ringing...of course it all comes back to normal when you are back on track and can do something for them. Took me a long time, but I learned to say no and not to hope for anything more than I had received in the past. The positive is you do realise there are people who really care without any self gain, and though they may be fewer in numbers, they are more valueable than all the money in the world.

Hope the hives leave you ADR....there is a magic potion you can bath in, but it is Australian and not worldwide as far as I know...but I have had good experiences with cold tea bags to relieve extreme itching. Run the cold tea over the itchy areas if needed, but also lay the cold, wet tea bags on the same areas. There are few things worse than itching in my books and seems we are both afflicted with itchy problems here.

Catalina

 

[shy slave]

Families ~ can't live with them, can't find enough places to bury the bodies and not get caught

Andante has been surprised at some of my family and their issues, as well as how I feel i need to deal with them.

He once sounded so dominant and serious one day when he said 'You need a new family'

Jesus!, I can't just sell them on ebay and buy another one.
I may end up buying ADR's aunt and I am not sure thats a great choice either lol

 

[jadefirefly]

I'm so sorry to hear about your family (and Grace's too!) being assmonkeys.

I have a mom who's -too- check-up-y. She wants to know everything, and I am an intensely private person. Wanna trade? (I keed, I keed.)

I have had situations like that, though: where everyone you've never really met seems more worried and more interested in your well-being than the family you've grown up with that -ought- to be first on your doorstep. None as serious as either of yours, though.

You guys both get HUUUUUUGE huggies *huggies!* from me, 'cos you deserve them. I can only hope that should the need arise, I can find the same sort of strength you guys have.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

I really need to come online more. I am glad you are home and that the mind is as sharp as always. Pity not closer as could have had you begging to get naked to be scratched lol. And I know between yourself and Des there will be no question or problem you can't have the medical answer. I may be late with well wish but they are truly heartfelt.

And you make me feel much better. Knowing that people like you and KC and all the others who've posted to me or pm'd me, really makes me realize what having friends is all about.

Lots of people have it much, much worse than I. This will all pass and I'll be fine.

I hate these hives, though. They are making me nutty. ;-)

And I want to go back to work, like tomorrow. Doctor says not for at least a month. No driving for that long either. I'm going to go fucking nuts before this is all over. ;-)

 

[kayte]

{{{{ADR}}}}}}}} So sorry to read about the actions, or lack thereof from your family.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

It is amazing the love and caring and concern that is found here on Lit. This is a great place. I have seen it myself just recently regarding the loss of a dear friend, 69forever.

Also, you aren't whining at all ADR ~ You are sharing what you are going through and the people here are interested hon.

 

[FurryFury]

I know what it's like to have family let you down.

*HUGS*

Fury

 

[babiesmiles]

*hugs ADR*

 

[redelicious]

I have a really good feeling about this thing. I think it will be benign. I think he will do some kind of radiation - maybe gamma knife - and it will all go away. But there are moments in the dark when I start to let the idea that maybe this is a time bomb in my head about to go off, creep in.

When that happens, I drink heavily and do lots of drugs.





lmao... okay, not really.

Good for you for trying to stay focused and positive about things, especially when you also find yourself dealing with a bunch of shit from family (it's amazing how selfish some people can be). I know you don't want a ton of attention but please keep us posted on the test results.

Keeping you in my thoughts...

 

[A Desert Rose]

Although those folks with the neurosurgeon aren't telling me anything until next Monday, I found out today that he only did a partial resection of this tumor.

That means at least half of it is still in there.

The neurosurgeon turns me over to a neurologist next Monday. After several calls this morning, I found one who will to see next Wednesday.

The neurologist will decide what type of treatment to do on this tumor and will manage my Dilantin.

I felt good until now. It's cancer but still I don't know if it's malignant or benign.
It's just plain scary... all over again.

This is not the place to unload shit.

I'm sorry. This thread should be deleted or should never have been started... something.

I just want to go back to work and go back to who I was on April 25th at 7pm.

 

[Kajira Callista]

and go back to who I was on April 25th at 7pm.

you still are who you were to me...and to everyone here. you will get through this, and if you dont, you know there are a lot of people with a lot of sets of hands to help you get through...at home and here on lit.

 

[catalina_francisco]

you still are who you were to me...and to everyone here. you will get through this, and if you dont, you know there are a lot of people with a lot of sets of hands to help you get through...at home and here on lit.

Ditto...think you know we are all here for you whether you are laughing or crying, spitting or purring.

Catalina