Strings for the Veteran (Closed)

[prettyserpentine]

Elinor leaned against him, her body shaping against his like they were meant for each other. Her hands rested on his chest as they kissed, oblivious to the elated squeals from Carl and Alfredo, the merry laughter of Alexey as he ran after the squealing children.

The barking dogs.

The car that pulled up.

The door that opened. All cocooned by the noises of happy laughter, excited children.

Elinor didn't even notice until she opened her eyes, looking into Nicholas' blues. She was smiling like a healed woman, looking up...

The smile froze on her face as she beheld the young woman standing in the snow by the town car. She wore a green dress, a thick black coat. The wind caught her hair and it flew out, a blaze of fire against the newly falling snow.

Elinor stood up shakily, brushing snow off her clothes as the young woman looked at Nicholas. Her heart stopped in her chest as she stood in the gaze of the O'Hara's.

As she stood in the gaze of Erin McKenzie.

The big Irish wolfhound sniffed the air, padding quietly to the redhead's side, resuming his stance.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

Nicholas looked around. Whatever Elin saw, it had caused her to lose her good cheer. Nicholas' heart lurched. They were here. He stood up and brushed the snow off of him. He looked to his sister and back at Elin. Filled with resolve, he grabbed her hand and led her down to meet his sister.

As they approached her, Erin seemed to get preoccupied by the wolfhound by her side. A few steps away from Erin, Nicholas let go of Elin's hand and went to his sister and hugged her.

"I can't believe I get to spend christmas with you, little sister! This is wonderful!" He hugged and rocked her from side to side, happy beyond words to see her.

Finn plodded over to Elin and nuzzled his snout against her hand. After a small eternity he let go of her and looked into her eyes. She was all smile and tears, as was he.

"Erin, there's someone I'd like you to meet. He stepped to the side and swept his arm towards Elinor. This is Elinor Mironov, my benefactor."

He lowered his voice so only Elin and Erin could hear him: "And the woman I love."

Erin smiled shyly at Elin and waved at her, blushing and casting her eyes down. She appraoched her and extended a small slender and freckled hand at Elin.

 

[prettyserpentine]

Elin smiled down at Finn as Nicholas hugged his sister. She scratched the wolfhound on his big head. Such a gentle giant.

When Nicholas introduced her as the woman he loved, Elinor felt suddenly self conscious around his sister. She smiled at her, shaking a little. The tears were pricking at her eyes.

"Please don't call me your benefactor... I couldn't..."

Her words were cut off as Erin took a step forward, holding out her hand. Elinor looked into her eyes and the two women held their gazes as she pulled off her glove, taking Erin's hand. Her grip was firm and Elin could see something in her eyes. She might not be as frail as she was treated.

"I'm very honoured to meet you. I've heard a lot about you," Elin spoke softly, her voice cracking a little. She wiped her other hand over her face, catching her tears. "You should come inside. We can get some lunch. You're going to have to change to come tobogganing," she rambled, heading towards the house. Mrs Wilson had made warm soup and sandwiches. "You're about my size, I can lend you some stuff..."

She sat down, watching Erin and Nicholas sit down. A woman who she assumed to be their mother sat next to Erin, coddling her and explaining how to use the different cutlery. Elin frowned. She rose from her chair and moved down to the woman. She rose from her chair hurriedly.

"Elizabeth O'Hara, Miss Mironov. Thank you for the invitation, we're so pleased. And I'm so sorry to hear about what...-"

Elinor heard Erin exhale beside her and Elin grabbed Elizabeth's hand tightly and shook it.

"Elinor will do fine, ma'am. And welcome to my home." She emphasised 'my home' and continued. "And it's just soup and sandwiches. I'm sure she can figure out to use a spoon and her hands." She looked down at Erin with a wink. "The spoon's for the soup. Not your hands."

"Oh, of..of course," the older woman sputtered, sitting down again. Her husband made conversation with Alexey and Greta took the chair opposite Elinor. She looked at her with a genial smile and Elin returned it. She wasn't mad.

The conversation passed through the initial awkwardness and into a more comfortable zone. Even if Elinor couldn't help but be irritated by Nicholas' mother.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

Nicholas smiled as he watched Erin and Elin walk to the house. Elin was doing her best to be a gracious hostess, and she talked to Erin like she was a person, not some damaged piece of frail porcelain. His love for her grew exponantially.

He was afraid his mom would make a scene when she saw him, but she didn't say a word as he entered the house. He went upstairs to change and hang his clothes to dry from the snow he'd basked in. He was so cheerful and happy after the brisk activities and the tender kiss he'd shared with Elinor that he couldn't be too upset by his mother's silent treatment. That would change as he went down to have soup with the others.

Nicholas saw how his mother was treating his little sister and started fuming. It was a grave injustice. She was not a frail cripple to be coddled like this. He'd seen her dance, for crying out loud! He was about to say something when, thankfully, Elinor intervened.

As soon as she had defused the situation and sat down, he caught her eyes and smiled, mouthing the words "thank you" while flicking his eyes towards Erin and his mother. His mother was clearly intimidated by the wealth, power, and influence of the Mironovs. So much so that she accepted the intervention from Elinor without as much as a protest.

Her pride had taken a hit, though. And she needed an outlet. She found Nicholas. "So, Nicholas," she said with that faux-sweet sing-song voice that he knew only too well, "where have you been hiding yourself all these years?"

Nicholas sighed. Damn. He'd forgotten just how fond she was of airing dirty laundry in public. He'd seen her humiliate his father many a time in public. With real effort he sighed and looked at her: "This is not the time and place to discuss this, mother." He felt his anger and bile rising.

"Oh surely Nicholas," she pressed on, "you can tell your mother and sister what you've been up to these years you've been so absent? What, are you EMBARASSED!?" She was testing him. She found weak spots and pounced on them like a hyena on weakened prey.

Not here. Not in front of everyone! he thought as he felt himself flush and his eyes starting to sting. Then he swallowed the lump in his throat and looked at her defiantly: "Erin already knows, mother. And if this subject wasn't important enough to discuss when we last met, then SURELY we can wait discussing this until later, mother." Nicholas was very aware of the table having fallen silent. Thanks a lot, mom!

She pressed on: "But Nicholas, surely your own mother has a right to-" and that was as far as she got. Nicholas rose up and stared at her, anger flashing in his eyes: "My own mother? You mean the mother that cut me off because I didn't dance to her tune? Is that the one you mean? Or the mother that never once tried to contact me when I was overseas? Or the m-oh never mind. Folks, I'm sorry about this." His voice never rose, but the anger in it was evident.

He abruptly turned around and walked out. From the dining room he could hear his mother: "Erin, sit down and finish your soup- oh put that notepad away!" Nicholas could feel the pulse in his temple. He wanted to go back in there, but his murderous rage was threatening to emerge and he didn't want to frighten the children. Or Elin and Erin for that matter. They didn't deserve to see him like this.

He slumped down in one of the soft comfy chairs in the smoking room and buried his head in his hands. He registered voices from the dining room but didn't pay too much attention to them at first.

 

[prettyserpentine]

Elin smiled at Erin sheepishly, looking a little sad. She kept looking at the door after her brother. When her mother told her to put her notepad away, she did, and it made Elinor frown. Marianne and Will excused themselves to put the children down for their post-lunch naps, and Carl and Alfredo suddenly felt the need to get in a little practice with their instruments. It left the O'Hara's, the Mironovs and Erin in the dining room. The two younger women ate their soup in silence as Greta and Elizabeth discussed the plight of women in their situation.

"But yes, the psychiatrist is very good, very helpful. We did a lot of looking for the best in town." Greta set her spoon down, smiling at Elinor and then at Elizabeth.

The other woman nodded, patting Erin's hand condescendingly as she sat in silence, her soup finished. "We've had a lot to see her, but it's not been easy. Every day has it's challenges. But we battle through, doing what we can, you know how it is, Greta. Sometimes it's just hard to know what to do to help the victims...-"

"We aren't victims."

Elizabeth looked up at Elinor. "I'm sorry, did you say something dear?"

Elinor set her spoon down. It clattered a little, and she started to shake. Alexey fidgeted in his chair and Elizabeth's husband never looked up from his newspaper.

"I did. I said we aren't victims."

"That's very good dear, but I only...-"

"I'm not finished." She looked up, her green eyes were cold and fiery. Greta took a halting breath. "We aren't victims. We are survivors. What happened to Erin was horrible, but she isn't a victim. She made it through it. Look at her, look at the strength she has, if only you would help her to use it instead of keeping her hidden away like some dirty little secret..."

Erin looked at Elinor as she stood to her feet.

"Elinor, perhaps you'd better sit down," Greta said.

"I said I'm not finished!!"

Alexey recognised that look and sat back to enjoy the show.

"YOU battle through?! YOU do what you can?! Putting a 'victim' into a home to rot isn't help, that isn't fighting! What Erin has done every day is a fight - HER fight! OURS! We aren't helpless little girls, we are women in our own right and the horrible things that have happened do NOT define who we are or what we are capable of!" She started to cry frustrated tears, and looked at Erin. "Never put your notepad away if it is your voice! Never let anyone tell you that you can't do something, or that you're powerless because you are not powerless!" Elinor pulled the hat off her head and threw it onto her chair. Her tears flowed in earnest as she ran her hand over her head. "Every time I look in the mirror, or in a window, or at the expression on someone's face... Like the one you have right now... I'm reminded of what happened! And I could focus on the nightmares, the scars, the physiotherapy. But I don't! Your son..." She lost her voice, shaking her head and slamming her hands down on the table in anguish. "Your son never left my side! He stopped the man who tried to... tried to..." Erin squeezed her hand and Elinor squeezed back. "He stopped what almost happened. He is not an embarrassment, he is the reason I am alive two times over. And he never left me every night I was in hospital. He is the one who hears my screams at night and is there..."

She fell to her knees beside Erin. "And it kills him...he couldn't save you... And I just want to give him the world so he can give it away to you...and I just...." She sobbed against Erin's arm. "I can't stand it, don't ever let anybody tell you you're weak because you're still here, and I know I can get to that stage too...."

She looked past Erin and to her mother, who was quite taken aback, tears in her own eyes. "You won't ever realise what it's like... He's your son. I lost both my parents and I don't want him to have lost both of his. He's done so much for me, please don't come into my house and make him feel like he's worthless because he isn't. Not to me. Never to me."

Elinor wiped her face and looked up at her uncle. He was wiping his eyes and Greta poured Elizabeth another cup of coffee.

"You look a bit pale, dear." Greta smiled patiently. Elizabeth lifted the cup with shaking hands and Elinor pulled herself into her chair, trying to settle herself.

"I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse me. I don't feel very hungry at the moment. If you like I could show you to your room? There's one just next to Nicholas', it looks down over the lake at the front. And I can give you clothes if you want to come tobogganing and skating with us and the kids. Carl and Alfredo will be there, but they're really nice. They're together. They're my best friends. And Nicholas said you danced, I could show you my Mother's ballet studio if you'd like..."

She stood up, heading to the door, out, and up the stairs, hoping Erin would follow.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

Erin bolted after Elin, casting a defiant glare at her mother as she swept out of the dining room. FINALLY someone spoke up for her. Nicholas had tried, but he was weak to their mother's venom. Elin on the other hand, wasn't. She had voiced what Erin had wanted to write or say beautifully, and she'd seen the words hit home with her mother.

Erin ran up the stairs and caught up with Elin on a landing. She cleared her throat to let Elin know she was there. Elin turned around and Erin hugged her. Thank you Elin! I've wanted to say that for YEARS! And thank you for standing up for my brother! Erin almost wept with frustration. Why couldn't she SAY these things?

She pulled out of the hug and watched Elin intently. A look of sheer concentration was plastered on her face as she made the hugest effort ever to actually speak again. Her lips moved and she made small squeaking noises as she tried to push past whatever it was that blocked her. She finally stamped her foot in frustration and got out her notepad. On it she wrote simply: "Thank you. For what you said. For being there for my brother. "

Elin started to protest, that she was the one being saved by Erin's brother. Erin held up her hand. She wrote furiously: "No. You need to realise that you saved him as much as he saved you. I know him. He's too stubbornly proud to ASK for help! When he calls you 'benefactor' he MEANS it. Don't diminish that for him. He has every right to feel gratitude towards you and your family as much as you are grateful to him."

Writing that was almost physically exhausting, but she needed to be told. They continued up the stairs and Elin showed Erin her room. It was a cosy room with an adjoining bath to her mother and stepfather. Erin jumped, clapped and smiled to show her appreciation. She looked at Elin again. Something she'd said earlier resonated in her head. She wrote: "Ballet studio? Mironov? Is your mother Katarina Ilya Mironov!?" Elin just nodded. "I LOVED your mother's work! I watched her perform in The Nutcracker when I was a little girl! That performance ALONE made me want to be a dancer!" There were tears in her eyes now. "Please, let me see the studio!" Elin obliged and brought them to a spacious room with mirrors and bars along one wall. Large windows overlooking the grounds provided natural light, in addition to the spotlights. The floor was of well kept laquered hardwood tiles and on the center of the wall opposite the mirrors hung a famous portrait of Katarina Ilya Mironov.

Tears of joy in her eyes, Erin wrote: "I've always wanted to see this place. Thank you so much, Elinor!"

-----------------------------------

Nicholas perked up as Elin started to talk. As he listened, his spirit rose. My God, she told his mother off! He wanted to burst through the door, to support Elin and Erin. But by the sound of it, Elin fought like a fierce lioness for them both. He loved her for standing up for him. He loved her even more for standing up for Erin. And he was proud of her for refusing to be a victim. He was more in love with her now than he thought possible.

He paced the room, his heart bursting with pride and joy for her. Suddenly the door to the dining room opened. It was his mother. She was pale and shaking. "N-Nicholas?" Her lips were shaking. Elin had punched through her defenses it seemed. She looked vulnerable, raw. Nicholas swallowed his hurt pride and decided to play it gentle. She was still his mother, after all. "Yes mother?"

"Nicholas, is what she says true? YOU were the 'vagrant' that rescued her?" There was real sorrow in her voice. Nicholas just nodded. "But how- why- what HAPPENED, Nicholas!?" There was no bile or sarcasm in her voice. Nicholas chanced it. "Sit down, mother." She obliged him.

He told her the whole sorry tale, from start to finish. Elizabth O'Hara was on the edge of her seat as Nicholas told of his life after she'd cut him off. She didn't interrupt him, and she shooed Bartholomew away when he came to check on her. When he was finished she sat stunned. Finally, she spoke:

"Nicholas... baby boy-" her voice broke. Nicholas welled up as well. He hadn't heard her call him that since before she cut him off. She'd always called him that when she wanted to coddle him when he was sad or upset. "Why didn't you say something, Nicholas!? WE could have helped you! My God, Nicholas! Don't tell me you were so stubbornly proud that you chose to live on the STREET rather than ask us for help!? Nicholas..." She broke down and cried.

Nicholas hesitated, then went to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She stood up and embraced him. "Nicholas!" It was like the cry of a wounded animal. She hugged him and suddenly there was a deluge of words from his mom: "I never meant to push you away. I only tried to make you stay in college, Nicholas. I never went to college, and it hurt so much when you rejected what your father and I had tried to do for you! But I never wanted it to be like this! Only... you had talent! You could have been a great writer and you threw that away for some... adventure! And- and- and I tried summoning up the courage to contact you so we could talk things through, but you can be as aloof and arrogant as your father was, Nicholas McKenzie!"

Nicholas was stunned by her admissions, and he could only hug her in return. Then he answered her: "Maybe I didn't explain it clearly to you then, mom. But I couldn't be a writer if I didn't have anything to write ABOUT. You know how much I hate novels about navelgazing and 'inner turmoil'. That is not me, mom. It hurt, it really hurt when you cut me off like you did. But yes, I am stubborn. Dangerously so. Elin and her family made me realise this. I have stubborn genes from both sides of the family, it seems." She gave a throaty laugh at that.

"And I never stopped loving you, mom. It's just, you changed as Erin and I grew up. You were so great with us when we were small. But I got the feeling you grew ambitious on our behalf, mom. And I started feeling like your love hinged on how well we performed. And I hated that, mom."

She replied: "I only wanted for you what I couldn't have. My teachers always told me I had a talent for writing. I was so PROUD when I saw your talent develop, and I was heartbroken when you didn't finish college, Nicholas. But you've explained why, and I actually understand what you mean. And then the awful thing that happened with Erin and her crying out for you as they put her in the coma. It broke my heart that you weren't there for her and I resented you for it! God help me, I did. And then your father killed himself, leaving me destitute, all our savings wiped out. I know it seemed opportunistic of me to marry Bartholomew so quickly, but what was I to DO, Nicholas!? Erin needed help and I couldn't provide for her. And he is a kind and gentle man. He really is!"

Nicholas was again lost for words. He looked at her for the longest time as she sat there, composing herself. Then finally: "I'm not going to pretend everything's okay between us, mom. But I love you and I've missed you. And it seems you have missed me as well. I know you still loved me, mom. The last letter from Erin told about you watching the news and shushing everyone when the news from Iraq were on. I love you, mom. Let's just get through christmas without embarassing everyone, and then we can meet and have it out with each other."

She silently nodded and smiled. They met in an embrace again, smiling this time. They stayed in the smoking room to compose themselves, the tone between them cautious but wholly different. There had been a lot of raw emotions today, and Nicholas felt drained, but happy and content. Differences aside, he had his mother back! He leaned in and kissed her on both cheeks and said for the first time in over a decade: "Love you, mom!"

Then he was out the door to find Elin and Erin.

 

[prettyserpentine]

Elinor was moved beyond words when she saw how Erin reacted to her mother's practice room. She stood in the middle, looking up at the high ceiling, at the mirrors, all the different Erins looking back at her. Elinor stood in the corner and smiled. The portrait of her mother was tastefully done in black and white, and showed her standing smiling with a massive bouquet of roses, at the end of a performance she had done in New York in 1989. She had been pregnant at the time - only just. Elinor loved that picture of her. Her father told her it was that night she told him he was going to be a father, and it was one of the happiest of his life.

"My mother was expecting me in that picture. That's the night she told my father. He told me that she used to come here, when she was pregnant. They lived in this house and she used to dance here, even when she was all belly and her ankles were swollen. She used to dance to Vivaldi, Tchaikovsky, Mozart. He says that's why I'm a musician." She smiled fondly. "Shall we go get you kitted out for skating?"

Erin nodded enthusiastically and stiffened as the door opened.

"Oh please, you couldn't master the second movement, how do you propose to do the third...oh sorry, we didn't know anyone was in here..."

Carl and Alfredo came into the room. Carl had his cello case, and Alfredo had his violin.

"It's got good acoustics..." They looked at Erin. Carl was wary. Alfredo was more tough love and heart-on-your-sleeve.

"Erin, these are my friends Carl and Alfredo. Guys, this is Nicholas' sister, Erin."

Carl nodded his head. "Pleased to meet you."

Alfredo walked up until he was about four feet from Erin. Elin stood by her side.

"Charmed, bella," he said in his charming Italian accent. He held the violin away from his body and bowed low, giving her his most handsome smile as he stood up.

"Don't fall for it," Elin leaned in to Erin. "He's very, very gay."

Alfredo gasped, mock offended and clutched his chest. "You wound me!"

Elin smiled at Erin and linked arms with her as she manoeuvred out of the room. "We are going skating. Feel free to join us!"

"Yes, and don't forget, you have to practise for at least half an hour today! Physiotherapist's orders!"

Elinor rolled her eyes exaggeratedly and shook her head. The two women went to her bedroom where she gave Erin a pair of warm jeans and one of her own Christmas jumpers. It had a reindeer on it. She wrapped her in a scarf, a furry hat and a fur coat. And warm boots. She found two pairs of skates and the two of them stood in front of her mirror. Elinor had on her woolly hat and scarf, and a black coat. Erin looked Royal in silver grey.

"Look at you," Elin said. "You look so proud. God, I wish I had a sister." Erin looked at her with red cheeks and sparkling eyes. "Come on, let's go skate!"

They grabbed hands and ran down the stairs, almost knocking Nicholas over.

"Look at her, Nicholas! Doesn't she look like a queen? She looks like a Russian movie star, so beautiful..."

Erin lifted her skates to show Nicholas, and scribbled on her notepad. 'Elin lent me skates! We're going skating! Outside!' She threw her arms around him as Elin hurried to the front door.

"Come on! Nicholas you have skates in your room too! And Carl and Ali will come after practice..." She opened the door and looked out. The kids were already skating, with Marianne and Will. Alexey was playing with the dogs, except Finn, who came to Erin's side when she reached the door. Greta and Mrs O'Hara had baby Olivia and just watched from the sitting room window. Erin's mother looked tearful when she saw her daughter.

Elinor looked at Erin mischievously, with fire in her eyes. "Let's show them how strong we are, Erin. Come dance with me."

Music drifted down from the ballet studio's open window as they put on their boots, and tentatively set out on the ice. Elin was very unsteady on her feet, and Erin didn't let go of her hand at all. Soon Nicholas joined them, and the three of them held hands together, getting slightly more confident on the lake.

Elin squeezed his hand. She had had a great idea for Erin's Christmas present and disappeared up to the studio for a few moments after Carl and Alfredo came out. She found what she was looking for, wrapped it and then devised her plan. It would be a great surprise for Erin, and Elin just knew she would love it. She hurried back outside to the others, Nicholas and Erin were skating hand in hand, and when Elin hit the ice, Carl and Alfredo skated to her side with ease, linking arms with her and pulling her further out.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

Nicholas ran into Elin and his sister on his way up the stairs. They were both so beautiful. Erin had a fire in her eyes that reminded him very much of his sister from before the ugly incident. He read her note about skating, and he gave a quick happy laugh as he said: "You two go ahead! I'll be along shortly! Thanks Elin!"

He ran up to his room. Skates, skates, skates, where were they? There! Gigling with expectation he flew down the stairs. He caught sight of his mother. She was with Greta, helping to watch little Olivia. He stopped as he saw her handle the little girl. She was all loving attention and sweet nothings as she fell in love with a very enthusiastic little Olivia. Nicholas let them be and ran out.

Alexey waved as he ran and played with the dogs. Pirs separated and trotted over to Nicholas. Nicholas went down on his knees as the big husky walked up to him and sniffed him again. Nicholas talked to the big dog who tried to talk back in a not-quite howl. Alexey called for the dog and he ran off again. Nicholas changed from shoes to skates and joined Elin and Erin on the ice. He found that skating was much like swimming or riding a bike. Once you'd learned how, you never forgot. Elin was a little like Bambi on the ice, much as Erin was like Thumper. Erin had always been confident on the ice.

Skating along with the two girls he cared the most for in the whole world filled Nicholas with a joy bordering on melancholy. But it was a good kind of melancholy brought on by happy memories and happy prospects of the future, tempered by darker events. But what was joy unless you knew sorrow? Meaningless. Nicholas cast the thoughts out of his mind and just basked in the warm glow of having fun with people he loved. Elinor suddenly gave a short exclamation and begged off. "I'll be right back," she said as she hurried back into the house. She did not seem upset in any way, quite the contrary. So Erin and Nicholas just shrugged and started playing games from their childhood.

First they raced each other. Nicholas did not have to make an effort to pretend to let her win. She was hectic and panting when he caught up to her. She had a triumphant smile on her face as he caught up to her. Then they played chicken. They set off at each other, building up speed. The one that swung or stopped first lost. Nicholas usually won this as well, but Erin seemed intent to prove she was as tough as he was. They tied and decided to call it quits after they collided. Erin stood up and traced a word in the ice with her skates: "KLUTZ!" Nicholas looked at her teasing smile, gaping in astonishment before answering her: "Pfft. Brat!" This set off a merry chase where Erin chased him and threw snowballs at him, also a part of their tradition.

When she had pummeled him with snowballs until he begged for mercy (with a little help from Rex and Katie) she stood awkwardly and bit her lip. Nicholas understood. "You can do it, Erin. I've seen you dance. You've still got it. Don't let those bastards defeat you. Don't let mom bring you down. Do it if you really want to, Erin! To hell with what the others think!" She brought out her notepad: "I need music."

"Wait here!" Nicholas rushed to the house and accosted Mrs Wilson, begging her for a portable battery operated stereo, preferably with some waltz music. Mrs Wilson was only too happy to oblige and on his way out he stopped by his mom again. "You might wanna come outside and watch this, mom!" He ran outside the house, not checking to see if she followed or not.

He ran over to Erin and yelled "Found it!" She looked at him with trepidation. He knew which tune she'd want played. He pointed at the CD cover and she nodded eagerly. It was her favourite waltz. Nicholas turned the volume up to maximum and Erin hesitantly assumed her starting position. As the opening of the tune started, Erin froze like a statue. Then the waltz proper started, and she burst into dance.

Erin McKenzie was lost in the music as she danced, pirouetted and leaped. She did not register the onlookers or the admiring stares from little Katie. She stumbled a couple of times, but she brushed past that, like she'd been taught. When the dance was finished she stood alone on the ice, panting and crying. The first thing she registered was her mother slipping and sliding on the ice, trying to get to her. Erin skated to meet her and her mother embraced her, crying. "Erin. Little Erin. I'm sorry." Erin only hugged her harder.

Nicholas was lost in nostalgia as he watched her on the ice. Tears ran down his cheeks and Elin found his hand and just squeezed it as he watched his sister unfold on the ice.

What she danced to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CTYymbbEL4

 

[prettyserpentine]

"Progress," Elinor whispered into Nicholas' ear, her lips brushing against his lobe. When Erin finished dancing, and her mother had released her from what looked to be a very intense moment, everyone clapped their gloved hands together. Elinor was even more excited now about her Christmas gift than she had been. Erin and her mother held hands, and were comfortably silent together as they walked in the grounds.

Ben, the golden retriever and the husky Pirs walked alongside Elinor and Nicholas. She kept her hands in her pockets and made an attempt at conversation as they walked slowly back up to the top of the toboggan hill.

"I'm sorry about the way your mother behaved. I hope I didn't embarrass you."

 

[Niceandbrutal]

He stopped.

"Elin, you told her what neither I or my sister managed to say. She came to me after you left the dining room and we had a good talk. We are not yet as close as we might have been, but you started something in her by telling her off like you did."

He heaved a contented sigh, savouring the cold and crisp clean air. A smile played on his lips.

"As for my mother's behaviour? She was hurt by me. It seems the old gal missed me after all. But she and I are equally stubborn. And stubborness and pride..."

A new sigh and a shrug.

"But Elin, what you started today when you told off my mom? I, um, please tell me if I overstepped my bounds earlier today, but I've come to care greatly about you, Elinor. When I told Erin you were the woman I love, that was not bluster or bravado. I fell in love with your strength and resolve in the hotel. And as I got to know you over the weeks... well... it may be too soon to say this, Elinor Ilya Mironov, but I love you."

He gave her a quick peck on the corner of her mouth. Then he looked away, a little embarassed.

 

[prettyserpentine]

Her heart took off running when he said those three words. She shrugged, her scarf hiding most of her face but the blush from her cheeks was evident. Her eyes peeked out over the scarf and they sparkled with her smile.

"It's you that taught me what it is to be strong, Nicholas. I couldn't do it if I didn't have you close by." She nudged him with her arm, her hands still shoved into her pockets. She looked ahead as they trudged up the snowy hill. "I'd happily spend every Christmas for the rest of my life with you. I'd even put up with your mother."

She smiled a little as they settled into a toboggan. She sat between his legs, nestled against him with his arms around her. She looked around, her emerald eyes looking up through the slit between her scarf and her hat.

"I love you too." She faced forward again, her hands holding onto his knees as he gripped the reins. "I think I've loved you since you threw the jacket in the wastebin. I fell in love with you at 4am, that morning..."

 

[Niceandbrutal]

He chuckled at her little joke about putting up with his mother. If that wasn't love, then what was? He nudged her a little with his elbow then, smiling down at her. She looked back at him with those wonderful green eyes, sparkling with laughter.

And then she made his christmas perfect by saying four little words that answered his declaration of love. He remembered that early morning in the hotel. Being woken up by her screams. But she'd made his heart stir before that.

"You know when I started falling for you, Elin?" She shook her head "It was some hours before. The first time you hugged me and called me Nikolai." He tried emulating her accent. He failed.

"You seemed to see the pain I was in, and after what you'd been through I was hunbled that you wanted to comfort me. That's when I realised how strong you are, Elin." He planted a kiss on top of her head.

"Now, are you ready for this? Hang on!" He pushed them strong and hard enough that the toboggan at once sped forward and down the slope. An absurd notion struck him: The further we go, the longer we will last together.

He steered cautiously this time. He wanted to get as far as possible before the toboggan lost momentum. He hung on for dear life, trying to keep her safe as he steered and tried to extend the ride as far as possible.

 

[prettyserpentine]

Elinor squealed as their toboggan took off with a jolt. The little bauble on top of her wooly hat wiggled as she held on tight to his knees, thrusting her feet against the bottom of the toboggan to keep momentum. She leaned one way and then another, trying to keep them on course, avoiding the snow drifts and shrubbery.

The toboggan eventually slid to a natural stop, and she climbed out, her knees dusty with snow. She pulled her hat down. The sun was setting, and it was starting to snow. It was getting a lot colder. Almost everyone else had gone inside, even the dogs. Smoke was billowing from the chimneys of the house and Elinor turned to Nicholas.

"We had better go inside." She shivered, clapping her hands together for warmth. "Mrs Wilson's doing a buffet for dinner. And then we'll watch a movie and maybe Uncle Alexey will tell ghost stories... He does it most Christmas Eves. But they aren't really scary, just kind of sweet, sad ones."

She extended her gloved hand, and took his, and together they walked into the warmth of the house.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

As the toboggan came to a stop, Nicholas looked back. They'd come a good way down the slope. And they'd cooperated nicely getting there. Nicholas smiled to himself. This was definitely a good omen. He grabbed her hand and walked up to the house with her, feeling happy and complete.

They entered a house that was a benign and cheerful chaos. The dogs had been let into the house and Rex played fearlessly with all of them, except Finn. Finn apparently had adopted Erin, as had Katie. They both followed her around, Katie babbling non-stop about how good she thought Erin was, and how she wanted to be as good a dancer as Erin was when she grew up. The wolfhound stayed by her side, keeping guard.

Marianne and Will sat with Alexey and Greta, chatting amicably, while Alfredo and Carl sat on their own, observing the chaos and commenting to each other. Elizabeth was nowhere to be seen, neither was Olivia. Bartholomew sat with the Mironovs and the Olsons, just smiling contentedly and nodding along to the conversation.

Erin bounded towards them when she saw them. She hugged them both then wrote on her notepad: "Thank you for letting me borrow your skates, Elinor. And thank you Nicholas, for pushing me to dance!" Then she stopped and looked at them with that look of total concentration as her lips again moved and she made noises again. She managed a sharp "T!" sound before she shrugged in frustration and wrote: "THANK YOU! " Then she again surrendered to Katie's torrent of praise, winking and smiling at Elin and Nicholas.

At that moment, his mom came down the stairs with a happily babbling Olivia in her arms. "She needed a change of diapers and, well... I've missed this," she said almost shyly.

He smiled as he watched Olivia, happy and safe in his mother's arms. He smiled and nodded at his mother, then leaned in to whisper in Elin's ear: "Say what you will about my mother, but children and dogs are excellent judges of character. She really isn't all bad."

 

[prettyserpentine]

They sat around the sitting room by the fire. Finn lay at Erin's feet as she occupied one of the armchairs. Alexey sat on the floor, supervising the children as they played with the puppy. 'Nightmare Before Christmas' played on the TV and the kids watched it sporadically. Every once in a while, during a song, Elinor would lean in and sing along against Nicholas' ear.

Katie pointed a finger at the TV. "Why is there skellytons on at Christmas?"

"Ah!" Alexey boomed. "Because we have to tell ghost stories on Christmas Eve!"

Katie and Rex sat on the floor, crosslegged. Katie hugged the puppy, Lady, close to her as Alexey started to tell a story.

"Once upon a time, there lived a brother and a sister, much like you two! They lived in a far off land, where it snowed all year, and was ruled by a wicked king..."

Elinor leaned back, her hands clasped in her lap. She smoothed down her Christmas jumper. "I've heard this one," she whispered to Nicholas. Her eyes darkened a little and she looked out the window.

"...They lived all on their own in a big castle in the cold. One day, the sister decided she wanted to go and become a dancer!"

"Like Erin!" Katie pointed. Erin smiled.

"Like Erin," Alexey continued. "So the sister went to a fairy, who taught her how to dance. But! She took something from her. To become a very famous dancer, she had to leave her brother behind."

"I can do that!" Katie chirped.

"Hey!" Rex scowled.

"The sister said no. She couldn't. But when she returned to the castle, it was cold and quiet, and her brother had gone away to war. And she was very sad."

Greta sat forward in her chair, smiling sadly at Alexey.

"The sister went back to the fairy, and accepted her gift. She became very famous, the best dancer in all the land. And she was allowed to leave. She grew wings and flew across the world, dancing everywhere she went. Until one day she danced across the path of this young man, and bewitched him. He told her he was very rich, and she could be his wife and she would never have to dance again. And she told him that she was very rich! And he would never have to go work in the bank again!" He grinned. His eyes twinkled and he looked up at Elin with a wink.

"They lived very happily for a long time. They had so much love it filled the house they lived in, every room. She danced and danced and he loved her so much he gave her the world. Then one day, the brother heard of this very famous dancer. And he came to call. But the fairy's spell would surely break if that happened."

The children sat bolt upright.

Alexey ran his hand over his bearded face. His eyes kept blinking. "But came to call he did. On a dark, snowy night just like this one. To a big house, out in the country, just like this one. He knocked the door, once, twice, three times. And when it opened, he thought the fairy had made him go back in time! For the little girl behind the door was the image of his sister but she was only four!"

"I'm four!" Katie cried.

Alexey patted her head. "But then! A dancing woman came out, and she was crying because her brother had come back! And the little girl was not his sister at all, but she was the daughter of the dancing woman and the bank manager. They lived in much happiness for years. And the brother met a woman of his own." He looked up at Greta with a trembling smile, and she wiped away tears.

"What happened? Did the spell break?" Rex asked. "This isn't really a ghost story..."

Elinor was shaking, crying silently. She stood up and went to the window, looking out at the dark snowfall. On the table beside her stood a photograph, her fingers traced it.

"Not right away. But it did break, in a happy way. The dancing woman found out she was going to have another little son or daughter. She went away to the big city to tell the other dancers. And the spell broke. She danced and danced until the fairy came down from the skies and took her to god." He inhaled, strong and slow.

The children looked sad. Rex held his sister's hand. "What happened to the bank manager? And the little girl?"

"When the spell broke, it broke his heart, for he lived only because of the dancing woman. And when he learned she had been taken away, he started to fade, like a shadow." Alexey pointed out to the lake. "They found him one Christmas morning, frozen to death on the ice of a lake just like that one. He had spent the whole night, sick with grief, wandering outside, looking up at the sky for his Angel."

"It still isn't a very good ghost story... There's no ghosts."

Alexey hardened himself. "Yes. The dancing girl was my sister, and she haunts me still."

Elinor grabbed the photograph and walked into the hall, closing the door behind her. She opened the front door and breathed in the fresh air. She could hear the incredulous gasps of the children. She held the photograph to her heart and stared out at the lake.

"Sometimes I see what should have been. Her dancing to the soft cello music, the bank manager counting his money..." He pointed to the table by the window. "The little girl found him that Christmas morning, sitting out by the lake, a picture in his hand. The picture that was on that desk. Of a man standing by this very fireplace, and a ballerina behind him, her cheek on his shoulder, her hand under his arm, over his heart. Sometimes, if you listen very hard, you can hear a man crying in this house at night..."

Greta knelt down beside him. He'd had a little too much to drink. "But not tonight, children, because Santa is coming!"

Will and Marianne said their good nights and took their tired, sleepy little ones off to bed.

Erin took the moment to appreciate her big brother, kissing him through her tears at the story. She wrote one word on her notepad before retiring to her room, as everyone else was.

'Go.'

 

[Niceandbrutal]

Nicholas was filled with a sense of unease when he saw Elinor's eyes darken. Something was going on here. As the story progressed he became more and more certain: this story was about what was and what might have been with the Mironov/Kershaw family. Elin left his side, obviously crying. He struggled with himself whether or not to go to her, but a look from Alexey and his own curiosity made him stay.

His sister was silently crying and he wanted to go to her. Like she'd read his mind, she looked at him and shook her head as the tale continued. When he came to the pregnancy of Katarina and how she "danced out of existence" (a heartbreaking way to describe death, he thought), tears started trickling down his cheeks. One foul cowardly act of terrorism had robbed Elin of her mother and her unborn sibling. And he gasped when he heard how she'd found her father, dead. He managed to contain himself until the children were marched off to bed. And then he went to Alexey and hugged the big bear. "I had no idea Alexey." He was crying freely now, as was Alexey. Greta was muttering about how sad tales like these were not really fit for a christmas party as she ushered Alexey off to bed.

His sister came to him and kissed him before ordering him after Elin. He opened the door and there she was, sitting on the steps and crying. He sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"I had no idea. You've lost so much, and yet you abide. God! I am in awe of you, Elinor Ilya Mironov. And I love you." A quick pause, then: "I'll be quiet now." He gave her shoulder a squeeze and let her cry. He wiped his own eyes and sniffled. She rested her head on his shoulder and he gently turned and kissed the top of it. He looked at the picture she was holding and gently took it from her. He sent a silent thank you to the man and the woman pictured there, and he was filled with a regret. They seemed like nice people from what he'd heard. He felt an acute ache for Elin.

 

[prettyserpentine]

"He was just sitting there, not even wearing shoes. Just sitting on the shore, slumped over a bottle of Jack Daniels. I was thirteen." Elin turned, looking at Nicholas. "It's not true, about ghosts. There aren't ghosts here. My parents aren't even buried here. There's a little chapel about thirty minutes hike. It's tiny really, but it's where they're buried. They were happiest here, so I figured they'd rather be here, together." She smiled, nudging him with her shoulder.

"So, do you think Erin is having a good Christmas? She seemed to enjoy the skating earlier."

Elin looked at him as he looked up from the photograph. "I bet she's excited about Christmas."

 

[Niceandbrutal]

"Oh, she is. I can tell. I'm sort of dreading, sort of hoping for her to come in and bounce on my mattress tomorrow morning like she used to do when we were kids." He chuckled again. "You should have seen her. All red hair and freckles and a joyous shout of 'IT'S CHRIIIISTMAAAAS!' as she insisted of waking me up."

"Do you know, I actually had to convince her to dance today. I knew she had it in her, and I suspect she knew it too. I don't know, maybe it was scary for her to let go and be herself again? Ot maybe she was afraid of bad memories resurfacing with the good ones? I'm just happy she went through with it." A tired but proud smile graced his face then. How he'd missed christmases like this.

"I must tell you, even though mom and I made a scene earlier today, this christmas is the best ever. And it's all because of you." He gently stroked her short hair, enjoying the plush-like texture of her now pixie hairdo.

He turned grave and looked from the picture to her and back again. "I'd love to visit your parent's resting place with you. Pay my respects to the parents of the woman I love." A quick kiss on her forehead. "If that's okay with you? Just the two of us?"

 

[prettyserpentine]

"That would be nice. I always go on Christmas morning. We can go up before breakfast, and then open the presents. But we'll have to drive. I want to wear a nice dress." She stood to her feet, pulling Nicholas up. She smiled. "I'm so glad that you're here with me, that you know everything and you still want to be here. I don't think I'll ever stop thanking you, you know." She put her arms around his waist and hugged him, kissing him on the cheek.

"And you never know. Every story has a Christmas miracle. Before I go to sleep tonight, I will pray that Erin screams in your face at some point tomorrow. I have the perfect present for her."

The snow fell around them, coating the footsteps from earlier. A bell rang off in the distance, from the little chapel she mentioned.

"It's midnight," she said, looking up into his eyes as they stood in the porch. She smiled shyly, looking upwards at the moon... And the sprig of mistletoe that hung above the arch of the old stone doorway.

"Happy Christmas, Nikolai," she whispered, looking into his eyes as her own closed, her lips closing against his. "It means Happy Christmas in Russian..."

And there wasn't distance anymore. Just Elinor and Nicholas, and the snow... and the moon he had lassoed for her.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

"That would be nice. I always go on Christmas morning. We can go up before breakfast, and then open the presents. But we'll have to drive. I want to wear a nice dress. I'm so glad that you're here with me, that you know everything and you still want to be here. I don't think I'll ever stop thanking you, you know."

He smiled as she pulled him up and embraced him. "Why should I not want to be here, knowing what I know? There is nothing embarassing, nothing to be ashamed of, as far as I'm concerned. And I am forever grateful to you and your family for helping me off the streets. I will say this until you understand it, sweetheart: You saved me as sure as I saved you. And I will never stop thanking YOU for it either."

"And you never know. Every story has a Christmas miracle. Before I go to sleep tonight, I will pray that Erin screams in your face at some point tomorrow. I have the perfect present for her."

Shit! Erin's presents! Had he left them in his apartment or had he tossed them in with the others? He had a vague recollection of being in a hurry and tossing all the presents together in one bag and... Yes! The special gifts were of equal size, and he remembered placing them next to each other, not thinking. He didn't know then that he'd be celebrating christmas with his sister and their mother. Thank god for absentmindedness and being pressed for time!

"We can only hope, though I doubt it'll be that quick."

Then a bell far off tolled 12 times, and just like that it was christmas morning. She beat him to it, wishing him a happy christmas in two languages. And then they melted together as the moon shone down on them. The kiss was a long and tender one, a kiss they never wanted to end.

As they broke the kiss, he stroked her cheek as he looked into her beautiful green eyes. "How did I get so lucky?" he asked, smiling. Arm in arm they went inside and up the stairs. He paused outside her room. "Tomorrow morning the. You and me. We drive to the chapel to pay our respects to your parents. Just wake me up when you want to get started, okay?" He kissed her again, a long and warm kiss. Then he whispered "good night" and went to his room. He sat on the edge of his bed, waiting for the noises in the house to die down. Then he snuck downstairs and placed the presents he'd bought under the tree.

Except two gifts. One of the gifts he managed to place on his sister's nightstand. The other he placed in the adjoining bathroom that he and Elin shared. Then he went to bed. Sleep came fast.

 

[prettyserpentine]

It had been a long day. Long and emotionally exhausting. Elinor fell into a troubled sleep, a light one. She kept waking during the night, imagining she could see someone by the window in a fedora. Her own muted cries woke her more than once, until at 5am, she lay awake. She padded down into the kitchen as the staff were starting to get up, and she helped them prepare the Christmas dinner, until Mrs Wilson eventually chased her back to her room. At 6:30, she wandered into the adjoining bathroom. She opened Nicholas' door and she slipped a note on his nightstand.

'Bathroom occupied for self-beautification process. Available from 7:30am.

Elinor.

She ran the bath, putting in some lily of the valley scented bath oils. As she undressed, she noticed a parcel in brown paper laying on the stand by her door. She picked it up, puzzled, before tearing off the paper. It was a manuscript.

Lead The Way

A Novel

by Nicholas McKenzie

She gasped, taking it to the bath with her as she sank into the hot water with a groan. She flipped open the first page.

You saved more than me when you rewarded me. I've been working on this manuscript for a novel for years, and it's only fair that you read it first. Nicholas

She managed four chapters before she placed it down, getting washed. She dried off quickly, managing another few pages as she put on moisturiser and did her makeup. She tucked the manuscript under her mattress before slipping on her underwear and a pair of black flat ballet shoes with a little dark green bow. Then she ducked into the bathroom again, knocking his door lightly to waken him.

"We're leaving in half a hour... Sorry... I was um... reading..." She quickly rushed back to her own room, wondering if he had caught a glimpse of her in her silver bra and French panties and ballet shoes.

She pulled on a tea-length dress, one she had bought specifically for Christmas. It pinched in at her waist and blossomed out around her legs like a 1950's dress. It swayed when she walked and made her feel pretty. She put on a little pair of black diamond drop earrings, deep red lipstick to finish it. She grabbed her black coat and ran down the stairs like she was floating. She flung her coat into the back of the waiting car, and turned, her skirts twirling as Nicholas descended the stairs.

"Good morning," she smiled. "Merry Christmas."

Her dress: http://www.fairygothmother.co.uk/newimages5/large/86-lp420l.jpg

 

[Niceandbrutal]

Nicholas had a restless night's sleep. He tossed and turned, until finally a voice spoke to him. "Nicholas! Wake up, son! Open your eyes, sleepyhead!" Nicholas sat bolt upright at that. Daddy? It WAS his father. But how could that- oh. Of course. He was dreaming. Clarence McKenzie sat on the side of Nicholas' bed and looked at him. He had a tired smile on his face and he was dressed in the clothes he died in.

"Nicholas, you've persevered where I failed. You hit rock bottom but you lived on. Your kindness and resolute action has rewarded you. Never squander it and never take anything good for granted. The woman you saved and have come to love is a pure soul whose faith in humanity remains largely intact because of your actions. She has a generous and kind heart and she needs to be cared for by someone that loves her unquestioningly. Be that man, Nicholas. Shield her from the world's evils as best you can. The world needs people like her, son."

Clarence looked as his son again: "You have done something wonderful for Erin, though you may not know it yourself. Wait and see, Nicholas. Wait and see. And find it in your heart to forgive your mother. Life has not been kind to her either. Kiss both Elizabeth and Erin from me and tell them I never stopped loving them."

A melancholy look spread across his face as he rose from the bed. "Two more people will visit you tonight, Nicholas. Listen to them. Goodbye Nicholas, and Merry Christmas!" His father was gone. In the silence of the house, the clock struck one.

--------------------

"Nikolai. Wake up." Elin was sitting on his bedside, only her voice was slightly different, her accent thicker and her hair had grown back, and- no, wait. This was her mother, Katarina. They really looked alike. "You are a good man, Nikolai Clarencovitch. And my daughter is... well, she's my pride and joy. And she loves you. Take care of her heart, Nikolai. Take care of my little sun, my Solnyshko for me, won't you, Nikolai? She's lost so much. Her mother, her father and her brother. She never got to meet her brother, Alexey. Take care of her, protect her and never stop loving her. It would break her heart, Nikolai." She disappeared with a sigh and a wistful smile as the clock struck two.

----------------------

"Nicholas! Wake up! We have to talk!" Elin's father stood before him. "Mister Kernshaw, I'm honoured to-" Michael Kernshaw raised his hand. He wore a rumpled suit, and Nicholas noticed he had no shoes on.

"First of all Nicholas, you have earned the right to call me Michael. For what you did to my daughter, I can only say thank you. You've saved her and fallen in love with her, and I just hope that love remains true when daily life sets in. When the drama of the court case ends and her memories of the awful event fades, will you two still love each other? Economically and materially she will want for nothing. But can you be the man she wants and needs, Nicholas? If you love my daughter like I think you do, you will ask yourself that question every day. Take care of my strong little daughter, Nicholas. Protect her and save yourself as well." Michael Kernshaw looked imploringly at Nicholas as he faded from view. The clock struck three.

Nicholas tossed and turned as dreams of christmases past took him. Toboggan rides where their father towed Erin and himself while they sat on the toboggan singing christmas carols at the top of their voices... The turkey dinner his mother used to make and the turkey sandwiches they ate for days and days afterwards, each time swearing that next christmas they would buy a smaller turkey... The christmas mornings with gifts and candy and their parents being so full of cheer and smiles... His sister, jumping on his bed while screaming at the top of her voice "WAKE UP NICHOLAS! IT's CHRISTMAS!!! In his sleep, Nicholas smiled as he remembered his bed rocking like crazy and her eager voice...

His mind snapped awake, though his eyes were still closed. The bed was rocking. Someone were fiercely whispering Merry Christmas!. Nicholas opened his eyes and turned around. And his heart did somersaults of joy as he looked at Erin, rocking his bed and... talking!

The cobwebs in his head and the echoes of his nightmares vanished instantly as he gasped. She bit her lips and made a shushing sound. Then she sat down at the edge of his bed and smiled, tears of happiness streaming down her face. "I can talk," she whispered. "I don't know what happened, but I found your present and read the dedication. And then I tried saying your name, and I did!" An awkward silence fell. Nicholas was at a loss for words, ironically enough. Erin nudged him and said "Well SAY something, you creep!" And then he started laughing. That remark was so apt just now.

She started giggling, seeing the irony as well. He hugged her and said: "Elin talked about you talking as a christmas miracle. Wait until she hears about this!"

Erin balked. "Please Nicholas, don't tell anyone! I need to do this in my own time and tempo. Promise you won't tell anyone?" She looked at him with that stare he only knew too well. The stubborn McKenzie. "Of course, Erin. I'm just so happy I could burst. But I won't tell a soul. Promise." He made a zipping motion with his hand across his mouth. She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "I can't wait to read your manuscript!" She bounded out of the room.

Nicholas lay back, overwhelmed. He barely registered that the door to the bathroom opened as Elin placed the note there. He heard her drawing a bath and distinctly heard a gasp. She'd found the package. He dozed off then and gained a half hour of peaceful sleep that did wonders for him. He was awoken by Elin and he caught a flash of her clad in her very fetching underwear and cute little shoes with green bows.

He went to shower, shave and brush his teeth before dressing in his best black suit. He wore a white shirt with a broad red tie. He was a bit sad he didn't have any flowers to bring to her parent's resting place, but maybe they could come back later?

As he descended the stairs he saw her in her pretty dress, twirling to show it off. She. Was. BEAUTIFUL!

"Good morning yourself. And a merry christmas to you too! You look absolutely stunning, Elin!" He went to her and took her hands. He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss before opening the cardoor for her. Then he got into the passenger seat and buckled up. He smiled at her: "Let's go meet your parents."

 

[prettyserpentine]

Elinor moved as he leaned in to kiss her, and it landed on her cheek. She smiled coyly and sat down in her seat. The front door opened and Greta stuck her head out.

"You two stay up there! We have chapel in an hour, Elin, don't forget!"

"I won't. I have to play, anyway. I promised Father Yusef." She turned to Nicholas, wrenching the old car into gear. "I hope you don't mind... We always go to chapel on Christmas morning. Mother always made us go, and Uncle Alexey keeps up the tradition. And I do have to play at it." The car lurched forward and Elin laughed nervously as it sputtered along the little winding roads, chugging and vibrating. "I think your mother said she was coming, and I asked Carl and Alfredo to play too. They only have six boys in the choir. And Alfredo is Catholic. Carl is a Protestant, but we don't hold it against him." She laughed again nervously as the car lurched when she changed another gear. "I'm a terrible driver..."

After a few moments, they reached the little chapel, buried in snow in the corner of an open patch of woodland, a few graves strewn about. Elin wrapped herself in her thick coat, and lifted two white roses from the back seat. She handed one to Nicholas as they held hands, walking together across the graveyard. The sounds of the boys choir singing carols rang out across the clearing.

Her parents grave was, in contrast to their house and their lives, very small. It was a simple, grey marble headstone, broadened, with intertwined roses carved up each side. In the centre, at the bottom, there was a small cherub's face carved, smiling.

It read: Here lie Katarina Ilya Mironov Kernshaw and Michael Luke Augustus Kernshaw

And their son, Alexey Ilya Kernshaw

~to have and to hold~

She laid her rose in the centre of the headstone, on the snowy ground. Her fingers touched the names and she stood up again.

"Well, this is my parents." Her hand slipped into his again, holding him tightly. "Mama, Daddy, this is Nikolai."


The Chapel: http://www.photosofyorkshire.com/USERIMAGES/Honley chapel snow.jpg

 

[Niceandbrutal]

On their way to the chapel she talked about the tradition of churchgoing. The McKenzies were nominally Roman Catholic, but it was lip service at best. They'd never attended church when he and Erin were kids, but he was eager to learn everything there was to know about the woman he loved. And if that meant going to church, then go to church he would.

At her admission of her driving skills, or lack thereof, he just gently squeezed her shoulder and said: "You're doing just fine, sweetheart."

Nicholas gasped as the little chapel hove into view. What a lovely place to bury one's loved ones! A benign calm rested over the chapel and the churchyard, emphasized by the sound of the choirboys practicing and the stillness and beauty of winter. Nicholas got out of the car, a look of almost astounded reverence on his face.

Walking hand in hand with her, he was filled with a calm love for this woman who'd turned his life around so dramatically. It wasn't too cold, and there were squirrels and birds flitting about in the trees, sending little powderings of snow to the ground. The snow muted many of the sounds, encapsulating them in a cocoon of a winter wonderland. Nicholas loved it. This moment was one he'd treasure for as long as he lived.

Then they stood before her parents' headstones. A little shudder escaped him as he read the name of her brother, Katarina and Michael's unborn son, Alexey. I must have overheard it and forgotten about it, he thought. The mind was a weird and wonderful thing, after all. Then she lay down her rose and introduced him to her parents.

Nicholas stepped forward and Placed his across Elin's. Then he stood and sniffled a little a little before he spoke: "Mister Kernshaw, Mrs. Mironov Kernshaw, little Alexey Kernshaw, I am pleased to be introduced to you. I am grateful for you raising Elinor as I am grateful to have met her. She is by far the most extraordinary woman I have ever met and I can not begin to comprehend how proud you must be of her. I am very sorry I never got to meet you in person. It will ever be one of my biggest regrets, although you live in her and through her and her family's memories. You will never be forgotten." Then he hunched down and placed a hand on her mother's and her father's headstones.

With a low voice he swore to them: "And I will endeavour to make her the happiest, safest woman in the world. I will guard and keep her heart and I will do all that's in my power to prevent any more harm befalling your little sun, your Solnyshko. For I love her with all my heart."

He stood up, not sure if he'd spoken that last bit loud enough for her to hear. He cleared his throat again and said as a way of finishing: "I wish you a merry christmas and Godspeed, wherever you are." Then his arm embraced her by her shoulder and they stood before her parent's graves, lost in thought.

 

[prettyserpentine]

Elinor turned against him, pressing her body against his side, leaning her face against his shoulder. She put her hands around his waist and held him for what felt like the longest time, in complete silence. Other people started to arrive and slip into the little church. Most of them could be recognised as staff from the house and their families.

"My mother always used to throw a ball on Christmas Night. Tonight is the first time we're having one since she passed. Greta invited all the neighbours." She murmured all this into his shoulder. "I hope you'll dance with me."

She took his hand, casting a parting glance at the headstone and walking with him up to the church as some of their friends started to arrive. Carl and Alfredo arrived separately, and Carl looked unhappy. Elinor broke her hand from Nicholas' soft grasp and went to her friend, as he stood unhappily by her beat up old car.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She rested her hand on his arm. He wiped his eyes.

"It's stupid. It's nothing, I'm just bring a drama queen." He sniffed. "Alfredo and I said we wouldn't buy each other anything this year, and I couldn't resist. I told him I got him something, and he just snapped that we said we wouldn't. He's been kind of off the last couple of weeks, and I think he's been hiding his wages." Carl started to weep. "I think he's going to leave me."

Elinor hugged him. "I'm sure that's not the case at all, you're overthinking it. Really." She tried to reassure him.

"No, it's true. There's loads of guys that keep flirting with him, I mean how could they not? He's gorgeous. I don't know...I'm sorry... I always get emotional at Christmas. I think it's just because of how my family and friends reacted when I came out." He looked at the church.

"You don't have to worry about Father Yusef... He used to be a Protestant. It was the only reason my dad let him come here. He's very understanding, I mean."

A car pulled up, Greta and Alexey and Alfredo got out. He carried his violin past them into the chapel. Carl sighed. "Come on. My cello is already in there. Will you be alright to play?"

Elinor nodded. "I'll just go and see Nicholas before I go in." She watched as Carl went into the chapel, and smiled at Nicholas as he approached her. "He's sad. He thinks Alfredo and him..." She shook her head. "He's just a bit emotional." She smoothed a few dustings of snow off Nicholas' shoulders. "That's better." The car with his mother, sister and stepfather pulled up. "Now I don't feel so bad about abandoning you to play." She gave him a kiss on the cheek, and whispered: "My mother used to call me Solnyshko." She withdrew with a nostalgic, happy smile, waved at Erin and went into the chapel.

It was a small, intimate interior. The priest stood at the front, and anyone could tell it was not a typically stringent Catholic setting. He wasn't wearing robes, just his grey clothes with the collar. Elin walked up the aisle, her dress swinging a round her legs. She knelt as she reached the front, crossing herself. Carl sat behind his cello, bow in hand, and Alfredo sat next to him with his violin. There were no other seats except for a baby grand piano on which sat a big bunch of Christmas flowers. Elin moved them onto a little table and Father Yusef pulled out the stool. She fixed her skirt as she sat down, smiling at Nicholas and Erin as they sat in the wooden seat behind her aunt and uncle.

"Good morning, friends!" Father Yusef greeted. "And a very Merry Christmas to you all!" The choir boys cheered and the three musicians laughed. It was so relaxed. "Firstly I'd like to thank the church choir for their hard work, and also Carl and Alfredo and Elinor for lending us their talents. Our pianist has the flu, poor thing." He winked at the congregation. "I bet you didn't think the strings progeny could play a piano, hm?" He laughed. "I'm elated to see new friends with us this morning, welcome! I hope you enjoy our little celebration, and we will all meet later tonight, with the generosity of our hosts." The choirboys talked among themselves a little. "Time for our first piece, I think. The children get restless so easily." Everyone laughed.

Elinor played the first few bars of O Holy Night, and the choir sang their first piece.

"Now," Father Yusef said. "I'd like to talk about love."

Elinor blushed, squirming in her seat and looking at Nicholas. The priest talked about family love, love for each other, and appreciating what you have at times like this. It was a beautiful little speech. And when it ended everyone sang 'Hark, The Herald Angels Sing'.

"That was lovely! Now, I do believe we have a rare treat in store, yes?" He turned and looked at Alfredo, who nodded, and lifted up the lid of the baby grand. He gave instruction to the choir boys, before taking his seat again next to Carl. They positioned their instruments, not playing but just waiting.

Elinor straightened up, her fingers resting lightly on the ivory keys. She started to play, and from forth her lips came the rare sound of her singing. She kept her eyes downcast. Alexey turned to Greta, putting his arm around her and smiling widely. She sang about love, love that purged the soul. And she looked a little nervous.

I'll be around with my undying, death defying love for you... Let yourself be beautiful, sparkling like flowers and pearls and pretty girls... She looked at Erin, her voice growing a little stronger as she sang the chorus, the notes becoming a little stronger, the violin and cello accompanying her now. A hallowed silence fell over the gathering.

The love that cleaned her soul...

Love is danger, love is pleasure... Love is pure the only treasure...
I'm so in love with you...

The last part came out in almost a whisper as her eyes looked at him, singing only for him, before the strings picked up with passion, and her eyes closed, her voice projecting. The boys laid their strings down, tears running down Carl's face. Elizabeth O'Hara was holding both her children's hands tightly as the song naturally slowed down, Elinor's voice slowing with it.

Make love your goal...

Her hands rested in her lap, massaging her palms. Alexey turned around to Nicholas. "I bet you didn't know she could do that!" But Greta gripped him, her eyes fixed on something. As the final notes of Elinor's song lingered in the chapel, Alfredo had stood to his feet. He looked nervously at the priest, who simply nodded once, closing his bible silently.

Alfredo was pulling something out of his pocket, and Elinor smiled gleefully, clapping both hands over her mouth as she started to cry almost instantly. The song had been emotional enough, but now this....

And then he was kneeling. Holding the little open box out. And Carl was crying softly. Alfredo could barely speak.

This was why he was squirrelling away his wages...

Carl simply nodded and Alfredo audibly released a sigh. "Oh thank you god." And they hugged.

The priest led the applause. "Love, eh? I'm glad someone was listening!"

The choir boys started to sing a selection of carols as the two boys pulled Elinor into their hug. People started to mill about, chatting and talking, congratulating and sharing festive cheer. Elinor found Nicholas, talking with Alexey. She slipped up behind him, her cheek on his shoulder, her hand under his arm and over his heart.

It was like they didn't even need words anymore.




The song she sang: http://youtu.be/zNpeK7sDLzE