Strings for the Veteran (Closed)

[Niceandbrutal]

Nicholas just savoured the feel and smell of her as they stood there by her parents' grave. He fely blessed by having this woman by his side, and the dream? vision? from last night'd had a profound effect on him. As they turned to move to the small chapel, he sent a thought of thanks to her parents as well as his own father.

"My mother always used to throw a ball on Christmas Night. Tonight is the first time we're having one since she passed. Greta invited all the neighbours. I hope you'll dance with me."

"There's few others I'd be willing to dance with. You, Erin, my mom, your aunt, and Katie of course. I think my card is full already," he joked. He hadn't danced in a long time, but thanks to his sister he'd done a lot of dancing when he was younger. "I'm looking forward to dancing with you tonight, Elin. I'm just curious about Erin and how she will tackle being around so many strangers." He hesitated, wanting to tell about the miracle that had happened to his sister. But he was true to his word and kept his silence.

Elinor went off to talk to Carl, and he couldn't help but wonder what was wrong. He looked decidedly unhappy as Alfredo strode past him. Had they quarreled? He hoped they would make up. They were a great couple, and good friends to both Elinor and himself. He'd be heartbroken if they broke up. Elinor came back to him, not entirely convincing him that something wasn't wrong between their friends. Her little gesture of brushing away snow from his shoulder made him forget everything but his love for her as that small intimate gesture told of how safe she felt with him. He was immensely proud then.

Just before she left him to prepare playing she whispered in his ear "My mother used to call me Solnyshko." He almost replied "I know," but how could he explain that away? He decided not to mention his dream (or whatever it was) to her. Instead he went to his sister, mom and stepfather. He hugged Erin fiercely and whispered in her ear: "Anytime, kid. I can't keep it in much longer." She just giggled. Their mom heard her giggle and asked: "What's so funny, you two?"

Nicholas turned after giving Erin a devilish little smile. "I really don't know mother. I told her how I was always your and dad's favourite, but she just keeps laughing at me!" Elizabeth O'Hara looked almost shocked until Erin burst out laughing. "Oh! Alright! Have your little secrets away from your mother!" Mirth played in her eyes, though. "I'm just so happy to hear you laugh again, my little dancing queen." There were tears in her eyes as she spoke, and Nicholas went to hug her. "I'm sorry I don't have a christmas present for you, mom." She hugged him and replied: "I don't have one for you either. But really, Nicholas, being with my two children again for christmas..." her voice grew heavy with emotion and Nicholas hugged her, joined by Erin.

Nicholas looked up and saw Bartholomew, standing by himself. Nicholas waved him over and he joined them. Nicholas shook his hand and said: "Mister O'Hara-" he was stopped by a raised hand. "Please Nicholas, I am your stepfather after all. Bartholomew or" a self conscious chuckle "just plain old Bart will do." Nicholas smiled. "Okay Bart, I just want to thank you for taking care of my mother and sister while I was... well, you know." Bart just smiled. "Your mother is an exceptional woman, Nicholas, as is your sister. I'm looking forward to get to know you as well." A shy smile and a blush stopped the longest string of words Nicholas had ever heard from his stepfather.

They entered the chapel and found their seats at the front. Elinor was already sitting by the grand piano, and she exchanged a smile with Nicholas and Erin as they sat down on each side of their mother who beamed with joy. The service was different from what he was used to, the priest being a very relaxed and humorous man that quipped with the congregation before delving into the subject of love. It was a subject Nicholas had had some experiences with of late. Elinor, of course. His sister and mother. Alfredo and Carl, although what the deal was with those guys today he wasn't sure. Alexey and Greta and the heartbreaking story of Elin's parents.

As father Yusuf warmed to the subject, Nicholas found himself leaning forward as the priest talked about love being the answer to all the ailments of the world, how love conquered all and could mean forgiveness and absolution from percieved sins. But he also warned of how love could lead to jealousy and hatred if not tempered with compassion and a clear head. It was a thought-provoking sermon, and Nicholas could see the appeal of going to church whether he believed or not. At least if the priest was as engaging and interesting as father Yusuf.

Then they sang 'Hark the herald angels sing' and Nicholas thought that was it, until father Yusuf talked of a surpris. And then Elinor sang. Her voice was frail but unwavering as she began to sing "The Power of Love", a song that had always been a favourite of Nicholas. When she sang "love is the light scaring darkness away" he was already in tears as he thought of how she gave him a reason to live again. The power of love, indeed. Tears streaming down his face, he mouthed the words "I'll protect you from the hooded claws, keeps the vampires from your door" as he sought out her eyes and held her gaze. It was as if the song made him re-affirm the vow he'd given at her parent's grave. Her voice grew stronger and more confident as she sang and exchanged glances with him. He wanted to join in and sing with her, but this was her moment, her declaration.

He felt his mother's hand then. She had grasped Erin's hand and sought out his. He grasped it and kissed it as he turned and smiled at her and Erin, both moved by Elin's performance. He barely registered Alexey's bluster as he watched the woman he loved finish one of his favourite songs. Then her eyes went to Alfredo, and there was a delighted gasp from everyone as he kneeled in front of Carl and proposed. Nicholas almost started bawling then. When Carl's silent and tearful reply came he wanted to burst out in applause, but Yusuf said it all with his short and sweet: "Love, eh? I'm glad someone was listening!"

Alexey came to Nicholas. "I want to apologize about last night, Nicholas. I think I may have upset some people with my story. I just miss Katarina so much sometimes, especially around christmas. I also miss Michael. He was a good man, Nicholas. He made my Katarina happy. Like I know you will make our Elinor happy, Nicholas." Nicholas gawped. They hadn't declared or announced anything, but Alexey just laughed. "Do you think we are BLIND, Nicholas!? You fell in love with my niece in the hotel room! Greta and I saw it plain as day, you fool!" He grasped Nicholas and pulled him into a hug that made his ribs protest.

When he was released from the russian giant, a pair of slender arms embraced him and he felt her head rest against his shoulder. Alexey smiled and walked away. Elizabeth and Erin just smiled, tears in their eyes. Carl and Alfredo had eyes only for each other right now, as was to be expected. Nicholas turned around and embraced her, resting his head on top of hers. "I didn't know you could sing. How did you know that song was one of my favourites, Solnyshko?" He loved holding her, to feel her slender frame against his.

Nicholas went over to Carl and Alfredo, hugging them both. "If any of you guys should need a best man, I'd be honored to be there for you." He took their hands in his. "Thank you for being there for Elinor and me, you guys. I've grown to love you during the time I've got to know you" He pulled them into a hug, then they all went outside and mingled with the rest of the congregation.

They chatted amicably with father Yusuf, Nicholas complimenting on his speech, telling him that he'd reached through with the message of love if not the message of a god. Yusuf just shrugged and said, "Ah well, better than nothing, I suppose!" with a glint in his eyes.

Little by little they piled into their cars and drove back to the estate. Mrs. Wilson prepared lunch as everyone gathered around the christmas tree. They made Rex and Katie Santa's little helpers as Marianne told them which gifts went to whom. In about fifteen minutes, everyone had a nice pile of presents next to them as Alexey clapped his hands."Merry Christmas, everyone! Now we unwrap our presents! Afterwards, Mrs. Wilson has a sumptuous lunch prepared for us. And later today, the turkey. Enjoy! Unwrap your gifts... Readysetgo!" A flurry of sound erupted as everyone started opening their presents.

Nicholas had managed to be seated between Erin and Elin. He silently hoped they would like what he'd bought them. Smiling contentedly he started unwrapping...

 

[prettyserpentine]

Elinor unwrapped her presents carefully. Carl and Alfredo had bought her a new care kit for cleaning and maintaining her string instruments. Alexey and Greta had given her vouchers for boutiques in New York, and a weekend stay in one of the most expensive hotels. She opened Nicholas' gift and pulled out a long, delicate black silk dress, in her size. She held it against her skin, it felt cool. She smiled at him shyly.

"Thank you. It's beautiful. I'll wear it tonight." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek as the others opened their Christmas presents.

Alfredo unwrapped a new leather case for his violin, lined with felt and embroidered with his initials in gold lettering. He hugged Carl, who kept flashing the dark platinum signet ring with his initials and a single diamond.

"It's so beautiful, I love it," Carl gushed.

"I should think so, we won't be able to eat for a year now. We are truly starving artists..." Alfredo joked.

Elin glanced nervously as Erin opened her gifts. There was one box bigger than the rest, and as Erin worked through unwrapping, Elin made sure it was left to the end. It was wrapped in deep red paper with a silver bow, and Erin read the label, grinning at Elinor as she untied the bow. Elinor shrugged, shrinking back against Nicholas.

"I hope you like it..."

The red paper fell away and revealed a plain box. It wasn't brand new, but it had a Russian name inscribed on it, with a St. Petersburg stamp below. When Erin lifted the box, she pulled the paper away to reveal a pair of ballet shoes. They were snow white, with intricate diamond and sapphire snowflakes along the top of the foot, and long white ribbons to tie around the ankles, dotted with tiny snowflake shaped sequins.

"They were my mother's, and I would really like you to have them, and use them, if you would do me the honour."

Erin just stared at her, open-mouthed. So did Elizabeth, realising those shoes were probably worth more money than she had ever seen. Elinor cringed, worried about it being too grandiose. She was holding an oblong shaped box.

"There's just one more thing..." She handed Erin the box. She popped it open, and lifted a key with her initials carved on it. Elinor grabbed her hand, pulling her up the staircase. Erin was holding the shoes against her chest and her mother, Greta, Alexey and Nicholas followed suit. Elinor marched her to the ballet studio. There was a bow in the centre of the door, with a label attached that had Erin's name on it. Elinor pointed to the keyhole.

Erin fumbled, almost dropping the key. Her hands trembled as she slipped it in the lock, turning it. It clicked open and she entered the room. The snow touched windows cast a white glow around the mirrors, and on the wall opposite to Katarina's portrait was a blank space.

"That's for yours," Elinor said, fidgeting with her hands, rubbing at the scars. "This room belongs to you, Erin. Happy Christmas." Alexey put his hands on his niece's shoulders as Erin stood in the middle of the room, looking around her.

"It's yours," Elin repeated looking at the sister of the man she loved. "I hope someday you and I can play music and dance here, if you'll let me..."

 

[Niceandbrutal]

Nicholas was happily unwrapping his gifts. Elin had bought him a beautiful leather briefcase for his laptop with the initials "N McK" imprinted in gold letters. It was sleek and pretty and Nicholas sat and admired its lines and the finish on the leather. And she'd gotten him a hamper of herbs, spices and a selection of russian dried meat delicacies. He sat for a moment and savoured the smells of the spices and the leather case before turning around and kissing Elin on the cheek. "It's beautiful. And I can't wait to use the spices and meats. Thank you, Solnyshko." He hoped she didn't mind that he used her mother's nickname for her.

He smiled when he opened the envelope from Greta and Alexey. A roundtrip for two to New York. He turned to Elin. "Seems like we're going to celebrate new years eve in the big apple, Elin. That fine with you?" A playful smile on his face as he asked her. "Thank you so much, Alexey and Greta!" Marianne came and hugged him for the IOU's and Carl and Alfredo were happy for the wine and invitation to dinner. Greta and Alexey wanted to put the gourmet foods he'd given them on the lunchtable, and he replied that it was up to them, but that they were first and foremost meant for them. Then Elinor fairly cringed as she watched Erin unwrap her gift. He wrapped his arm around her as she watched with trepidation. There was a gasp from everyone as she unveiled the shoes.

Nicholas felt more than he saw or heard his mother wanting to protest. He caught her eyes and slowly shook his head as she was about to speak. She glared at him but kept her mouth shut. And then there was the key. Curioser and curioser...

As the kids tried on the silly costumes Nick had bought them, a small cluster of people got up and followed Elin. As they got to the room with the bow, Nicholas was genuinely puzzled. Erin unlocked the door and Nicholas and his mother again gasped as they realized what a grand gift Elinor had bestowed on Erin. Erin walked into the room, seemingly overcome with emotion as she trembled with excitement. Then she ran to Elin and hugged her fiercely, tears streaming down her face and sobs wracking her body.

Nicholas walked over to them and hugged them both without saying a word. Then he whispered in Elinor's ear, loud enough for everyone to hear: "Your heart and your generosity are larger than your fortune, Solnyshko. Your love and your compassion could warm a whole continent. I love you, my little sun."

Erin pulled out her notepad and wrote: "I would very much like to be alone with Elin, please." Nicholas thought he understood what was about to happen,
and he set an example by walking downstairs. The others soon followed suit.

----------------------

When they were alone in the studio, Erin closed the doors and turned towards Elinor, a big radiant smile on her face. She quickly wrote two words on her notepad, then showed them to Elinor. As she started reading, Erin spoke what she'd written: "Thank you!"

 

[prettyserpentine]

It was nice hearing the familiar word from Nicholas, nice but a little unsettling. She smiled demurely at him as Erin asked if they could be alone. Elinor regarded her with some confusion. Then she looked at the paper in her hand, and heard the words, rather than reading them.

"Thank you... Thank you so much... This is amazing."

Talking. Erin. Erin was talking. Elinor looked at the door. "We have to get Nicholas..."

"He knows. I'm not telling everyone." She fidgeted with the shoes. "I guess I'm just taking my time..."

Her voice was a little hoarse but that was to be expected. Elinor was dumbfounded.

"I'm... I'm glad you're talking, but you should really tell your mother, I mean she would be ecstatic...." She found her heart racing and she was a little jittery. It was a big shock. She jumped when she heard racing footsteps and the children at the door. Katie was excited to see Erin's present.

"I just wanted to tell you thank you."

Elinor hugged her tightly, her hands shivering and her head spinning. "You don't need to thank me... I'd better get the door."

Erin held onto her notepad, and Elin moved to the door to open it. Katie burst in, running around the room. Marianne put her hand on Elin's arm. "You alright? You look a bit pale."

She nodded. "Didn't sleep well, I think I might go and um, I just need a minute... I..." She smiled before disappearing from the room, hurrying away from the crowds of people until she reached her own room. Bursting through the bathroom door, she fell to her knees and retched into the sink, losing her breakfast. She fell to her knees, curling up and rocking a little, her eyes squeezed shut. She flinched a little, at nothing in particular.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

Nicholas laughed at the little scamps in their costumes. They reminded him a bit of Erin and himself when they were kids. His mother had again grabbed hold of Olivia and fawned over her. Marianne indulged her, clearly thrilled that she and Will could relax as the kids were watched over by so many adults. Then the kids roared upstairs and Marianne followed them while grumbling about how Olivia would be mobile soon as well.

A few minutes passed, then Erin walked into the room and made a beeline for Nicholas. She grabbed his hand and tugged him, and he rose from the couch and followed her. When they were out of earshot, Erin spoke in a low voice: "I spoke to her. She seemed almost upset. I think she's in the bathroom."

It was still almost disconcerting to hear her voice. It was a bit raspy and hoarse, but it was undeniably her voice. They entered his room and went up to the bathroom door. They heard coughing and retching from the inside. Nicholas cautiously knocked. "Elin, are you okay?"

 

[prettyserpentine]

She heard his voice as if it was off in the distance. She was still on the floor.

"Yeah... Yeah I'm fine! Don't worry about me!" She tried to laugh. The sound came off like a hysterical noise and she clapped her hands over her mouth. She swallowed, taking a steadying breath. "I'm okay..."

Elinor leaned back against the wall, her skirts bundled around her. When her head touched it, on that tender spot, she groaned and drew her knees up, her forehead resting on her knees as she breathed out shakily.

She felt that she had done too much, she had embarrassed herself. She started fidgeting with her hands again, scratching her palms and breaking the tender skin a little. She looked at the blood and started to panic, gasping. "I don't think... I don't think I'm okay... I just need a minute..." She whispered.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

She sounded far from okay. Bringing Erin with him, he went into the bathroom. They found her sitting against the wall, scratching her hand. "Elin, sweetheart, no. Please stop," he said as he gently but firmly took her hands and pulled her to him in a hug, ready to let her go if she wasn't comfortable with him touching her like that.

Erin kneeled down and stroked her back. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I did not mean to upset you. Only... I was overwhelmed by your kindness and wanted to thank you properly. I'm- I'm sorry if I caused you any discomfort." Her voice broke as she started to cry. "Please forgive me," she said with a small voice.

 

[prettyserpentine]

Elinor buried her head against Nicholas' chest as she listened to Erin, and trying to keep her breathing steady and ordered but she felt light headed. She reached out, touching Erin quickly but not for long. Her cold fingers closed around Erin's wrist.

"Please don't say you're sorry... I just wanted to make you happy, please don't say you're sorry..." She gasped, trying to stop herself from panicking. She didn't want to scare Erin. She didn't want to upset Nicholas. She gripped her palm, digging her fingers into the broken skin and focusing.

Elinor turned her face to Erin and smiled. "I'm fine, see? I just felt a little ill, probably the cold or something, you know?" She smiled again through thin lips, standing up, trying her best to stop shaking. "You should relax, have some lunch... Both of you." She smiled at Nicholas, moving out of his arms and backing up a little. "I'm just going to use the bathroom and then I'll be down. Okay?" She pursed her lips and smiled.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

Erin wept, her hands covering her face.She slowly backed out of the room and sat down on Nicholas' bed. Nicholas remained inside the bathroom with Elinor, talking to her in a low and steady voice. He didn't follow her as she backed away.

"Elinor, please. It's me, Nicholas. Won't you tell me what's bothering you? I never scratch my hands like you did when I have a cold. You know you can tell me anything, right?"

The look of the Stubborn McKenzie had started emerging in his face. He wanted to get to the bottom of this. But he didn't want to coerce her.

 

[prettyserpentine]

Elinor could hear Erin crying in the other room. She moved towards her own bedroom.

"She needs you," she said, backing away. Her arms were hugged around herself and she just kept muttering 'She needs you, she needs you'. She moved into her own room, closing the door. Moving to the window, she opened it and sucked in the cold air.

She had ruined everything. All the good work she had done. She couldn't go more than two days without getting upset or getting stressed. And now she had upset Erin. She ran her hands over her head and groaned.

And then she started to weep.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

Nicholas looked in on Erin. She was sitting on the bed, weeping. Nicholas went to her and made sure she heard him before he touched her. She looked up at him, tears down her face. "I'm fine, Nicholas. I just remember what it was like feeling vulnerable like she does now. Go to her. She needs you now more than ever, though she'll deny it. GO, you big oaf!"

Her commanding tone left him in no doubt she was okay for now. He went into the bathroom and knocked on the door before peeking inside. She was standing by an open window, weeping. He walked into the room and cleared his throat. He walked towards her but stopped at a comfortable distance.

"Erin is okay. She's more worried about you. As am I. I very much want to hug you right now but I get a feeling ou feel vulnerable now. If you don't want to talk about what's bothering you, that's fine. But remember that I love you and only want to be there for you, no matter what. Remember also that you're surrounded by people who love you and that no-one is judging you no matter what it is that's bothering you. The person with the lowest opinion about you right now is probably yourself. It's written in your face. But remember, you've done nothing wrong to anyone in this house. We all love you, Elin. Never forget that."

He looked at her imploringly. Absurdly, a phrase from Pink Floyd's The Wall passed through his head: "Don't give in, without a fight."

 

[prettyserpentine]

She turned, not believing him.

"Your sister is talking. And she's in your room, while you're here." Elin was shaking. She could smell the cold air, the weak scent of mint tea being made from the kitchen. Her nails dug into her palms.

"I don't need you," she said, looking at him. "You can't fix me... Now go back to your sister."

One by one, she was trying to plant bricks around herself, turning and looking out the window again. "I want to be alone. I don't anyone around me, I don't need anyone around me right now..." She looked on him, emotions running through her like a river. But most of all, she felt scared. She had wanted everyone to enjoy their time here, but she hadn't thought of how so many people would make her feel. "This is a lot to deal with..." The bricks kept crumbling but she kept trying and trying. She moved to the door of her bedroom and opened it. "Just leave me alone will you?!” She slammed it, walking up the hallway, past the rooms and down into the kitchen. She found the pot of mint tea.

Mrs Wilson found her staring at it. "It's for Mrs O'Hara... Helps with the airways and such. Miss Mironov, what are you...-”

Elin lifted the teapot and took it outside, throwing it at a drain. The pot smashed and the mint scent exploded. "No," she muttered and Mr Wilson walked out, putting a hand on her shoulder. He was startled away as she screamed "DON'T!" And then started sobbing again. "I'm ruining everything oh my god please just.... I just need a minute... God I'm... I'm just..." Rex and Katie appeared, staring at her. She felt ill, and turned robotically, heading into the forest.

"Your... coat..." Mrs Wilson stood there, holding the black coat.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

"I don't need you"

The words cut deep. He thought they had something. He thought they had trust. He thought they had love. And now, when she seemed the most vulnerable, she pushed him away.

She slammed the door and marched down the hall and stairs. Nicholas stood blinking away tears of frustration and anger when Erin entered the room. She looked at him and said with a low intense voice: "Go. To. Her!" That was all he needed to hear. He was at the bottom of the stairs when he heard a loud crash from the kitchen and Elin's loud voice shrieking "DON'T!"

He went to the kitchen and got a short version of what had happened while Marianne was doing her best to comfort Rex and Katie. He grabbed his coat and her coat as well and went after her. He'd been doing a fair amount of jogging after he got his new job and he caught up to her after a few minutes.

"Elinor! Stop! Please! TALK to me!" He tried to keep a steady voice, and failed miserably.

 

[prettyserpentine]

When his voice reached that peak, she felt something inside of her snap. Rage, hurt, fear, and she lashed out, striking him. She stared at her hand afterwards and froze, expecting him to turn away and leave her. Tears started to run down her face silently. Her hands found each other and she started to scratch at her angry wound.

"I'm not okay, I'm not okay... I'm sorry Nicholas, I'm so sorry..." Her hands came up to her face, but her fingers could barely separate and she just cried, twisting her fingers around each other and almost hyperventilating. "I thought I was okay, I thought I was okay."

 

[Niceandbrutal]

"Why the HELL are you hitting me!?" There was real anger and hurt in his voice.

"Are you mad at me because I want to be there for you!? Do you despise the fact that people care about you? That there's a whole bunch of people concerned about your wellbeing? Now, I saved you back in that alley. I don't want that to be for nothing. You in turn, saved me. No, don't protest. You saved me from my own self destructive urges, you got me off the street, you got me a wellpaying job. You gave me my LIFE back, all for one sharp action of violence. And you deny me the right to be grateful for that! And God help me, I fell in love with you. Yet you still insist on pushing me and everyone else away when we try to be there for you and comfort you. Now get this through your head, Elinor: YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, WHAT HAPPENED IS NOT YOUR FAULT!"

He paused and caught his breath, and he calmed down. "Not five minutes ago you said you didn't need me. If that really is true I will not bother you again." There was only sadness in his voice now. He was sure he'd ruined everything by yelling at her. "But if you trust me, I am there for you." He held out her coat for her. "Here, don't want you catching a cold for real. And please leave your hand alone. It breaks my heart when you hurt yourself like that."

He turned around and slowly walked towards the house, hoping she would stop him.

 

[prettyserpentine]

She didn't.

She merely held her coat and watched as he walked away from her, trudging through the snow. She wept into the wool of her coat, huge, gasping sobs.

She had ruined the one beautiful thing that had come into her life in its entirety. Not only had she upset him, she had upset his sister. It was so hard for her to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. She pulled her jacket over herself and walked, trying to clear her head.

It was only when she reached her destination that Elinor knew where she had been going. She traced her fingers along the words etched in front of her.

~to have and to hold-

She knelt in the snow, chilling her legs as she laid her forehead against the cold stone and allowed herself to miss her parents, miss the life she could have had. A life she had glimpsed last night when she had been with Nicholas, but now she had ruined it all. She sobbed and sobbed, clinging to the stone, wishing for the warmth of her mother's arms, she would even have settled for the smell of stale alcohol from her father. It was all gone, all for nothing.

"I love him, I love him," she sobbed, coughing. She had forced him away from her.

The cold felt like it was seeping through her bones, into her very heart.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

She didn't come after him. Nicholas was heartbroken. He sat outside the house and composed himself before going up to his room. Erin was still there.

"Where is she? Why are you alone?" She fixed him with her bright blue eyes. He explained what had happened and she exploded in his face.

"Nicholas McKenzie, if anyone needs you right now, it's her. Not me. She's the kindest, loveliest woman I've ever met, and I would give her christmas present back in an instant if it meant she'd be back here. Don't you get that she's upset!? Don't you see she's barely hanging on with all the emotional upheavals going on!? It's, what, four weeks since she woke up from a coma after being assaulted twice by the same man!? A man she'll have to face again in court, I might add!"

She glared at him. He sighed. "This hasn't exactly been a picnic for me either. Every time I try to show gratitude or try to be there for her she pushes me away. Why is it so damn hard for her to accept gratitude or kindness? Does she feel like she doesn't deserve it? What?"

She shrugged. "Ask her! Don't waste your time talking to me. Go!" Nicholas ran. He ran past Alexey and Greta who asked him if everything was allright. He ran past Marianne and Mrs Wilson, still comforting the kids and cleaning up the tea kettle. He ran like a man posessed, following her tracks.

She had a fair few minutes lead on him and he found he had to pace himself. So he slowed down to a jog as he foloowed her tracks back to... the churchyard, of course.

He found her embracing her parents' headstones, sobbing
"I love him, I love him," breaking his heart again.

He went up to her and sat down a little distance from her. "I'm sorry I yelled at you Elinor. Won't you please let me be there for you? Because I love you so much it hurts. And when you push me away it feels like I die a little. You made me whole again, please let me do the same for you. Please, Elin. I love you."

His head sank down as he silently started weeping.

 

[prettyserpentine]

Elinor turned. Her parents had granted her wish: he was here. Just when she needed him most. She scooted across the snow, her legs red with cold, and she laid her head in his lap.

"I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, really... I didn't. I just... I was feeling fine, better than fine, I was feeling good and then it just felt that there were people... So many people and they were all around me... And Erin was talking...talking!...and you called me your Solnyshko..." She sobbed against his legs, like a woman begging for scraps of favour. "No one has called me that... Not since Mom..." Her shoulders and back were heaving.

"Perhaps it was too soon for such a gathering," she looked up at him, trying to justify, or reason her emotions. "But everyone wanted me to be okay - and I wanted to be okay." Her voice rose a pitch. "I couldn't sleep last night, I tried so hard not to think about everything..." Her hands opened to him, pleading. Her right palm was red and angry where she had been scratching. "Please, please forgive me, and if you can't... or if, ... if you want to go, then please just don't let me see you again because I don't think... I don't think I would want to survive that too..."

Nicholas' arms went around her, holding her together as she fell apart. Her face was red, her eyes were heavy. Her head ached from the cold and the stress. Her strangled sobs were coming as if from the depths of her very being, punctuated by her coughing and shivering. The tall spire of the church loomed over them, casting a wintry shadow as Elinor clung to Nicholas, her thin hands clutching at him in desperate agony as he held her tightly, rocking her, whispering to her, kissing her temple and willing her to keep up the fight.

"I wanted so much to forget... For it to just be easy... I just wish, I wish it could be just us, just for a little while. Like when New York comes... No one to constantly ask me how I am... constantly asking if I'm okay, I wanted so much to be okay... When we go away, I can just be me, can't I? Can't I?"

She looked up at him, still shivering, her green eyes bright and shining with emotion, and as she looked into his concerned, sad eyes, she crumbled all over again. "I ruined it, I ruined it all... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please... I'm sorry I'm sorry..." She slipped into Russian, apologising against his chest and sobbing, begging him not to leave again, not to let her be alone.

Off in the distance, the wolfhound let out a single bark. But it was just them in the little churchyard. Nicholas and Elinor and the silent snow.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

Oh thank God!

For a little while he dared not move while he listened to her. Then, when she didn't flinch as he moved, he cradled her and held her. He spoke to her:

"Erin's had ten years to cope, Elin. The first assault on you was barely a month ago. No-one except yourself are expecting you to be fine so soon. And Erin talking... that was a surprise for me as well. I only found out this morning, and she made me swear not to tell anyone, ANYONE, about her being able to speak again. I suspect she was afraid of too many expectations being piled on top of her now that she can talk again, much like what you've experienced by keeping up a brave face. You show strength, and that's what people expect from you. Real strength, Elin, is admitting to your weaknesses. Share your weaknesses with those you trust and never second guess your emotions."

He sighed and kissed her temple. He was sad for her. She had wanted for this to be a good christmas for everyone without stopping to consider her own feelings and emotions. She was paying for that oversight now. He didn't want to add to that burden.

"There is nothing to forgive, Elin. And you'll find that we all are weak from time to time. That night when I rescued you I had started giving up. I wanted to die. My last lifeline had been taken away from me. Yes, my computer. On it were pictures and films of my sister from before the ugliness that happened o her and of course, my novel. My novel was what kept me going. I poured out all my fears, doubts and feelings of alienation into that novel. When I had to pawn it to get some food in me, only to have that money stolen from me... I was ready to drink myself into a stupor and die of hypothermia. And then I got to save you. And you gave me my life back. So when I say that you saved me, it's not empty words, sweetheart. You gave me hope. You made me fall in love. You did so much for me that I was almost ashamed, and a little hurt when you did not allow me to thank you. But I don't think you realize how close to the brink I was. Perverse though it seems, getting to care for someone other than myself saved me from myself."

A new stream of words burst from her. He sat down and pulled her on to his lap to get her out of the snow and the cold.

"The only way you will ever be okay is if you confront what happened to you. Do not repress the memories of David's assaults on you and what might have been if he succeeded. Bad memories are like death and taxes. You can evade them for a while, but they'll only grow bigger and harder to fight if you do. Confront the bad memories and deal with them, do not repress them. I've been through and I'm still going through a similar process. Let me help you. And as soon as we can, we will try to be just the two of us and I won't pester you with concerned glances and well meant irritating questions. If I do, please tell me."

She looked at him and started crying and blaming herself and begging for forgiveness before slipping into russian. She sobbed and cried against his chest, and he let her vent. Off in the distance a dog barked. He held her and wiped away her tears and cradled and rocked her until the sobs subsided and her breath returned to normal. Then he cupped her face with his hands and gave her a light kiss on her mouth.

"I will not leave you unless you tell me to. And I might not always be listening then, either. I love you too damn much, Elin. And if you are uncomfortable with me using Solnyshko as a petname for you, please tell me so and I will stop. Had I known it'd upset you, I'd have kept my mouth shut. I just thought it was a very apt description of what you are to me and what you mean to me. And please stop saying you've ruined it all. It takes more than a little outburst to ruin christmas, don't you think?"

He helped her up and offered his hand to her. "Now let's head back. The others will start to worry soon. And don't worry about them. If they love you they'll forgive you. And if they don't forgive you, to hell with'em!"

Please come back with me, his eyes seemed to beg.

 

[prettyserpentine]

Her eyes drifted between him and the headstone. She couldn't stay here with the dead, that wasn't what this was about. She had to try and keep positive, try and move on with the times. He was looking at her, waiting for her to come with him back to the house. She recoiled a little, tears brimming again.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you say thank you... I didn't know it meant that much..." She looked down at his hand, slipping hers into it, and pulling him a little. "Nikolai... Christmas dinner won't be for a couple of hours, and I'm quite tired. Could I maybe lie down a little? Would you...would you stay with me?"

He agreed that he would, and they began walking back towards the house. It took a while, Elinor was very cold and stiff. Her legs were almost blue with cold and she clung to Nicholas, shivering, her teeth chattering. "I'm cold."

Nicholas kissed her head, holding her against him and wrapping his coat around her. He rubbed her arms to keep her warm and soon the house was in sight. The tears threatened again.

"I don't want anyone to see..."

He assured her, thankfully the kitchen was empty as they reentered the house. She couldn't take her coat off, she was still so cold. He stayed by her side until they reached her room, but she shied away from the door.

"Can we go to my parents room... Please?"

She looked up at the end of the hall, and the light from the window there was almost blocked. Alexey. He looked so worried, coming down the hall.

"Elin, look at your legs... My sweet girl..." He looked helplessly at Nicholas. Elin was shivering. Alexey sighed, lifting her off the floor and carrying her like a child up a flight of stairs, opening the only door on the landing section into a huge bedroom, with ornate windows, opulent furnishings, and a huge mahogany four poster bed with a couch at the bottom. Alexey laid her down on the bed, instructing Nicholas to fetch blankets. "I tried to tell Greta, it was too much..." He said to him as they built the fire together. He was casting glances at her as Nicholas placed peat and wood on the coals. Before long, it was taking flame. Alexey undid Elinor's coat, peeling it off and lifting the thick blankets over her. She looked up and smiled, ashamed. Alexey knew that smile.

Fury pumped through him when he thought about what had happened to her. She had been trying so hard, but she'd been trying to forget, to bottle it up instead of dealing with it. She looked pale and small, and all he could see was the image of her lying in the rose-bed surrounded by broken glass. He fisted his hands, moving towards the door. He was so angry, and it was evident Nicholas understood, his blue eyes almost reflective in their emotion. As the two men stood in the door, Alexey put his hand on Nicholas' shoulder. Words weren't needed, and frankly, Alexey could barely speak.

He cleared his throat, and spoke in a low whisper. "I shall let them know she's resting." He glanced at her, as the muscles in her slender neck seemed to jump. She twitched a little. "I just wish I could do something.... Kill that son of a bitch..." He exhaled furiously. "I'm going to take the dogs out for a walk, maybe take Will and your stepfather with me. Maybe a little shooting." He looked at Nicholas seriously. "I trust you won't leave her." As Alexey turned to the door, he looked around, his look softening. "I'll have your sister wait an hour before she comes up. She was worried about you both, I think. Not that she said as much..." He smiled wryly, closing the door.

In a moment, as the fire crackled, Nicholas was sitting on the bed, his arm around Elinor. He lay propped on pillows as she nestled her head on his chest, trying desperately to get to sleep as he held her, stroking her back and shoulder, and talking to her calmly. Her hands clutched at him, clinging to him as she started to doze, her nimble fingers twitching. They relaxed as sleep claimed her, Nicholas' hand cupping hers, his thumb stroking the back of her hand. She murmured softly in Russian, and then shuddered, saying his name in her sleep, her eyelids twitching.

"Nikolai? Nikolai, don't go, I love you..."

But he was there. She relaxed again, the only sound was her deep breathing and the crackling fire.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

He stood with Alexey by the door.

"I just wish I could do something.... Kill that son of a bitch..."

With a savage grin, Nicholas answered him in a whisper: "Alexey, imagine if you will: David in jail, hobbling around on his crushed ankle and trying to fend for himself with a gimpy right arm. He is one of the lowest forms of life, in prison as well as on the outside. Pretty man like him, I'm sure he'll get a taste of his own medicine a hundred times over. They'll probably punch his teeth out as well. Death is too good for him and he will more than likely get consecutive life sentences. He will rot in jail while we will live far happier lives than he ever will. Fuck him, let him live. Let that thought warm you."

As Alexey left, Nicholas closed the door after assuring the giant that he'd never leave her side. It was a promise that was exceedingly easy to give. He propped up some pillows and lay down beside her, letting her rest her head on his chest. He started talking about happy things he was looking forward to do with her. Walks in a snowy Central Park, hoping for a clear cold day for when they visited the Empire State Building, visiting different restaurants, bookstores and music shops, New Years Eve on Times Square if she felt up to it. He talked about making dinners for her and Carl and Alfredo, and lounging about on the rooftop in the summer.

Somewhere between dinners and rooftop lounging, she fell asleep. She cried out his name in russian and woke up briefly before falling back to sleep again. He continued stroking her back as she snuggled up to him and started breathing slowly and heavily as deep sleep took her.

In addition to having lived through a nightmare, she really missed her parents. They had one thing in common there, although he'd regained his mother. He missed his father. Now that he celebrated christmas again, the longing was more acute. He went through fond memories of his father. Pulling a toboggan with Nicholas and Erin on it, loudly sining christmas songs. Insisting on calling Nicholas "St. Nicholas" all through December. Dad dressing up as Santa Claus, frightening Erin so much that he had to reveal to her that it was him. She'd squealed with delight and asked him to do it again. He complied, of course.

The memories went by, one by one. Nicholas dozed off and fell to sleep, emotionally drained after the ups and downs of the day. He dreamed pleasant dreams of his family and of Erin, often intermingled.

While they both slept, Erin knocked on the door and entered. A relieved smile spread across her face as she watched her brother and Elin lying in bed so close together. She snuck up to them and spread a blanket over Nicholas' sleeping form while he still slept. Nicholas sighed and muttered 'thank you' in his sleep. He turned over and spooned with Elin, sharing his warmth with her.

Erin crept out of the room, a small smile on her face still.

 

[prettyserpentine]

When Elinor awoke, she felt much warmer, wrapped in Nicholas' arms, comfortable in the heat emanating from him and the fire that warmed the room. She turned to face him, burying her head against his shirt and waking up slowly. It was the best waking up she had ever felt, and she whispered that against him, and told him she loved him. As she lay there, her fingers playing with his as he dozed, she wondered what it would be like to wake up like this every day with him by her side. It made her smile.

It wasn't long before the delicious smell of the Christmas dinner came up the stairs and it made Elinor's stomach rumble. She hadn't had any lunch, but she felt quite better after the sleep. A little less like she was going to pull her hair out. She wriggled out of Nicholas' embrace, kissing his eyelids and waking him.

"Hello, my knight in shining armor..." She smiled, touching the tip of his nose with her own. She sat up, twisting to the side as her legs dangled off the side of the bed. She slipped her feet into her shoes, they were warm and cosy from the heat of the fire. "I might have Mrs Wilson move me in here, I like it," she said as she looked out the window. Nothing but acres and acres of trees, snow capped mountains beyond it. "At least then you wouldn't have to share a bathroom." She smoothed the wrinkles out of her dress and breathed on the windowpane, drawing a heart in it. She came back to the bed, lying down on her back, her head on Nicholas' stomach, her fingers curled around one of his. "When will you ever stop saving me..." She pulled his hand down and kissed it sweetly, holding it against her heart.

A knock came to the door, and she jumped, sitting bolt upright. A red head peeked around and Elinor's stomach twisted. Erin tentatively walked into the room, flanked by Finn.

"Erin, I'm sor-..."

"No." Erin's voice was even more determined, considering how long she had been silent. "Stop that. Everyone knows how hard it's been, how you've pushed yourself. Take it from me, you need to stop trying so hard. Just... be natural. No one's mad, or judging you. It gets a little easier..." She patted her hand and smiled, bumping her forehead against Elinor's as she gave her a quick hug. "Be patient." She lifted a pillow and threw it at Nicholas. "Time you got up, St. Nicholas! Dinner's going to be ready in a few minutes and I don't know about you two, but I'm starving."

Elinor nodded in agreement, putting her hands over her belly. "Me too. Dinner... And then the ball..." She looked worried, and Erin smoothed a hand over her pixie hair.

"It's a dance, Elin. One little step after one little step." She smiled bravely. "I know how you feel. But we can go, and we can leave whenever we want. Okay?"

Elinor nodded, smiling sheepishly. Erin smiled back and then looked over Elinor 's shoulder and scowled. She climbed onto the bed, jumping a little and laughing. The sound made Elinor laugh too.

It sounded nice.

 

[Niceandbrutal]

"... this is the best waking up I ever felt. I love you."

A soft whisper from a happy voice woke him up. He had never before woken up feeling so relaxed and happy, even with his ex-wife. And not even the thought of that cheating golddigger could get him down. Her voice, the touch of her lips and then her nosetip cleared more of the cobwebs from his head and brought more joy to his heart.

He lay in bed watching her move and listening to her talk. She seemed very much at ease now. She was sweet when she was unselfconscious like she was now. He protested vaguely when she talked about moving in here. "I don't mind sharing a bathroom with you," he said feebly. He hated the thought of her being so far from him. He secretly rejoiced when she climbed back in bed with him and rested her head on his stomach.

"When will you ever stop saving me..."

"What you need to realize is that I'm not saving you. I'm helping you save yourself." He wasn't joking. He was about to continue when there was an interruption as Erin knocked and entered. His unwavering love for his sister soared as she with an authority born from hard won experience told Elin off in the nicest way possible. He smiled at his sister and earned himself a pillow for his troubles.

Erin had regained some of her old exuberance over the years it seemed. She was jumping on the mattress with that laughter he knew so well. Without thinking, he swept her feet away and commenced tickling her like he'd used to do when they were kids. She squealed with surprise, then quickly yelled "No!"
Nicholas stopped in an instant. She looked at him and said in a small voice; "I- it's too much. I'm sorry." Nicholas felt stupid, but it had been so great to see her like this again.

"Don't be sorry sis," he told her. "I overstepped your boundaries and you told me so. Nothing wrong with that, little helper." That teased a smile out of her. Their dad had decided that if Nicholas was St. Nicholas, then Erin was Santa's Little Helper. They had mentioned this to some relatives once, and one of their cousins had asked why she was named after the dog on The Simpsons.

He looked at her and asked simply: "Hug?" He got one. He finally stepped out of the bed and went to Elin. He hugged her as well, enjoying the feel and smell of her. "Are you ready for some dinner?" he asked her. His stomach was growling as well.

They went down, Erin and Finn in front and Elin holding Nicholas' hand trailing. Everyone else were about to take their seats when they entered the dining room. The smell of turkey and gravy saturated the air and the festive mood was by and large intact. There was a brief moment of silence, broken by Greta: "Now that we're all here, I'd like to toast for a very Merry Christmas!" Greta smiled and winked at Elin and Nicholas as everyone raised their glasses and repeated: "Merry Christmas." Then all at once, conversations across the table started. Bartholomew was in eager conversation with Will, Elizabeth was holding Olivia on her lap while shifting her attention between her and Marianne. Alfredo and Carl were joking with Rex and Katie and Greta and Alexey engaged Elin and Nicholas in conversation.

Erin sat by her mother and surreptitiously nodded in her direction and mimicked blathering, trying to make Nicholas laugh. Then she grasped a spoon and with a teasing grin pretended to strike the glass like she would if she were to deliver a speech or a toast. She was behaving like the little brat Nicholas remembered from christmases past again. He couldn't be more pleased.

 

[prettyserpentine]

Elinor watched the exchange between Nicholas and Erin with interest. She saw how Erin said no, and Nicholas respected her boundaries. It made her feel she could do the same, if she felt she needed to. She felt a little calmer about everything after that. They walked down to dinner together, and Elinor tucked in to the fantastic meal, relishing every bite as she laughed and chatted with everyone. Alexey told a story about her fourth Christmas, the occasion where she threw a temper tantrum during dessert and Alexey had ended up wearing her Christmas pudding on his face. Everyone laughed, and Greta squeezed his hand. As Mrs Wilson brought out the pudding, the traditional flaming brandy pudding, Alexey tapped his glass, rising to his feet. Elinor shifted in her seat, uncomfortably, watching her uncle raise his glass of wine. He cleared his throat.

"I'd like to make a toast. To my wife, without whom we would not all be sitting here together. She has brought us together as friends, old and new, and I am grateful to her." Everyone toasted, and Alexey sat down. Then there was another clinking from the bottom of the table, and Bartholomew stood to his feet, smoothing his shirt down, and lifting his own glass. His cheeks were rosy, and he was clearly uncomfortable standing. Elinor wondered if his wife had put him up to it, but recanted the thought when she saw Elizabeth's expression.

"I'm not one for speeches," he said. "So I'll be brief. Firstly, my wife and I would like to thank you for your generosity and your hospitality. We have truly had a lovely time getting to know you all." He scowled a little. "I'd like to express my admiration, my appreciation to one lady at this table." His wife flushed. "She has been the glue holding our family together, in her own unique way. To have come through loss, trial, and come out the other side and still have love, a zest for life." His eyes watered. He coughed. Elizabeth took his hand, holding Olivia with her other arm. "She has taught me more about appreciating life through fewer words than none. I'd like you to please, raise your glasses to my stepdaughter." Erin almost choked on a Brussels sprout. Elinor lifted her glass high and everyone said 'To Erin'. Then came the pudding, Elinor smiled warmly at Erin, who fanned her face with her hand, smiling.

After dinner, Greta, Elizabeth and Marianne took Olivia out for a stroll. The men retired to the sitting room with everyone else, and Rex and Katie begged to watch The Muppet Christmas Carol. Alexey indulged, knowing it was one of Elinor's favourite Christmas films. Will dozed in his armchair, and Bartholomew spoke a little to Erin, after she wrote how appreciative she was of his speech in her notebook. It was a tender moment. Alexey headed out with the dogs, slapping Bart on the shoulder, booming how nice a speech it was.

The film played in relative quiet, the children laughing at the muppets, until Carl almost bounced in his seat. "Oh this is the part where the Ghost of Christmas Present sings his song! I love this part!"

Alfredo laughed, leaning back in his seat, shaking his head. "You are such a girl sometimes, mi amore."

The kids started singing along, and Elinor sat down between them, singing too. It was jubilant. Bartholomew was laughing to himself, as Carl swept in, scooping Elinor up and dancing around the living room with her.

"A part of childhood we'll always remember
It is the summer of the soul in December
It's when you do your best for love, it feels like Christmas..."

The two dancers sang aloud, the children grasping their hands so the four of them twirled together. Elinor stopped at one point, planting a kiss on Nicholas' cheek. Katie stood before Erin, who stood up, astonishing everyone by consenting to take Carl's other hand and join in the ring of dancing. Elinor beamed at her, Erin's face was rosy even if she stayed silent through the song. Carl let go promptly at the end, bowing his head to her before lifting Rex and Katie over his shoulders and pretending to drop them, before settling back against Alfredo. Elinor wept through every part with Tiny Tim, especially his little song. Rex nudged between her and Nicholas, and promised her Tim was going to be okay. He was a little gentleman. After the film was over, he asked his father to show him something. They disappeared to the ballroom, and Will appeared a moment later to summon Bartholomew, as he needed another man's help.

Erin wrote on her notepad that it was time to get ready for the ball, and she pulled Elinor away to get dressed. They laughed and giggled in Elinor's bedroom as Elinor worked on Erin's hair. She curled it over her shoulders and applied slight make up. Erin looked great. But her mother had give her a frumpy gown with big sleeves and a puffy skirt.

"This won't do... Go and pick something from my wardrobe."

About ten minutes later, Elinor was dressed in the dress Nicholas had bought her. She had put in a small pair of her mother's diamond earrings, that didn't hang low, just a teardrop. She came into the wardrobe room and Erin zipped her up, commenting on the dress.

"Have you picked one?"

Erin brushed her fingers over one, and Elinor recognised it as the one she had worn to an opera in Russia. It was bold, and she pulled it out.

"I couldn't..."

Elinor scowled at her. "You taught me it's just a dance. This dress is just a step. You can wear it, and I bet you will look beautiful. Look, there's a wrap to go around it, it'll not feel as bad. Just try it on."

It looked incredible. Elinor draped the shoulder wrap around her. Erin stood looking at herself in awe. "Do I look okay?"

Elinor shrugged. "I don't know Erin. Your butt looks huge..."

Erin squealed and swung at Elinor with her hand. Both girls giggled until there was a rap of knuckles at the door. It was Alfredo, standing in a long black velvet robe with his elbow jutting out. "Time for the last surprise, bella..." Elinor turned, curtsying as she took his arm. "Erin, don't tell Nicholas I'm playing tonight... I've been practising. I want to surprise him." Alfredo wrapped a similar cloak around her and they walked off together. As they passed Nicholas' door, Alfredo stuck his head in. "Your sister is next door. And if I wasn't affianced to another man, I would take her to the ball... She looks a vision." He escorted Elinor out to the front of the house, where a few other members of the orchestra were waiting. They had their photographs taken by the lake. 'For the recital posters,' Monsieur Gerber said. Elinor spoke to her friends and assured them she was well enough to play.

When they went inside, the ballroom was lit with the chandelier, candles and ambient light. Most of the neighbours were there, everyone was dressed in finery. The orchestra walked to the front, where Greta stood waiting. She clinked her glass as the orchestra took their seats. Elinor swapped seats with Carl, he sat by the cello, and she took out her violin, gently stroking it and straightening her back, flexing her wrists. The long cloaks they all wore made them look funereal. But as always, everyone was in black or white, their faces hidden, making them each anonymous.

"Everyone, I'd like to welcome you to Mironov Hall this evening, and thank you for coming. I'd like to thank my niece, for allowing us to have this evening. As most of you know... Well, I shouldn't have to tell you. Alexey and I have been working on our new charitable organisations, support for post-war veterans and young women in need of support and rehabilitation. Any donations would be more than welcome. Please, enjoy the orchestra." She moved away from the hooded and cloaked musicians.

Monsieur Gerber stepped up. "Our first two pieces are gifts, as is every piece of music. But on request, we have Vivaldi's Winter, Allegro non molto. Then, Tchaikovsky, for Monsieur Mironov." He bowed his head.

Alexey elbowed Nicholas. "You want to hear this orchestra play him... Incredible." He looked around. "Where is Elinor? She said she wouldn't miss it."

Erin squeezed Nicholas' hand.

"And finally, a special piece, picked by the performer who shall conclude with it." He looked at his hooded orchestra sternly, as if telling the performer that was the rule. Alfredo's laughter rang out. "And can I point out, the latter pieces are personal gifts." He cleared his throat. "The Vivaldi is from our orchestra, to the man who saved the life of our own sister, Elinor. That same man who is in this room tonight." The room stilled, people were looking around at their neighbours, the staff, but no one could see a vagrant. The entire orchestra rose to their feet, discarding their robes. All but one violinist who stayed seated. They all bowed deeply, right at Nicholas. People looked around, Erin squeezed his hand tight and Alexey put his arm around them both, almost. "You have our thanks." There were whispers from the guests as to the man beside Alexey, and the beauty on his arm.

Gerber turned with an impatient tap of his baton. The beginning of the Vivaldi piece started, and a woman rose from the seat amidst the strings. She exchanged a glance with the conductor, her short, pixie hair shining in the candlelight as it glinted off her diamond earrings. She positioned her bow as the staccato from the cellos increased and she began whittling her bow quickly over the strings, eliciting the sharpest, most impassioned music. She played quickly, emotively, her body swaying, her back bending, her facial expressions closed and careful, her lips thin and straight. Her arm moved quickly, her head bobbing a little as she nodded in time to the music. The notes fell, and the last, long note drew out. Elinor took a bow along with the other musicians, and sat in her seat again.

Alexey applauded quietly as he heard the beginning of Tchaikovsky's Waltz of the Flowers. Greta swept past him, pulling him into a dance. Will and Marianne were dancing, and Bartholomew had lifted little Katie and was twirling her around the floor. Mrs Wilson was nursing Olivia as Elizabeth appeared next to her children.

"Erin... You look beautiful, darling. Are you going to dance with Nicholas?"

Erin was just about to write something when Rex walked up to her, dapper as a gentleman in his little tuxedo. He stood before her, his little hand outstretched in the most silent of all gestures. Erin set her notepad on the table, and curtseyed before him, taking his hand and allowing him to lead her onto the dance floor.

"Son... Are you too old to dance a waltz with your mother?"

Elinor looked up a few moments later, a smile flitting across her face as she saw the dancers. Playing music, seeing the people she loved so happy, she was content. The waltz drew to its crescendo, and ended.

Gerber turned. "As violinists, we revere a certain Niccolo Paganini, an Italian violinist who reputedly sold his soul to the devil so he could be the best at his art. And he was. During crises in his life he was allegedly rescued each time, the devil gifting him a new instrument each time so he could play. He composed the Caprice no. 24, one of the most difficult pieces to play." He puffed his chest proudly. "Tonight, we have that gift. Mademoiselle?"

Elinor stood up, smoothing down her silk gown and straightening the lace neckline. She stood before the gathering. "I did not sell my soul to play this." A titter of laughter from the orchestra. "I've been learning it for seventeen years. And now, it's ready." She looked down at her violin. "I just hope I do it justice."

Gerber sat down, the orchestra laid down their instruments. Elinor put her cloth over the chin rest and her shoulder, and nestled the violin against her long, slender neck. She lifted the bow, and tested the strings. Alfredo whispered something, and a coy smile tweaked the corner of her mouth. She took a deep breath.

And then the violin began to speak. Gerber leaned forward in his seat as she played flawlessly, the emotion bursting through in her face, her arm moving deftly, her fingers dancing so lightly but deadly across the strings. She played with fury, with passion it was like someone else and not Elinor. It was obvious the orchestra had never heard her play this, especially when she reached the pizzicato and even the stoic Alfredo leaned forward, shaking his head as he covered his scalp with his hands. Carl stared at her, dumbfounded. A light sheen of sweat covered her skin as she played on, lost in the music, the passion of the piece, her eyes closed, her brows knit in concentration, her lips pursed as her body moved almost against her will, swaying alluringly. The curve of her hip was so visible in her silk gown, the rise and fall of her chest against the lace, the gentle, soft groan she let slip at the end of the pizzicato. Then as she played the last part, her back arched, raising the violin and bow higher, her lips parting sensually like she truly had sold her soul, or at least lost her heart.

And the final, speeding part of the caprice, she played with gusto even though her hands were aching and sore, the bow flying across the strings, her fingers twitching and dancing as her body bowed and arched just like the music she had lost herself in. And as she drew the last drops of music from the instrument, her bow flew up at the dramatic climax of the song and she held her violin out, and her bow, her chest heaving.

Her eyelids sprang open as Monsieur Gerber exploded from his seat, the entire orchestra erupting in cheers and applause.

Alfredo grabbed her and kissed her. "You did it. You fucking did it. That was incredible..." He dabbed her forehead with the cloth. "Oh my god..." The three friends jubilantly left the stage as Gerber led the orchestra in another waltz. "I can't believe you..." He was shaking his head. Elinor was panting a little.

"Do you think he liked it?" She said, searching the crowd for Nicholas. She smiled as she saw Rex waltzing with Erin again.

"Who, the Devil himself?" Alfredo said jealously. He winked at Carl. "We have a duty to fulfil, darling..." Carl nodded, pulling Elinor into a dance as Alfredo made a beeline for Erin. He bowed to Rex. "Sir, may I cut in? I'd like to steal a dance with the most beautiful woman in the room." Rex nodded, the little tyke looked tired as he bowed before Erin, kissing her hand before running with the biggest smile to his mother and father who were taking the kids to bed. Alfredo took Erin's hand, bowing gallantly before taking her in a waltz, being careful with his hands as he made light conversation, as he would with anyone.

Carl danced Elinor around the room. "I'm very proud of you, Elin. Just, take it as it comes, you know..." And then he steered them into the back of another couple. He spun Elin around, guiding her into the arms of Nicholas as Carl swept off with Elizabeth. "Nicky darling! She wanted to know if you liked the Paganini.. Oh Madam! I have been meaning to ask you... Where did you learn to dance? And I can see where Erin gets her beauty... Your skincare regime must be incredible..."

Elinor stood in Nicholas' arms as people danced around them, looking at the young woman and her rescuer. She self consciously smoothed down her dress as he spoke to her. He put a hand around her waist, and held his other out, holding hers as he swept her away in The Dance of the Flutes.



Muppet Song: http://youtu.be/WlRpGj7LWS4

Erin's dress: http://www.promnightstyles.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/flower-print-4.jpg

Elinor's dress: http://i00.i.aliimg.com/wsphoto/v0/...-Satin-font-b-Dresses-b-font-Evening-font.jpg

Vivaldi: http://youtu.be/WxYpM8dpPVI

Tchaikovsky: http://youtu.be/QxHkLdQy5f0

Paganini: http://youtu.be/PZ307sM0t-0 (Pizzicato: 3:01)

 

[Niceandbrutal]

Bartholomew's speech was the nicest surprise imaginable. Nicholas saw Erin flush and smile as she cast her eyes down, embarassed but happy. He gave her a smile after she was done fanning herself and got a reply when she teasingly stuck her tongue out at him. He mouthed the word "brat" at her and she giggled. It seemed that christmas so far had done her a world of good.

Nicholas approached Bartholomew after dinner and just shook his hand. Words weren't necessary for Nicholas to convey his thanks and gratitude for the lovely speech he'd made. Erin approached and Nicholas withdrew. She wrote something on her notepad and showed Bartholomew and he smiled at her and mumbled: "I've just wanted to say that for a long time. You really are inspirational, Erin."

Nicholas sat down and watched the Muppet movie with half an eye, dozing off in between. He was tired after the emotional upheavals and the heavy meal. He awoke with a start as Elin kissed him and Erin joined the circle of dancers. The two women in the world he cared most for were dancing in a circle with Carl, Rex and Katie. From the way Rex kept glancing at Erin, Nicholas was pretty sure he'd developed a little crush on her. Not that he blamed him. Nicholas smiled, remembering the crush he himself had as a six-year-old on the teenaged daughter next door. She'd been very sweet about it, calling him her little cavalier.

Later, when Elinor cried over Tiny Tim, Nicholas' fondness for Rex grew as he nudged himself between Nicholas and Elin and with a consoling and serious voice and face assured Elin that Tiny Tim would be okay. Nicholas went over to Will and muttered: "Your son really is a caring little guy, isn't he?" Will smiled and answered: "You should see him with his sisters sometimes. He has as big a heart as his mother." Nicholas was about to point out that Will, being a firefighter and the father of three well adjusted kids, must have a pretty good heart himself. But he checked himself. Will was the type to be embarassed by such praise. So Nicholas just nodded and smiled.

Later, as he was preparing for the ball, he was silently cursing the creators of the bow tie as he tried tying it just so. When he finally managed to make it look just right, Alfredo stuck his head in, praising his sister. Erin appeared a minute after, looking absolutely stunning. She tutted and went over to Nicholas. "You never learned how to tie a proper bow tie, St. Nicholas." She adjusted the tie for him and stood back, smiling. "Then thank God you're here, Little Helper," he replied. "You look absolutely gorgeous, Erin." The words almost caught in his throat. "Do you think you'll be able to dance with anybody tonight?" A shadow crossed her face. "I will manage to dance with you, Nicholas. Maybe Bartholomew. I'm not sure." She wrung her hands. "Promise me you'll watch me tonight, Nicholas. Please." He looked into her eyes, clear blue meeting clear blue. "Of course," he replied softly, earning him a hug. Then she held out her arm, and he grabbed it and escorted her down the stairs.

His sister drew many admiring glances from all, and he saw their mother gasp and well up as she saw her daughter blossoming anew. He smiled and winked at her and she just smiled back and mouthed "you look handsome" at him.

Then Greta spoke, followed by Monsieur Berger. As Mr. Berger spoke, Nicholas grew more and more uncomfortable, until the orchestra bowed in his direction. It took a firm grip from Erin to keep him from bolting. He didn't want this. All eyes were now fixed on his blushing face (or so it seemed) and he just wanted to melt away. Alexey seemed to sense his inner turmoil and want to flee and he put a big meaty arm around Nicholas to hold him in place. But one good thing came out of it. People were now more curious about him, taking some pressure off Elin. He'd heard some snatches of conversation where the words "poor dear" and "terrible ordeal" and "how is she coping" were prominent. Now a titter of "vagrant" and "with that beautiful redhead" and "cleans up well" spread like wildfire.

And then, thankfully, the orchestra started to play. Nicholas quickly became aware of Elin, playing like a woman posessed. Her whole being was gripped by the music as her body swayed in time to the music, a look of sheer concentration on her face. Nicholas stood in awe as he watched her, then leaned close to Erin who stood transfixed. "Now you know what it feels like to watch you dance, little helper." She turned and gave him an enigmatic smile before turning back to the performance of Elin and the orchestra.

As the tones of Vivaldi's "Winter" faded, Elizabeth O'Hara went to her children. And then little Rex endeared himself to Nicholas by asking Erin for a dance. She laughed a warm laugh that made Rex blush before she took his hand and let him lead her to the dancefloor. Nicholas and his mom watched them go, then Nicholas silently answered his mother's question by offering her his hand. And away they went, swirling around in the steady waltz of Tchaikovsky. They didn't speak, but his mother beamed at him as he led her through the dance. He in turn was content as he watched his mother and his sister relax and have fun.

When Tchaikovsky faded out, Monsieur Gerber held a little speech again. Nicholas' anticipation grew. His suspicions were confirmed as Elinor stood alone, violin in hand, a look of determination and focus on her face. And then she played. Nicholas' throat constricted as he saw her lose herself in the music again. Like his sister, Elinor gave herself to the moment when she performed, body and soul. Nicholas was lost to her forever when he saw the passion and commitment evident in her performance. He couldn't truly put into words his feelings as he watched her. Her performance was almost erotic in its sensuality, and when the music ended and she stood there with a film of sweat on her skin and a heaving chest, Nicholas erupted into applause with the orchestra. She'd never been more beautiful to him.

Nicholas wanted to go to her then, but he couldn't leave his mother without a dancing partner. And besides, she was flanked by the newly engaged Alfredo and Carl. She was in safe hands, as was Erin. He watched with a smile as Rex in deep concentration danced with Erin, willing himself not to step wrong or worse, step on her feet. Erin was smiling her most radiant smile as her young partner led her through the dance while trying to keep up conversation with her. Then Alfredo cut in, and Rex went to his parents, a jubilant yet tired look on his face. And suddenly Carl and Elin bumped into Nicholas and his mother. As Carl disappeared into the dancing throng with Nicholas' mother, lavishing her with compliments, Nicholas again stood before the woman he loved.

He grasped her hands and kissed them both, not caring about the renewed titter of whispers that caused. "That was exquisite. No other word is fit to describe your performance, Elin," he said while placing his hands on her and leading her off into the dance. Nicholas was fortunate enough to have had a sister that asked for, no demanded, a dancing partner as she trained and trained. Nicholas and his parents had to indulge her, so much so that they became good dancers in their own right. Elin danced heavenly, and the rest of the evening flew by as he swirled around the room with her in his arms. Their bodies easily found each other's rhythms and they moved seamlessly together, their movements almost second nature to them as they exchanged words of love and encouragement to each other. Their final dance together was the final dance of the ball, and they ended it with a tender kiss.

Nicholas escorted Elin upstairs, while Bartholomew brought Erin to her door before kissing her hand and saying "good night, dear step-daughter". Nicholas was genuinely moved by the care and tenderness Bart had shown her. As Bartholomew went past him and Elin, Nicholas patted him on the back, bringing a smile to Bart's face. When he was out of earshot, Nicholas smirked and whispered: "Seems like Bart is fond of Santa's Little Helper!"

Erin just giggled and disappeared into her room, leaving Elin and Nicholas alone in the hall. For a long while they only stood and stared at each other, then, as if on cue, they leaned in and gave each other a warm kiss that turned into an embrace. Nicholas grew dizzy as he felt her warm body pressed against his. Then they broke the kiss, and Nicholas wasn't sure if he should press for another. He decided not to. He did not want to force himself on her, even though she trusted him. He looked at her with a longing in his eyes as he said good night and went into his room. He heard the door to her room open and close.

He found he wasn't sleepy all of a sudden, so he brought out his laptop and started correcting grammar and punctuation on his novel. He also looked for parts to edit. After a little while there was a knock on his bathroom door and Elin peeked around the corner. "Nikolai, could you come in to my room please? I need a little help." Nicholas followed her and she stood in her room with her back to him and her head turned over her shoulder, looking at him with a shy little smile. "Could you help me unzip my dress, Nikolai? I find the zipper hard to reach." With slightly trembling hands, Nicholas went to her and started manipulating the zipper as he tried to hold the slinky fabric in place. He didn't want to expose her too much to him. She had a lovely smooth skin, and Nicholas had to fight the temptation to let his fingers brush up against it. She smelled so nice and he found himself hesitating, wanting to embrace her. But he resisted, hard though it was. He had promised himself not to pressure her sexually, and he was old enough to be in control of his urges. So he unzipped the dress and turned around after letting go. As he left the room he stole a glance back and saw her standing there looking over her shoulder, a small disappointed look on her face.

Back in his room, he undressed and continued reading and re-reading some of his text. He fell asleep with his laptop on the nightstand and the text he'd read mixed with his memories and his dreams....

...it was a congregation of worshippers at a mosque, a mosque they suspected was a gathering place for resistance fighters. They'd broken the sanctity of the place by entering with their boots on, driving the worshippers before them into the blistering heat of the street. The sun was high, and the worshippers hadn't been allowed to put their shoes on. They stood hopping, trying to keep their feet away from the warm ground. Some parents let their children stand on their feet to soothe their small feet. The imam had been beaten as he'd tried to stop the intruders desecrating the place of worship. The flock of worshippers watched the american soldiers, some with fear and others with defiance and hate. One or two of them tried to befriend the americans with snatches of english they'd picked up. Wearing body armor and a helmet in addition to weapons and heavy gear did nothing to ease the mood of Nicholas and his fellow soldiers. They'd also taken some casualties the last few weeks, and they wanted payback. Even so, Nicholas felt that the treatment given to these civilians was wrong. And then the unthinkable happened. The radio squawked to life, their CO demanding a sitrep. Nicholas' chalk leader replied as best he could. And then came the words that would forever haunt Nicholas. "Light'em up!" Nicholas watched as his chalk in slow motion raised their weapons, grim resolve etched on their faces. The civilians panicked as they saw weapons raised against them. As several of them started crying 'Allahu akhbar', Nicholas watched in horror as his chalk opened fire. Bodies large and small were flung back by the force of the bullets as gore spattered the wall behind them. Nicholas started crying as he yelled "NO! CEASE FIRE!...

He thrashed about in his bed, sweating, crying and shouting: "CEASE FIRE! GOD, STOP! STOP!"