Submissive/Slave Haven

And all I can say is that if my submission is to be weighed by how well I display said submission to the rest of the world, it doesn't even rate.

I'm OK with that. I kind of like it that way. He does too.

And now a secret and a rant based purely on my own experience:

People get AWFULLY pissed off when you identify as a submissive but you don't submit to them. They say they get that, they SAY that's an acceptable stance in this community but I have found that in the SM scene, which this board kinda is kinda isn't - it's bullshit. It's totally bullshit. You WILL be judged, you WILL be gossipped about, you WILL be subject to every dick in the universe and their tawdry little bitches trying to put you down and make your relationship reflect one they can understand.

I solved the problem pre-emptively. I'm not still not a submissive. I submit to that guy, you want to discuss that, talk to him or talk to the hand.

People will accuse you of protesting too much, of going out of your way to be a cunt. Well, it's people like you who make this difficult for people like me, I want to tell them. I stopped going to events because the vast majority of subs were majorly middle aged women, leaving bad marriages, suddenly feeling sexually free and OK and really getting in touch with "I'm a naughty slut tee hee." If I wanted to make friends I was seen as too uptight, or denying my true nature, or whatever - because that wasn't where I was at. Their Doms were insufferable, people who claim one second to understand the sanctity of other people's property, but literally groping me till I said NO DO NOT TOUCH ME AGAIN.

Which is bullshit. I should be *forced* into being defensive just to have a normal boundary respected?

You will be put into boxes, pigeonholed, and told what to do. And as intothewoods, who's about my age sagely said, when you hit 30 or so, you will, pretty much as if by magic, cease to give a flying fuck.

I think it's the gift of 30. Let Nora Ephron write about her sagging neck, I think you turn 30 and you suddenly see your metabolism slow down, but you are granted the magic "who gives a fuck what you think." And you really feel that way to the point where telling off people being assholes loses some of it's need and you just sidestep them more often.

It's a zen master thing. You're not improving the world by reminding wrong people they are wrong. You aren't going to change their minds. Let it go. Find your bliss.
 
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People get AWFULLY pissed off when you identify as a submissive but you don't submit to them. They say they get that, they SAY that's an acceptable stance in this community but I have found that in the SM scene, which this board kinda is kinda isn't - it's bullshit. It's totally bullshit. You WILL be judged, you WILL be gossipped about, you WILL be subject to every dick in the universe and their tawdry little bitches trying to put you down and make your relationship reflect one they can understand.

I've actually been shocked by this. Everyone's all cool with your limits until you actually enforce them, and then they're like a fucking pain in the ass. :rolleyes:
 
intothewoods said:
I've actually been shocked by this. Everyone's all cool with your limits until you actually enforce them, and then they're like a fucking pain in the ass. :rolleyes:


Yes. Which makes me think there's just a really really fucked up relationship of a lot of people in the scene to the whole boundary idea.

I don't like to bitch about the scene. I really don't. But I can go on and on. I'm dying with frustration because I want to play amidst people, but the people I can play amidst piss me off. Not as individuals even, but put them in a big herd and ugh...
 
Netzach said:
I'm not still not a submissive. I submit to that guy, you want to discuss that, talk to him or talk to the hand.

Netz, is it ok if I borrow this line? I think it describes me about as well as I can be described. :)

I think you and ITW are right, by the way. I normally don't care what people think of me, but when my relationship is rocky (which it too often is these days), I start going, "Is this what B. thinks of me, too?" Which is stupid, because if he did have a problem with me or my submission, he'd say so, but I apparently worry to pass the time or something. :rolleyes:

The truth is, you don't get a lot of respect as a switch, either, amongst other non-switches. Your dominant side's not dominant enough if you bottom to other people, and your submissive side's not submissive enough if you top others. *Shrug* I hate feeling as if I have to jump through hoops so people will think that what I have to say is valid. I'm the kind of person who's not going to jump through your damn hoops, and if you don't like it, you can kiss my country ass. A pretty sound life philosophy, I suppose, but it doesn't earn you many friends.
 
Netzach said:
And as intothewoods, who's about my age sagely said, when you hit 30 or so, you will, pretty much as if by magic, cease to give a flying fuck.

I think it's the gift of 30. Let Nora Ephron write about her sagging neck, I think you turn 30 and you suddenly see your metabolism slow down, but you are granted the magic "who gives a fuck what you think." And you really feel that way to the point where telling off people being assholes loses some of it's need and you just sidestep them more often.

It's a zen master thing. You're not improving the world by reminding wrong people they are wrong. You aren't going to change their minds. Let it go. Find your bliss.

LOL, wait until you pass 40, it gets even better and more pronounced than you could ever think possible...it is a great sense of freedom. :D

Catalina :catroar:
 
catalina_francisco said:
LOL, wait until you pass 40, it gets even better and more pronounced than you could ever think possible...it is a great sense of freedom. :D

Catalina :catroar:

Yeah maybe that's when you get to things like realizing that REAL confidence is when the whole question of confidence isn't even relevant, you just are. I got that little mental bomb dropped on me recently, and realized there's far to go.

Bunny, it's not so much "kiss my country ass" though I love that about ya. It's like doing a public scene, the way you don't even *see* past your top or your bottom to know what they're thinking in the gallery.

There is much BS still regarding switches. I begin to think that more or less switches will only fully get one another, but they I've got two guys who are completely inflexibly sub and still love that I get dragged around by the hair when I need to.
 
I don't normally come here, either. I mostly came cause first I saw you'd (bibunny) posted, then cat, and then netzach. I missed that velvet had posted. Anyway i just popped in to see if anything interesting is going on.

BB - I think you're a sub as much as the next person. Who cares if you're not the kind of sub some dom thinks you should be - you're not out to please that dom, are you? In fact, if you were trying to please all those doms you wouldn't be pleasing B, which would be against all the principle those dom's hold dear. Quite frankly, their are a lot of dom's who don't think I'm subby either. I've been asked many a time if I'm a switch. *shrugs* I don't care, K likes me the way I am, AND THAT'S THE POINT.
 
What is with "gee you must be a switch" to anyone who displays any social aggressiveness or extroversion or anything?

I don't see how that translates to liking most of the things I like. Nobody runs around to socially aggressive vanilla women and intimates with any seriousness that they really ought to enjoy tying up balls.

Theory of the morning: Doms who are overly eager to trot this one out are doing some projecting of their own flexibility, only they can't handle the idea they might actually bend over for someone, so they have to denigrate their local aggressive woman. Know that doing this to Dommes labels them "asshole" to some degree. Take it out on the uppity femsub, no one will defend her.
 
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Damn, you switches are a whiny ass bunch of people. There are more switches here than you can throw a stick at, and you act like you are forced to use the switch bathroom and switch water fountain. And I don't care if you top, bottom, nilla or join a nunnery, just stop with the whining.
 
WriterDom said:
Damn, you switches are a whiny ass bunch of people. There are more switches here than you can throw a stick at, and you act like you are forced to use the switch bathroom and switch water fountain. And I don't care if you top, bottom, nilla or join a nunnery, just stop with the whining.

It's a haven! Everyone is welcome to whine here.
 
intothewoods said:
It's a haven! Everyone is welcome to whine here.

exactly WD.. This is SUBMISSIVE/SLAVE haven.. Stop coming in here and bitching that we are whining this is the place we are allowed to whine.. and commiserate with our fellow SUBS/SLAVE/SISTERS/SWITCHES

Poof..
 
I guess the poor abused switches need their own haven. See, even yall have dissed them.
 
Yeah a little grumpy. Waited about a week for the sears guy to get her to fix the fridge. He comes in, pokes around for an hour and says he has to order a part and will be back thursday. And the damn heat outside that hasn't let up in 3 weeks. No rain. And football still about 11 days away. And I don't even want to get into my sex life right now.
 
SubKekiLee said:
exactly WD.. This is SUBMISSIVE/SLAVE haven.. Stop coming in here and bitching that we are whining this is the place we are allowed to whine.. and commiserate with our fellow SUBS/SLAVE/SISTERS/SWITCHES

Poof..


Okay.. why don't you and HM go and start your own "I'm always PMSing thread".

That was totally uncalled for.
 
WriterDom said:
Yeah a little grumpy. Waited about a week for the sears guy to get her to fix the fridge. He comes in, pokes around for an hour and says he has to order a part and will be back thursday. And the damn heat outside that hasn't let up in 3 weeks. No rain. And football still about 11 days away. And I don't even want to get into my sex life right now.

Aw, bubbe. It will be okay.
 
Chris_Xavier said:

Okay.. why don't you and HM go and start your own "I'm always PMSing thread".

That was totally uncalled for.

Why don't YOU go start your own I'm always PMSing thread. Men have cycles too, ya know.

And you know you're going to pay for lumping HM in there for no reason. Now say you're sorry like a good Dom!
 
intothewoods said:
Why don't YOU go start your own I'm always PMSing thread. Men have cycles too, ya know.

And you know you're going to pay for lumping HM in there for no reason. Now say you're sorry like a good Dom!

<spews onto the keyboard because I'm laughing so hard>

Oh well.. lol..

Apology to HM.. she's not the one acting like a whiner...

(do I get a cookie now?)
 
Chris_Xavier said:

<spews onto the keyboard because I'm laughing so hard>

Oh well.. lol..

Apology to HM.. she's not the one acting like a whiner...

(do I get a cookie now?)

I'm not Gracie. I don't pass out cookies. Just blow jobs if you ask very nicely. And promise not to take that long.


What? I have things to do!
 
Apologies are needed...

WD.. you probably should apologize for being a grumpy gus..

Keki.. you should apologize to WD..

and I owe you one too, Keki..

(the doctor said I should mediate before I bitch slap the subs.. and oh.. where are my meds??)
 
intothewoods said:
I'm not Gracie. I don't pass out cookies. Just blow jobs if you ask very nicely. And promise not to take that long.


What? I have things to do!


*shyly raises hand.. * "Can I please have a blow job?"..

:rolleyes: (damn.. subs are really in control of this shit, aren't they?)
 
Apologies

WriterDom said:
Damn, you switches are a whiny ass bunch of people. There are more switches here than you can throw a stick at, and you act like you are forced to use the switch bathroom and switch water fountain. And I don't care if you top, bottom, nilla or join a nunnery, just stop with the whining.


I am sorry WD for jumping down your throat...
 
Chris_Xavier said:

*shyly raises hand.. * "Can I please have a blow job?"..

:rolleyes: (damn.. subs are really in control of this shit, aren't they?)

Well, submission is a gift...and when I finish with you, you'll be thanking God for it.

HA ha ha haha - ok, I'm out of control today...must stop hijacking this thread.
 
intothewoods said:
Well, submission is a gift...and when I finish with you, you'll be thanking God for it.

HA ha ha haha - ok, I'm out of control today...must stop hijacking this thread.

You're right about the gift.

And yeah.. you're pretty into yourself today.
 
intothewoods said:
Well, submission is a gift...and when I finish with you, you'll be thanking God for it.

HA ha ha haha - ok, I'm out of control today...must stop hijacking this thread.


Yes Submission is a gift... It truly is and yes we are in control arent we ITW... =0)
 
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