Submissive/Slave Haven

[CutieMouse]

OK, if you're cool with it...but I thought you previously said you were to lose 15#, not 20#?!!

Catalina

He's happy with 15#, I'd prefer 20#. I weighed 20# less than I do now about 18 months ago, and it was the healthiest I'd felt in a really long time. Once I've dropped 15#, I'll decide if the extra 5# bugs me (but mentally my mind is looking at the scale and registering 20# instead of 15#). For my height/build, I could afford to drop 25-30# and still fall within healthy weight charts, but I look sickly when I'm that thin. LOL

I'm paying attention to the scale, and not paying attention to the scale. I've only lost 1# over the last 2 weeks, but I've been doing more strength training, which means I'm building muscle, which means I'm changing my shape/getting healthier even if it isn't reflected on the scale. If I end up only 5-10# lighter than I am now, but still get back to a size 6, I'll be just as happy with the results. Make sense?

 

[catalina_francisco]

He's happy with 15#, I'd prefer 20#. I weighed 20# less than I do now about 18 months ago, and it was the healthiest I'd felt in a really long time. Once I've dropped 15#, I'll decide if the extra 5# bugs me (but mentally my mind is looking at the scale and registering 20# instead of 15#). For my height/build, I could afford to drop 25-30# and still fall within healthy weight charts, but I look sickly when I'm that thin. LOL

I'm paying attention to the scale, and not paying attention to the scale. I've only lost 1# over the last 2 weeks, but I've been doing more strength training, which means I'm building muscle, which means I'm changing my shape/getting healthier even if it isn't reflected on the scale. If I end up only 5-10# lighter than I am now, but still get back to a size 6, I'll be just as happy with the results. Make sense?

Yep. Some of the quickest reacting exercise for me is ballet....not the leaping, jumping kind, just lots of stretching, holding difficult positions, body lifting type. My body can change shape enough for people to notice and comment within 2-3 days through that alone.

Catalina

 

[RawHumor]

He's happy with 15#, I'd prefer 20#. I weighed 20# less than I do now about 18 months ago, and it was the healthiest I'd felt in a really long time. Once I've dropped 15#, I'll decide if the extra 5# bugs me (but mentally my mind is looking at the scale and registering 20# instead of 15#). For my height/build, I could afford to drop 25-30# and still fall within healthy weight charts, but I look sickly when I'm that thin. LOL

I'll tell you what I think of those charts. LOL

I used to be a youth group leader for my old church.

There were two fraternal twins, about 13, in that group who I was really close to.

One was 15 lbs overweight and the other 25 lbs overweight, according to those charts.

Let me tell you, the one who was 15 lbs overweight was THIN, and the other was exactly where you'd want a kid that age/size to be.

I wipe my ass with those charts! Pooey!

 

[Netzach]

I can't believe I posted to sub/slave haven and that my anecdote got blown off. I'ma go cry now.

I wish 2-3 days of yoga showed anything on me other than sore and stiff unable to move. I'm being urged to go back, mostly because of the mental health benefit.

And I managed to kick start my bull's libido today. He really did forget how much he likes having little stories and blog posts to read from me.

I hate being in the position of asking to be told to do stuff (seems really reductive and weird and silly) , but it was met with a really enthusiastic response. I guess libido can get pushed to the backburner by other things. And I have to remind myself that I'm not really dealing with a Dominant personality, and that's OK, but someone who can engage when I want to engage as such.

Not that I can relate, really. I can always find time to think of things I'd make someone do if I had time energy and space and cash enough.

 

[intothewoods]

I can't believe I posted to sub/slave haven and that my anecdote got blown off. I'ma go cry now.

I wish 2-3 days of yoga showed anything on me other than sore and stiff unable to move. I'm being urged to go back, mostly because of the mental health benefit.

And I managed to kick start my bull's libido today. He really did forget how much he likes having little stories and blog posts to read from me.

I hate being in the position of asking to be told to do stuff (seems really reductive and weird and silly) , but it was met with a really enthusiastic response. I guess libido can get pushed to the backburner by other things. And I have to remind myself that I'm not really dealing with a Dominant personality, and that's OK, but someone who can engage when I want to engage as such.

Not that I can relate, really. I can always find time to think of things I'd make someone do if I had time energy and space and cash enough.

HA! My reaction to your anecdote was - uh, what happened to Netzach? This girl is all like luvy duvy and stuff.

 

[Netzach]

HA! My reaction to your anecdote was - uh, what happened to Netzach? This girl is all like luvy duvy and stuff.

Well that same guy and I were in Radio Shack for him to get a phone and we ran into a Disney Cinderella pink laptop. We then proceeded to discuss the relative merits of either one of us forcing the other to use that in public, whereupon I threatened him with little matching pink fairy wings to boot.

If that makes you feel better about it.

 

[CutieMouse]

Well that same guy and I were in Radio Shack for him to get a phone and we ran into a Disney Cinderella pink laptop. We then proceeded to discuss the relative merits of either one of us forcing the other to use that in public, whereupon I threatened him with little matching pink fairy wings to boot.

If that makes you feel better about it.

That would be the Netz I adore; I'm still digesting (and internally going Yippieyippieyippie! for you) the goofy-squishy Netz. Initial reaction is I like ya even more now as a mish mosh of fairy wing threatening (BTW- gotta make him wear combat boots w/ pink socks, too- go for the full impact) Netz and squishy Netz.

 

[Netzach]

They've both always been there, I think one was on hiatus. Or needed to be persuaded with enough bread crumbs or something.

I like that he's flippable, malleable, and that he's not the person I come home to. I'm enjoying my primary more and more these days and it's probably because I'm balanced out more.

 

[CutieMouse]

They've both always been there, I think one was on hiatus. Or needed to be persuaded with enough bread crumbs or something.

I like that he's flippable, malleable, and that he's not the person I come home to. I'm enjoying my primary more and more these days and it's probably because I'm balanced out more.

Balance is always a good thing.

 

[Quint]

...........

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

I can't believe I posted to sub/slave haven and that my anecdote got blown off. I'ma go cry now. ..

(((hugs))) I obviously don't know you as well as the others yet. Because seeing this "soft" side didn't throw me at all. I assumed you just didn't show it as much. I thought it was a wonderful story that left me feeling warm & happy inside. I also agree w/CutieMouse that balance is a wonderful thing.

 

[JMohegan]

Everyone please pardon my intrusion in the Haven. Don't mind me; I won't stay long.

Ok now THIS made me post on this thread! Wow. Aaaaaand off again to the JOL apparently.

I googled the acronym, but still don't know what you're talking about here. Presumably you're not in the Philippines.

JOL = ?








P.S. to Netzach: I didn't think it was "goofy-squishy". I thought it was hot.

 

[Netzach]

Everyone please pardon my intrusion in the Haven. Don't mind me; I won't stay long.
I googled the acronym, but still don't know what you're talking about here. Presumably you're not in the Philippines.

JOL = ?








P.S. to Netzach: I didn't think it was "goofy-squishy". I thought it was hot.

I believe that's the ol' Jerk Off Log on the GB, a wonderful die hard thread started by the much missed Rosco Rathbone. Who'd tease me mercilessly about my bendable knees these days, I think.

Thanks. I think it's hot too.

 

[JMohegan]

I believe that's the ol' Jerk Off Log on the GB, a wonderful die hard thread started by the much missed Rosco Rathbone. Who'd tease me mercilessly about my bendable knees these days, I think.

Thanks. I think it's hot too.

Ha, ha, ha! Thank you for answering my question - that's a hell of a thread!

 

[Quint]

...........

 

[intothewoods]

Well that same guy and I were in Radio Shack for him to get a phone and we ran into a Disney Cinderella pink laptop. We then proceeded to discuss the relative merits of either one of us forcing the other to use that in public, whereupon I threatened him with little matching pink fairy wings to boot.

If that makes you feel better about it.

Actually, yes. Much. Phew...

 

[BiBunny]

I try not to post here much because, well, I'm not 100% sub, but I've started too damned many threads lately out of boredom, so I thought I'd just put my thoughts here.

Subbie-me is really starting to have issues. It's weird that Domme-me has far less experience, but is still a whole lot more confident in herself than subbie-me.

I sort of feel like my submissive side has really been under attack lately, both here and from people I hang out with in real life. Normally, I wouldn't give a shit, but I guess when you have your own doubts about yourself, you start to internalize what others have to say, too.

I used to identify as a slave. It's become pretty damned obvious to me that I'm nowhere near being a slave. I don't even think I ever want to be one anymore. (No offense intended to anyone who identifies as such. I'm just not cut out for it.) I guess I'm getting to the point, though, where I've heard, "You're just a smartass bottom" so many times that I'm starting to believe it myself.

B. has always called me his pet, and I suppose that's about the best thing I can come up with to call myself, too. A lot of times I get the distinct impression in a lot of places that if I don't play the subbier-than-thou game, then what I have to say isn't valid. For a lifestyle that touts itself as tolerant, there is a decided lack of tolerance for those deemed unworthy.

Yes, I'm "just" a pet. I'm not a slave, not much of a sub, and too independent to be Daddy's little girl. I'm a pet, there for my Master's entertainment. I consider what I do to be service because it's what my Owner wants. No, he doesn't have a whole list of things I have to carry out for him each day. However, I do what he asks of me, and it's not my fault that during our limited amount of time together, he prefers that I be either a.) in his bed, or b.) sitting around talking and joking with him than scrubbing his toilet with my toothbrush or something.

People think I'm a bitch, and I'm fine with that. B. prefers me that way. He appreciates my razor tongue and my (relatively) quick mind. I can think of maybe three times he's slapped me for being a smartass, and all three of those times, he still had a smile on his face. If anyone had ever seen how just one look from him can drop me to my knees, however, I don't think it can be denied that I'm his to do with as he pleases.

I think I'm rambling. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure I am. Maybe I don't measure up in most people's eyes. Hell, I don't measure up in my own eyes most of the time. I'm going to talk to B. about this tomorrow because it's something that's been eating at me for a long time. I know we don't have the typical M/s relationship, and I'm fine with that. I just want to know if he's as disappointed in me as it seems everyone else I know is.

I don't expect y'all to reply to what I have to say, or even be able to pick out what I'm trying to say from this long-winded post. I just wanted to get it off my chest. Thanks for letting me.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

.. I know we don't have the typical M/s relationship, .. I just want to know if he's as disappointed in me as it seems everyone else I know is. ..

It's your relationship. Are you happy in it? Then who gives a crap how anyone else feels? Be happy. If he's happy w/you - then YAY! If he's not, then decide what you want to do about. Who cares if your relationship isn't "typical"? Ours sure isn't! <falls off her chair laughing> If you only knew just how atypical ours is ... He gets accused of not being a proper Dom! (And I'm sure not the most submissive of subs!) But we're happy the way we are. We're finding what works for us. As long as your life is working, that's what counts. From what I've read of your posts, it's a little rocky right now. I wish you the best of luck. I doubt I can be much help to you, but I'd sure try if you wanted it. Doesn't mean I can't try to be encouraging.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I try not to post here much because, well, I'm not 100% sub, but I've started too damned many threads lately out of boredom, so I thought I'd just put my thoughts here.

Subbie-me is really starting to have issues. It's weird that Domme-me has far less experience, but is still a whole lot more confident in herself than subbie-me.

I sort of feel like my submissive side has really been under attack lately, both here and from people I hang out with in real life. Normally, I wouldn't give a shit, but I guess when you have your own doubts about yourself, you start to internalize what others have to say, too.

I used to identify as a slave. It's become pretty damned obvious to me that I'm nowhere near being a slave. I don't even think I ever want to be one anymore. (No offense intended to anyone who identifies as such. I'm just not cut out for it.) I guess I'm getting to the point, though, where I've heard, "You're just a smartass bottom" so many times that I'm starting to believe it myself.

B. has always called me his pet, and I suppose that's about the best thing I can come up with to call myself, too. A lot of times I get the distinct impression in a lot of places that if I don't play the subbier-than-thou game, then what I have to say isn't valid. For a lifestyle that touts itself as tolerant, there is a decided lack of tolerance for those deemed unworthy.

Yes, I'm "just" a pet. I'm not a slave, not much of a sub, and too independent to be Daddy's little girl. I'm a pet, there for my Master's entertainment. I consider what I do to be service because it's what my Owner wants. No, he doesn't have a whole list of things I have to carry out for him each day. However, I do what he asks of me, and it's not my fault that during our limited amount of time together, he prefers that I be either a.) in his bed, or b.) sitting around talking and joking with him than scrubbing his toilet with my toothbrush or something.

People think I'm a bitch, and I'm fine with that. B. prefers me that way. He appreciates my razor tongue and my (relatively) quick mind. I can think of maybe three times he's slapped me for being a smartass, and all three of those times, he still had a smile on his face. If anyone had ever seen how just one look from him can drop me to my knees, however, I don't think it can be denied that I'm his to do with as he pleases.

I think I'm rambling. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure I am. Maybe I don't measure up in most people's eyes. Hell, I don't measure up in my own eyes most of the time. I'm going to talk to B. about this tomorrow because it's something that's been eating at me for a long time. I know we don't have the typical M/s relationship, and I'm fine with that. I just want to know if he's as disappointed in me as it seems everyone else I know is.

I don't expect y'all to reply to what I have to say, or even be able to pick out what I'm trying to say from this long-winded post. I just wanted to get it off my chest. Thanks for letting me.

You know what really counts? Who you are and who you want to be when you are alone, or with the one who matters, not when you are communicating online with a lot of people who firstly do not know you firsthand, nor you them; and secondly, who only have their snapshot of what a submissive is to go by which doesn't mean that is what it is for you. Sheesh, I have been told plenty (well actually it is usually inferred more than openly said but it has happened) that I cannot be a slave because I have a mind and I use it because he wants me to, I take care of our finances because he hates doing those things, and because I don't declare he is wonderful, faultless, perfect, and always right, nor do I pretend I do whetever he demands willingly and with a smile on my face.

Bottom line is I am human and there are things I do for him which I hate, which I grumble about at some point, and all of which he is well aware of how I feel...he is also aware he is sometimes wrong even when he won't admit it straight away. The thing is though, we do not do what we do to please anyone else...it is for us and what we want to make it and it is an ongoing work in progress everyday. You can't please everyone so you are much better pleasing yourselves if you value your sanity.

Catalina

 

[BiBunny]

It's your relationship. Are you happy in it? Then who gives a crap how anyone else feels? Be happy. If he's happy w/you - then YAY! If he's not, then decide what you want to do about. Who cares if your relationship isn't "typical"? Ours sure isn't! <falls off her chair laughing> If you only knew just how atypical ours is ... He gets accused of not being a proper Dom! (And I'm sure not the most submissive of subs!) But we're happy the way we are. We're finding what works for us. As long as your life is working, that's what counts. From what I've read of your posts, it's a little rocky right now. I wish you the best of luck. I doubt I can be much help to you, but I'd sure try if you wanted it. Doesn't mean I can't try to be encouraging.

I know you're right. Do you ever let things bother you that you know you shouldn't let bother you, and you know they aren't really important, but they bug the shit out of you, anyway? That's pretty much what I'm doing right now--being irrational, LOL. Thank you for your kind words.

 

[BiBunny]

You know what really counts? Who you are and who you want to be when you are alone, or with the one who matters, not when you are communicating online with a lot of people who firstly do not know you firsthand, nor you them; and secondly, who only have their snapshot of what a submissive is to go by which doesn't mean that is what it is for you. Sheesh, I have been told plenty (well actually it is usually inferred more than openly said but it has happened) that I cannot be a slave because I have a mind and I use it because he wants me to, I take care of our finances because he hates doing those things, and because I don't declare he is wonderful, faultless, perfect, and always right, nor do I pretend I do whetever he demands willingly and with a smile on my face.

Bottom line is I am human and there are things I do for him which I hate, which I grumble about at some point, and all of which he is well aware of how I feel...he is also aware he is sometimes wrong even when he won't admit it straight away. The thing is though, we do not do what we do to please anyone else...it is for us and what we want to make it and it is an ongoing work in progress everyday. You can't please everyone so you are much better pleasing yourselves if you value your sanity.

Catalina

You posted while I was posting, so I missed this initially.

Like I said, I know this isn't a big deal, but I let trivial shit get to me sometimes. I don't just get it from the online folks, either. There are plenty of people who know me in real life who feel they're somehow qualified to comment on my submissiveness or lack thereof.

I'm still trying to figure out why other people call me a brat (or whatever) when I bust his balls about something, and he just laughs at my insight because he knows I'm right.

And while I know that what I say doesn't make a difference to you one way or the other, there's no doubt in my mind that you're "really" F.'s slave. Your love and devotion to him shine through in every post, even if you are talking about how much he can drive you up the wall sometimes.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Your love and devotion to him shine through in every post, even if you are talking about how much he can drive you up the wall sometimes.

LOL, does it show that much!! And here I was trying to think nice thoughts about him tonight, while he throws the occasional look to see if my mood with him is improving. It isn't for anyone curious enough to wonder. And yes, I know what you are saying...I think most of us go there from time to time and let things get to us which shouldn't.

Catalina

 

[intothewoods]

Bunny, I'm the kind of person who lets what people say about me drive me crazy sometimes. I think it can be helpful sometimes to say, not - fuck 'em all - but why does this get to me? What is it about their criticism that bugs me?

Sometimes it's that there's a kernel of truth there. Sometimes it's a pride issue - you don't want to be seen a certain way. Who knows. The point is that you can learn a lot in your own reactions, I think.

Frankly, my other thought is that you're in your 20s. No, I'm not all that much older than you in the grand scheme of things, but I feel like your 20s is full of insecurity about who you are. Getting comfortable in your own skin. I think it's normal to feel pretty hot around the collar when someone says you aren't good at something, or you're too this or that. This is the time in your life to explore and find your bearings. Go with it, ya know?

 

[Netzach]

It's your relationship. Are you happy in it? Then who gives a crap how anyone else feels? Be happy. If he's happy w/you - then YAY! If he's not, then decide what you want to do about. Who cares if your relationship isn't "typical"? Ours sure isn't! <falls off her chair laughing> If you only knew just how atypical ours is ... He gets accused of not being a proper Dom! (And I'm sure not the most submissive of subs!) But we're happy the way we are. We're finding what works for us. As long as your life is working, that's what counts. From what I've read of your posts, it's a little rocky right now. I wish you the best of luck. I doubt I can be much help to you, but I'd sure try if you wanted it. Doesn't mean I can't try to be encouraging.

You know, you call yourself a noob, but you've nailed it. Completely. You know what there is to know about all this stuff.

 

[Netzach]

Bunny, I'm the kind of person who lets what people say about me drive me crazy sometimes. I think it can be helpful sometimes to say, not - fuck 'em all - but why does this get to me? What is it about their criticism that bugs me?

Sometimes it's that there's a kernel of truth there. Sometimes it's a pride issue - you don't want to be seen a certain way. Who knows. The point is that you can learn a lot in your own reactions, I think.

Frankly, my other thought is that you're in your 20s. No, I'm not all that much older than you in the grand scheme of things, but I feel like your 20s is full of insecurity about who you are. Getting comfortable in your own skin. I think it's normal to feel pretty hot around the collar when someone says you aren't good at something, or you're too this or that. This is the time in your life to explore and find your bearings. Go with it, ya know?

This too is very valid.