Submissive/Slave Haven

[FluteMaster]

I am not entirely sure that I am a sub I think it has to do with the simple fact that I haven't got my life started yet. But CBT Mistresses are not fun . I always thought the idea of some woman ruling me was hot as ever so that is why I decided to try it. I just unfortunately had a bad experience and it messed me up A little bit but I am hoping to get back in the game.

Hi BigTom,

Sorry you've had a bad first experience...from what I've heard, experiences like that aren't entirely unusual, epsecially for beginners.

Tops, like Subs, have types of play they wish to explore. It is the task of both of you to understand what each wants, and to make sure that each is happy to accept the other's desires. As a sub...you aren't just the toy of the Dom/me whose hands you put yourself into.

Before you dive back in...

1) decide what it is you are looking for,

2) Be prepared to discuss and agree with your PYL what the limits are..and what sort of play is acceptable

3) Agree some "safe words" like "Green" for ok, "Amber" for getting difficult and "Red" for Stop NOW.

It's obvious that you have certain things you are looking for. Don't be shy, make that your calling card. But just as important...be prepared to state what is not acceptable. The idea is mutual pleasure.

Good luck for the next time.

FM

 

[Bigtom426]

Hi BigTom,

Sorry you've had a bad first experience...from what I've heard, experiences like that aren't entirely unusual, epsecially for beginners.

Tops, like Subs, have types of play they wish to explore. It is the task of both of you to understand what each wants, and to make sure that each is happy to accept the other's desires. As a sub...you aren't just the toy of the Dom/me whose hands you put yourself into.

Before you dive back in...

1) decide what it is you are looking for,

2) Be prepared to discuss and agree with your PYL what the limits are..and what sort of play is acceptable

3) Agree some "safe words" like "Green" for ok, "Amber" for getting difficult and "Red" for Stop NOW.

It's obvious that you have certain things you are looking for. Don't be shy, make that your calling card. But just as important...be prepared to state what is not acceptable. The idea is mutual pleasure.

Good luck for the next time.

FM

Thank you FluteMaster, for a minute there I thought I was invisible. But sometimes I think that this whole finding a Mistress deal is just me wanting to explore. I don't really know what to think anymore.

 

[ShyVixen]

But sometimes I think that this whole finding a Mistress deal is just me wanting to explore. I don't really know what to think anymore.

And there is nothing wrong with wanting to explore. As long as you can find the Dom that is right for YOU, and as Flute Master said, find out what you both need from the relationship.

I've just come out of a long term (vanilla) relationship - never had any other type of relationship, but there had always been something missing. Deep down I know I have submissive tendencies, so I'm just here to read, ask questions and learn some more.

I suppose my advice is don't give, and don't be put off by a bad experience.

 

[FluteMaster]

Thank you FluteMaster, for a minute there I thought I was invisible. But sometimes I think that this whole finding a Mistress deal is just me wanting to explore. I don't really know what to think anymore.

<smile>...Well, again you aren't alone in that. I think your earlier post showed that you had certain activities that gave you a buzz wen you thought about them. However, this doesn't mean that those activities are the only ones that will do that for you...or that they "define" what sort of person you are.

You may be "submissive" as far as those activities are concerned...but then find that your are a "Top" or "Dominant" at other times. That makes you a Switch, and gives you more variety IMO. Likewise...just because your fantasy has been described in heterosexual terms doesn't mean that your kink might not also extend to same sex activities.....or just pain/sensation exerience without sexual content.

And of course explore. There are plenty of people on this board who will give you all sorts of good advice as to what resources are available. Try reading stories from different sections and see what floats your boat.

And I am sorry that you felt invisible. Unfortunately, Literotica is less a round table conversation and more a cocktail party. Just because people hear the words doesn't mean that they feel obliged to join the chat.

However, if there are issues you do want to discuss...don't be afraid of (poilitely) nudging someone's elbow. And feel free to PM me if you want. I'm always glad to help.

 

[FluteMaster]

And there is nothing wrong with wanting to explore. As long as you can find the Dom that is right for YOU, and as Flute Master said, find out what you both need from the relationship.

I've just come out of a long term (vanilla) relationship - never had any other type of relationship, but there had always been something missing. Deep down I know I have submissive tendencies, so I'm just here to read, ask questions and learn some more.

I suppose my advice is don't give, and don't be put off by a bad experience.

Good words and wise advice.

 

[Bigtom426]

Thank you both. A Switch huh? Never heard of those until now. But like I said before I like the thought of a woman ruling over me, but I also think I might be this way because I haven't got my life in order/started yet. I have also had fantasies about being Dominate over women. Is it normal for me to feel weird talking about this?

 

[HottieMama]

Thank you both. A Switch huh? Never heard of those until now. But like I said before I like the thought of a woman ruling over me, but I also think I might be this way because I haven't got my life in order/started yet. I have also had fantasies about being Dominate over women. Is it normal for me to feel weird talking about this?

Yes, it is normal to feel weird talking about this. TOTALLY. i still feel weird talking about it even with people i know well. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Bigtom426]

Yes, it is normal to feel weird talking about this. TOTALLY. i still feel weird talking about it even with people i know well. Be gentle with yourself.

Ok thanks, that made me feel a lot better. Oh and hi Hottie it's nice to finally meet you.

 

[HottieMama]

Ok thanks, that made me feel a lot better. Oh and hi Hottie it's nice to finally meet you.

Nice to meet you as well. Share what you are comfortable sharing...and take it easy. No one is going to condemn you if you don't share everything all at once. Just like a relationship with a Dom/me...it's all about building trust.

Take care of yourself...

 

[FluteMaster]

Thank you both. A Switch huh? Never heard of those until now. But like I said before I like the thought of a woman ruling over me, but I also think I might be this way because I haven't got my life in order/started yet. I have also had fantasies about being Dominate over women. Is it normal for me to feel weird talking about this?

LOL - yes it is.

We are breaking all sorts of taboos we have grown up with. We fear shame, embaressment, ridicule and being found out.

So well done on stepping out of the shadows. As Hottie says..be gentle on yourself, and take your time. Glad to have you on board.

And as for your desires...sounds like you have a life time of fun ahead of you.

 

[Bigtom426]

LOL - yes it is.

We are breaking all sorts of taboos we have grown up with. We fear shame, embaressment, ridicule and being found out.

So well done on stepping out of the shadows. As Hottie says..be gentle on yourself, and take your time. Glad to have you on board.

And as for your desires...sounds like you have a life time of fun ahead of you.

It does? You can see that just by reading my reply? Nice gift, I don't have that ability yet.

 

[FluteMaster]

It does? You can see that just by reading my reply? Nice gift, I don't have that ability yet.

LOL - I am thinking more that you seem to have more avenues to explore...and from your earlier comment...you seem to indicate that you are still relatively young.

So yes...plenty of time to work this out.

 

[Bigtom426]

Yes I'm only 19. Pressing on what is this "Vanilla relationship" I keep reading posts about?

 

[FluteMaster]

Yes I'm only 19. Pressing on what is this "Vanilla relationship" I keep reading posts about?

OMG...do I suddenly feel very old

"vanilla" is really how the Kinkies describe a non BDSM relationship. It's vanilla because it lacks the darker flavours that can be incorporated with D/s.

Think of vanilla as what most people have. It's not wrong, just lacking something to those of us who have acquired the taste for more.

 

[Bigtom426]

Ahhhh ok. LOL odd choice of words. I can only imagine a chocolate or strawberry relationship.

 

[SweetGigi]

I'll take the darkest mocha chocolate you can find then.



Have I mentioned I am aching to be spanked?? (don't any of your pervs out there even DARE offer. UNDERSTAND???!!!!!)



*waves* hiya'll. how goes out there? I miss all you kinksters!!

*kisses and licks*

 

[CutieMouse]

I'll take the darkest mocha chocolate you can find then.



Have I mentioned I am aching to be spanked?? (don't any of your pervs out there even DARE offer. UNDERSTAND???!!!!!)



*waves* hiya'll. how goes out there? I miss all you kinksters!!

*kisses and licks*

*Plops a few Hershey's Dark Chocolate kisses on Gigi's desk...*

 

[wenchhh]

YES! I second that, I'm with GIGI!

mmm mmm mmm!





PS Yes, I find myself in dire need of a good ass beating too. It's been... omg, MONTHS!!! Just totally not fair.

I'll take the darkest mocha chocolate you can find then.



Have I mentioned I am aching to be spanked?? (don't any of your pervs out there even DARE offer. UNDERSTAND???!!!!!)



*waves* hiya'll. how goes out there? I miss all you kinksters!!

*kisses and licks*

 

[Alt]

It's been... omg, MONTHS!!! Just totally not fair.

...and totally unacceptable, too!

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

<passes around a few cherry cordial Kisses>

 

[Bigtom426]

I would help you ladies out but I don't have permission.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Have I mentioned I am aching to be spanked?? (don't any of your pervs out there even DARE offer. UNDERSTAND???!!!!!)

But Gigi... Columbia is not so far from Georgia...

And janey and I will try to be in Atlanta July 14th for a Dragon*Con staff meeting. And when we go to Atlanta we usually go to 1763 for a bit of frolic and fun... A spanking could certainly be arranged.

If you're a good girl!

 

[SweetGigi]

But Gigi... Columbia is not so far from Georgia...

And janey and I will try to be in Atlanta July 14th for a Dragon*Con staff meeting. And when we go to Atlanta we usually go to 1763 for a bit of frolic and fun... A spanking could certainly be arranged.

If you're a good girl!

I've always wanted to go to 1763 and to whippersnappers but I've always been too shy to go it alone. I could use a chaperone....

*innocent look*

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I've always wanted to go to 1763 and to whippersnappers but I've always been too shy to go it alone. I could use a chaperone....

*innocent look*

That can be arranged... come into my parlor...

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

.. janey and I will try to be in Atlanta July 14th for a Dragon*Con staff meeting. ..

I would LOVE to be able to meet the two of you at D*C this year. <crosses fingers that everything goes right so she can go>