Tallulah's OMD

[Tallulah82]

I feel incredibly lucky, almost unluckily so... all that about having cake and eating it.

Annnnnddddd I didn't even have to tie down the dudes and coerce them into being part of this. Wait. That was unlucky.

 

[Medicalman13152]

It's been 9 months since this all began and finally, finally, I feel like I know what I want and who I am in this.

The recap:
Husband suggested opening the marriage back in Sept 2025, I agreed but also said I wasn't going to rush into anything. He rode it hard and fast, having 3-4 meetings in the first 4 months.
My first was in January 2026 (Winter Guy), and my second was June 2026 (Summer Guy).

I realise now that after meeting Winter Guy, I put that whole experience into a box and compartmentalised it so hard that I didn't feel the impact it made on me. I think I was still in doubt that this OM was real, or sustainable, and so I was going to enjoy myself as much as possible but that's it. I was also experiencing burnout at that time, so that didn’t help.

Then I met Summer Guy. And on the drive home, I processed it all with far more clarity than previously.

This wasn't a one-off (meeting either of them). This isn't a bit of fun with someone I barely know for hot sex then bye-bye. For me, it means something. To spend time chilling with someone who knows me, with mutual trust and respect, and that we can connect both in and out of the bedroom (or on the sofa).

For reasons that I won't explain, suffice to say that I am very fucked up (not in a good way) when it comes to letting people too close, I knew I couldn't do "just one guy". I cannot cope with that kind of pressure. And so to protect myself, spreading the love *grins* works for me.

By the time I reached home, I knew I was content with this set up. I feel like it's real now. I have my OM constellation established and I love it.

Communication has been a focus, even though some of it felt incredibly awkward for me. But ultimately, whomever is part of my OM life has a right to know what exactly they're signing up for.

I know that, in theory, I can go and frolick and be as casual as I please, but that’s just not on my radar at present. Maybe it would have been had I not already known two amazing men who were willing to take a chance on me and with whom I feel safe and wanted.

As far as my husband’s progress goes… he’s talking online but no more real-life meets have been organised or even in the planning process yet.

I did challenge him to state whether or not he wanted to continue because now I know what I want, I don’t want to invest my time or energy into the longevity of my constellation if I’m going to have shut it down in a few months anyway.

He has clearly stated that he’s willing to continue. And so, I get to be excited for the real possibilities that the future holds.

Oh, and for those of you who are wondering… sorry, but yes, I’m not changed. I continue to be thrilled about my alone weekends away too and will not be filling these with company, no matter how good the sex is. These alone weekends remain essential to my core self.

Very well stated, clear and conscious about where you are, and your feelings regarding where you are currently. Wishing you the best with your "Constellation".

 

[Cwtchseeker]

It's been 9 months since this all began and finally, finally, I feel like I know what I want and who I am in this.

The recap:
Husband suggested opening the marriage back in Sept 2025, I agreed but also said I wasn't going to rush into anything. He rode it hard and fast, having 3-4 meetings in the first 4 months.
My first was in January 2026 (Winter Guy), and my second was June 2026 (Summer Guy).

I realise now that after meeting Winter Guy, I put that whole experience into a box and compartmentalised it so hard that I didn't feel the impact it made on me. I think I was still in doubt that this OM was real, or sustainable, and so I was going to enjoy myself as much as possible but that's it. I was also experiencing burnout at that time, so that didn’t help.

Then I met Summer Guy. And on the drive home, I processed it all with far more clarity than previously.

This wasn't a one-off (meeting either of them). This isn't a bit of fun with someone I barely know for hot sex then bye-bye. For me, it means something. To spend time chilling with someone who knows me, with mutual trust and respect, and that we can connect both in and out of the bedroom (or on the sofa).

For reasons that I won't explain, suffice to say that I am very fucked up (not in a good way) when it comes to letting people too close, I knew I couldn't do "just one guy". I cannot cope with that kind of pressure. And so to protect myself, spreading the love *grins* works for me.

By the time I reached home, I knew I was content with this set up. I feel like it's real now. I have my OM constellation established and I love it.

Communication has been a focus, even though some of it felt incredibly awkward for me. But ultimately, whomever is part of my OM life has a right to know what exactly they're signing up for.

I know that, in theory, I can go and frolick and be as casual as I please, but that’s just not on my radar at present. Maybe it would have been had I not already known two amazing men who were willing to take a chance on me and with whom I feel safe and wanted.

As far as my husband’s progress goes… he’s talking online but no more real-life meets have been organised or even in the planning process yet.

I did challenge him to state whether or not he wanted to continue because now I know what I want, I don’t want to invest my time or energy into the longevity of my constellation if I’m going to have shut it down in a few months anyway.

He has clearly stated that he’s willing to continue. And so, I get to be excited for the real possibilities that the future holds.

Oh, and for those of you who are wondering… sorry, but yes, I’m not changed. I continue to be thrilled about my alone weekends away too and will not be filling these with company, no matter how good the sex is. These alone weekends remain essential to my core self.

 

[tallladiesman]

You are a very brave, open and honest woman. Good luck with whatever lies ahead, I don't doubt your ability to manage it wonderfully either way.

 

[mortis]

Great reading your perspective @Tallulah82 .

Any chance you might as a couple go to a lifestyle resort?

 

[Tallulah82]

Great reading your perspective @Tallulah82 .

Any chance you might as a couple go to a lifestyle resort?

Unfortunately not. Our lives are not designed to allow couples activities of any significant time. Maybe in the future future. But not for years still.

 

[Mrtenant]

You been talking this up for nearly a year now. Get you a shot of whiskey, take off your raggedy bloomers and just GO TO THE FUCKING ORGY!

 

[Tallulah82]

You been talking this up for nearly a year now. Get you a shot of whiskey, take off your raggedy bloomers and just GO TO THE FUCKING ORGY!

I don't believe I've been talking going to an orgy up for a year...?

And if you'd scrolled back and read, my dear Mr, you'd see that I've been doing more than talking.




Since I'm here I'll drop a little update:

Soooooo. After I returned home so sure and happy and content with the path I'd chosen... my husband had an issue. A few issues.
After his initial "I'm happy for you" reaction, he began getting darker and moodier until he basically stormed in after work and verbally aggressively began expressing his thoughts, except he couldn't verbalise them.

I was (or had been) very much on Cloud Nine, so this was a bit of a slap in the face HOWEVER, also not entirely unexpected. He kept saying he had 100 questions but couldn't form one.

And because I was very much secure in my decisions, I was calm and basically took him by his verbal hand and helped him figure out what he was so moody about.

Bottom line 1:
I had been unwilling to share personal details or talk about the people I was intending on meeting. I am zero-interested in who he talks to. I don't want to know their names, what they do for a job, or where they like to vacation. But when I realised that my partners were going to be THE established people in my life, I was willing to share some details and I did, without him asking. This unnerved him that I'd suddenly become far more willing to talk.

Bottom line 2:
Because of my unprecedented willingness to talk (to SOME extent), he then massively jumped to the conclusion that suddenly these men were a real threat to our marriage and I was going to wildly announce the time-limit on the marriage.

Bottom line 3:
I was happy. Like deeply happy, which I've not felt in a long, long time. And he took offence to that. He was upset that I could feel sooooo happy with someone else and not him. And/or that it wasn't HIM who made me this happy.

So, we talked. And talked. And talked.

I have clarified several things and given the following assurances.

Bottom Line 1:
I have neither the time, patience, or inclination to invest my time and energy into temporary situations. I'll roll with them but that's it. I'm not going to get my knickers in a twist by constantly saying "Oh, that randomer didn't work out, it's X now".
As far as can be predicted, or hoped for, this is now not temporary. Time has been spent together, deeper connections forged. And so now I'm willing to talk and make assurances.

Bottom Line 2:
This was the saddest, in my eyes. Like one weekend away could blow up everything. I mean, sure, Summer Guy was good (as was Winter Guy), but I am going into this with my eyes WIDE OPEN. I know what it is, and I know what it isn't.
I have assured him that if I do eventually leave him, it's because I'm done with him and our marriage. It will never be for anyone else. My god, I'd want to revel in my freedom!!
I've been painfully clear to everyone what the limits are. And whilst feelings are deep, and real, I myself am pragmatic enough to be able to recognise them but understand their limits.

Bottom Line 3:
I think I was least surprised by this. I have explained the dynamics of my happiness.
Firstly, my husband and I have a deeply complicated, intensely demanding, and often tiring marriage. Given our set-up, we've NEVER been casual, easy, or without challenges. And I don't regret any of it. We knew exactly what we were signing up for.
Back in January, I didn't return home 'happy' in the same way. This is nothing to do with Winter Guy and everything to do with the fact that I was suffering from burnout, and life just felt too much. I was happy, absolutely, but I couldn't really express it.
Summer Guy weekend was the 'conclusion' of my uncertainties of my OM choices. If I'd met Summer in Jan, and vice versa, I'd have returned home the same way. My happiness was not because I'd met someone I wanted to run away with. It was not about the men, haha. It was about me. Feeling like I'd found myself again.

And the blunt fact is that my time with either is care-free. I get to switch off. I get to indulge. I get to be the sexual, easy-going me who doesn't have to check her organiser three times a day or worry about X, Y, and Z as part of daily life.
Who the fuck wouldn't be happy with wanting that, and getting more of that?!

I likened it to when I travel alone, when I feel an absolute sense of freedom and release. But at the end of the day, my home is my home.

I also assured my husband that he is very much part of all of this. He is a huge part of my happiness. I'm not trying to replace him. And so, all is fine again. Husband is feeling more secure again.

 

[hotoldrguy]

for someone that suggested this arrangement, he seems to be the one having difficulty handling it. When it was him with someone else, that was fine. But if it is you with someone else, suddenly it is a problem. It seems he has quite a bit of growing up to do,

 

[Tallulah82]

for someone that suggested this arrangement, he seems to be the one having difficulty handling it. When it was him with someone else, that was fine. But if it is you with someone else, suddenly it is a problem. It seems he has quite a bit of growing up to do,

I'm not going to argue this or defend my husband. It is so utterly cliched that it's eye-roll worthy.

I think I mentioned it in a previous post that on my return from this last weekend, I openly and clearly asked him if he was sure he didn't want to close the marriage. I gave him a full pass opportunity to say yes and he didn't.

So, as far as I'm concerned, he can have all the feelings he wants and we can talk about them, but I'm not going to stop my plans because he feels butthurt at times. He is a classic 'what about me' in any given scenario and I'm used to dealing with that. But I won't pull my punches when I point out that this *waves my hands in the air* is not about him. It's about me.

He does have growing up to do, but at least he didn't shut it down when he freaked out. That kind of emotional temper-tantrum of cutting off his nose to spite his face would have been worse to deal with.

Though, let me make this clear: if he continued to behave in such ways, then this is the kind of shit I'd eventually end my marriage over. Being married to an emotionally stunted man-child is nowhere in my life goals.

 

[Apisto42]

@Tallulah82 - you’re pretty fucking awesome.

Carry on.

 

[Mrtenant]

I don't believe I've been talking going to an orgy up for a year...?

And if you'd scrolled back and read, my dear Mr, you'd see that I've been doing more than talking.

Oh, I see. My bad. I'm still playing in that "it's all about me" frame. So. Hmmm... that's awkward. When we going to the orgy?

*aside from my usual trolling....Sounds like you're having quite the adventure. Recent developments with spouse sound fairly normal given the circumstances. Live well my friend.

 

[Peter_Out]

for someone that suggested this arrangement, he seems to be the one having difficulty handling it. When it was him with someone else, that was fine. But if it is you with someone else, suddenly it is a problem.

That's quite often the case, according to what I've been told by various women. They (the wives) were the ones reluctant to open the marriage, and their husbands were the ones pushing for it. Then reality sets in and the women get as much or more "action" than they can handle, and the husband is going "Wait a minute, I'm not finding anyone who wants to date me, and you're out with Tom, Dick, and Harry every other night! I'm getting even less rumpo than before!"

And then there's the "One Penis Policy"...

 

[Olderwiserstillhorny]

He's the one who opened Pandoras box.
Now reality sets in.
Seen this with some of my friends years back.
Good luck,

 

[Apisto42]

That's quite often the case, according to what I've been told by various women. They (the wives) were the ones reluctant to open the marriage, and their husbands were the ones pushing for it. Then reality sets in and the women get as much or more "action" than they can handle, and the husband is going "Wait a minute, I'm not finding anyone who wants to date me, and you're out with Tom, Dick, and Harry every other night! I'm getting even less rumpo than before!"

And then there's the "One Penis Policy"...

Agreed - I think some, few, men can handle their wife getting dates easily, but most of the idiots that push for an open marriage are sitting at home.

Swinging together always made more sense to me (not that I’ve done it or had an open marriage so I might just be talking bollocks).

But I think our gracious host is handling this brilliantly.

 

[Olderwiserstillhorny]

Agreed - I think some, few, men can handle their wife getting dates easily, but most of the idiots that push for an open marriage are sitting at home.

Swinging together always made more sense to me (not that I’ve done it or had an open marriage so I might just be talking bollocks).

But I think our gracious host is handling this brilliantly.

Yer on point. Seen it and lived it.