Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

Whenever I'm bored, I just swim over to Catalina for the weekend. The mermaids out there are so friendly.
 
I was invited to the NFL combine, but couldn't make it cuz I was with Rhea Ripley at a Motionless in White concert where I had sex in the bathroom with a contestant from the bachelor, at least that's what she told me anyway.
 
I'm so sad it's Friday. I'll miss my job all weekend. But I am excited to go in an hour earlier on Monday! First day of Daylight savings time is my favorite day of the year!
 
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