Blue Dolphin
Back home again
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2001
- Posts
- 20,658
catsr2wild said:
The Bears Den
- Thread starter MaryBears
- Start date
- Status
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Enjoy!!!! Not as Hot as BD's posts though...
Subject: Might be one here you haven't seen before
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things
that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand." --Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."
--Lynn Lavner
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the
taxidermist."
--Matt Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--Camille Paglia
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are
unimportant."
--George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships."
--Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he
never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Babs had a
sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet."
--Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only
time of the month that I can be myself."
--Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing
in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say
that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like
and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, but only enough
blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin
Subject: Might be one here you haven't seen before
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things
that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand." --Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."
--Lynn Lavner
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the
taxidermist."
--Matt Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--Camille Paglia
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are
unimportant."
--George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships."
--Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he
never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Babs had a
sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet."
--Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only
time of the month that I can be myself."
--Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing
in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say
that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like
and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, but only enough
blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin
catsr2wild
Taking it easy
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2004
- Posts
- 40,268
No Lion...
A young missionary on his first term in Africa was reading his Bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside him.
As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of the bush and laid down by his other side. Convinced that this was a test of his faith, he returned to reading his Bible.
As soon as he did, the two lions pounced on him and devoured him.
Moral: Don't try to read between the lions.
A young missionary on his first term in Africa was reading his Bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside him.
As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of the bush and laid down by his other side. Convinced that this was a test of his faith, he returned to reading his Bible.
As soon as he did, the two lions pounced on him and devoured him.
Moral: Don't try to read between the lions.
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Palleon said:
Pall
in all the right places...... I am feeling pretty good.....
Worked out in the pool for a couple of hours....got my prescriptions and was going to wal-mart but public transporation was busy today so i said "FORGET IT" always another day
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
kayte said:Good morning {{{{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}}}
Hope you get that cam soon. I am sure you will be an expert in no time sweetie....
Good Afternoon {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kayte}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
yes the pool does wonders for me.... Hope your having a great day.....and that all is well.....missed you the past couple daysI can't wait to get the cam.....hopefully soon.....then I will have a new play toy
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
R-RATED RIDDLES
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.
Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A The swallow.
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than
improving
their minds?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.
Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A The swallow.
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than
improving
their minds?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. Because they don't have balls to scratch.
catsr2wild
Taking it easy
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2004
- Posts
- 40,268
THIS SHOULD END ALL 3 BEARS STORIES
>>
>>Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he
>looks
>>into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!", he
>>squeaks.
>>Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks
>into
>>his big bowl and it's also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!,"he
>roars.
>>Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
>>yells, Christ's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with
>you idiots?
>>It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone
in
>>the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who
>unloaded
>>the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma
Bear
>>who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it
was
>Momma
>>Bear who set the damn table, it was Momma Bear who put the Friggin cat
>out,
>>cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish, and,
now
>that
>>you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs, and grace Momma
>>Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only
>going to say
>>this one more time.
>>
>>I HAVEN'T MADE THE DAMN PORRIDGE YET !!
>>
>>Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he
>looks
>>into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!", he
>>squeaks.
>>Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks
>into
>>his big bowl and it's also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!,"he
>roars.
>>Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
>>yells, Christ's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with
>you idiots?
>>It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone
in
>>the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who
>unloaded
>>the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma
Bear
>>who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it
was
>Momma
>>Bear who set the damn table, it was Momma Bear who put the Friggin cat
>out,
>>cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish, and,
now
>that
>>you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs, and grace Momma
>>Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only
>going to say
>>this one more time.
>>
>>I HAVEN'T MADE THE DAMN PORRIDGE YET !!
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Hey everyone.....Just stopping in before I have to leave.....Today is going to be spent at the hospital waiting for the drs to do a procedure on my mom....Yippie.....it is not ME for ONCE......and I don't mean that to sound harsh....I hate that mom has to have it done but damn I am happy it is not me for once.....I have had enough problems.....
Palleon
At your service
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2003
- Posts
- 6,480
MaryBears said:Hey everyone.....Just stopping in before I have to leave.....Today is going to be spent at the hospital waiting for the drs to do a procedure on my mom....Yippie.....it is not ME for ONCE......and I don't mean that to sound harsh....I hate that mom has to have it done but damn I am happy it is not me for once.....I have had enough problems.....
Take lots to read, the waiting is always the worst.
Try to have a good day and hugs to your mom
catsr2wild
Taking it easy
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2004
- Posts
- 40,268
Palleon said:
I will keep her in my prayers Mary...
Shreik
Pussy Vampire
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2004
- Posts
- 38,535
as always those i know and the ones they know are in my prayers. I'm at school so someone have an extra great day and share it with me please . Somedays you just wonder what the sam hill am I doing here . hugs kisses and licks to the ladies ^5's to the guys. ya'll have a great day ya here.
. Somedays you just wonder what the sam hill am I doing here . hugs kisses and licks to the ladies ^5's to the guys. ya'll have a great day ya here.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Be careful how you spend St Patrick's day!!
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money; between
them, they could only raise the staggering sum of 50 pence.
Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop
and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all'.
Murphy replied "Don't worry - just follow me." He went into the pub where he
immediately ordered two pints of Guiness and two glasses of Jameson Whisky.
Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We
haven't got any money!!' Murphy replied, with a smile "Don't worry, I have a
plan. Cheers!"
They downed their drinks.
Murphy said "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your
knees and put it in your mouth."
Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk all for free. At
the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more o'this. I'm
drunk and me knees are killin' me!"
Murphy said "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub."
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money; between
them, they could only raise the staggering sum of 50 pence.
Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop
and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all'.
Murphy replied "Don't worry - just follow me." He went into the pub where he
immediately ordered two pints of Guiness and two glasses of Jameson Whisky.
Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We
haven't got any money!!' Murphy replied, with a smile "Don't worry, I have a
plan. Cheers!"
They downed their drinks.
Murphy said "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your
knees and put it in your mouth."
Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk all for free. At
the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more o'this. I'm
drunk and me knees are killin' me!"
Murphy said "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub."
Palleon
At your service
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2003
- Posts
- 6,480
Ladies, lets hear from you
Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie.
Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely
use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls pack their toothbrush.
Bad girls pack their diaphragms.
Good girls prefer the missionary position.
Bad girls do too, but only for starters.
Good girls say, "No."
Bad girls say, "When?"
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without
a strand of pearls.
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just
a strand of pearls.
Good girls wax their floors.
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls wear high heels to work.
Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie.
Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely
use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls pack their toothbrush.
Bad girls pack their diaphragms.
Good girls prefer the missionary position.
Bad girls do too, but only for starters.
Good girls say, "No."
Bad girls say, "When?"
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without
a strand of pearls.
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just
a strand of pearls.
Good girls wax their floors.
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls wear high heels to work.
Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
- Status
