catsr2wild
Taking it easy
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2004
- Posts
- 40,268
Palleon said:
Ok I plead the 5th here....thats my story and I'm sticking to it....
The Bears Den
- Thread starter MaryBears
- Start date
- Status
Ok I plead the 5th here....thats my story and I'm sticking to it....
catsr2wild
Taking it easy
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2004
- Posts
- 40,268
Palleon said:Chalk one up for bad girl
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
This is a good one
An elderly woman was looking for a pet to be a good companion and not much
trouble.
The pet store owner suggested a parrot, showed it to her and guaranteed her
it would be a wonderful companion.
The woman asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on
Sundays.
The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her
shoulder
and he would stay there.
She bought the parrot and for the next week spent time getting to know him.
Assured that he spoke properly and was well behaved, she put him on her
shoulder and went off to church.
Just as everyone quieted down and the sermon began,
the parrot looked around, squawked and said, "It's goddamned cold in here!"
Everyone turned to look at her and she ran out of the church in total
embarrassment!
All the next week, she talked to the parrot explaining the necessity to
remain quiet during church.
The parrot understood so she put him on her shoulder and went to church the
following Sunday.
Once again, just as everything got quiet and the sermon began,the parrot
squawked, looked around and loudly
proclaimed, "It's goddamned cold in here!!"
And again the woman ran from the church. The next day she returned to the
pet store and explained the embarrassing
situation to the owner.
Since she didn't want to get rid of the parrot, the owner offered the
following solution:
If the parrot does that again, grab him by the legs and swing him around 5
or 6 times and return him to your
shoulder." "That'll work?" asked the woman. "Guaranteed!" exclaimed the
owner.
So, the next Sunday she took the parrot to church and, sure enough, just as
the sermon started, the parrot
squawked, "It's goddamned cold in here!!" Without any hesitation,
the woman grabbed his legs, swung him around 5 or 6 times and placed him
back on her shoulder.
The parrot shook his head, ruffled his feathers and said, "Pretty fuckin'
windy, too!"
An elderly woman was looking for a pet to be a good companion and not much
trouble.
The pet store owner suggested a parrot, showed it to her and guaranteed her
it would be a wonderful companion.
The woman asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on
Sundays.
The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her
shoulder
and he would stay there.
She bought the parrot and for the next week spent time getting to know him.
Assured that he spoke properly and was well behaved, she put him on her
shoulder and went off to church.
Just as everyone quieted down and the sermon began,
the parrot looked around, squawked and said, "It's goddamned cold in here!"
Everyone turned to look at her and she ran out of the church in total
embarrassment!
All the next week, she talked to the parrot explaining the necessity to
remain quiet during church.
The parrot understood so she put him on her shoulder and went to church the
following Sunday.
Once again, just as everything got quiet and the sermon began,the parrot
squawked, looked around and loudly
proclaimed, "It's goddamned cold in here!!"
And again the woman ran from the church. The next day she returned to the
pet store and explained the embarrassing
situation to the owner.
Since she didn't want to get rid of the parrot, the owner offered the
following solution:
If the parrot does that again, grab him by the legs and swing him around 5
or 6 times and return him to your
shoulder." "That'll work?" asked the woman. "Guaranteed!" exclaimed the
owner.
So, the next Sunday she took the parrot to church and, sure enough, just as
the sermon started, the parrot
squawked, "It's goddamned cold in here!!" Without any hesitation,
the woman grabbed his legs, swung him around 5 or 6 times and placed him
back on her shoulder.
The parrot shook his head, ruffled his feathers and said, "Pretty fuckin'
windy, too!"
Puddin36
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2001
- Posts
- 1,853
Re: Sorry Bear
Thanks for the compliment Spenser..........I like the AV too, and I am a nurse........just not the one pictured.
Have a great night or day......depending on when u read this.
Licks and kisses..........Puddin
Spenser41 said:
Thanks for the compliment Spenser..........I like the AV too, and I am a nurse........just not the one pictured.
Have a great night or day......depending on when u read this.
Licks and kisses..........Puddin
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
Dusting
"A house becomes a home when you can write "I love you" on the furniture."
I can't tell you how many countless hours that I have spent
CLEANING!
I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend making sure
things were just perfect - "in case someone came over". Then I realized one day that no-one came over;
they were all out living life and having fun!
Now, when people visit, I find no need to explain the
"condition" of my home. They are more interested in hearing about the things I've been doing while I was away living life and having fun. If you haven't figured this out yet, please heed this advice.
Life is short. Enjoy it! Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be
better to paint a picture or write a letter, bake a cake or
plant a seed, ponder the difference between want and need?
Dust if you must, but there's not much time, with rivers to
swim andmountains to climb, music to hear and books to read, friends to cherish and life to lead.
Dust if you must, but the world's out there with the sun in
your eyes, the wind in your hair, a flutter of snow, a shower of rain. This day will not come around again.
Dust if you must, but bear in mind, old age will ! come and
it's not kind. And when you go - and go you must - you, yourself will make more dust!
Share this with all the wonderful women in your life! I JUST
DID.
It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what
kind of life you have lived.
"A house becomes a home when you can write "I love you" on the furniture."
I can't tell you how many countless hours that I have spent
CLEANING!
I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend making sure
things were just perfect - "in case someone came over". Then I realized one day that no-one came over;
they were all out living life and having fun!
Now, when people visit, I find no need to explain the
"condition" of my home. They are more interested in hearing about the things I've been doing while I was away living life and having fun. If you haven't figured this out yet, please heed this advice.
Life is short. Enjoy it! Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be
better to paint a picture or write a letter, bake a cake or
plant a seed, ponder the difference between want and need?
Dust if you must, but there's not much time, with rivers to
swim andmountains to climb, music to hear and books to read, friends to cherish and life to lead.
Dust if you must, but the world's out there with the sun in
your eyes, the wind in your hair, a flutter of snow, a shower of rain. This day will not come around again.
Dust if you must, but bear in mind, old age will ! come and
it's not kind. And when you go - and go you must - you, yourself will make more dust!
Share this with all the wonderful women in your life! I JUST
DID.
It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what
kind of life you have lived.
Missingmeds
Just being
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,831
And now for the chuckle to go with the pondering for the day.
"Senior" personal ads
Some "Senior" personal ads seen in Florida newspapers:
(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (Used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, andam looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga andmeditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my
Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
"Senior" personal ads
Some "Senior" personal ads seen in Florida newspapers:
(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (Used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, andam looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga andmeditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my
Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
- Status
