The General Commentary Thread

[greenmountaineer]

The Five Senses Challenge is rocking right now--good poems by Angie and Remec and a really superb one by greenmountaineer.

Perhaps it's my fondness for the doomed city of Carthage, but gm's poem strikes me as being really, really good. (Though it needs some editing. Here, for example:

With a desert storm fast approaching,
the young brides hastened their work
who would [be?] allowed the ornate breastplates,​

I also would have liked footnotes to explain some of the terms. I found hastati, but not Sahbi, so I was left a little confused by that.

Still, a really superior poem, by a really superior poet.

That's nice of you to say, Tzara. Sahbi is a made up name for Hadl's deceased husband. This is one where my use of proper nouns got the better of me. ""a husband" would have prevented confusion.

I struggled whether or not to include "hasati," which is the plural Latin word for the lowest of Roman foot soldiers because it sounded like a word from whatever language the Carthaginians spoke, but the alternative "legionnaire" didn't sound right to me.

 

[greenmountaineer]

I’m looking forward to this, Neo, and have begun assembling some.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Well I have the title!

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Phew, Carrie! *fans*

Birthday Feast

 

[champagne1982]

Phew, Carrie! *fans*

Birthday Feast

A girl's gotta eat.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Ooops am I supposed to put it in here?

 

[Piscator]

Sorry misunderstanding

 

[Neonurotic]

Hey all, just edit my OP on The Poem Scrapbook Challenge thread for clarification about it being a "scrapbook" (10 poem series) of newly written poems.

Sorry for the confusion.


One other note, please direct general commentary to this thread. Thanks!

 

[Angeline]

Tzara, you clever fellow, your Wittgenstein series is great fun to read and puzzle out (a puzzle for me, anyway lol). And you're stretching the triolet form in such interesting ways. I like the near rhymes and word repetitions. Except for this from your second poem:

thoughts thought in solitude up north​

I no like that second "thought." That's three ths in one short line. I feel like I'm lispthing. Yeah I know...firth draft and all...


~~~~~~~
And on a housekeeping note to all the poets, if you commented in the thread--however briefly--I moved it here per Neo's request that the challenge thread is for poems only. That is all. You all get s too and my best wishes that we all become inspired enough to try the challenge. (I keep discarding ideas, myself.)

Oh Neo I remember that you wanted us to write 100 poems in 100 days. LOL.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Tzara, you clever fellow, your Wittgenstein series is great fun to read and puzzle out (a puzzle for me, anyway lol). And you're stretching the triolet form in such interesting ways. I like the near rhymes and word repetitions. Except for this from your second poem:

thoughts thought in solitude up north​

I no like that second "thought." That's three ths in one short line. I feel like I'm lispthing. Yeah I know...firth draft and all...


~~~~~~~
And on a housekeeping note to all the poets, if you commented in the thread--however briefly--I moved it here per Neo's request that the challenge thread is for poems only. That is all. You all get s too and my best wishes that we all become inspired enough to try the challenge. (I keep discarding ideas, myself.)

Oh Neo I remember that you wanted us to write 100 poems in 100 days. LOL.

It matters not where you put it, nobody answered anyway! So where am I supposed to post them? Tzara's are in the thread, mine are separate.

 

[Angeline]

Actually there were a few non-poem responses in the thread, not just yours. Neo explains in his first post in the challenge thread that you should post each poem as a separate post in the thread. He just prefers that comments not also be in the thread. If you want, you can repost your poems in his thread and I'll move your thread off the forum. Or you can keep them in your own thread here. Either way is fine. Just no comments in the poem thread!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Can I start again please? I know you said no deleting but I haven't it's just I'm getting bogged down with grotty memories and it's doing me no good at all and probably boring the pants off the readers.

 

[HarryHill]

Thought I'd check the forum to see if y'all had a Halloween challenge, guess not.

 

[Angeline]

Champ you are burning up that 30/30 thread like an um supernova!

 

[champagne1982]

Champ you are burning up that 30/30 thread like an um supernova!

Thanks Ange.

Neo, I know the poems for the scrapbook are supposed to be fresh poems and posted in the Scrapbook Challenge Thread but I really wanted to do a 30/30 this month. Are simultaneous (ie poems in both the 30/30 and 10 Scrapbook entries) scribbles acceptable? I assure you, all my 30/30s are written the day I post them and I am hoping to get 10 star themed poems out of this series. Enough rambling. Can I use the 3, soon to be 4, star poems to start my scrapbook and the 30/30 too?

Thanks Challenge CasaSupernova dude!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Does it ever make you despondent and less likely to bother, that nobody takes the trouble to comment on new poems these days? I'd rather I got slammed than be ignored! it wouldn't let me comment today without signing in (although I was already signed in for commenting on the forum!) and I couldn't remember my password so asked for it to be sent .......... it didn't arrive. Had to take a stab in the dark and finally got there!

 

[champagne1982]

Does it ever make you despondent and less likely to bother, that nobody takes the trouble to comment on new poems these days? I'd rather I got slammed than be ignored! it wouldn't let me comment today without signing in (although I was already signed in for commenting on the forum!) and I couldn't remember my password so asked for it to be sent .......... it didn't arrive. Had to take a stab in the dark and finally got there!

I am glad you did, Annie. Thank you for commenting on my new offering. I wish Dear Gord had posted when I first subbed it since now, a month later some of the raw emotion has left us and Canada can breathe again.

There are around 5 Hip songs touched in that poem it was a pleasure to write

 

[greenmountaineer]

I thought the excerpt below written by Thomas Merton in 1949 was interesting. Merton was a monk who wrote about many spiritual topics and was a published poet:

The “best” poets are those who happen to succede in a way that flatters our current prejudice about what constitutes good poetry. We are very exacting about the standards that they have set up, and we cannot even consider a poet who writes in some other slightly different way, whose idiom is not quite the same. We do not read him. We do not dare to, for if we were discovered to have done so, we would fall from grace.

After reading several selections of the current issue of POETRY, I felt more confused than anything else. It struck me that the contributors were writing for a very select audience.

 

[todski28]

I thought the excerpt below written by Thomas Merton in 1949 was interesting. Merton was a monk who wrote about many spiritual topics and was a published poet:

The “best” poets are those who happen to succede in a way that flatters our current prejudice about what constitutes good poetry. We are very exacting about the standards that they have set up, and we cannot even consider a poet who writes in some other slightly different way, whose idiom is not quite the same. We do not read him. We do not dare to, for if we were discovered to have done so, we would fall from grace.

After reading several selections of the current issue of POETRY, I felt more confused than anything else. It struck me that the contributors were writing for a very select audience.

problem is, the idea and concept of poetry has been blurred to the point of being able to proclaim that this statement is the embodiment of the essence of potential and may be a poem.

the problem with the everyone gets a trophy generation, the problem with non qualitative reasoning behind writing, the problem with closing you mind to critique, but also those with the ability give up because not only is your effort to give feedback ignored but often met with vehement rejection, or a sense of apathy on behalf of the writer, so we get stuck in the "what do I get out of it column, despite the fact that critique brings out the best in the critiquer as well.

myself and poetry seem to have wandered off different paths for a bit, but I do miss the words.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

problem is, the idea and concept of poetry has been blurred to the point of being able to proclaim that this statement is the embodiment of the essence of potential and may be a poem.

the problem with the everyone gets a trophy generation, the problem with non qualitative reasoning behind writing, the problem with closing you mind to critique, but also those with the ability give up because not only is your effort to give feedback ignored but often met with vehement rejection, or a sense of apathy on behalf of the writer, so we get stuck in the "what do I get out of it column, despite the fact that critique brings out the best in the critiquer as well.

myself and poetry seem to have wandered off different paths for a bit, but I do miss the words.

^^^^^ Wot 'e said

 

[Angeline]

I thought the excerpt below written by Thomas Merton in 1949 was interesting. Merton was a monk who wrote about many spiritual topics and was a published poet:

The “best” poets are those who happen to succede in a way that flatters our current prejudice about what constitutes good poetry. We are very exacting about the standards that they have set up, and we cannot even consider a poet who writes in some other slightly different way, whose idiom is not quite the same. We do not read him. We do not dare to, for if we were discovered to have done so, we would fall from grace.

After reading several selections of the current issue of POETRY, I felt more confused than anything else. It struck me that the contributors were writing for a very select audience.

I've thought a lot about this over the years as I've seen different styles prevail in the magazines and journals. And if I read enough of it, the questions arise "Am I supposed to write like that? Or that? Or that?" I know from personal experience that trying to get published if one's writing style doesn't fit the modern criterion for good poetry is pretty frustrating. You really have to work to find the publications that mesh with your particular style (and um the poems have to be good lol). But the important takeaway, at least for me, is that I need to write my way and stay true to the poet's voice I've developed, whether I get published or not. I walk my own, perhaps peculiar, path and just keep trying to learn and adapt what I learn to my way of writing, let it evolve that way. Like most of us here, I write poems because I need to express myself that way. If I think I'm learning and improving my writing that's good enough for me!

 

[pelegrino]

Open E

Scrapbook Poem challenge
Angeline 1-3

*

You spent the whole night strumming E
I watched a nest of Robin's eggs,
blue speckled on a canvas three
while you were ever strumming E
singing it, too, just endlessly--
a night that crept on quiet legs
except, of course, for lots of E
as I loked at the Robin's eggs.​

I rather like this one for setting. Nice one Angy!
It should work fine on an open tuning of E-B-E-G#-B-E (I copied to try)

 

[Angeline]

Scrapbook Poem challenge
Angeline 1-3

*

You spent the whole night strumming E
I watched a nest of Robin's eggs,
blue speckled on a canvas three
while you were ever strumming E
singing it, too, just endlessly--
a night that crept on quiet legs
except, of course, for lots of E
as I loked at the Robin's eggs.​

I rather like this one for setting. Nice one Angy!
It should work fine on an open tuning of E-B-E-G#-B-E (I copied to try)

Thank you Pel! And now I want to hear it! Feel free to post a sound link, maybe in the Let's Hear It thread?

It is a memory and one of my friends still has the painting of the robin's eggs. Too bad I made that typo in the last line. Damn my eyes!

 

[Piscator]

What makes a poem popular?

Vivid images seem to be the key although there are exceptions.

 

[Piscator]

Giving Tzara's almost buried thread a bump.

Good to see 007's & 5 senses are on again.