The Gentle Dom/ Daddy

[Strixaluco]

But without good smell there is no base for other attractions however exciting the rest may be.

Oh no disagreement on that part. Without smell, any attraction is ultimately just potential for me. Need to get on sniffing distance, preferably without fragrances messing with the natural smell!

 

[Liberia]

Oh no disagreement on that part. Without smell, any attraction is ultimately just potential for me. Need to get on sniffing distance, preferably without fragrances messing with the natural smell!

There are studies from universities, a worn t-shirt usually can be a good detector.
But I would strongly advise against getting too close to someone where you have no idea how they smell. And you need to see them talk on video at last, their actual facial movements and gestures.

Then, a prolonged online might be possible.

But you mentioned the safety aspect, that's a huge one.

 

[Strixaluco]

There are studies from universities, a worn t-shirt usually can be a good detector.
But I would strongly advise against getting too close to someone where you have no idea how they smell. And you need to see them talk on video at last, their actual facial movements and gestures.

Then, a prolonged online might be possible.

But you mentioned the safety aspect, that's a huge one.

I prefer meeting offline to start with, if possible. Which also happened - I met my partner in a local munch. So I was basically sitting beside him by chance before I even introduced myself. And before next munch, when I already knew he wanted to take me on a date, I asked other women about him (and he passed with flying colours, basically "he's a good guy, I wish he'd finally find a good partner").

But if meeting offline first, yes video would be good, though not absolutely necessary. Then also meeting in a public place even if you have had a video call.

 

[Liberia]

I prefer meeting offline to start with, if possible. Which also happened - I met my partner in a local munch. So I was basically sitting beside him by chance before I even introduced myself. And before next munch, when I already knew he wanted to take me on a date, I asked other women about him (and he passed with flying colours, basically "he's a good guy, I wish he'd finally find a good partner").

But if meeting offline first, yes video would be good, though not absolutely necessary. Then also meeting in a public place even if you have had a video call.

First of all: sounds great for you, congratulations and I'm glad you're happy.

I grew up on the more conservative countryside with the internet.

Never actively looking, never on a dating platform.

I have met one of my favorite exes via chance when I was at a girlfriend's place and he came by and befriended him for months, every single other person I have ever been with, I've met online first. ;o
Political debate forums, music groups, a forum about a newspaper, some satire group, theatre, that kind of thing. It was never an active search but shared interests and normal befriending first. Never planned to lead to something, always just happened when there was a basis of friendship and trust first.

 

[sweetheart97]

I have said it before, and I'll say it again: Lit is not the best place to meet partners.

Yes, it can be done. But for every actual Dom, there are at least 20 (and that's being optimistic) keyboard warriors who wouldn't know what to do with a sub if they fell out of the sky at their feet.

This, incidentally, is one of the reasons I don't bother playing online. (Well, that, and I find it boring.) Anybody can talk behind a screen, but can you actually do it irl?

It wasn't on Lit that I met partners. I chose to remove myself, because every community I found myself was okay with predators being present.

It's all well and good to be very excited about dd/lg, but for me, it just led to more pain and more harm. Then when I talk about that harm, I get victim blamed. Even writing a post like this is a risk because I know how people like to comment and pile on with "well my daddy is amazing, you should be more careful." Any sort of "Oh this can be done" rings hollow after a while. Who is that even for? Who does that statement help? It doesn't help the littles who get caught in these relationships and then hurt.

 

[cascadiabound]

It wasn't on Lit that I met partners. I chose to remove myself, because every community I found myself was okay with predators being present.

It's all well and good to be very excited about dd/lg, but for me, it just led to more pain and more harm. Then when I talk about that harm, I get victim blamed. Even writing a post like this is a risk because I know how people like to comment and pile on with "well my daddy is amazing, you should be more careful." Any sort of "Oh this can be done" rings hollow after a while. Who is that even for? Who does that statement help? It doesn't help the littles who get caught in these relationships and then hurt.

I'm so sorry.
There are so many predators and wanna be doms who are clueless and cause harm even when they have no malicious intent. There are quite a few of us who try to monitor and warn.
You are not to blame for the crap that has happened to you.

 

[BiBunny]

It wasn't on Lit that I met partners. I chose to remove myself, because every community I found myself was okay with predators being present.

It's all well and good to be very excited about dd/lg, but for me, it just led to more pain and more harm. Then when I talk about that harm, I get victim blamed. Even writing a post like this is a risk because I know how people like to comment and pile on with "well my daddy is amazing, you should be more careful." Any sort of "Oh this can be done" rings hollow after a while. Who is that even for? Who does that statement help? It doesn't help the littles who get caught in these relationships and then hurt.

I'm sorry that happened to you. There are many of us who have been victims of predators, and it's none of our faults.

 

[OralAllOver]

I have said it before, and I'll say it again: Lit is not the best place to meet partners.

Yes, it can be done. But for every actual Dom, there are at least 20 (and that's being optimistic) keyboard warriors who wouldn't know what to do with a sub if they fell out of the sky at their feet.

This, incidentally, is one of the reasons I don't bother playing online. (Well, that, and I find it boring.) Anybody can talk behind a screen, but can you actually do it irl?

Yeah, being Dom difficult (it appeared to me)

 

[OralAllOver]

Why announce this? Maybe it would be more polite if you ASKED to DM them first.
And, if anyone gets a message from you, I hope they check out all your other posts before responding.

Maybe he should ask if he is allowed to ask to DM
Like a DM becomes a major life distraction

U got a lotta rules ...

 

[cascadiabound]

Maybe he should ask if he is allowed to ask to DM
Like a DM becomes a major life distraction

U got a lotta rules ...

That particular guy was all over the board half stalking anyone one who had a D/lg vibe. He sent grossly inappropriate DMs to a bunch of women. It's icky and we shouldn't have to put up with it.

We give guidance to help the good guys do better. Don't be one of the not good guys by belittling what many women experience here. Ya, I know I can leave anytime I want, but why should I feel unsafe here?

 

[Strixaluco]

every community I found myself was okay with predators being present.

Oof. That sucks. And I really wonder why they allow it.

 

[BiBunny]

That particular guy was all over the board half stalking anyone one who had a D/lg vibe. He sent grossly inappropriate DMs to a bunch of women. It's icky and we shouldn't have to put up with it.

We give guidance to help the good guys do better. Don't be one of the not good guys by belittling what many women experience here. Ya, I know I can leave anytime I want, but why should I feel unsafe here?

Just to add to what you said: This is not a dating site. Some people don't mind being approached like that here, but some don't want that at all. I--and everyone else--have a right to come here, share experiences with friends, etc. without some douchecanoe trying to hit on us.

 

[Sexy_Singer]

Good morning all Daddies, Gentle Doms, littles, submissives and anyone else who wanders in.


I hope that you are ready for Christmas if you celebrate.


Question for the Daddies/ Gentile Doms: Are you doing anything special for your little/ sub during the holiday season?

 

[Theatreslut]

Good morning all Daddies, Gentle Doms, littles, submissives and anyone else who wanders in.


I hope that you are ready for Christmas if you celebrate.


Question for the Daddies/ Gentile Doms: Are you doing anything special for your little/ sub during the holiday season?

Did you find what you were looking for?

 

[daddysbadgrl728]

Happy holidays! Hope everyone got a little special something!

 

[pilotguy123]

I would consider myself to be a gentle dom at heart. Whilst I can be more hardcore I much prefer to take a more gentle approach

 

[Littlewolf8258]

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that for me, there’s a sweet spot where the gentle or Daddy energy makes it hit so much better when the more traditional(for lack of a better word) Dom energy kicks in

 

[Strixaluco]

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that for me, there’s a sweet spot where the gentle or Daddy energy makes it hit so much better when the more traditional(for lack of a better word) Dom energy kicks in

The shift from gentle to more forcefully dominating can be so hot Suddenly no questions asked, sharp commands, hand pushing me to my knees...

Eh, shouldn't imagine that in a bus Can't do anything about what is arising until the evening!

 

[Strixaluco]

3,5 years ago I started to describe myself as a sub in the bedroom and a little in the relationship, and it still fits.

 

[Bunnys_Wolfie]

If you know me, you know that the majority of my time has been spent on the Play Ground side. But, since my start on Lit, I have grown and evolved. I've listened closely to those who were in D/s or DD/lg dynamics. I heard the caring in the relationships. Though sometimes it isn't always sexual, this dynamic has drawn me in. I find fulfillment in the Daddy identity.

I appreciate any serious discussion, whether from Doms/Daddy's or subs/littles on this subject. What have you experienced in your relationships? What are the positives? What are the negatives?

This was my first time posting in the BDSM Talk forum, so I suppose this will serve as my introduction. I am the Daddy to @FrenchLopBunny. We are in a 24/7 D/s marriage. I classify myself as Protector Dom. If you know her background and her submission journey, then you understand why I am protective of her, and gentle. There is no pain aspect in our dynamic. Her last relationship was abusive, and I refuse to bear any resemblance to him.

I’ve always been a Protector, even when young. That trait led me into the military, and then into owning a Protective Services company. After several years together, Bunny is now co-owner and works alongside me.

Now to my thoughts, and I apologize for the length, but I have a deeply held opinion.

Contrary to what some might believe, being in a 24/7 Dom/sub marriage isn't such a serious thing.

I get where this comes from. Most of what people see about power exchange, especially 24/7, makes it look heavy. Intense. Like you're walking around in a kink scene 24/7, and one wrong move breaks the whole thing.

But that's a level of pressure that just isn't realistic. And it's not our experience either.

What's actually happened is that submission has helped her feel more free. More alive. She laughs so much more now. She's so much less afraid to make mistakes. She's so much less concerned with what other people think of her.

And that lets her be playful. Relaxed. Silly.

Like singing karaoke and laughing at herself silly.

Dominance and submission doesn't have to make you less of who you are. It can set you free to be MORE of who you are.

She feels safe with me, and trusts that my Dominance isn't something I'm using to force her to be perfect or to perform some version of "good sub". Because of that feeling of safety, she gets to relax on a very deep level.

And then what comes out? Joy. Playfulness. Freedom.

As a man (not just a big bad "Dom") that's what I want. I don't want my wife walking on eggshells trying to be submissive enough.

I want to see the woman I love come alive because she feels at ease inside of my leadership.

Sometimes that looks like her being a complete goofball, and I love it.

Make no mistake, when we are at work, she is as serious as a heart attack. She knows that that our livelihood, both current and future, depends on our reputation, professionalism, and profitability. She is fully capable of stating her own position, and disagreeing with me.

Despite that level of intensity on the job, she is able to disconnect from the job when we walk through the door of our home. That is a huge difference between now and her old job. Plus, her ability to disconnect forces me to do the same.

We thought that we were happy before she submitted, but in reality we had no idea what true happiness was.

 

[Littlewolf8258]

This was my first time posting in the BDSM Talk forum, so I suppose this will serve as my introduction. I am the Daddy to @FrenchLopBunny. We are in a 24/7 D/s marriage. I classify myself as Protector Dom. If you know her background and her submission journey, then you understand why I am protective of her, and gentle. There is no pain aspect in our dynamic. Her last relationship was abusive, and I refuse to bear any resemblance to him.

I’ve always been a Protector, even when young. That trait led me into the military, and then into owning a Protective Services company. After several years together, Bunny is now co-owner and works alongside me.

Now to my thoughts, and I apologize for the length, but I have a deeply held opinion.

Contrary to what some might believe, being in a 24/7 Dom/sub marriage isn't such a serious thing.

I get where this comes from. Most of what people see about power exchange, especially 24/7, makes it look heavy. Intense. Like you're walking around in a kink scene 24/7, and one wrong move breaks the whole thing.

But that's a level of pressure that just isn't realistic. And it's not our experience either.

What's actually happened is that submission has helped her feel more free. More alive. She laughs so much more now. She's so much less afraid to make mistakes. She's so much less concerned with what other people think of her.

And that lets her be playful. Relaxed. Silly.

Like singing karaoke and laughing at herself silly.

Dominance and submission doesn't have to make you less of who you are. It can set you free to be MORE of who you are.

She feels safe with me, and trusts that my Dominance isn't something I'm using to force her to be perfect or to perform some version of "good sub". Because of that feeling of safety, she gets to relax on a very deep level.

And then what comes out? Joy. Playfulness. Freedom.

As a man (not just a big bad "Dom") that's what I want. I don't want my wife walking on eggshells trying to be submissive enough.

I want to see the woman I love come alive because she feels at ease inside of my leadership.

Sometimes that looks like her being a complete goofball, and I love it.

Make no mistake, when we are at work, she is as serious as a heart attack. She knows that that our livelihood, both current and future, depends on our reputation, professionalism, and profitability. She is fully capable of stating her own position, and disagreeing with me.

Despite that level of intensity on the job, she is able to disconnect from the job when we walk through the door of our home. That is a huge difference between now and her old job. Plus, her ability to disconnect forces me to do the same.

We thought that we were happy before she submitted, but in reality we had no idea what true happiness was.

This is very beautiful, and I’m so glad you’ve joined the discussion

 

[Sexy_Singer]

Did you find what you were looking for?

Based on my question you quoted?

 

[Strixaluco]

I’ve always been a Protector, even when young. That trait led me into the military

That tracks. The major good side my late husband had was being protective (unfortunately not in a daddy way) - and it led him first to peacekeeping (mind you that here almost all men go through conscription at about 19, so most Finnish peacekeepers are not career soldiers), and then to becoming a career soldier.

My DD is very protective in a different way, and military career would have been one the things he wanted, but couldn't do due to physical issues.


But that's just a random resemblance. I think I need to show your post to my partner. In our case even a common household is still only in the talks, and we've been wondering about how our dynamic would shift then.

 

[Bunnys_Wolfie]

I wish all the best for you as you and your DD continue to explore your dynamic. Be aware that it may not be smooth in the beginning if you move towards a common household. Because of her past, there were times when we were starting out that she would develop anxiety over what she felt she was becoming. Thinking that "she" would somehow disappear and become nothing more than a servant. We worked through that and other issues. And we had issues when I brought her into the business. At first, she had challenges in separating CFO Bunny from sub Bunny. Her anxiety spiked again, but we worked through it. We have a code phrase to let me know if she needs a little more "Dom-ing" during the day to help her get centered again.

I hesitated to share that post because I don't want to give the impression that this is easy, or that our dynamic is for everyone. It is a common but true saying that everyone's journey is different; everyone's dynamic is different. Only you and your DD can define what is right for you.

 

[Theatreslut]

Based on my question you quoted?

No sorry. Overall