The Horny Unicorn

[The GrandMage]

Grilam

OOC: Okay, I lied. I'm back.


IC:

He stepperd out of thin air, and into the tavern, standing right behind a very angry looking Mergale the Dreaded. He shrugged and tapped his shoulder as he yelled something about death. And the divinely-power man turned, the Dark Mage 0f all Dark Mage's grinned. "Hey, Mergale, I was visiting my family whenm my great-great-great-great-great-great granddaughter asked about you. I won't have said anything, but then you killed family."

He pointed at the charred remains of the baker. "So I brought her along. Good luck."

Grilam raced away, as if scared of the woman who'd been left there. And he had good reason too. It was the dreaded Princess Mergale was so afraid of. And lo and behold, she was wearing the Amulet of Peace, a Totem of power which absorbed all magic used against it and couldn't be touched by a magic user on threat of losing their magic forever, and whose wearer was also immune to physical attacks by a magic sheild that it created.

OOC: *Laughs evilly, and runs away*

 

[MrSand]

Mergale the Screwed

I look behind me and see a familiar and unwanted figure.

Oh shit.

Oh, how I dreaded this moment. I wished to the Hells that I would never see that long blond hair, crystal blue eyes, and killer figure ever again. Why did fate have to curse me so?

The Princess of Luminecence looked at me with a cold fury in those fierce blue orbs. I could feel the power emanating from her body; she was filled with the righteous fury of a woman scorned, and everyone knew that was a bad thing.

Although I had enough power to vanquish the pathetic humans who inhabited the bar, I knew I was no match for the Weilder of Light in her enraged state. I was sooo screwed.

"Um, Hi." I said weakly. My furious glow ceased, and my poor fangs retracted as I cowered before her glare.

She regarded me for a moment before speaking. Her usually cheerful voice was replaced by a stern and angry tone. "You left me at the altar. We had guests and family there at the ceremony, and I was sooo humiliated. You're Dark Generals cried when you didn't show up! You made them so sad!"

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she shook her head to banish them. "Now you'll pay. That was supposed to be the most special day of my life, and you ruined it. I am so gonna kick your scrawny ass..."

I cringed as the Princess advanced threatiningly towards me, cracking her satin-gloved knuckles. I suddenly looked back to my former boss and coworkers.

"Help?" I asked weakly. I had been grasping at straws, and desperately hoped that they didn't take my trying to kill them all too personally.

 

[Isolde]

I smiled smugly at the former bartender's plight and walked up the stairs to gently tap the princess on the shoulder.

When she turned to me, I could see the anger in her eyes and, as a woman, I could understand why she was pissed. And I had just the solution.

"May I make a suggestion?," I said to her, my smile growing.

Gesturing to the great feast, most of which had not been touched and the remains of the cake my brother DIDNT throw out the window (OOC: for the sake of the plot, we will say he only threw the first layer that had the dragon on it so there are still six layers left) and the priest who was paid for, I said,"We are all set up for a civilized wedding and my brother, being the barbarian that he is, decided to do things the barbarian way after everything was prepared."

"I offer you everything including the priest to perform the wedding right here, right now. As well as the best suite in the Horny Unicorn for after the wedding...all at no charge. Consider it my wedding gift!"

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

I decide to let the princess take care of things. I put the grenade in my pouch. Then suddenly I noticed something, where the hell was Thorr, and Imoen? Did I miss something during the knife throwing show, or something? I had no idea where they went. Oh well, as long as their happy together. I kind of respected Imoen as a former thief though, and maybe it was a little more than respect. Then suddenly I had a sick thought, maybe Imoen wasn't with Thorr willingly... nah, how could I even think that. That couldn't happen, could it?

 

[The GrandMage]

Grilam

He milled around, nibbling on what food was left, then strolled over to Creeps as he tried to pocket the Holy Grenade. The Mage held out a hand, palm upwards. "I'll take that, thank you. It shouldn't be left around you weirdo humans."

The man looked at him suspiciously. He merely looked back. "Oh, come on, what am I gonna do with it? Pillage and destroy? I'm related to the most power worker of Light there is. I don't wanna get on her bad side, okay? I have enough trouble with my own children on that blasted Council of Magic, never obeying me."

He reluctantly handed over the grenade. "Thanks." He slid the accursed thing in his own beltpouch, looking around. "If the princess agrees, you take the back door, I'll take the front. If Mergale runs from this one, who knows what she'll do."

He turned, and wandered back to the food, muttering, "Blew up the Cathedral last time. Glad I wasn't there."

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

Hello Griliam did you come through the Portal that I left open for you?

I had the hardest time in not acting like my Father & frying Mergale to a crisp!

If he does this again he will see what a hafling can do especially if their Father is a Dragon!

I get ready to watch The Wedding and I silently Laugh at the look on Mergale Face he looks like a comdemned Man being lead to his Death!

 

[MrSand]

Mergale the Groom

I turned pale (well paler) at Isolde's words. I wanted to run far far away, but my legs felt like butter, and terror locked me into a state of immobility.

"REALLY?!" squealed the Princess in delight. "Oh thank you! You're so nice!"

Her Holy Emanence gave Isolde a warm embrace before turning to me and leaping up and down in pure joy. "Did you hear that, Mergy? We are going to get married after all!" She then giggled like an idiot.

I felt my old familiar hate rise, and soon I broke out of my terrified state and screamed, "ARE YOU MAD?! I AM EVIL INCARNATE! YOU ARE GOOD BEYOND BELIEF! WE CAN NOT GET MARRIED!!!"

The Princess merely looked at me with a devilish shine in her perfect blue eyes. "Didn't you know? Opposites attract."

I screamed in hate and summoned my power to vaporize her before she could put up a defence. Unfortunately, I was slower than I used to be, so I hadn't gotten very far in my attack before her lovely booted foot was firmly implanted between my legs.

As I fell to the floorboards bathed in sheer agony, she merely stood back and crossed her arms. "You're not gonna ruin my perfect day again, Mergy. Sorry I had to do that, but you really need to treat a lady with more respect."

I rose steadily onto my knees, my hands still clutching at my injured parts. "Give me... back my powers, and I'll... show you how I'll treat you... bitch..."

The Princess giggled and pinched my cheeks. "Ooh, you're so cute!" She then turned around and shouted into the air. "DARK GENERALS! FRONT AND CENTER!"

Suddenly, with a tearing of the Astral Void, my Three Dark Generals of Doom appeared. They were Vargham the Black Blade, Shistra the Venom Witch, and Razor Dragon Brahmfang. The three had been my best minions, and I had shown them infinate grace by bestowing them with the powers they now possessed. Now they plaintively ignor me as they bow before my most hated of enemies.

"What is your command, Highness?" aksed Vargham, his deep powerful voice full of respect and fear. I almost cried; that was how he used to address me.

"Well, Vargy, I want you to get all the guests from the wedding and bring them here! The owner of this wonderful place has been kind enough to offer to hold my wedding here! Isn't that great?!"

"Yes, Madaam, it is," spoke Shestra, her whispery voice barely heard in the pub.

"Bu-gha... Ra ghuu du!"said the Razor Dragon. Well, Brahmfang was never that big on words.

I snarled at my three former servants, and spat. "You traitors!"

"Sorry, Lord Mergale," said Vargham. "But after the conquest of your domain, Her Highness was kind enough to grant us a pardon in exchange for our service to her cause. I have little darklings to feed, so I couldn't afford to become unemployed."

"Besides," said Shestra, "the Army of Light had better benefits and dental."

"Bru-gha!"

"You ungrateful shits!" I shouted. "I'LL KILL YOU!"

"That's enough, Mergy," The Princess gave me a peck on the cheek before turning back to my... or should it be her Dark Generals. "Ok, guys, you can go now. First one back gets an extra piece of cake!"

The three nodded before vanishing.

"Ooh, this is gonna be so much fun!" The Princess giggled in glee before turning back to look at me. "Alright, Mergy. Although you are wearing black, that armor really won't do." She then turned her attention to the bar employees and patrons. "Would one of you men be so kind as to get my little Mergy here a nice tuxedo?"

I cried into my iron gauntlets as I realized the inevitability of my doom.

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

I walk up to the my Cousin The Princess and go down on one knee and ask shall I make sure that he does not try to leave again!

I look down and smile at Mergale I whisper be very glad that you are Marrying The Princess and not me!

At least with The Princess you have a chance of living My Name is not CHARREDDRAGON for nothing I set my own Father on Fire when I was born!

 

[The GrandMage]

Grilam

He shook his head, and ripped off a leg of one of the roast pigs. Mergale was such a whinner. Basically, he was taking control of the entire planet. So, he had to marry the Princess, there were worse things.

The dark Lord stopped, and took a large bite out of the leg. They could have children, that'd be pretty bad. Or, he couldn't get the power that came from the marriage.

He sighed, and continued eating. The family would be coming by for the wedding. Blah. Grilam only had one descendant he was proud of, and she was already here. He looked around, and stepped over to the winow some of the cake had been thrown through, scooping some icing off a shard of glass. Not bad, her thought as he went back to the roast pig, finishing off the leg he had and grabbing another.

At least the food would be good...

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

I grab some bread, "wow", I said, "two weddings in one night". Imoen, the thief I idolized, married Thorr, (lucky bastard), and now Mergale is marrying the princess of light. Feeling a bit depressed I head over the table, and grab an apple. Then I actually felt attracted to Imoen. What was wrong with me. Was I becomeing some sort of perv, or something. I quickly dismiss the thought, and get back to being depressed, and eating my apple. I was a thief for god's sake, I had to keep a clear mind.

ooc: whos seen Imoen lately?

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

Creeps aren't you feeling a little to sorry for yourself!

Have you ever had Dragon Roasted Apples before?

If you want to try them I suggest that we go outside because I do not want to burn this place down by Accident!

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

I turn my had to Charalene. Dragon roasted apples were nice, and spicy, but I wasn't in the right mood right now, "sorry Charlene, but I'm not really hungry right now". I throw the apple core away, and decided to visit Thorr. I was a good friend, so I decided to drop by, and say hello. I turn to Charlene again, "hey, you want to go visit Thorr with me. I'm just going over there to say hello".

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

Sure why not but I suggest that beings that I am Hungery that you keep a couple of feet away will I Roast my Apples by the way I am Half Dragon and Half Human!

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

We walk down the dark streets to Thorr's place. I tried not to get in the way of Charlene. Sometimes I had to tell her where I was, since I kept dissapearing into the dark shadows. Sometimes she had to blow flames into dark areas just so she could see me. Once we got to Thorr's place I knocked on the door, "hey Thorr its me, let me in".

 

[Neale]

Thorr

Thorr was sitting in the kitchen of his and Imoen's new home, performing first aid upon himself, taking care of injuries sustained in their wedding. He was in an incredibly good mood, as she had done some serious damage to him, assuring him that she had the strength to make an ideal mate. As he was finishing up, chugging a strong draught of healing potion, he heard a knock on the front door and a familiar voice calling to him from outside.

Thorr leaped up and grabbed his axe. He went to the door and threw it open. Kitsuke and Charlene stood there. "Hallo friends! Come in!"

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

As Thorr opened the door I was kind of happy to see him, "actually its me Creeps, not Kitsuke, I came over just to say hello, and congradulations, and all that". I stepped inside, "I must say Thorr, your a really lucky man, you married a legend among thieves, she was involved in the Baldur's gate incident you know. By the way, heres a present". I pass to Thorr, two gold arrows. One for Imoen, and one was for Thorr.

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

I smile as Thorr opens the door to Creeps & Myself!

Thorr I bring you a Wedding Present from My Father The Dragon King I walk up to Thorr and place in his Hands a Statue of The Golden Dragon!

If you are ever in need of help Thorr just place your hand on The Golden Dragons Head help shall come but Thorr you must promise to stop hunting me or I will again burn the Hair off of your head as I did before!

"Oh!Oh!I know that I can not eat Apples!"Creeps I have the hick ups get everyone out of here before I set them and The Whole House on fire!!

I release my Dragons Tail from its bindings Thorr there is only one way to stop a Halfing Dragon from having The Hick ups!

That is pain so grab my Tail and squeeze as hard as you can without tearing it off of me!

 

[Neale]

Thorr

OOC: *smacks forehead* Dunno how I goofed that, bub.

"Hallo, Creeps!" Thorr pulls Creeps into the room, gripping him in a rib-cracking bear hug. "Hallo, pretty lady," Thorr added politely. The massive barbarian handed each of them a massive stein of ale, and bade them sit. "Imoen upstairs, sleeping."

Creeps gave his greeting and wedding presents, which Thorr was delighted to receive. Charlene gave her gift, along with a little speech that confused him greatly. However, confusion was nothing new to Thorr, and he took it in stride.

When Charlene pleaded for help with her hiccoughs, and claimed that only pain would cure them, Thorr knew what to do. Pulling her tail sounded perilously close to something that would bring Imoen down from upstairs, ready to kill him, so he came up with an alternate plan. "Wait right there, Charlene."

He ducked into the kitchen, and opened a stone chest. From the heavy chest, he pulled a very heavy glass bottle. Very, very carefully, he opened the bottle, which began to fume and spit the occasional spark. Taking a stout stone mug from the sink, he poured an ounce or so of the fiery liquid into it. Carefully, he re-stoppered the container, and returned it to its safe.

Thorr then cautiously picked up the mug, and carried it to the room where his friends were waiting. "Hokay, we go out now!" Charlene and Creeps followed him outside, their faces full of curiousity about the mug.

"Creeps, hold Charlene tight!" Creeps, accustomed to quick action, immediately held the dragon-kin tight. Quick as lightning, Thorr grabbed Charlene's nose. When she opened her mouth to yell at him, he dumped the contents of the mug into her mouth. Both he and Creeps leapt back from Charlene. Her eyes bulged, her ears, nose, and mouth smoked and shot fire. Creeps, in an astonished voice, asked "What's in the mug, Thorr?" Thorr smiled, "Huge buzz."

 

[Isolde]

I stood in the inn and looked around. A was now a stranger among many more strangers as the wedding party got underway.

Imoen and my brother had long ago gone off without so much as a 'farewell' and all my employees had deserted me in one way or another. My inn...for I assumed I was now left sole owner...had been wrecked almost beyond repair and my customers had fled with all the shenanigans going on.

I sighed heavily and shrugged. To hell with it. I was going to do what I should have done a long time ago. I was going to pack up my things and head back to barbarian lands where women were women and men took advantage of that fact. Maybe it was time I looked up a couple of the men who used to taunt me into a sword fight. One or two of them had almost bested me a few times.

Taking my keys out, I tossed them to my ex bartender. "Here you go," I said to him as I headed for my bedroom,"My wedding present just expanded to include the Horny Unicorn. Now you can bartend to your hearts content. Have a good life with your intended."

I was packed and had my bags slung over my shoulders in under an hour. With a final wave, I said good bye and walked out the door and towards home.

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

I know that what I said about your Wedding Present confused you I wave my hand in the air and a relica o The Golden Dragon appears in my hands!

I take one of Thorr's Giant Hands and place it on top of The Golden Dragons Head!

"Hokay If Thorr or Wife ever need help just place hand on top of The Golden Dragons Head and help will come!"

Thorr Charlene is not Real name I CHARREDDRAGON thank you for helping me over my hick ups!

Creeps I think that my Father would like you! Would y mind living on a Mountain Top in a Giant Castle?

OOC I am going to be gone for a couple of days!Is this thread ending?

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

After the episode with the fire, and Charlene, I remebered something to tell Thorr. "Say Thorr, Imoen did agree to this marraige right, I mean, she wasn't forced into it was she. The reason I ask you this is because if you did, but I'm not saying you did, your going to have a lot of thieves guilds hunting you down my friend. Including the Red Raven society. Like I said, Imoen is a idol among thieves, so I would becareful if were you". I heard Thorr gulp, "but you wouldn't do such a thing, would you Thorr?" I give him a serious look.

 

[Neale]

Thorr

Thorr laughed and laughed. "Thorr like you, Creeps! You funny! Imoen agree to marry Thorr, 'specially after Thorr showed her what good husband Thorr is! If birdie-thieves want to play, Thorr happy to help." Thorr smiled confidently.

"Bye, funny girliedragon!"

OOC: Well... Isolde and Imoen both have bailed on the thread. I spoze I could keep it going in their stead, but apart from you two, there seems to be little interest anymore. Opinions anyone? Should I keep it going?

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

Imoen liked Thorr? I couldn't believe my ears, "say Thorr, you wouldn't mind if I talked with Imoen, would you? Pal?" I could see that Thorr had broken a sweat.

ooc: since Imoen left this thread, I suppose you can make Imoen say whatever you want. Ending the thread is up to you.

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

OOC I say keep this thread open I know that I like Ilke this thread

 

[The_high_king]

I realize something

ooc: This may have been the longest thread ever, with the least sex I have ever seen. Thats impressive.