The Horny Unicorn

[The GrandMage]

Wolfstien

The woman he'd been asking had been led away. He shrugged, and went back in the kitchen, throwing what money he had left on the bar. He took the rest of the stew and carried it out to the evil, scary looking woman. He gave a small smile, and set the food down in front of her.

"It's on me. Eat up, get your strength back."

He turned back, and walked up to the stage, sitting at a table nearby to watch the show and to hopefully get some answers once it was done.


...If the owner was still alive, of course.

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

I smile evilly in gratitude before devouring the stew in front of me. "Superb!" I say after inhaling the delicious brew. "Of course, this won't save you... fool. You have just signed your death warrant..."

I then run upstairs to change back into my normal, evil self.

 

[The GrandMage]

Hello?

OOC: Anybody home?

 

[The_high_king]

Don't worry

ooc: I'm still here. I'm just waiting for Isolde to post something.

 

[Isolde]

OOC: Sorry, guys, RL jumped me.

IC: I looked from Creeps to the board and back again, a look of doubt on my face. Then I looked out into the audience. Oh well, if I go it will at least be recorded and the tale will spread throughout the city. Being of barbarian decent I could handle that.

"Sure, why not?," I said as I stood by the board and waited for Creeps to strap me to it.

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

I strap Isolde to the rotating board. At first she is a bit nervous, but I calm her down. I walk over to the table, and ask for complete silence. I pick up the first knife, and Isolde bites her lip. I lift my arm, and toss, sending it right beside her right ear, a few more inches, and she would have been disfigured. I toss the next one, this time sending it right under her armpit. Everyone claps, as I pick up the third one, and set it on fire. I throw it between her legs, a few inches below her... area. I pick up two this time, and throw them at the same time. One lands beside her right hand, between her pinky, and her ring finger. The other one lands beside her left hand, between the same fingers as before. Now for my final act, I blindfold myself. I raise my arm, and throw the last knife. It appears to be heading for her face at first, but instead, it lands right above her scalp, damageing only one on her head. The rest of her hair was unharmed. I unstrap Isolde, and we both take a bow.

ooc: Is that enough?

 

[Isolde]

OOC: LOL...it was great...thanks

 

[The GrandMage]

Wolfstien

He clapped. It was a good show. Especially the end. He'd never seen someone use a knife so well when blindfolded. He got up, and cleared his throat again, waving a hand in front of the owner-type woman's face.

"Excuse me? The food, and cake you want? Any preferances?"

 

[Isolde]

After bowing to my audience, I thought about the baker's comments.

Figuring that Imoen wouldnt care for anything barbarian I said,"Simply put 'To the Happy Couple' on the cake and for the food anything that doesnt run fast. A barbarian will eat anything."

OOC: This thread is kind of stalling but, without Imoen it seems pretty pointless. Anyone have any ideas on what we can do next?

 

[The GrandMage]

Wolfstien

He piddled back to the kitchen, putting 'To the Happy Couple' on it in large letters, several times around the lower levels, until he got to the last circular level, which didn't have enough room. Instead of the blue he had been using on the messages, he got out a red, and put 'Good Luck' on that level. Lord knows they'd need it.

He then went about cooking. Two roast pigs, four large 'chicken rings' which contained chicken, lettuce, tomato, and other things all wrapped in a ring of bread. Several trays of pastries, three roast ducks, and what had to be near half a cow of beef, along with several large cauldrons of stew, twenty loaves of bread, and enough venison and mutton to feed,...well,...maybe two barabrians, if they had eaten a dragon recently.

Speaking of dragons,...
He put a small green, icing dragonon the top of the cake, and slid a small metal toopick shaped like a sword in it, adding lots of red icing to it. He took it to be a wedding, and the normal type of wedding cake tops didn't fit if a barbarian was the groom.

He carried the tray and trays of food out, setting them down, and followed with the cake, which was as tall as he. He put the cake behind the bar, and covered it with another protective dome, and went back up to the owner. "That good, or you want me to run out and pick up a few more cows?"

 

[kitsuke]

Kitsuke

OOC: well Isolde, we could always have a huge orgy, but with two girls and, what? 6 guys? things could get slipped in odd places... let's hold off on that

IC:

"An excellent show of skill from both the knife-thrower and the baker!", Kistuke exclaimed with enthusiasm.

"I wonder, though, could a feat of swordsmanship fit the bill for a wedding feast entertainment? I fear I have no gift to give but a demonstration of my skill.", he related with a slight frown.

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

"I'm pretty good with a short sword, and a long knife, perhaps you will need a sparring partner", I say to the samurai. I had a short sword in my cloak, ready for use. All I needed was an answer from the samurai, "but I must warn you though, I'm well known for my speed, and fakes". I demonstrate to him by doing two slices in the air that look like I did them at the same time. Like to two blurry silver flashes.

 

[The GrandMage]

Writing out the Baker

He was done with the cooking. He set out plates, spoons, and knives. He then looked around and realized the scary-looking woman was gone.

He wandered upstairs, and found the scary looking guy, realizing that the two looked a lot alike. He recognized the Bartender and stood in the doorway. "Hey, don't I know y-"

Before he could finish, a loud boom and a bright light flared in the upstairs. A split second later, a small cloud of smoke disappeared, leaving a skeleton of what looked like a human being with wings half melted into the wall, surrounded with a rectangular black splotch on the wall opposite the door to the room Mergale was in.

The scary-looking bartender put his sunglasses over his red eyes, gave an evil chuckle, and said a witty remark to the corpse encased in wood, and went back downstairs.


OOC: *Leaves, and this time, he doesn't come back*

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

OOC Sorry I've had Doctors Appointments

IC

I watched and Silently gave an Very Evil Laugh as Mervin The Old Bartender Fried the New Bartender/Cook but he would not find what he was looking for I had already hidden it in a very safe place!

In fact I am not Insane at all!

I am who I said I was but I am also a Very Good Spy For My Discustingly Sweet Cousin The Princess of Luminence!

I walk into the Kitchen and I have a feeling that someone is following me!

I ignore whoever is there and open My Magical Portal as it is finished I feel that some thing is wrong!

 

[Neale]

Thorr

Thorr was ready to go along with Imoen's civilized whims, until he saw the wedding cake. The teeny little dragon was laughing at him, mocking his loss of barbarian spirit. Thorr growled menancingly, then hurled the cake at the window, smashing through it. "Thorr BARBARIAN!!!" He screamed, sweeping up the mildly stunned Imoen, and slinging her over his shoulder. Pausing just long enough to grab up a keg of ale, he ran off into the street with his prizes.

Imoen kicked and screamed, but was obviously no match for his strength. A fairly short while later, they reached the edge of town and a private mansion, with a huge wooded area. Thorr charged up to the main gate, whose guards took one look at Thorr, and swung the gates open with a bow.

"Thorr buy Imoen pretty house. If Imoen live through wedding, all hers." Thorr carried her into the master bedroom, which had been redecorated in a truly barbarous fashion.

An array of weapons awaited her choice, and she picked up a heavy, cast iron frying pan. The battle commenced, and the blows were many and mighty. Eventually, though, Thorr's greater size and battle prowess won the day, and he pinned the now-naked Imoen beneath him. She took one look at the giant phallus swinging between his legs, gulped, and looked away.

"Not worry, pretty lady... Thorr not take you like woman of Thorr clan." Thorr was amazingly gentle with her, at least at first. He slowly spread her legs, and slowly penetrated her dripping pussy with his massive member. She felt full, nearly to splitting wide open with the sheer size of him, but she quickly stretched out further, even beginning to feel intense waves of pleasure.

Feeling her arousal caused Thorr to pick up the pace, and begin to thoroughly fuck her. Again and again, Thorr thrusted hismself deeply within Imoen's newly enthusiastic cooperation. She moaned beneath him, and her pussy started to pulse and quiver.

The sensation was incredible, and he came with huge gushing of hot semen, filling her womb and vagina.

 

[Isolde]

I looked impassively at Thorr's exit with my partner as I crossed my arms across my chest.

"Well, its about time!," I said feeling greatly relieved and a little bit warm thinking about what was probably happening in the love nest. Maybe it was time to go back to the barbarian lands myself to drag a man home to the Horny Unicorn. Nah....a barbarian man never did well in civilization.

With a sigh, I signaled the party to begin.

"Everyone eat and drink as much as you can tonight. Its on the house. Come tomorrow we may be out of business but tonight we party!"

 

[MrSand]

Mergale the Dreaded

Suddenly, a blast erupted from the stairs, stopping all merriment in its tracks. There, standing in the ruins of the stairwell, dressed in a flowing black cloak, his eyes glowing with evil fury, was Mergale the Dreaded.

"Heh heh heh..." He snickered as his evil gaze glared over the party goers. "At last, I have it..."

The Dark Lord held up the Holy Handgranade, which he had taken from the body of the destroyed baker.

Megale smiled viciously, displaying his fangs to everyone, and then laughed. "HHAHAHAHAHA!!! I have regained my might, thanks to this lovely totem! Now, insignificant insects... who shall be the first to taste Mergale the Dreaded's fury?"

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

I bring my Magic Stealing Net from its hiding place and cloak myself in invisiablity!

I walk silently Spreading My Magic Stealing Net in front of everyone for their protection!

I walk up to Creeps and whisper in his ear that I need his help as A Master Thief!

 

[The_high_king]

Wait a minute

ooc: first, a few messages.
1)Careful Thorr. I if I'm correct, in the game Baldur's gate. Imoen is a thief. So I would becareful if I were you Thorr. Keep her away from anything lethal, or you'll wake up with a lump on your head, no matter how strong you are.
2)Mergale. I was wondering, if that is a holy hand grenade. Won't it rip your hand off, or something. Seeing that its holy, and everything.
Thank you for listening.

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

I hear Charlene whisper on my ear, I smile a bit. I turn to her, and say, "don't worry, I have a feeling that his grenade won't work the way he intended", I smiled even more. I turn to Islode all of a sudden, ever since the show I couldn't seem to stop thinking about her. "I suppose a little chat with her wouldn't hurt", I think to myself. I walk over to her to say hi, just a friendly hi.

 

[MrSand]

MrSand

OOC: Holy or not, it has quite a bit of power, and Mergale's no dope. He knows how to sap power, whether it be holy or evil. So, right now he's using holy power to destroy stuff! Heh...

Anyway, I sense this thread coming to a close... I just thought an epic last battle(or something close to it) was in order.

IC: Ishuddered in hate as the rest of the party-goers ignored me. "YOU LITTLE CRETINS!!! How dare you ignore me!"

With a snap of my fingers, one of the bar patrons becomes engulfed in flames. The drunk screams in frightful agony before turning into ash. This quieted things down.

"Ha, got your attention, eh?" I laugh hysterrically turning my evil gaze upon Isolde. "Alright, Harpy... where is the Scrying Stone? Give it to me, and I won't kill anyone else. Promise."

 

[Isolde]

OOC: Well, it doesnt have to die just yet...

IC: I was about to turn and smile at Creeps. Anyone with that kind of skill cant be too bad and he was pretty cute too. I was interrupted before I could say anything.

I looked up as something on the second floor blew to bits, it was the second floor. That made me upset.

Then my bartender was standing there screaming about power and some such thing and then set one of my customers on fire. That made me mad.

Then the braggart called me a harpy. Now someone was going to die! And it looked like it was the bartender's night.

Looking over at Creeps, I gave him a smile of pure maliciousness. "Somebody is going to pay for the damage, you know, want to help me out?"

Now, as a barbarian's daughter I was taught how to fight, which is good. But the only way a barbarian fights is head on into the fray which sometimes may not be so good. I was going to need the back up.

Not answering the mad man, I stormed over to the buffet and picked up the plates. Balancing one of them on my hand, I smiled up at the Bartender moments before one of them zinged past his head and hit the wall.

"I. Dont. Know. And. Dont. Care.," I said as I quickly threw a plate after each word, some of them he ducked and some he didnt. The maneuver seemed to have taken him by surprise.

Looking over, I noticed the eastern guy was there also and I gave him a nod to let him know that we could use a hand.

When the plates were all done, I picked up the nearest platter of food and called to all the customers that were left.

FOOD FIGHT!

The bartender was immediately pelted with food from every angle.

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

I whisper into Creeps ear you are going to be Roasted alive if you do not do something!

I gather my Magic Stealing Net and get ready and throw it at Mergale and sap his magical Power from him!

I taunt him that he has the wrong Holy Hand Grenade!

I say that the real Holy Hand Grenade is already safe from you as I run from the Tap Room!

Mergale you are soo slow that you could not catch a Three Toed Dragon without a Tail!!!

I ask Isolde what she did with The Iron Skillet that had the Arrow through it and winked!

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

I was going to talk to Isolde, until Mergale messed everything up, and burned one of the customers. Charlene whispered to me again, and this time I listened. As Islode starts to pelt him with plates. I sneak silently into the shadows unnoticed, and sneak up behind him. Without Mergale knowing I quickly switch the grenade with a mango. Poor Mergale, he could have led a perfect life with no worrys, but he had to resort to this.

 

[MrSand]

Mergale the Dreaded

While blocking the flying food, I failed to notice Creeps sneak up behind me and take the Holy Handgranade, replacing it with a mango.

I was most definately annoyed by these turn of events.

"So..." I say, my voice dropping down to a dangerous whisper. "You people still aren't taking me seriously... fine." I crush the mango, causing the juices to leak down onto the floor from my gloved fist. "I have absorbed enough power from the Totem to take care of you insignificant ants. After I kill you all, I'll go after your idiot brother and his whore of a wife... since you don't have what I seek, it stands to reason that they do..."

My summon the absorbed holy power, and soon my body became surrounded by golden light. My eyes shone a bright silver, as I prepared to use the divine strenght within me to cause ultimate evil upon my foes.

"Prepare to die!" I smile.