The Horny Unicorn

[Imoen]

Mirroring the gentleman's wide grin, Imoen turned and waved a hand and the heavily laden shelves behind her. "Why we have practically anything a descerning customer like yourself could possibly want! Cool, crisp ales, beers, ciders and stouts. Wines ranging from delicate to hearty, full-bodied - depending on your taste of course! Not to mention the various spirits and fortified liqueurs!"

Slapping her hands back onto the bar, she smiled brightly. "So what can I do you for, good Sir? A pint of Butternut Beer? Or maybe Black Boot Stout? Mayhaps something with a bit more bite? Wyvern Whiskey perhaps, a strong spirit if ever there was one!"

 

[Roland Gilliad]

*He was beyond ecstatic at the thought of a warm bedroom that he said quickly* I can do all that and whatever else you require....thank you.... thank you so much...*He was blustering thanks as he was guided to the kitchen where he looked at the wizard like person timidly, and picked up a loaf of bread, slicing two thick slices and applying a little bit of everything to it, and getting himself the stoutest cider he could find and quietly ate and drank..it was marvelous having warm food for once,steeling himself with the cider, he finished quickly and giving a small, happy nod to the person eating the half raw chicken, he went out into the bar proper, and found the broom, hoisting it over his shoulder he went over to the cloakroom and put up his hood and cloak, revealing his overlong hair and Currently Drow like skin, He walked out and was all smiles, as right before thier eyes he went from dark skinned to light, pale skinned in a near instant, he didnt realize this of course but he smiled anyway and said* Whatever you want...I can do it.....thank you so much for giving me a..a..Somthing to do for work.....*he was blustering thanks again*

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

The curious stranger I had met earlier was suddenly led in, and sat next to me at the kitchen table. He helped himself to some food, but wisely decided to not eat too much.

I on the other hand, was starving, and after fininshing the rather disgusting chicken, I went on to inhale the roast beef (which was curiously missing the beef), an apple pie (which curiously had beef in it), and a large stack of bread (which was a little on the green side).

After having my fill, I exited the kitchen and brought myself back behind the bar. I resumed my glass polishing and hoped that my insides would be able to handle all the bizarre foods I had eaten without having to send it back up.

 

[Roland Gilliad]

ooc Mr.Sand I Just want to say that you are too funny for words.

I SALUTE YOU! *Gets a hard on*

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

Charlene
Age 24
Hair Dark Silver
Eyes Light Silver

I need to find a job to feed myself scence my Father threw me out of the only home that I've ever known.

Then I remebered that new Bar was opening up today.They may need some help in the kitchen or waiting on tables.

I saw that man walking by with the dark glasses on there is only one reason for him to wear those dark glasses it is to hide his eyes.

I could smell that he used to have the use of great power until it was takn away from him.

If anyone was ever meant to give Children Nightmares it would have be him.

 

[MrSand]

To Roland:

Errr... um, thanks for the... um.... "compliment."

I need to lie down now...

 

[The GrandMage]

He thought a minute. Choices, choices, choices. Well, he was decided. Catching a wiff of poorly cooked food, and making an educated stab at the reason. He didn't see the harm in having a feast.

"Alright then. I'll have,...A tankard of hard cider, I believe. And I'll have a roast pig, stuffed with potatoes, carrots, garlic, chestnuts, and rice. Seasoned accordingly, smothered in a thick gravy, along with three or four loaves of fresh bread."

He thought a moment before adding, "And I want the pig cooked all the way through, served without it's insides or head, thank you." Holding the end of the bar, he leans back, looking at the ceiling for a moment.

"That should about do it,...for now. How much will that cost me?"

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

I nodded to the customer, and got him his tankard of hard cider. As I looked at his face again, something began pricking at the back of my mind. Quickly, I removed the annoying earwig from my hair, and after sending it to hell via the bottom of my boot, I turned back to my customer.

"Say," I say to him, "You look rather familiar... have we met before?"

 

[Neale]

Thorr

After depositing the bartender in the kitchen, not much the worse for wear, Thorr made his way back to the slowly filling main room. His mind, such as it was, was awhirl with images of Imoen. Still, she and his sister had presented him with a dilemma. He had been ordered not to strangle anyone until they said so... However, when he saw trouble, the best thing to do was to handle it immediately. After much thought, and the death by immolation of many brain cells, he realized that they had said nothing about pummelling, disemboweling, decapitation, maiming, nostril raking, ritual sacrifice, ultra-wedgies, or any of the 1666 different methods of discomfiting an opponent which had been drilled in to him at Barbarian Boy Scout Jamborees over the years of his youth.

 

[The GrandMage]

He looked down, and coughed loudly. How to handle this? Well, might as well tell the truth.

"Oh, we've never met before. Although I believe you look familiar, I'm sure I don't know any Mervins. Although I'd swear you look like a certain someone who'd be using a pseudonym now."

He leaned forward. "Although, it's hard to tell now that you're not wearing the black."

He leaned back, and took a swig of his cider.

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

As I am walking down the street I am wondering were Mister Walking Nightmare has gone.

As the bar comes into view I notice one of the Owner's outside. I ask if they are still hiring people!

I say that I would gladly work in the kitchen or waiting on tables I say that I'll do no wenching.

If a person asks me to go to there bedroom for the night I'll leave right then and there.

As I look inside whom do my eyes behold none other than the one I saw walking earlier that would give Children Nightmares.

He has changed his Clothes has he but he still smells of Great Power that has been taken from him.

I think to myself wouldn't you just like to know where that Great Power is now as I glance directly at him and smirk.

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

I growl as recognition hits me. "Grilam..." I knew that arrogant stance anywhere. Former leader of the League of Ultimate Evil, once called the Foe of All Living, and most recently the ex-Archmage of the Magis Council. He was reputed to be a powerful sorcerer, although whatever his powers may be were a complete mystery since he always ended up losing it in the end...

I lean angrily towards him, my glasses slipping down the bridge of my nose, and stare at him with burning red eyes. "Grilam..." I whisper, "what the hell is an old phogey like you doing here? I thought you were dead when those pricks at the Council ousted you!"

 

[The GrandMage]

Takes another swig of his cider, a bemused expression on his face. "Them? Kill me? Bah. It took the entire Army of Light to catch me. If the Council of Magic didn't have the protection of the Princess of Luminescence I'd have killed them years ago."

He gave a large sigh, and took another swig of cider. "But at least my name isn't recent enough to cause a lynching, eh? But, anyway, where's the entertainment around here, huh? Is the great service supposed to drag everyone in? The only thing the service'll drag in here is a few drunks and the Army's executioner."

He takes a moment to look around. "And I doubt either would stay for long."

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

Grilam seemed unperturbed as he took another swig of his drink. "Them? Kill me? Bah. It took the entire Army of Light to catch me. If the Council of Magic didn't have the protection of the Princess of Luminescence I'd have killed them years ago."

I shudder slightly at the mention of that awful Princess. Memories of my capture at her hands begin to fill my evil head...

---Gratuitious Flashback Sequence---

"So, this is the dreaded Mergale? Dark Lord of the Northern Lands?" asked the Princess of Luminescence. "Hmph. I'm hardly impressed."

The dark hooded figure growled, the chains encircling his body threatening to break. His eyes glowed a vicious red beneath the shadows of his cowl, and his black mantle writhed around his form in fury, as if alive.

"Be careful, Majesty," said General Willgood, the Princess's right hand man. "This foul creature has already lain waste to hundreds of our strongest men... he is more formidable than he seems."

"Worry not, Sir!" said a wizened old elf named Virtuu. "The chains around his vile form are of dead iron, which nullify his magic. He is also being held within a powerful white magic circle, thus negating his evil even further. As we speak, his demonic Totems of Power are being destroyed by our men, and soon this foul miscreant shall be no more powerful than a little school girl!"

The army men laughed at this.

"You little shits!" shouted the Dark Lord, his voice cutting through the laughter like a hot knife through flesh. All gasped as the air in the room seemed to lower a few degrees. "You dare mock me, Mergale of the Dark Trinity?! Once I get free of these accursed bonds... I will incinerate your flesh and devour your bones... I will then lead my legions into your miserable lands and defile your holy temples with our evil! You will scream for a mercy that will not come, while your genitals are crushed and your organs are mangled!"

Silence pervaded the room after Mergale's speech; all watched as the Dark Lord seethed in his chains, eyes glowing an intense scarlet, fangs long and protruding, pale face contorted in a vicious snarl.

"You..." whispered the Princess. She slowly stood from her throne and made her way slowly to the improsoned Dark Lord. All the men there (with the exception of Mergale) watched drooling as her lithe, athletic body moved with delicious sensousness under the thin and whispy silks of her robes.

"Y-Your Majesty!" shouted Gen. Willgood in warning.

The Princess ignored him and stepped up to Mergale. Her pale blue eyes were wide with some strange emotion, and her soft pink lips quivered somewhat. Mergale glared at her with vicious intensity, his eyes glowing increadibly red.

She reached out with her thin, delicate hand and pulled down the Dark Lord's hood, revealing his pale features to the light of all there. Mergale snarled in hate, and shouted, "How dare you! You insolent wench! You will die for this insult! I will rip your-"

"You're beautiful..." said the Princess, her voice seemingly in awe.

There was a quick moment of silence before every man in the room (including Mergale) shouted, "WHAT??!!?"

The Princess clasped her hands together and began bouncing up and down like a little kid who had just recieved the latest toy. "I said you're beautiful! Gorgeous even!" Her blue eyes shone with excitement. "God, you are the hottest guy I've ever seen!"

Mergale's pale face turned a bit grey as his black blood rushed to beneath the surface of his face in a blush. His mouth was moving up and down, but couldn't seem to form words.

The Princess giggled at his speechless state, then locked her arms into his. "This is great! I've never met anyone like you before! You'r sooo evil, and that armor is like, so cool! Gawd, my friends're gonna love meeting you! I know we should go out a few times first, but that's like sooo old school, y'know? Let's get married tommorow!"

"What?!" Mergale attempted to pull away from the Princess, but her increadible strength, not to mention his queasy stomach, prevented it. "Let go of me, you crazy bitch!"

The Princess giggled again. "Oh, you are just sooo bad! Not like my old boyfriends, all they did was go on a quest trying to win my hand... oh, gawd. They were sooo boring." She suddenly pressed herself upon Mergale and asked, "So, you think I'm cute?"

"NO!" shouted the blushing Dark Lord, spittle leaking from his mouth.

The Princess frowned a bit before shrugging. "Oh well, I'll grow on you..." She then began dragging the protesting demon towards her tent. "C'mon, sweety, let's go practice what we'll do on our honeymoon!"

"Nooo!!!" screamed Mergale, who had somehow managed to break through the dead iron chains. He flailed his free arm about and tried to grasp some of the passing soldiers. "Somebody, please kill me!!!!"

The entire Army of Light merely stood outside the tent, shock evident on all their faces, as they listened to the muffled screams and pleadings of the captured Dark Lord.

"Hmph," muttered Virtuu. "No accounting for taste..."

---END OF FLASHBACK---

I was snapped out of my ponderings as Grilam spoke again. "But at least my name isn't recent enough to cause a lynching, eh? But, anyway, where's the entertainment around here, huh? Is the great service supposed to drag everyone in? The only thing the service'll drag in here is a few drunks and the Army's executioner."

"Hmph," I say to him, continuing my polishing. "I don't know what you mean by 'entertainment,' but by that you mean wenching, then look elsewhere. There isn't any of that in here."

 

[The GrandMage]

Looks at Mergale. "Wenching? Bah. I'd settle for a musician at this point." He took a sip of his cider and sighed.

"So, how are things nowadays?" He smiled, and let out a chuckle. "I take it you're happy to be free of....her?"

He looked down, and grabbed the edge of the bar, leaning back as he finished his drink. He looked around. "And of course there's no wenching. Bah, there's no one to wench. And everyone else is quite quiet now, aren't they?"

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

I flinched slightly at Grilam's mention of "her."

Quickly shaking off the shivers, I answer. "Hmph. This is merely a stepping stool for me, old man. I will soon regain my might. Then I shall destroy all those who dare get in my way."

I put down the glass I was polishing and quickly pick up another.

 

[Neale]

Thorr

Thorr was becoming bored. And, as everyone knows, a bored barbarian is a dangerous barbarian. Actually, any barbarian not dead, torn to ribbons, and buried under tons of earth and stone is a dangerous barbarian... but that is common knowledge.

The ale was nice, to be sure, but he had not slain anyone all day, and the lack was depressing him. The bar began to fill, and he looked around at the patrons. Unfortunately, no one seemed to require his services just yet. Perhaps once the alcohol flowed enough...

 

[The GrandMage]

He gave a yawn. "If you ever regain your might, please, tell me. I'd love to help. I'd also love to get my power back, but you can't have everything, at least, not yet."

He drummed his fingers on the bar. "Speaking of not having everything, didn't I order some food to go with my now-finished drink?" He was terribly hungry. Losing all your power to people so senile they can't remember their own names tended to do that to you.

"Please tell me I don't have to cook it myself, do I? I mean, I ordered a whole pig, man. You'd think you'd have at least talked to someone about cooking one by now. And, speaking of which..." He gave the empty container of his finished cider a shake. "Can I get another of these?"

He gave a quick and worried look at the barbarian. He didn't look like your normal barbarian. He was afriad he'd get cut in half. Hunger always made him paranoid.

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

"Hmph... I'm the bartender, not your waiter," I say to Grilam. As I refill his tankard, I shout out to the barbarian. "Man here hunger. Need food. Go in kitchen; get his order!"

 

[The GrandMage]

He slapped his forhead. "The reason I gave my order to you is because I was hoping I could get something edible. Although I don't doubt the barbarian can get me food, I doubt if I could eat it!"

And with that said, he calmly took a sip of his new cider. The thought of going somewhere else crossed his mind, and he looked to the door.

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

As I watch the one behind the Bar I search his mind very carefully!

Yes he is the one that the Princess of Luminensence had Conquered Mergale Dark Lord of The Northern Lands a Bartender oh how the mighty have fallen!As I'm looking at the Bartender and Smirking at him.

I see the one that he has been talking to turn towards me at the door.My Eyes Turn to almost a Black Silver I give him a small smile.

I smile to myself so he wants Roast Pig for dinner does he lets see if he likes it this way.I use one of my incantations to make his Whole Right Arm a Roast Pig! The Bartender can smile after all even if it's an Evil smile.

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

I pause my polishing and raise an eyebrow. "Um... Grilam... did your right arm just turn into a roast pig?"

 

[The GrandMage]

He felt power being used against him. And just because his power was gone didn't mean a thing. It had simply been sealed away inside him, and it still permeated his being. He looked at his right arm, made it give an oink, then drew the power used against him, letting his arm change back. He flexed his fingers. "Pitiful. Really. I mean, that's just poor taste. But, it is helpful."

He turned the power against the barrier holding his own power at bay, and let it loose. No one used such power anymore, mostly because direct attacks like it could be reshaped. The weakest barrier, the oldest, finally fell after years of picking at it. Power rushed against the barriers, toppling a few of them, and giving him back control of a fourth of his origional power, most of it still locked away.

He turned to his benefactor/attacker and gave a small sigh. "Thank you. I haven't had this level of power in quite some time. A few years of work, and I should be able to rise up again. Not that I'd want to, though. It's too hard to rain evil upon the land by yourself. And you just can't trust anyone not to kill you these days."

And he turned back to his cider, taking another sip. "So,...there's no wenching? Might as well leave then. Just nevermind about the food. I'll finish my cider, and be along." He pulled some money out of his pocket, and set it on the bar.

 

[Neale]

Thorr

The giant barbarian looked around carefully to see that Imoen was not within earshot, and rumbled in a low voice, close to the formerly pig-armed customer, "Is wenching here. Not tell Imoen, though. Ask Thorr sister, Isolde. She help you. Shh."

 

[The GrandMage]

He finished his drink without even a look at the barbarian. He sat the empty container down, and stood up, turning to the door.

"Hmm. That's all well and good, but I have evil to manipulate, dark forces to promote, and I don't feel very welcome."

With that, he strolled to the door, gave a dark glare around, and slipped out. As he was on his way through town, he spotted a particulary greedy-looking person. He slipped over a pouch of money, and a few instructions. It was simple. Go down to the bar, and promote a little evil between the bartender and the barbarian.

A laugh, and he was gone. The Northern territories were brewing with evil, both old and new, and he had a return to plan for.