The Horny Unicorn

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

I look at the Arrow through The Skillit Handle I look at the one who fired the Arrow!

There is a Cold Fire of Hate in my Dark Silver Eyes as I make a Motion with my Hand!

I send The Iron Skillit & Arrow Sailing Through the air right back at the one that Thorr called Creeps.

You killed my Giant Foster Brother when you shot one of your Arrows through his back yesterday

I kill you with your own Arrow NOW his Death is avenged when you die YOU shall be his SLAVE I say this By The Gods of The Barbarians!

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

ooc: nice try Charlene.

ic: As a master thief, I had a very skilled senses. I duck, letting the skillet fly harmlessly toward another wall. I heard the light whizzing of the skillet before it had hit me. I turn to Thorr, "I think its time we bounced her Thorr". Almost everyone in the tavern wanted her kicked out. Including the bartender, since the skillet missed him by mere inches.

 

[The_high_king]

waiting

ooc: please someone, write something. Anything.

 

[Neale]

Thorr

OOC: Sorry, bub. Posting every day is sometimes just not possible, due to RL concerns.

IC: "Yesterday, ages, is all same to Thorr! Thorr thought you joke when you no drink ale. Hmm... Thorr's people make good drink from yak milk. STRONG!" The fermented beverage he referred to was well known for putting the strongest of barbarians flat on his back after a skin full, and was reserved for serious celebrations.

The strange sorceress who seemed to think she was a barbarian princess of darkest evil, fostered by giants, confused Thorr greatly. He had originally thought she was there to apply for a job, but her attitude implied a definite lack of table manners. Perhaps she could be of some use as a scullery maid though, so Thorr was inclined to give her one last chance.

"Hokay, Creeps... Thorr talk to little girl again." The mightiest barbarian the world had ever known walked calmly to the furious female. "Thorr like your spirit, woman, but you bother customers. Isolde and Imoen like customers to be happy. You be good, and Thorr get you job washing dishes. You not be good, and Thorr and Creeps have to take you outside, and spank you. Hokay?"

Thorr looked down at her, hoping she would decide to play nice, and be able to stay around a while. She had tremendous spirit, and neat abilities, so Thorr felt she would be a tremendous asset to the business, once she calmed down a little.

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

I do not like Creepy Person because of him Foster Father kick me out because I to little too clean house I no longer have home!Why should I let Creepy Person live?

Foster Brothers not real Giants but compared to me everyone is Giant even Mighty Hero Thorr is Giant!

Why do Thorr think that I attacked his Knees? I like Thorr I be good for only Thorr & His Sister & Bartender Mervin!

I not be good for Creepy Person he I kill if I get chance!!

Thorr's head bleeds did I hurt you?I hide head against Thorr and start to cry Thorr Punish Me For Hurting Mightiest Barbarian Hero?

Me think Thorr Handsome Man!

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

Still polishing glasses...

*squeek*

*squeek*

 

[Isolde]

OOC: Go away for a few days and come back to a soap opera. Oh well, here goes...

IC: I opened the door to the Horny Unicorn and was about to call out to Thorr to come help me unload the wagon of supplies that I had gone to get seeing as how our new barbarian cook ruined all the food we had stored in back.

The sight that greeted my eyes made me stop and stare, my jaw dropping to the ground.

There on the other side of the room was our best skillet with an arrow through it. Totally useless now. Thor was standing in the middle of the floor holding some woman and his head was bleeding and lumped up and there was a definate lack of 'entertainment' going on.

"Okay! What in all of the god's names are going on here?" I bellowed into the room, quieting the place down. "Can someone answer me why I have my best skillet ruined on the floor, my brother getting too cozy with a strange girl and no musician or wenches though I ordered them just yesterday."

"Not to mention the fact that someone beat up on my brother and no one does that but me. When I find out what low life dared to smack him around someone is going to be in trouble! Like I need a barbarian with brain damage! Do you know how much trouble that would be?"

Glaring at everyone, especially the man with the crossbow sitting at the bar, I waited for an answer.

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

"Hmph," I say, pushing my sunglasses further up the bridge of my nose. "Don't look at me. I'm just standing here polishing glasses..."

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

I go to Thorr's Sister and hang my Head! I beat your Brother up with The Iron Skillit because Laughed at me and he called me Funny Puny Little Girl!

I Yelled I am NOT Funny Puny Little Girl!

I tried to kill Creepy Person with Iron Skillit & Arrow because he killed Foster Brother with Arrow through Back with Sneek Attack!

Thorr say that I am like his Sisters got Spirit but my aim not good.Thorr say I not be good have to leave or he spank me.

Say I be good for only Thorr & His Sister & Bartender Mervin!

I not be good for Creepy Person he I still kill when and if I get chance!!

 

[Isolde]

I looked at the girl before me and shook my head. One day someone was going to invent something that would let people see stories just like this and they were going to make a mint.

Meanwhile I was stuck in this story for real and not making a damn cent. I sighed. Just my luck.

"Thorr, clean up your head and go unload that stuff from the wagon. We need to get some good food in this place."

"As for you," I said to the girl, giving her a hard look,"Dont dent up my pans on my brother's head any more. Those things cost money!"

Turning my glare upon the man with the crossbow, I said,"As for you....I hope you know you owe me a pan. And I want the good brand too." He tried to protest that he was only saving my brother but I waived it away. "My brother's head will heal. My pan wont."

Looking at the bartender, a thought crossed my mind and I said,"Say, how are you at singing and dancing? My entertainment didnt show up and I need something to keep the customers busy."

 

[kitsuke]

new

"Kyoushuku," a penetrating voice coming from a man just stepping in the door, "I saw the ki-rin on your... signpost? and reasoned that this establishment would be for good accomodations for a time." His voice is harsh, but more from habit than any anger. He holds himself rigid and his eyes dart into every corner as he politely inquires.

He is fully armed and armored with two swords hanging at his waist curiously one on top of the other in a waist sash. Also, strapped across his back is a large two-handed war club with steel bands running down it's sides, the club seems to have green rivets dotting it's length. His armor is not metal, and is lacquered into a vibrant dark blue color with many black and grey accents. He is not a tall man, perhaps an inch or so under five and a half feet, but is solid and gives the impression of rock-like hardness.

"I would like to speak to the taishou, pardon, owner of this establishment regarding terms as I fear I have no local currency, only koku." This said he reaches into a pouch at his waist and pulls out several gleaming gold coins with imprintings on them and square holes cut in the center. Putting them away he steps away from the door and occupies an empty corner, dark eyes searching the room for... something.

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

I flinch at Isolde's suggestion that I be the pub's "entertainment." Such a thought was outrageous! Serving drinks was one thing, but being up on stage in the spotlight was something else! I had intended to keep a low profile in order to avoid the Princess's hunters; being forced to entertain these lowlife humans would not only be insulting, but suicidal!

I was about to refuse (politely) when a man entered the tavern. I caught sight of his armor and features, the sight of which caused my blood to turn cold. This was one of the warriors from the Eastern lands; the majority of their people usually stayed in their own territories. Only mercenaries, and criminals running from the law, would journey so far from their homelands. So what was he doing here? Did he work for my dreaded enemy?

If so, then I could not let him live. The man must die... Even if he turns out to be an innocent, I can not take the chance. I must kill him, or suffer the Princess's... clutches. Yuck.

Unfortunately, my powers were still weak. I alone could probably not defeat the warrior, who looked extremely disciplined.

"Well," I whisper to myself, the evil very present in my voice, "if I can't do it myself, I will have to have someone else do it for me..."

I repress the urge to cackle maniacally, and wait for Thorr to exit the kitchen.

 

[Neale]

Thorr

Thorr was relieved that his sister had returned in time to rescue him from the new girl's clutches. Unloading a wagon was a LOT safer than trying to bounce that woman. Besides, his heart was already lost to Imoen.

Scarcely breaking a sweat, Thorr easily unloaded the supplies from the wagon, passing them inside to Bonan to be stowed. While he was unloading, he had removed much of his clothing, stripping down to the waist. For some odd reason, many of the female inhabitants of the town found excuses to linger in the street nearby, evidently fascinated by the efficient way in which he unloaded the wagon.

Afterwards, Bonan handed him a large mug of ale, which Thorr took outside. He was a bit hot, so he rubbed the cold mug across his forehead, then chugged the contents down. Evidently, the women appreciated efficient ale-quaffing as well, for many of them swooned on the spot. Perhaps they were a bit overheated...

His outside work finished, he wiped down and re-dressed, oblivious to the moans and groans of disappointment from across the street. Thorr made his way back inside, seeking his sister. He found her in the kitchen, looming ominously under Bonan. Isolde had a true knack for intimidating men larger than she. Men smaller than she, including practically every man not barbarian born, were pretty much automatically awed.

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

Seeing Isolde I walk up to her. "Sorry about the skillet", I say in my best apologetic voice. "Listen, I'll pay you back double, whatever the cost of the skillet was", I wait for an answer.

 

[kitsuke]

*eyes widen and starts from chair gripping warclub strapped to back when Thorr walks in*

'CHIKUSHOU!', he thinks to himself, 'a demon.... no, he just goes to kitchen. I thought the men I had already seen here were large... but that one must be part ogre!'

*shakes head in disbelief and sits back down to wait*

 

[Isolde]

Just as I had everything under control, a man walked in off the streets. I was in supervising the barbarian cook and making a mental note to ask his name at some point in time when I heard him loudly call for an owner.

Imoen had dissappeared and I assumed she was out getting our entertainment. I hoped she got at least a few serving women who I could talk into wenching if I offered them extra benifiets.

Moving from the kitchen to the main room, I was about to ask who had inquired for an owner when the crossbow man walked up and offered to pay for the skillet. I was about to accept his payment when I noticed had a thought.

He had obviously shot that crossbow into the pan while the woman was hitting my brother with it. It took great skill to do that and it gave me an idea.

"Tell you what," I said to him,"How about it I pay you for an exhibition of your crossbow skills? Four shows a night and I will dock you for any customers you kill with that thing? Interested?"

My gaze fell on a well armed man and I frowned, especially when he jumped up at Thorr's entrance.

"My little brother has been beat up once today from someone besides me. He is off limits," I told the man. "And no bloodletting in the inn. You get the urge to relieve someone of their blood supply take it outside."

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

I look up at Thorr's Sister and say that I need job will work in Kitchen Washing Dishes!

As repayment for me beating Her Brother up with Iron Skillit instead of herself doing it!

I will also help Bartender to Serve Drinks I feel Safe Around Mervin!

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

Isolde tells me that i won't have to pay for the skillet if I perform an act of accuracy for tonight. I consider it for a while, I tell her,"listen, my skills are not usually for show-and-tell, but I'll make an exception, this time. I will need an assistant though", I raise, an eyebrow at Isolde.

ooc: if you didn't get the drift. I'm asking isolde to be my assistant.

 

[Isolde]

I look at the man as if he has just grown another nose. Me? In front of arrows? Hey, I may be a barbarian's daughter but I am no fool.

Then I looked around the half empty inn and shook my head. What I wouldnt do to keep this inn going.

"Okay, you have your assistant. What do I have to do?" I said,"And you better be as good as I think you are with those things because I can chase after you and haunt you alot better after I am dead than I can while alive."

Then to the girl, "Fine..dishes and, if you know how to cook without poisoning anyone start on supper and put that barbarian to work bringing in customers."

I never did meet anyone able to say no to a barbarian...and even if they did the oafs were too dense to understand they had been refused and usually got what they wanted the hard way.

"And Thorr," I yelled to him, having seen his display on the streets,"Why dont you go and have another drink outside to show people how good the ale here is. And make sure you take off your shirt...its a bit hot outside."

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

The show was going to be tonight. I quickly head over to the weapons shop, and buy what I needed. I bought throwing knives, crossbow bolts, and order a giant target board that was 6.5 feet. I grab my stuff, and hurry back to the tavern. I put down the big board, and started to practice.

 

[kitsuke]

"I apologize keishuu," he stood and bowed to Isolde as she addressed him, "it was not my intention to spill blood. It was his size that startled me.... in my homeland beings of such size are not known for their friendliness." Fishing out ten round gold coins, weighing just over a pound collectively, he offers them to her. "Please, if this would be enough, I desire food and lodgings."

Bowing again, he stood then at attention and waited for a reply.

 

[Isolde]

I looked at the man and then at the gold coins. They were not coin of the realm but gold was gold and I knew where I could trade it. I knew alot of things I really shouldnt being just an 'innkeeper' but, then again, one has to survive this world some way.

Picking out four pieces and weighing them in my hand, I nodded and pocketed them, waving the remaining coin away.

"We dont stiff the customer at the Horny Unicorn. Eat what you like and drink what you will. This should cover it and, if not, you can settle the remaining with me before you leave."

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

"Perfect!" I thought, as I listened in on Isolde's conversation with Thorr. She had just ordered him to go outside with a drink, and now the big stupid barbarian was making his way over to me! Heh, time to use my superior intellect to dispose of my enemies...

"Hello, Thorr," I said to the large human as I passed him his drink. "See nice man over there?" I motion to the Easterner. "He be good husband for Imoen lady. He talked to me, say he like her and wants to do marry her. Me think if he asks her, she say yes. Imoen lady like strong warrior like him... only stronger man win her heart..."

 

[kitsuke]

ooc:name is pronounced keet-soo-kay. most of you probably knew that, but oh well, there it is

ic:

*notices the man gesturing at me while talking to the barbarian, approaches him*


"Hello, very large man, I would say you are a giant, but that is not true, you do not eat us. My name is Kitsuke, might I have the honor of your name?" bowing slightly as he made this request he then turned to the other man.

"Is there something I can assist you with? I am obviously foreign and I must ask if the finger you pointed at me was the same deadly insult it is in my homeland.", he addressed the smaller man with eyes narrowed and hands resting on the knot holding his swords in place.

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

While I was praticing with my throwing knives, I heard the conversation between Mergale, and Thorr. "Thorr, don't do this, you know you can't trust", I quietly say to myself. It seemed it was to late, Thorr had already walked over to the samurai. "C'mon Thorr, don't be an idiot", I whisper. I could hear Mergale chuckle.