The How To Contest Support Thread

[starrkers]

Holy Hot damn! I've been struck with an idea! Will wonders never cease!
Just gonna get the beloved hubby to check it over for complete bilge (yeah, he's going to be busy for awhile!) and then I'll submit it.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

We can't all win Last Place, but with some of the voting patterns it might be a close-run thing. My entry is below 4.00 and falling fast.

Og

Have no fear, Last Place (tm) Rumple is here. Yes, ignoring logic, good taste, and piteous cries for mercy from the reading public, the current reigning (raining - ranting?) Last Place (tm) winner (that'd be, moi) is once again crawling back into the ring to defend his title.

How To Be A Happy Hooker, a 1000 word, ill-considered, poorly organized and barely readable reflection on the art of writing good openings with strong hooks, has been submitted and awaits its fate at the mouse clicks of enraged trolls and outraged lovers of the English language.

So there.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[starrkers]

Mine's joined the queue "Break a Drought", 970 words of pure bulldust.
Move over Rumple, I'm aiming for Last Place!

 

[Tink4Fairy]

Looks like you've already got your fair share o'trolls, Tink...

Welcome to the AH!

Thanks!

I'm excited someone helped me figure out how to put my how-to in my signature! I'm such a conformist.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

IT'S POSTED!​

How To Be a Happy Hooker (How writers can be better, happier hookers - with examples) has taken it's place among the other troll bait on the contest list.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[starrkers]

Mine's up too!!

It has a long way to go to make 25 votes - eyes on the prize people, eyes on the prize. It's a regular scrum for last place!

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Mine's up too!!

It has a long way to go to make 25 votes - eyes on the prize people, eyes on the prize. It's a regular scrum for last place!

Be afraid, Starrkers. Be very afraid. I've neither R, V, or C'ed your story, yet.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Boxlicker101]

You other guys that are striving for last place might as well give up. Once some of my drivel is entered in a theme contest, nobody else has a chance for that uncoveted prize.

My score is so low that I'm even pissing off the trolls, since they can't do any damage.

 

[oggbashan]

Late entry

My first How-To is doing so badly that I thought I'd add to the troll-bait by submitting another.

I have just hit the button to send it on its way:

How to decide whether to enter a Literotica themed contest.

Beat that for Last Place (tm) fodder!

Og

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Sister Starrkers' LOL funny entry has just been hit by a five-bomb on the rocky road to the Last Place (tm) Award. Box, your story is now in my crosshairs. (mixed metaphors are me)

Rumple Foreskin

 

[oggbashan]

Thank you, Rumple, Dampy and Selena for your PCs on my (first) entry.

Unfortunately 5-bombs won't lift it out of the mire.

Og

 

[glynndah]

well, the prize for winning either the top or the last place awards has totally eluded me. I still have one more option open to me. One I've carved out for myself. Total and absolute mediocrity. I'm currently 13th in a field of 37. If I can fall 6 more places, my little place in the sun, well, more like clouds and shadows, is assured.


Here, trolls....Here's a nice one for you to chew on....

 

[starrkers]

Be afraid, Starrkers. Be very afraid. I've neither R, V, or C'ed your story, yet.

Rumple Foreskin

I haven't got to yours yet either

Thanks for the comment and vote - I'm still way short of the 25 needed

 

[Boxlicker101]

well, the prize for winning either the top or the last place awards has totally eluded me. I still have one more option open to me. One I've carved out for myself. Total and absolute mediocrity. I'm currently 13th in a field of 37. If I can fall 6 more places, my little place in the sun, well, more like clouds and shadows, is assured.


Here, trolls....Here's a nice one for you to chew on....

Sometimes the last place finishers are reluctant to claim their prizes, and you would have a chance on that basis. However, that is not going to happen this time, for I am going to be the clear winner of the last place award. The only thing that might stop me is not having enough votes.

 

[starrkers]

Sometimes the last place finishers are reluctant to claim their prizes, and you would have a chance on that basis. However, that is not going to happen this time, for I am going to be the clear winner of the last place award. The only thing that might stop me is not having enough votes.

Lack of votes is a valuable commodity in Last Place considerations. I'm well in the running, despite a reasonable score due to the lack of voting numbers.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

I still have one more option open to me. One I've carved out for myself. Total and absolute mediocrity.

Glynnday, you are sooooo funny. But don't try to BS a true bottom feeder. Mediocrity is important. But as the name implies, it will only get you half-way down the ladder of failure. It will take a lot more than just that to wrest from my cold, dead fingers:

The Last Place (tm) Trophy

http://www.wellesley.edu/Library/Digitech/Handbook/LayoutOne/Images/plunger.jpg​

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Guest]

trophy

Glynnday, you are sooooo funny. But don't try to BS the true bottom feeders. Remember, you are being watched over by me, aka, he who currently possesses:

The Last Place (tm) Trophy

http://www.wellesley.edu/Library/Digitech/Handbook/LayoutOne/Images/plunger.jpg​

Rumple Foreskin

As a past winner of the Last Place (tm) Award, I must say that this is one the most useful trophies one could ever get.

What is the use of a golden little guy without a wiener?

What is the use of a golden gramophone without mp3 support?

A plunger, ah, the possibilities.

 

[starrkers]

Glynnday, you are sooooo funny. But don't try to BS a true bottom feeder. Mediocrity is important. But as the name implies, it will only get you half-way down the ladder of failure. It will take a lot more than just that to wrest from my cold, dead fingers:

The Last Place (tm) Trophy

http://www.wellesley.edu/Library/Digitech/Handbook/LayoutOne/Images/plunger.jpg​

Rumple Foreskin

You've been 5 bombed, Rumple

 

[Boxlicker101]

As a past winner of the Last Place (tm) Award, I must say that this is one the most useful trophies one could ever get.

What is the use of a golden little guy without a wiener?

What is the use of a golden gramophone without mp3 support?

A plunger, ah, the possibilities.

Hey, how come I didn't get one of those neat trophies when I finished last in the Halloween contest a while ago?

 

[_Lynn_]

After sitting on My How-To for over a week, it's submitted and posted. Last place has another contender!!

How To Make it Through Alone

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Hey, how come I didn't get one of those neat trophies when I finished last in the Halloween contest a while ago?

Uh, meant to tell you, Box. Seems we had a plumbing-related catastrophy of near-biblical proportions over at the First Church of the Burning Bush and Discount House of Likkers. Your prize was re-routed to the scene of the crises where its appearance generated much praise to your name. After much prayfull consultation among the brethern (no one wanted to hog the honor of going in there) it was used with glorious results--honest.

The Right Rev Rumple Foreskin http://bestsmileys.com/religous/1.gif

ps: Sister Starrkers, having only twenty votes to my name, any bomb is a good one. Just remember, there will be other contests. rf

pps: Lynn, Maharat, you two are on my short list of "Round2It" stories (I'll RVC 'em soon as I can get 'round to it) along with DG's and a few others that refuse to come to mind after only two cups of coffee. rf

 

[starrkers]

I have crawled to 23 votes...and the sweeps have yet to take effect.
And my "Round2It" list is much greater than yours, oh Rev. I've only got through about half the entries so far.
But it's bedtime in Oz, so they'll have to wait until the morrow.

 

[oggbashan]

Second entry shows the way down

My second How-To entry has started well.

It has two votes and a rating of 2.00.

Perhaps it is the snappy title "Entering a themed Literotica Contest"?

I have disqualified myself from the Last Place (tm) Contest for life, otherwise this latest entry would be a sure-fire winner.

Og

 

[starrkers]

Your vote and score should just have risen. And now I really must go to bed.

 

[oggbashan]

Your vote and score should just have risen. And now I really must go to bed.

Thanks. Sleep well. Don't let the critters bite.

Og