The Insult Thread

[anthrodisiac]

The best part of you ran down the crack of yer mother's ass.

Joke's on you, my mother had a cloaca.

 

[Olderwiserstillhorny]

You would have been a blow job if yer mom had change for a dime

 

[Wandering_Sen]

You were absent the day when the gods were handing out brains, weren't you?

 

[anthrodisiac]

You're so hideous that getting hit by the ugly stick would be an improvement.

 

[JTass]

Somewhere in the world, there's a tree that was created with the sole purpose of replenishing the oxygen that you use in this lifetime.
Go find it and apologize.

 

[JTass]

Progression of my opinion of our office temp from several years ago:

Week 1: Seems ok. He's friendly and eager to make a good impression.

Week 2: Having some reservations. Doesn't seem to learn from mistakes, and is oversensitive to constructive criticism.

Week 3: I'm done. This guy is a poor use of carbon.

 

[Olderwiserstillhorny]

Something I remember hearing in the 60s about an under developed female.
When they said breast, you thought they said rest and missed out.
When they said ass, you heard pass, walked on by and thats why you have no figure.

 

[TheLobster]

Somewhere in the world, there's a tree that was created with the sole purpose of replenishing the oxygen that you use in this lifetime.
Go find it and apologize.

It would be one thing if you were merely stealing the oxygen by breathing.
But you also have the gall to give it back by speaking.

 

[JTass]

Not an insult, but this happened back in high school, and it still makes me laugh.

[Car doesn't move when the traffic light turns]

My friend: [honks horn and shouts] "Are you waiting for a particular shade of green?!?"

 

[sirhugs]

Not an insult, but this happened back in high school, and it still makes me laugh.

[Car doesn't move when the traffic light turns]

My friend: [honks horn and shouts] "Are you waiting for a particular shade of green?!?"

Definitely an insult, just subtle...

 

[Katiel3036]

Ignorance is bliss,
No wonder your so happy

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Heard that back in 1958, in 1st grade.

What, exactly, is implied by the wearing of Army boots? Your mom is poor, or a man, or has no taste? Or is it just a meaningless phrase that everyone knows is an insult, like "your mum!"

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Joke's on you, my mother had a cloaca.

So your ma just had one big hole? That's cos she let every species at it. The Piccadilly Circus of the Cretaceous...

(or the Times Square of the Triassic?)

 

[sirhugs]

What, exactly, is implied by the wearing of Army boots? Your mom is poor, or a man, or has no taste? Or is it just a meaningless phrase that everyone knows is an insult, like "your mum!"

It means that she has no taste, no style, is unladylike

 

[Trionyx]

Three southern ladies met up at their high school’s twentieth reunion. They began to describe what their lives were like.

“I went to Vassar, majored in business administration and am now the CFO for the biggest nonprofit in the country. My husband is a world-famous neurosurgeon who invented a new treatment for brain tumors,” said one who was dressed in the finest clothing and jewelry.

“That’s nice,” said the one who had on a simple dress and no fancy jewelry.

“And I went to Brown, majored in economics and made a fortune in the stock market. My husband is a senator in Washington DC and my twins are all-stars on their soccer team,” said the other well-dressed woman also bedecked in fine jewelry.

“That’s nice,” said the third plainly dressed one.

“So, tell us, Ginnie Mae, where did you go to school?” the two well dressed women asked.

“Well, I went to Emma Lou’s Finishing School right here in town.”

“Oh,” said one of the other two in a condescending tone. And what did you learn there?”

“Well, I learned that ladies say, ‘That’s nice’ instead of ‘Fuck you’.”

 

[anthrodisiac]

So your ma just had one big hole? That's cos she let every species at it. The Piccadilly Circus of the Cretaceous...

(or the Times Square of the Triassic?)

Honestly, that probably explains why I came out such a bizarre creature that allowed me to evolve flight. Thanks, Mom, you fossilized old crone. Only reason you were preserved is because you died buried under a flood of spinosaurus gangbang jizz, and God help the poor paleontology intern who has to dig through THAT mess.

 

[SimonDoom]

I know you are, but what am I?

 

[LaBreia]

You must have been a dildo in your past life, because you seem very comfortable acting like a dick.

 

[LaBreia]

You must have been a dildo in your past life, because you seem very comfortable acting like a dick.

Joke version: Dildo walks into a bar. Bartender says, quit acting like a dick.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

It means that she has no taste, no style, is unladylike

Should have guessed.

My mum, years ago: "When you have children, their friends will go 'ugh, your mum wears army boots!'"

Me: "You what?"

Kinda missed the mark, there. Though no.1 kid was great at deflecting insults. I recall one conversation going;

Classmate: Oi, your hat's really stupid!
My kid age 7 or 8: (looks classmate up and down) Oh. Someone died and left you as the god of fashion? Yeah, right...

 

[LaBreia]

I know you are, but what am I?

No you.

 

[PennyThompson]

That's what she said, anyway, in the newspaper advertisement that began with the words "For a good time, call . . . "

You're so old you think this insult still makes sense

 

[sirhugs]

That's what she said, anyway, in the newspaper advertisement that began with the words "For a good time, call . . . "

You're so old you think this insult still makes sense

I'm so old, i don't even know where someone might post such an advertisement these days...

 

[anthrodisiac]

I'm so old, i don't even know where someone might post such an advertisement these days...

You're so old, you would put out adverts in stone tablets with the words, "For a good time, papyrus..."

 

[StillStunned]

You're so old, you would put out adverts in stone tablets with the words, "For a good time, papyrus..."

The older I get, and the dumber young people become, the more I'm taking "you're old" as a compliment.