The Three Voices Challenge

[Tzara]

You da bomb!! Brilliant!

I agree. Angie's poem is especially good.

As are many of the others. I've found it very interesting how people have approached this challenge. Thanks to all who've tried it so far.

And I do recommend Ostriker's book. It's really good.

 

[Piscator]

Mount Cook
as the snow clad Summit soars into sky
it said"how magnificent...
Magnificent am I
My devotees come to gawk
from Tokyo, Delhi...Shanghai
as I gaze down like a hawk
acceptin' their homage: gracious am I"

Lake Matheson
the Lake murmured sadly to itself
" Must I always be that arrogant jerk's reflexion??
neither have I it's beauty, nor power or pelf
as the multivarious voices bill and coo
OOOH look at that high mountainious, snowy shelf!!"

Gawky Tourist:--
"Arre Bhai , idhar dekh---
what a beyootiful mountain...
what a placid lake
we must take a selfie
you, me, water, snow, sky must all be in the 'take'!!"

Nice - one of the curses of the modern age

A Woman, A Book and a Tree

I love the way you feel and smell.
I hold you close, run fingers down
your spine and if you're good
enough I want to devour you.

My god she acts as if it's sex,
and I'd blush from her gaze
were I more than ink and pulp
or able to know my own story.

It's an old story.
I just want to stand here,
taste the wind and sway.
Jesus lady get a Kindle.

ditto gp's bomba

and yes another curse of the modern age

and many thanks to Tzara for a challenging challenge

 

[Angeline]

Here is a review of The Old Woman, the Tulip, and the Dog. I find the explanation of how the dynamics of the three things compare and contrast each other such a smart and flexible approach to the poems. I can see, Tzara, why it grabbed you. So to speak.

 

[Remec]

Games


"Here," said the elven
Everyman as he showed
the way to Tap into
brilliant greenery;

"'Ware," said the Private,
instilling calm and quiet
while choosing whether to
advance normally or wait
out the chance for
en passant;

"There," said the croupier
gesturing to the far wall and
passing along the dice,
eyes hinting at the boredom
of a triple shift at the
table.

 

[Angeline]

A Woman, a Key, and a Ghost

I can't find my key
or that book I want
to reread. Memories
can take whole days.

So what if you can't
find me? Some days
you've nothing to do
except remember.

So what, says Miles
and he lifts his horn
to blow immortal,
kind of, and blue.

 

[Tzara]

Residence

What I feel is not so much
emptiness as decay,
said our old house,
food left to rot in a corner,
floorboards spongy
with worms. You all
did not leave early enough.

It is if I have left my body
behind, said my mother, here
find my skin, my tendons, my nails
in the little warren of cupboards
that held a lifetime of dishes
and cutlery. This ought
to have been my shroud.

The roof was replaced
just last year, I said. There
is fresh paint in the kitchen
and the main bathroom.
We know the downspouts
are inadequate
in an especially heavy rain.

 

[Angeline]

Residence

What I feel...

This is very good. I like that I don't get that the voice speaking is the house's until the third line. It creates a great aha moment for the reader. And Tzara I must say up front that if I understand the poem correctly, I'm sorry.

The last sentence in the second part is powerful, but the sentence that precedes it is better imo. Also I think they are saying much the same thing. What if the mother's voice ended with "cutlery"? I guess you want it to stay seven lines, but you could work more into that sentence to get the length you want. Just a thought.

I love how sharp the perspective shift is from the mother's voice to the seller's. And overall the poem moves around stages of grief with great dexterity and a nice light touch. Great ending, too, that supports the whole poem imo.

On a totally different note I am listening to Chet Baker and Bill Evans and thinking my god no wonder he loves them!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

What will be?
the child asked
her Momma,
hopefully.

Que sera, sera
she answered, smiling,
but with a touch
of sadness.

Old and queuing
for death,
I finally understand
she said, remembering.

 

[Tzara]

This is very good. I like that I don't get that the voice speaking is the house's until the third line. It creates a great aha moment for the reader. And Tzara I must say up front that if I understand the poem correctly, I'm sorry.

Thanks, Angie. I wrote this after reading something on a similar theme by Robert Lowell. It is about moving my parents out of their house but it isn't something recent. Lowell's poem made me want to try to write about my experience.

The last sentence in the second part is powerful, but the sentence that precedes it is better imo. Also I think they are saying much the same thing. What if the mother's voice ended with "cutlery"? I guess you want it to stay seven lines, but you could work more into that sentence to get the length you want. Just a thought.

Yes, I think you're right about this. I was trying to match the stanza length, but that last bit detracts from the stanza.

On a totally different note I am listening to Chet Baker and Bill Evans and thinking my god no wonder he loves them!

I guess playing "Jade Visions" and "Let's Get Lost" to that Jersey girl voodoo doll all these years has finally paid off.

 

[todski28]

...............

 

[butters]

tods' dots inspired this one

''...............'' said the poet
leaving behind his mark
however inscrutable
a ripple in the ether

''even small thoughts have weight
enough to disturb my equanimity''
said the ether
not really put out by the motion
just acknowledging a cosmic truth

''contemplate the dots'' said the Critic
''this is the ego of poet
a shout in the dark
the hope someone will hear it
as it travels - a space-wave if you will -
but what does it really mean?
I will tell you....''

 

[butters]

a thing of beauty said the queen
regarding the infinitely blue god-bless'd sky
glad to lay aside
such troubles as beset a monarch
joyous in her knowledge of Heaven
yet happy to prolong this moment of bliss

a thing of beauty said the man
all quietly into his beard
regarding the slim white neck
naked and exposed in surrender
to his lustful gaze
eager to extend the moment

a thing of beauty said the axe
proud of its heft and balance
its wondrous blade catching the sunlight
so curved, so perfect, so made for its task
and keen for its moment to arrive

 

[UnderYourSpell]

a thing of beauty said the queen
regarding the infinitely blue god-bless'd sky
glad to lay aside
such troubles as beset a monarch
joyous in her knowledge of Heaven
yet happy to prolong this moment of bliss

a thing of beauty said the man
all quietly into his beard
regarding the slim white neck
naked and exposed in surrender
to his lustful gaze
eager to extend the moment

a thing of beauty said the axe
proud of its heft and balance
its wondrous blade catching the sunlight
so curved, so perfect, so made for its task
and keen for its moment to arrive

Anne Boleyn?

 

[Ashesh9]

or Mary Queen of Scots???

 

[butters]

Anne Boleyn?

&

or Mary Queen of Scots???

well i began thinking about 'orf with her head!'' from alice in wonderland, leapt to boleyn but then she got the sword, so settled more for mary QoS given the axe and her religious persuasion. what the weather was really doing isn't known to me, and despite the axe's pride in itself the aim of the executioner was botched.

 

[WillOtheWisp]

''...............'' said the poet
leaving behind his mark
however inscrutable
a ripple in the ether

''even small thoughts have weight
enough to disturb my equanimity''
said the ether
not really put out by the motion
just acknowledging a cosmic truth

''contemplate the dots'' said the critic
''this is the ego of poet
a shout in the dark
the hope someone will hear it
as it travels - a space-wave if you will -
but what does it really mean?
I will tell you....''

Love this one. I've been studying Rothko and his critics lately.

 

[butters]

Love this one. I've been studying Rothko and his critics lately.

thankyou

there are those who offer insightful, balanced, useful critique, and then there are those whose aim is to 'critique' poems in order to further their own reputation as a Critic, putting their own e-celebhood before the quality of their critiques.

hmmmn, i should have capitalised that C of critic in the poem

 

[butters]

just when i get nicely cool
there's a rush in my arteries
that has me flushing
desperate to throw off heat
said the radiator
wishing someone would tweak its knobs
relieve the pressure

better in than out
said the bricks
one side bathed in welcome heat
their other gathering a night-time sparkle of frost
some staring blankly
at the back of the bins

someone should fix this thing
clunky and temperamental...
then it'd be hot allllllll the time for me
said the cat
bored with moving from under the upstairs duvet
to its basket against the radiator
for optimum cosy-quotient

 

[UnderYourSpell]

When she was born,
her Mother said,
she had long locks
of black hair.
But they all fell out
and grew back blonde.

Blondes have more fun,
says ....... well everyone.
Does that include
born again blondes?

It's the first time on Lit,
said Annie sadly
that everyone's
forgotten my birthday.

 

[MichiganBiker27]

[Attempt 2]

Time

Once I was an hourglass,
perfect curves, small waist.
Now I'm not so defined,
but every heartbeat falls
in me like a grain of sand.

~

When I was human I slept
and woke in your bed. Now
my watch is gone. I'm ashes,
a scatterling who drops blind
to the seasons I'll nourish.

~

I flutter blue on a breeze,
unchanged in all seasons,
a small insensate symbol
blowing yesterday's prayers,
mantras for the wind.

This is amazing, makes me want to

 

[HarryHill]

This is amazing, makes me want to

..
It's incredibly sad (but beautiful) ETA: also, being a scooter tramp in a past life I can see the attraction in the last stanza

 

[butters]

This is amazing, makes me want to

it's beautiful. the poem pulls delicate threads, stitches elegant designs, uncluttered but so so evocative.

 

[butters]

posted over in the 30 - 30 thread but is a 3 voices so here too

''Here I can be just be me.
no need to entertain, perform'',
said the black 21st Century comedian
stood on a Devon hillside
breathing in late summer
along with a lifetime's freedom.

''Aha!'' said the wasp
honing in on its first victim of the day.
''First fermented plums, now this?
Wonder if he sings as well as dances....''

''Now that's a funny guy'', said the hill,
as it sat content in nature's ampitheatre,
rubble scattered like popcorn
warmed by the sun.
''Parody acts rock!''

 

[Ashesh9]

&


well i began thinking about 'orf with her head!'' from alice in wonderland, leapt to boleyn but then she got the sword, so settled more for mary QoS given the axe and her religious persuasion. what the weather was really doing isn't known to me, and despite the axe's pride in itself the aim of the executioner was botched.

Execution by axe is said to be Halal or Holy in Islam as opposed to sword, poison,injection, electricity or rope which are s'posed to be Haraam or unHoly. Left to myself i would prefer a bullet anyday Haraam/ sharia be damned!!!