Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[StillStunned]

"You might know me as StillStunned."

 

[EmilyMiller]

"You might know me as StillStunned."

And we have a new winner!

 

[EmilyMiller]

“Have you ever considered breast augmentation?”

Again inspired by reality. Not during sex, but after. He said something like “you’d look good with bigger tits.”

The really sad thing is that old me kept dating him for a while longer .

Emily

 

[EmilyMiller]

Just one more - no that’s not the thing you don’t want to hear, this is:

“Ever heard about the legend of vagina dentata?”

 

[StillStunned]

True story. Mid-1990s, after three days of rumpy-pumpy with a visiting exchange student.
Me: "That's a pretty necklace you're wearing."
Her: "Thanks, it's from an AIDS support group."
Me: ...
Her: "For making a donation!"

 

[EmilyMiller]

I lied, one more.

“Rick, Victor is alive.”

 

[EmilyMiller]

Oh, and…

“Luke… I am your father.”

 

[subdudeme13]

Your room mate mistakenly walks in and apologizes to your former wife using your girl friends name.

 

[yowser]

'You're using too many glottal stops!'

 

[RetroFan]

In England in the early 1940s - the air raid sirens starting up.

 

[intim8]

Oh, and…

“Luke… I am your father.”

"Wash ain't coming"

 

[MillieDynamite]

Zed's dead, baby.

"Wash ain't coming"

 

[SimonDoom]

"You asked me this morning if I thought your brother was better than you are at anything. I hate to admit it, honey, but he is."

 

[pezzheaddazzler]

The rattle of your partner wearing spurs

 

[Djmac1031]

Your partners mom's voice from downstairs: "Honey, wake up! You're late for school again!"

 

[Syzoth]

My wife suddenly talking about work or laundry in the middle of sex.

 

[Elypep1980]

“I’m gonna cum” before he puts it in

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

The guy I was with this morning was REALLY thick, so I'm not really feeling it...

 

[XShadynzX]

You do know this is only " for science"

 

[Dhfranklin94]

The sound of her throwing up. Actually had this happen. Not good.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

“Those curtains. We really need to replace those curtains!”

 

[Trionyx]

“I see dead people.”

 

[bestkeptsecret678]

Are you done yet?

 

[writerzblok92]

Are you done yet?

ive heard that more than once.

 

[Seadog777]

I wonder what's going on in AH???