Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[JaySecrets]

In a seductive whisper: "Have you heard about the Good News?"

 

[intim8]

"I Demand An Immediate Retraction And Apology"

 

[Smuttyandfun]

"Wow! You're even smaller than your brother!"

 

[Trionyx]

“Wow, you’re even smaller than your father!”

 

[bobb_sledd]

Your mom has a bigger cock than you do!

 

[Smuttyandfun]

"Wow! You're so much tighter than your mother!"

 

[Smuttyandfun]

"Seriously, is that your dick?"

 

[Smuttyandfun]

"Please don't tell me that's as big as it gets."

 

[Smuttyandfun]

"What was that horrible snapping sound? And why are you crying?"

 

[Smuttyandfun]

"That's just my grandmother, she likes to watch."

 

[Smuttyandfun]

"Surprise! I've got a penis, too!"

 

[Trionyx]

“Wow, you’re so much looser than your mother.”

 

[WyreBendr0417]

"Holy shit, your ass must have more wrinkles than the Giant Redwoods have rings."

 

[MillieDynamite]

When the nightlight goes out in the middle of fun, "Mil, did you remember to pay the electric bill?"

 

[32aa]

“Have you ever considered breast augmentation?”

Reply... "Have you ever considered Penis Enlargement Surgery?"

 

[StillStunned]

"By the way, I've decided that you're not getting that movie part/promotion/pass grade."

 

[eigenschwarz]

"Ivermectin worked for me."

 

[CX726577]

as you are hammering away she says, "Are you in yet?"

 

[April602]

This actually happened
Almost Caught and link to pictures Pic

 

[Yesok1]

Crying child: get off my mummy, your hurting her.

Mummy: shit when did she walk in?

 

[MillieDynamite]

After putting down the hot fudge sundae, the waitress asked the gentleman, "Would you like your nuts crushed?"

The gentleman looked at her, angry, and said, "Would you like tits punched?"

 

[32aa]

Pumping away, my lover casually remarks, "Did you remember to take out the trash?".

Or... "Don't worry. It's just a rash down there. I got a penicillin shot for it earlier today."

 

[StillStunned]

A vuvuzela.

 

[intim8]

A vuvuzela.

Hey, this thread is supposed to be specific to during sex.

But I wonder, is a vulvazela the down under equivalent of motorboating?

 

[StillStunned]

Hey, this thread is supposed to be specific to during sex.

Would *you* want to hear a vuvuzela during sex?

I mean, you never want to hear one, but during sex? It would leave you scarred.