Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[StillStunned]

But I wonder, is a vulvazela the down under equivalent of motorboating?

Sorry, just saw this bit. How *dare* you taint something so sacred by associating it with the evil that is vuvuzela? Shame on you, I say, shame!

 

[JaySecrets]

"My cellmate in prison taught me how to do this"

 

[JaySecrets]

"Do you mind if we try something fun with my gerbil?"

 

[JaySecrets]

*pointing to a blow up doll fully dressed and sitting in a corner chair*..... "That's my friend Kathy. Do you mind if she joins? It's okay if you don't want her to. She likes to watch."

 

[JaySecrets]

"Do you want to play doctor? I have scalpels and chloroform and everything!"

 

[JaySecrets]

"Hello, Clarice."

 

[intim8]

"Surprise! Happy Birthda... oh, dear."

 

[Smuttyandfun]

"Yeah, I think that's my husband coming in. And he's got a really bad temper, so I'd hide or jump out of the window if I were you."

 

[cdstefi]

"Bang bang bang", "open up it's the police".

Hasn't happened during sex but I did get interrupted mid-wank that way one time during the Troubles in NI. I was staying at a hotel in Scotland and "relaxing" and then the bang on the door. So I answer half-dressed, make the excuse I was just out of the shower, and turns out they were looking for an IRA fugitive and were checking every hotel where a single man was checked in.

 

[StillStunned]

"Bang bang bang", "open up it's the police".

Hasn't happened during sex but I did get interrupted mid-wank that way one time during the Troubles in NI. I was staying at a hotel in Scotland and "relaxing" and then the bang on the door. So I answer half-dressed, make the excuse I was just out of the shower, and turns out they were looking for an IRA fugitive and were checking every hotel where a single man was checked in.

It sounds like the plot of a porn scene. "You might not be the man we're after, but I can see you're armed. I might have to come inside and make sure you're not dangerous." Cue the cheesy music.

 

[JaySecrets]

It sounds like the plot of a porn scene. "You might not be the man we're after, but I can see you're armed. I might have to come inside and make sure you're not dangerous." Cue the cheesy music.

Chica bow bow

 

[Seadog777]

"Yeah, I think that's my husband coming in. And he's got a really bad temper, so I'd hide or jump out of the window if I were you."

Jump out the window, like Kyle on "Last Man Standing"