Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[loquere]

"Hurry! The commercials are almost over."

 

[loquere]

"It’s obviously not true, what they say about big feet."

 

[loquere]

"Put some banana chunks in there and watch me squeeze them out."

 

[loquere]

"Are you even hitting the sides?"

 

[loquere]

"An Arab, a Jew, and a nun walk into a bar…"

 

[loquere]

"Mind if I play with your implants?"

 

[loquere]

"You’ll have to do the rest yourself. My penile implant is in the shop getting its annual tune-up."

 

[StrangeLife]

"You know how female praying mantises kill their partners after sex, right?"

 

[loquere]

"Do you think I should start showering after having sex with other men?"

 

[loquere]

"Are you in yet?" - "Bitch, I’m already done!"

 

[loquere]

"My dog licks me way better."

 

[JWren]

"The ceiling needs redecorating."

 

[j769]

Have you ever heard the sounds of a leaking air mattress? NOT GOOD

 

[Handley_Page]

Heard from the Hall:
"Where did you put my ammunition?"

 

[Lia Monde]

"I guess I'm still a virgin after the first 3 inches."

 

[StrangeLife]

"Woof!"

 

[Hypoxia]

"Woof!"

"Whinny!"

 

[49greg]

zzzzzzzzzzz

 

[JWren]

Ironic, isn't it, I used to be called Robert as well . . .

 

[JKendallDane]

Little kids snickering from under the bed!

 

[Vanadorn]

The cold click of the shotgun being pumped.

 

[Vanadorn]

"Ugh. Get off of me, you're sweating all over the place!"

 

[Vanadorn]

"Seriously? HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA *snort* HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"

 

[herrdrier]

The phone ringing

Because I just KNOW she will NEED to answer it and it will be months before she is in the mood again.

 

[JWren]

Will you close the window, I'm cold . . .