Well...I said no...

[PoliticoThistle]

Removing profile

 

[subwannabe]

This in a way reminds me of something Bill Clinton said when being questioned about Monica Lewinsky and he pounded his fists down and said, "I did not have sex with that woman!". It all kind of boils down to the often asked question, "What is sex?". When you told him that you weren't going to have "sex" with him and then turned around and did, it may have left him in a state of confusion as to whether you had changed your mind or not. So, he may have thought you had changed your mind and then went ahead with his animal instincts. Of course it is possible too that he knew exactly what you meant and did not get confused and went ahead anyway, regardless of your wishes. Maybe he is the only one who knows which way it actually was. In any event, I'm not saying you are even thinking about it, but, if it were taken to the police I doubt whether a DA, given the facts of the case, would feel they could convict him of rape.

 

[silverwhisper]

thatgirl quoth:
i think it hurts more that he won't even talk to me now...

there's a lot going on in your life right now, i understand that. but i don't for the life of me understand why you'd want to be in the vicinity of this asshole ever, except for as a witness in his trial for rape.

this asshole is a rapist. people need to know that, b/c rapists very rarely fail to re-offend. by speaking up, you might be able to stop someone else from being attacked.

ed

 

[Pandora73]

I am really hesitant to get in the middle of this, but I just can't help but bring this point up, because it has me a bit confused.

He came a couple times there's one that i'm unsure of because I squirt and I don't know if he did.

The first thing that stood out to me has already been mentioned -- I don't know of too many men who can cum multiple times without some sort of refractory period, which would lead me to believe there might have been at least two "sessions," if you will. Meaning, she might not have wanted sex to occur, but let it happen a second time without protesting.

Secondly, she indicates she's unsure if he came one of those times, because she squirts. Again, maybe I'm totally off base, but don't women typically squirt when they have an orgasm?

I just find it a wee bit difficult to paint this as rape if they engaged in intercourse not once but twice, and she possibly had an orgasm during? I'd be curious to know the percentage of women who had orgasms whilst being raped. I'm guessing it's low.

But I do admit I may be totally wrong on both accounts, and if so, apologies to the OP. It just doesn't seem quite as clear cut to me as it appears to others. *shrugs*

 

[silverwhisper]

pandora: there are unfortunately cases of rape where the woman does orgasm.

ed

 

[thatgirl2136]

I am really hesitant to get in the middle of this, but I just can't help but bring this point up, because it has me a bit confused.



The first thing that stood out to me has already been mentioned -- I don't know of too many men who can cum multiple times without some sort of refractory period, which would lead me to believe there might have been at least two "sessions," if you will. Meaning, she might not have wanted sex to occur, but let it happen a second time without protesting.

Secondly, she indicates she's unsure if he came one of those times, because she squirts. Again, maybe I'm totally off base, but don't women typically squirt when they have an orgasm?

I just find it a wee bit difficult to paint this as rape if they engaged in intercourse not once but twice, and she possibly had an orgasm during? I'd be curious to know the percentage of women who had orgasms whilst being raped. I'm guessing it's low.

But I do admit I may be totally wrong on both accounts, and if so, apologies to the OP. It just doesn't seem quite as clear cut to me as it appears to others. *shrugs*

I squirt very easily....you might recall me stating we were doing things prior to having sex. I was needless to say turned on from what I was willingly doing.
so.....sorry???

 

[infinity706]

Actually, quite a few women have orgasms during rape. Sex by force can be physically pleasurable even though it hurts. How do you think BDSM works so well? There's even a significant number of women surveyed that didn't report a rape specifically because they had an orgasm. Of course, from a biological standpoint, I'd say it would make the percentage of penetrative orgasm go way up due to the level of physical arousal from being scared. To the orgasm center of the brain, arousal is arousal regardless of cause and sexual nerve stimulation works just as well whether it's from pain or pleasure.

Now, the sticking around for round 2 is an entirely different issue to be addressed.

 

[thatgirl2136]

which I will address when I get home from work

 

[Pandora73]

I understand that it's possible and I'm sure it does happen; I'm just guessing it's not a frequent occurrence during rape. Where did you get the info that "quite a few women" orgasm during rape? Not being flippant, just genuinely curious.

And she actually just made my larger point for me. The OP was obviously turned on, enough to have an orgasm. With all of the activity prior to him penetrating her, getting her aroused, and what he would have likely viewed (wrong or not) as her enjoying it, I am simply saying I can see where this would have sent mixed signals, to say the least. Of course, this was all after she said she didn't want to have sex, and I understand the "no means no" thing, no one needs to repeat it.

And BTW, I am in NO way excusing his behavior; nor am I insinuating men have no control over their actions.

I think it's just a fucked up situation.

 

[infinity706]

I understand that it's possible and I'm sure it does happen; I'm just guessing it's not a frequent occurrence during rape. Where did you get the info that "quite a few women" orgasm during rape? Not being flippant, just genuinely curious.

And she actually just made my larger point for me. The OP was obviously turned on, enough to have an orgasm. With all of the activity prior to him penetrating her, getting her aroused, and what he would have likely viewed (wrong or not) as her enjoying it, I am simply saying I can see where this would have sent mixed signals, to say the least. Of course, this was all after she said she didn't want to have sex, and I understand the "no means no" thing, no one needs to repeat it.

And BTW, I am in NO way excusing his behavior; nor am I insinuating men have no control over their actions.

I think it's just a fucked up situation.

I actually don't remember where I first learned it, but here's a journal article on the subject. According to the literature review in it, as many as 1 in 5 (20%) rape vicitms may be having orgasms.
http://calor.hit.bg/lib/Sexual arousal and orgasm in subjects who experience forced.pdf

 

[thatgirl2136]

OK
Addressing the "cumming a couple times"
The first time was not because he was in me. It was from the hand job and head I gave him.

In my first post I was frantic and needed to be calmed down by people who had taken the plan b pill in the past. I NEVER intended for this post to get like this.

 

[thatgirl2136]

oh and when I got him off that first time.
(to be clear we were laying on our sides facing each other) and when he got off it just happened to have some land where it could have gotten in.
yesssssss I know sooooo few pregnancies can happen like that, but it happened to my mom so it's been reason to panic.

 

[thatgirl2136]

I read and re-read this thread a few times before deciding to eventually post.
There are a lot of good points being made on every side of the "rape/not rape/response" debate, and I'd like to address a couple points.

Is it rape (legally speaking): Depending on what state you are in, DAs will treat the situation differently. According to case abstracts on JSTOR, in Illinois, you would have been defined as having been "raped" from a legal standpoint as saying "No" even once HOURS before constitutes refusal. In Massachusetts, you likely would only have recourse in civil, not criminal courts, as you were providing him with ample access and did not try to keep him from continuing when he penetrated. In Virginia, sorry missy, you agreed.

Is it rape (psychologically speaking): It certainly sounds like it to me, and while you may feel like you are able to deal with this yourself at the moment, listen to some of the other posters and myself when we say, at least call a rape counseling hotline and talk to SOMEONE about the experience. We're nice people here, but we're not professionals...not that I know of anyway.

My take: I think that you were raped, technically speaking, and I certainly hope you've learned from the situation. I do not think that what he did was excusable at all. But your story can serve as a warning to other young women and even young men that in the heat of the moment, no matter who you are, it can be difficult to control what is happening, and you always need to play safe and play sane.


As for Plan B: My ex girlfriend took it and suffered very little side effects, however, her next period was accompanied with a high level of depression, so watch out for that is you suffer from any psychological disorders or depression. A close friend also took it a couple times. The first time there were no ill effects, but the second time she ended up hospitalized for abdominal cramps and discomfort. The more often you take such a high level hormone, the more you will suffer side effects, so make sure it doesn't ever become a crutch (that goes out to everyone).

I hope that helps work some issues out, and I certainly hope that you're doing better now, but please at least talk to a hotline.
~M

thank you for your reply.
I most likely will not take this to court, as I have no evidence to provide and I would rather not have my family involved.
My best option right now is to remain calm and wait for my period then move on with my life.

 

[PertPerth]

My best option right now is to remain calm and wait for my period then move on with my life.

....and STD tests.

It sounds very similar to my first time - he dumped me a week later too. If I knew then what I know now, it'd not have happened at all. Unfortunately inexperience and lack of confidence means being pushed into things you don't want to do is too easy. Some lessons are only learnt the hard way.

 

[Tuomas]

I don't see how jumping on thatgirl shouting "rape!" really helps, well, anything at all. *suppresses snarky remark*

As for the chance of getting pregnant, since this might help someone else:

There are lots of factors, and mostly they relate to the individual. However, some general notions: having intercourse during the five day ovulation "window" -when you are most fertile- on average you have an 8% chance of getting pregnant. (Two days before, three days after the middle of your cycle.)

Contraceptive effectiveness is calculated on that percentage. Therefore, the 89% effective rate of levonorgestrel (Plan B) is based on that chance. Which means, on average and statistically, you have a 0.9% -or less than one in one thousand- chance of being pregnant.

Should your period be late (and remember, it's possible to be late because of having sex for the first time and using ECP), you should take a pregnancy test, and if it turns out the slightest bit positive then immediately see a doctor. You should take the remaining days before then to decide if you want to have an abortion or not.

Actually, quite a few women have orgasms during rape. Sex by force can be physically pleasurable even though it hurts. How do you think BDSM works so well?

Care to rephrase that? *cracks whip*

 

[thatgirl2136]

I don't see how jumping on thatgirl shouting "rape!" really helps, well, anything at all. *suppresses snarky remark*

As for the chance of getting pregnant, since this might help someone else:

There are lots of factors, and mostly they relate to the individual. However, some general notions: having intercourse during the five day ovulation "window" -when you are most fertile- on average you have an 8% chance of getting pregnant. (Two days before, three days after the middle of your cycle.)

Contraceptive effectiveness is calculated on that percentage. Therefore, the 89% effective rate of levonorgestrel (Plan B) is based on that chance. Which means, on average and statistically, you have a 0.9% -or less than one in one thousand- chance of being pregnant.

Should your period be late (and remember, it's possible to be late because of having sex for the first time and using ECP), you should take a pregnancy test, and if it turns out the slightest bit positive then immediately see a doctor. You should take the remaining days before then to decide if you want to have an abortion or not.


Care to rephrase that? *cracks whip*

Your reply has helped me a lot, thank you. I'm expecting the Plan B to throw off my cycle and will most likely take a test if I don't start within the next week.

As for the abortion, I'm 100% ProLife.

 

[subwannabe]

None of this really makes any sense to me. I don't believe we're getting the whole truth. In post # 3 Nipple Jewelry asks if he came inside you and your response was a couple of times but you're not sure about one since you squirt. This doesn't in any way correspond to your last explanation that the first time he came was from a blow job or hand job. You're making this shit up as you go along.

 

[the_sinner]

In my first post I was frantic and needed to be calmed down by people who had taken the plan b pill in the past. I NEVER intended for this post to get like this.

Unfortunately, as you've discovered, any time someone posts an account of their rape on a public forum, it always brings out a swarm of clever Sherlock-Holmes-wannabes who will dissect every word for the slightest bit of ambiguity, and proclaim the victim to be a liar based on any perceived inconsistency, no matter how slight.

Sorry about your experience. Sounds like you've gotten the information you need and you know where you need to go from here. I'd recommend you stop responding to this thread and let it die.

 

[cryforme1v]

Unfortunately, as you've discovered, any time someone posts an account of their rape on a public forum, it always brings out a swarm of clever Sherlock-Holmes-wannabes who will dissect every word for the slightest bit of ambiguity, and proclaim the victim to be a liar based on any perceived inconsistency, no matter how slight.

Sorry about your experience. Sounds like you've gotten the information you need and you know where you need to go from here. I'd recommend you stop responding to this thread and let it die.

not entirely true.
I've been raped, and i'm sorry - but talking to him was the last thing on my mind.
I've been raped and i didnt sit there in shock and make out with him as he fucked me.
I'm saying this person is lieing by pure "are you that fucking stupid" mentality. Rape isnt something that i would consider fun or worthy of squirting over. But i guess this is just me. My bad? really thatgirl - get over yourself. You call out rape and yet you post a pic of you half naked on your page. I'm gonna call you out on slut who didnt get a phone call back so are all emo now.

 

[thatgirl2136]

None of this really makes any sense to me. I don't believe we're getting the whole truth. In post # 3 Nipple Jewelry asks if he came inside you and your response was a couple of times but you're not sure about one since you squirt. This doesn't in any way correspond to your last explanation that the first time he came was from a blow job or hand job. You're making this shit up as you go along.

uh what? I said he came a couple times not he came inside me a couple times.
I'm not making anything up, thanks.

 

[thatgirl2136]

not entirely true.
I've been raped, and i'm sorry - but talking to him was the last thing on my mind.
I've been raped and i didnt sit there in shock and make out with him as he fucked me.
I'm saying this person is lieing by pure "are you that fucking stupid" mentality. Rape isnt something that i would consider fun or worthy of squirting over. But i guess this is just me. My bad? really thatgirl - get over yourself. You call out rape and yet you post a pic of you half naked on your page. I'm gonna call you out on slut who didnt get a phone call back so are all emo now.

OKAY look I posted the fucking thread to get info about plan b. I NEVER ONCE USED RAPE!!!!!!!!
MY
INTENT
FOR
THE
THREAD
WAS
FOR
THE
PLAN
B

Does everyone get that now?

I'm anything but emo right now. I'm living my life just how I did before.
And slut? Reallyyyy? I stated I was a virgin.

 

[jadefirefly]

I stated I was a virgin.

Yes, I believe that's a large part of what's being called into question.

If you're going to yell at people for not reading, you probably ought to do so yourself.

 

[cryforme1v]

OKAY look I posted the fucking thread to get info about plan b. I NEVER ONCE USED RAPE!!!!!!!!
MY
INTENT
FOR
THE
THREAD
WAS
FOR
THE
PLAN
B

Does everyone get that now?

I'm anything but emo right now. I'm living my life just how I did before.
And slut? Reallyyyy? I stated I was a virgin.

ok then you should have just said "hi my name is Suzie Q and i'm looking for information on the plan b. Has anyone here ever used it and what are your stories, did it work, did it not work, what were the side affects if there were any"
you really didnt have to give the entire speal about "well i said no and he did it anyway".
Because from what i read on the OP, you were begging for attention about rape and not the plan b. and from what the entire thread has been focused on was whether or not you were raped. When you started getting the wrong responces is when you then claim "the thread wasnt about rape" and yet the NAME OF IT is "Well...i said no?"

I've been reminded of a quote because of all this bullshit.
***There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.***

 

[Lost_Yonder]

the one thing i always enjoyed about the 'how to' forum was it was inquisitive, educational, thought provoking, and sometimes even helpful! unfortunately, of late, it seems that a bunch of people who spend too much time in the 'general' forum have been visiting - please return to your little rat hole there and bash one another to your heart's content.

many years ago when i myself was quite young and new to the wonderful world of sex i ended up dating a virgin. she made it quite clear in countless discussions we had on the topic that she didn't want to have intercourse - she didn't have to remind me each time we were being intimate, having oral sex, fingering, handjobs that she didn't want to have intercourse.

to assume that a girl can be intimate and not want sex (intercourse) then be forced/raped and calling her a slut for being naked is really quite beyond understandable. it is actually quite sad and shameful...

 

[thatgirl2136]

the one thing i always enjoyed about the 'how to' forum was it was inquisitive, educational, thought provoking, and sometimes even helpful! unfortunately, of late, it seems that a bunch of people who spend too much time in the 'general' forum have been visiting - please return to your little rat hole there and bash one another to your heart's content.

many years ago when i myself was quite young and new to the wonderful world of sex i ended up dating a virgin. she made it quite clear in countless discussions we had on the topic that she didn't want to have intercourse - she didn't have to remind me each time we were being intimate, having oral sex, fingering, handjobs that she didn't want to have intercourse.

to assume that a girl can be intimate and not want sex (intercourse) then be forced/raped and calling her a slut for being naked is really quite beyond understandable. it is actually quite sad and shameful...

Thank You.