what doesn't kill us.....blah blah blah

[rida]

Some people do not deserve to be human. And his next life he does not even deserve to be a cockroach: he only deserve to be a worm.

The good lairs mean all the word they say. Too bad they are always conditional to their own well being.

HUGS!
Don't forget you are better off without him, without living a life full of lies and suspicions.

You are beautiful and lovable.
Just take it one step at the time.

 

[eastern sun]

Minx, he is a coward. Which means he left it to you to be courageous.

 

[Bandit58]

The good lairs mean all the word they say. Too bad they are always conditional to their own well being

Been there, lived that. The married guy I was seeing before I met Sir made me promises he either couldn't or wouldn't keep. I was emotionally vulnerable when I met him (online) and believed everything he said, because he said he loved me and wanted to be with me.

He may even have believed it himself at the time

 

[minx1]

Some people do not deserve to be human. And his next life he does not even deserve to be a cockroach: he only deserve to be a worm.

The good lairs mean all the word they say. Too bad they are always conditional to their own well being.

HUGS!
Don't forget you are better off without him, without living a life full of lies and suspicions.

You are beautiful and lovable.
Just take it one step at the time.

Minx, he is a coward. Which means he left it to you to be courageous.

Been there, lived that. The married guy I was seeing before I met Sir made me promises he either couldn't or wouldn't keep. I was emotionally vulnerable when I met him (online) and believed everything he said, because he said he loved me and wanted to be with me.

He may even have believed it himself at the time

Thankyou guys

I amin a right mess. I've done something really stupid; I guess because I feel so desperate.
I'm off work again because of how badly I am coping and I tried to call me lawyer for some advice. I couldnt get through and by that stage I was in a bit of a bad way so I stupidly called him. Even now I thought what we shared would count for something. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought he would come through for me. I learnt again that you cant credit people with your own feelings and standards.

As soon as I said it was me, he hung up. Just like that. Like I am tainted and dangerous and cant even be spoken to. I wanted to appeal to his sense of decency and the love he once had for me and to explain how this is making me ill. I wanted to ask him to agree to getting rid of the undertaking so I could feel free from it and he simply hung up.

I am distraught and full of panic. I imagine now I will end up back in court.

How could I have ever been so stupid; to call and to love someone who could be this cruel.

I just cant cope anymore

 

[rida]

HUGS!

Don't beat yourself up too much and call your lawyer. he/she will have the right advise for you. If it is anything like here with the phones, I'm sure your number showed up on the display and he knew it was you before picking up.

We all do something stupid that we regret the moment we have done it. Just learn from here and delete all his phone numbers from all the places you have them written/memorized to avoid future temptations.

You will come out of this stronger and more beautiful. Don't let him taint you anymore. The man you loved is for all purposes dead so mourn his loss. The one that picked up the phone, is a different man, a man you do not want.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Big hugs from me, too.

I agree with what Rida said. Let your lawyer know what happened. Also you are in therapy right? Tell your therapist also. See if she has any suggestions on a way to help you find some sort of legal way to have closure.

This man is not worth you getting into legal trouble.

 

[minx1]

HUGS!

Don't beat yourself up too much and call your lawyer. he/she will have the right advise for you. If it is anything like here with the phones, I'm sure your number showed up on the display and he knew it was you before picking up.

We all do something stupid that we regret the moment we have done it. Just learn from here and delete all his phone numbers from all the places you have them written/memorized to avoid future temptations.

You will come out of this stronger and more beautiful. Don't let him taint you anymore. The man you loved is for all purposes dead so mourn his loss. The one that picked up the phone, is a different man, a man you do not want.

You have been such a good friend to me hon. love ya

Big hugs from me, too.

I agree with what Rida said. Let your lawyer know what happened. Also you are in therapy right? Tell your therapist also. See if she has any suggestions on a way to help you find some sort of legal way to have closure.

This man is not worth you getting into legal trouble.

Thanks chick. I did what you had suggested I emailed my lawyer yesterday pretty much after it happened. This morning I received a call from her office with the message that I am not to worry; it's ok. She is also going to try and get me in to see her about some stuff. They have been so great with me. The receptionist is almost like my bloody counsellor
I havent paid them a cent either and they have really fought my corner.

Today I have surprised myself. I had a little cry earlier but thats all. I think I see it for what it really is now. It took him hanging up on me to realise that he is never going to 'come through' for me. I think I had hung onto the vein hope he would. That he would wake up one day and realise what he had done and that he loved and missed me. Or failing that, that he would have least cared enough about me to treat me well and with empathy and compassion during this time; and actually not sever all ties so brutally.
I loved him you see. I think I loved him more than I have loved any man. I am so foolish, but I put so much trust and faith in him, I didnt want to believe he would treat it with such contempt. I know he blames me for blowing his cover, but he fails to see I was actually pushed into a corner and had to defend myself. Thats why. I wouldnt have told it all otherwise. But when you; your name and reputation is publicly attacked and when your relationship is lied about, you have to defend yourself and so I did by laying the cards on the table and telling thr truth.

He will never see it like that.

But anyway, I have to look forward now. If I dont and I stay in this emotional place, it will kill me for sure.
I'm going back to work tomorrow and today I havent been looking at sites about affairs or religion; where I usually go searching for 'answers'. Instead I have been 'friending' people in my area; kinky people (PYLS and pyls) for friendship only at this point. But its a start.

 

[YourCaptor]

But anyway, I have to look forward now.

Thats the trick to life really, you just have to always keeping pushing forward. Never stop because then nothing will change.

You be good now and do the shit that makes you smile.

 

[minx1]

Thats the trick to life really, you just have to always keeping pushing forward. Never stop because then nothing will change.

You be good now and do the shit that makes you smile.

This made me smile YC.

I promise I will do my very best from this point on.

From now on its only shit that makes me smile



I just need to know that I'm not going to be dragged back to court again and I can live my life.

 

[minx1]

Even now I thought what we shared would count for something. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought he would come through for me. I learnt again that you cant credit people with your own feelings and standards.

As soon as I said it was me, he hung up. Just like that. Like I am tainted and dangerous and cant even be spoken to. I wanted to appeal to his sense of decency and the love he once had for me and to explain how this is making me ill.
How could I have ever been so stupid; to call and to love someone who could be this cruel.

Just to update you guys, I discovered today, christmas eve that he has none.

At least I have it confirmed now.

I received a threatening letter from their lawyer when I got home.

It actually slightly disgusts me to think I could have loved someone capable of this kind of thing. He knew I was so low I considered ending thing and he knows about the post traumatic stress and yet he was still willing to risk pushing me over the edge like this.

Christmas eve lol, would have been a nice touch if it wasnt so bloody predictable.

I just spoke to a good friend here and she is absolutely furious. She said she didnt know what to say...because she didnt think he could sink lower than he already had done, yet here once again he has managed to.

I will wait for the ''what goes around, comes around" phenomenon to take place and when it does and he does it again i will be laughing the loudest.

I have many wishes for them and I hope they all come true.

 

[YourCaptor]

Just to update you guys, I discovered today, christmas eve that he has none.

At least I have it confirmed now.

I received a threatening letter from their lawyer when I got home.

It actually slightly disgusts me to think I could have loved someone capable of this kind of thing. He knew I was so low I considered ending thing and he knows about the post traumatic stress and yet he was still willing to risk pushing me over the edge like this.

Christmas eve lol, would have been a nice touch if it wasnt so bloody predictable.

I just spoke to a good friend here and she is absolutely furious. She said she didnt know what to say...because she didnt think he could sink lower than he already had done, yet here once again he has managed to.

I will wait for the ''what goes around, comes around" phenomenon to take place and when it does and he does it again i will be laughing the loudest.

I have many wishes for them and I hope they all come true.

I could come around. Always wanted to go to Australia.

 

[minx1]

I could come around. Always wanted to go to Australia.

Cool. I'll put the wine on ice

 

[KayKat]

Oh Minx I am sorry you are having it so rough..Makes me so mad to read what he has done to you!!!! I wish I could hug you and make you feel better!!!

 

[Bandit58]

Oh Minx I am sorry you are having it so rough..Makes me so mad to read what he has done to you!!!! I wish I could hug you and make you feel better!!!

Me too!

May Santa Claus tip a big sack of cow shit on his head for ya

 

[minx1]

Oh Minx I am sorry you are having it so rough..Makes me so mad to read what he has done to you!!!! I wish I could hug you and make you feel better!!!

Me too!

May Santa Claus tip a big sack of cow shit on his head for ya

Thanks guys

But bandit, I dont hate cow shit that much!

 

[KayKat]

Me too!

May Santa Claus tip a big sack of cow shit on his head for ya

Hi Bandit!

 

[Bandit58]

Hi Bandit!

Hiya KK nice to see you back

 

[Mr_J]

Hello dear

fist of all Merry Christmas, and even though after I read what happened yesterday to you, I still want to tell you Merry Christmas.

Also I want you to think of it this way, now you will start a brand new year a new, less stress and slowly in improving yourself.

Also don't get discouraged, you have your lit friends, to tease you, listen to you and in all cheer you on

Happy Holidays

Mr.J

 

[minx1]

Hello dear

fist of all Merry Christmas, and even though after I read what happened yesterday to you, I still want to tell you Merry Christmas.

Also I want you to think of it this way, now you will start a brand new year a new, less stress and slowly in improving yourself.

Also don't get discouraged, you have your lit friends, to tease you, listen to you and in all cheer you on

Happy Holidays

Mr.J

Thankyou Mr J for taking the time to stop by and post. It's always nice to meet new people.
You are right, I am doing my best to stay upbeat and look ahead to the coming year. As for my lit friends they have been a fantastic help and support to me and yeah...I can always count on them to tease me!

I did something today that I hope it a step in the right direction. I met up with a man I met through a vanilla dating site. We met for coffee this morning as he had his daughter with him.
As it turns out, he isnt really for me but I am just taking some positive thoughts out of the fact I am actually 'dating' again. I am pushing myself, and I dont really like dating lol, but at least I am doing it!

I'm not sure if I will bother meeting this man again but who knows, maybe I will now meet up with another. I think ideally I would meet someone through somewhere like fetlife or collarme but I dont hold out too much hope there.

Anyway. I'm proud of me

 

[minx1]

Do you know what the strange thing is?

I was saying yesterday, considering whats happened I feel in a really bizarre mood. I was fine yesterday and thought I would be a complete mess.

But rather than feeling blue and broken, I felt nothing short of elated!

Is that normal? lol

ETA: scratch all that. The elated feeling didnt last long and was replaced by tears again and disbelief that the man I loved with all my heart would do this to me. Could he have been any more cruel. I dont think so.

Perhaps this is what post traumatic stress does, I dunno.

Is it wrong of me to want him to feel this pain he has put me through. I hate bitterness, but if I am honest I feellit. I feel hurt like I have never felt before, I feel letdown and I feel angry.
I want him to split up and I want him to lose everything too. I didnt before, I sent good wishes then and meant it... but not now.
Thats what I want, more than anything now.

I hope it happens.

 

[YourCaptor]

Thankyou Mr J for taking the time to stop by and post. It's always nice to meet new people.
You are right, I am doing my best to stay upbeat and look ahead to the coming year. As for my lit friends they have been a fantastic help and support to me and yeah...I can always count on them to tease me!

I did something today that I hope it a step in the right direction. I met up with a man I met through a vanilla dating site. We met for coffee this morning as he had his daughter with him.
As it turns out, he isnt really for me but I am just taking some positive thoughts out of the fact I am actually 'dating' again. I am pushing myself, and I dont really like dating lol, but at least I am doing it!

I'm not sure if I will bother meeting this man again but who knows, maybe I will now meet up with another. I think ideally I would meet someone through somewhere like fetlife or collarme but I dont hold out too much hope there.

Anyway. I'm proud of me

Merry Christmas babe.

You know I'm really glad to hear you met a man and recognized he's not for you. Good job, it's very good news.

Do you know what the strange thing is?

I was saying yesterday, considering whats happened I feel in a really bizarre mood. I was fine yesterday and thought I would be a complete mess.

But rather than feeling blue and broken, I felt nothing short of elated!

Is that normal? lol

ETA: scratch all that. The elated feeling didnt last long and was replaced by tears again and disbelief that the man I loved with all my heart would do this to me. Could he have been any more cruel. I dont think so.

Perhaps this is what post traumatic stress does, I dunno.

Is it wrong of me to want him to feel this pain he has put me through. I hate bitterness, but if I am honest I feellit. I feel hurt like I have never felt before, I feel letdown and I feel angry.
I want him to split up and I want him to lose everything too. I didnt before, I sent good wishes then and meant it... but not now.
Thats what I want, more than anything now.

I hope it happens.

You've made it to the point where you understand the situation. Now your at the part where you start realizing that their are better fish.

It's progress, slow, but we all knew it would be that way. You're doing great.

 

[minx1]

Merry Christmas babe.

You know I'm really glad to hear you met a man and recognized he's not for you. Good job, it's very good news.



You've made it to the point where you understand the situation. Now your at the part where you start realizing that their are better fish.

It's progress, slow, but we all knew it would be that way. You're doing great.

Merry Christmas Mr...hope its a really good one for you

Thankyou for all your positive comments eh. I really need to hear this kinda thing at the mo.


I understand....he doesnt give jackshit about me. lol

Yeah as painful as it is I understand. I have to not dwell on it because when I do I find it so upsetting that I gave him four years of my life and moved across the world for him. For this lol

But thanks for the praise. Actually you are right, all things considered i'm doing ok.. I am making strides every now and again and I am forcing myself now to do things I wouldnt have previously done.

I even changed my profiles on facebook and fetlife to single too. That in itself is a huge step for me.
The bloke I met saw my facebook relationship status....complicated and sent me a message asking if it was complicated should he just leave me and the man to it lol. I told him no..to stick around and I changed it right there and then.
It felt ok.

 

[minx1]

Hey YC...connoisseur of cute girls, tell me how its all going for you??

I hope you have a sweet subbie girl of your own and if not, I hope the new year brings you much happiness in that department

 

[KayKat]

Hiya KK nice to see you back

It is nice to be back Bandit!

 

[naxalite0906]

Hello stranger..

I just wanted to pop in and say Merry Christmas.. *hug*

May the next year bring the happiness you deserve