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What made you smile or laugh today? Part IV

Bambi2021 said:
I told him my house was being fumigated and asked could I stay over at his place. Wore my sexiest nightgown, which covered 80% of my body, but if I bent over just right, he MIGHT be able to see a hint at cleavage. Oh, and did I mention no bra? How on earth did he NOT understand I was making a pass at him?

Now remember, at this point in my life, I had never written or said or typed the word "penis". :rolleyes: Also, I was in my 30s when this happened.
Click to expand...

https://www.toponeliners.com/images/one-liners/women-spend-more-time-wondering-what-men-are-thinking-izk.jpg

Just sayin'.

Reaching for my belt and asking, "can I have a taste" worked on me.

So did the gal putting both her hands down the front of my pants.

And the gal who came out of the bathroom, dropped her towel, and said "teach me."

But, ah, no. For all I know I was that guy you stayed with and I was doing my best to be a gentleman and a friend that night with zero clue you wanted to saddle up the whirlwind. ***shrug*** It did happen way more than once after all.

These days, I've got a sign on the door "abandon innocence all ye who enter here."
 
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Bambi2021 said:
I told him my house was being fumigated and asked could I stay over at his place. Wore my sexiest nightgown, which covered 80% of my body, but if I bent over just right, he MIGHT be able to see a hint at cleavage. Oh, and did I mention no bra? How on earth did he NOT understand I was making a pass at him?

Now remember, at this point in my life, I had never written or said or typed the word "penis". :rolleyes: Also, I was in my 30s when this happened.
Click to expand...

What do you mean in your 30s? As in age? :confused: lol

I have to give him a slack here. What you did is not easy thing to pick up on.
The fact that you had no bra doesn't automatically translate into "she wants me". I know plenty of women who just don't wear a bra because they just don't. Especially in places such at home, even if it wasn't your home.

You know what? I like this guy. He didn't assume. ;):D:)
 
Short of engraved invitations, one party has to assume if things are to move forward.
 
Orchidea73 said:
OMG! lol

Now I'm curious to know how on earth was your "throwing" technique? :rolleyes::D
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Yeah I am hopeless, ah thick a 6 feet of concrete actually, at picking up on subtle hints. The only thing I get is someone who just spells it out directly :D.

I was in a club once (long long long time ago) and a really hot sexy gal walked up to me and started chatting, after a couple of minutes chatting she said to me "hey I'm horny wanna fuck".
Now that understood perfectly well.. :D
 
Recapping my stalkers gifs , over my first cup of coffee this morning.! That old ho has some game in her.
 
Bambi2021 said:
He was well aware of my innocence and would never have guessed in a million years that I wanted him. He used to say sexual things to make me blush because he thought it was cute. He told me once that his girlfriend tasted like peaches. Up until a few years ago, I thought she ate peach candy or something. face palm


Yes, I was in my 30s. I didn't lose my virginity until my 40s with my soon to be husband. He is a sweetheart who tries to hide it under his gruff "I'm a sexual maniac" exterior. Looking back, I'm glad that he didn't pick up on my too subtle signs because it might have damaged our friendship.
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The more I read, the more I'm wondering if I was that guy. :eek:

My sadistic streak is much more attuned to squirming giggles and blushes than pain to the cusp of safewording.

Hey, hey! You've got the peaches. I've got the cream.

Let me just say that if you are someone I'm beginning to suspect we crossed paths, not a syllable of a certain nickname I finally outlived had better be uttered.

(And also, that if that "psuedo-sex-maniac" bit was referring to someone that might have been me, I actually was even worse than my other nickname indicated)

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rJKPO_wZsWU/Tw0HnqkVkdI/AAAAAAAAJTk/flTga5-3bQA/s1600/Animal.jpg

(I just didn't always chew through the padded restraints without a little more encouragement)
 
Bambi2021 said:
lol... do you live in TN? He said he liked pain until I waxed his back. He didn't like that pain. ;)
Click to expand...

Oh, good. (Although it might be scarier to think there are two of me on mature reflection.)

Let's just ignore any comments about some ephemeral nickname I may or may not have outlived, shall we?

However, let me just add that I've limped around on a rebroken fibula for thirteen hours teaching class after a motorcycle accident on the way to work, and that waxing horse shit is totally beyond the pale for any but the confirmed pain slut. Just sayin'.
 
And in other news...

Apparently, the legend of doing everything bigger in Texas has added a new chapter. Not content with the illegal dumping of a couch or a refrigerator roadside, someone apparently dumped a whole freakin' house on the side of the road over a month ago.

And the county Sheriff (complete with chaw in his jaw) only just found out about it through the media.

I'm just...

I don't even...

One would think after all these decades I would have become completely inured to the comedic material calmly and factually presented by the idiots surrounding me. But, just when I think I've seen it all, along comes someone that accepts and surmounts the challenge.
 
RustyIron said:
Yeah I am hopeless, ah thick a 6 feet of concrete actually, at picking up on subtle hints. The only thing I get is someone who just spells it out directly :D.

I was in a club once (long long long time ago) and a really hot sexy gal walked up to me and started chatting, after a couple of minutes chatting she said to me "hey I'm horny wanna fuck".
Now that understood perfectly well.. :D
Click to expand...

I've failed to notice somebody's interest when they had their tongue in my mouth. Use your words, people!
 
Bramblethorn said:
I've failed to notice somebody's interest when they had their tongue in my mouth. Use your words, people!
Click to expand...

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree slightly, you sexy, hot as fuck, give me a nerdgasmic ecstasy poster. (And I mean that in the most platonic way.)

Quite a while back, when I was still doing my professor schtick, a former student came up to me in my classroom and said, "I like you."

"Well, I'm glad," I said, clueless. "I like you, too."

"No, Mr. A. I mean, I really like you." (Heavy emphasis on "really.")

Still clueless (I took a lot of shit from students and co-workers alike for being the epitome of the clueless professor), I responded, "Well, I really like you too. You're a good student, you work hard, and I have every reason to expect that the only limits to how far you'll go are how far you want to."

(You know. Standard professional educator TOTY mumbo-jumbo gleaned from motivational posters.) (And I will neither confirm nor deny that I may or may not have been naive enough to believe the shit I was shoveling.)

At this point, she proceeded to rip open her blouse, buttons literally flying everywhere, exposing her bra-clad breasts and her complete torso all the way down to the waist of her low-rise jeans.

In the middle of my classroom.

In front of witnesses that had sensed something happening I certainly hadn't and were taking their time exiting.

(Yes, really. I ain't smart enough to make this shit up. My life is a virtual cornucopia of material for pornographic parody and sexual satire.)

At that point, even I understood what she was trying to say.

So, yeah. Words are great and everything. But, some of us need More Than Words... like maybe a hint in the form of a 2x4. :eek:
 
I got home from a doctor's appointment and my cat and the flock were happy to see me. It's nice to have pets.
 
This showed up in my porn feed...I was just going to ignore it (not really my thing)…until someone pointed out that the "vibrating" part of the toy is sticking out and the "antenna" is inserted. Must be some STRONG signal...{Caution: kinda explicit}

Serious Acting
 
TANSTAAFL58 said:
This showed up in my porn feed...I was just going to ignore it (not really my thing)…until someone pointed out that the "vibrating" part of the toy is sticking out and the "antenna" is inserted. Must be some STRONG signal...{Caution: kinda explicit}

Serious Acting
Click to expand...

Ok, yup. That's backward, in case you were wondering.

Well, unless Lovense has developed a high gain antenna for those with connection issues.

Reminds me of the time I tried one and I was sitting here getting my mad scientist on, creating all sorts of calculated waveforms... and (thirty minutes in, mind you) she begs me to stop teasing her and turn it on. :(
 
Acktion said:
Ok, yup. That's backward, in case you were wondering.

Well, unless Lovense has developed a high gain antenna for those with connection issues.

Reminds me of the time I tried one and I was sitting here getting my mad scientist on, creating all sorts of calculated waveforms... and (thirty minutes in, mind you) she begs me to stop teasing her and turn it on. :(
Click to expand...

OK Bro. Thanks for an ACTUAL "Laugh Out Loud" moment. My day just got better
 
Going to movies, thoroughly enjoying the excellent film and then stopping by a lovely taproom for some beer and tacos after. Good times. :)

Edit: And a really good eyeroll. :rolleyes: Sometimes a proper eye roll is what's needed to make life feel full, y'know.
 
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