What would you do? URGENT

[Noor]

I would talk with him, brainstorm the issues together without judgement, and then try to resolve them one by one.

Forgiveness is not enough if you both have no way to prevent the same thing from happening again. There was a reason he was a lazy drunk and a reason why you cheated on him and until you both help each other overcome whatever these reasons were you are in danger of repeating them. I like you both need to be able to respect each other and yourselves again. Every obstacle in a relationship has the potential to destroy or make it stronger.

I don't believe we every stop loving those we truly love. We may find we can not live within the same terms we once did, we may feel so hurt that we must turn away to protect ourselves, but that is not the same as not loving them. Every person we love becomes part of us, even if we feel would like to cut it out of ourselves.

My answer would be talk to him and see what happens. I would not move in with him until you both have these issues worked out. Don't make any unspoken agreements or assumptions. I would not ask or mention any other lovers either of you have had in the meanwhile, you will just hurt each other further.

 

[Eilan]

No children, although I wish that I did. At my age he is probably my last chance anwya.

Please, please don't let the ticking of your biological clock cause you to make hasty decisions. Your (potential) child will learn about healthy/unhealthy relationships from you and your partner; he or she deserves two parents who love and respect each other.

Having a baby in the hopes of saving a doomed (or about-to-be-doomed) relationship is as bad an idea as staying together for the sake of the children.

Don't rush things.

 

[M's girl]

I have found that people don't change, not if they don't want to change for themselves. It never works long term if the changes don't come from the realisation that they are better off themselves (too)...