When did you first realize you were submissive or dominant? (No underage content!)

[Griet11]

I was young when I first saw a movie called 9 to 5 with Dolly Parton seeing the women in that movie take control of their boss and dominating him I was glued to that movie watched it over and over and over again

I was a band geek. In Jr. High I was in marching band. Each section had a guide whose job it was to keep us straight and in step. Turning corners was tricky and I was always messing it up.

During practice one morning, my guide got frustrated and started yelling at me. He got so pissed that he snatched my flute and threw it across the parking lot. Everyone was shocked. I think some girl nearby actually started crying. My bandmates fetched my flute and huddled around me, asked if I was ok.

I was ok. I acted scared, but the truth was that I loved it. His wrath aroused me, and from that day forth I never turned those corners right!

 

[chrissy1988]

After I read the Fifty Shades of Grey series, it took me a couple of years to put a few things together. But I realized that some of the things ( turn on's ) in my past, were associated to being submissive. I had always thought it was really weird that spanking in general was something that turned me on. And at times, I didn't even recognize that my emotions were "turned on." I think that the popularity of the 50 shades series , turned such an embarrassing topic into something much more acceptable . I was around the age of 25.

 

[BeautifulBlueSky218]

I believe I've always known that I was submissive. I'm a pretty quiet person and I don't like to share most things to some people because I don't want anyone to know what my desires are. Around the time when I was in love with one of my first serious boyfriend's he was pretty dominate towards me and I enjoyed it. Believe I was 26 years old when I first started to notice it. I haven't tried a lot of BDSM things though.

 

[Nezhul]

So I'm a switch, i.e. I get turned on by both domming and submitting, although domming more.
I've always had fantasies of me being tied up and/or girls being tied up next to me. Since kindergarten - I didn't even know what girls were FOR back then. I just found it unexplainably cool.
Later it was fantasies of girls in prisons or otherwise caught. That's when I already knew what sex was and watched some porn.

But when I did realize that there was such thing as dom/sub and that it was definitely my thing was... I was serfing on the net for porn and I stumbled upon some of the early Hogtied videos. Of tied girls being made to cum. Gosh was that a reveal! So that's pretty much when I knew that I want that. And only a few years later did I really get into femdom, although more in the form of stories than porn - I don't think there's any good femdom porn out there, or I don't know any.

 

[curiositykilledmoi]

I believe I've always known that I was submissive. I'm a pretty quiet person and I don't like to share most things to some people because I don't want anyone to know what my desires are. Around the time when I was in love with one of my first serious boyfriend's he was pretty dominate towards me and I enjoyed it. Believe I was 26 years old when I first started to notice it. I haven't tried a lot of BDSM things though.

Hi, thank you for your really interesting post quoted above I was just wondering, did you communicate those with your boyfriend or was it just his personality. I'm at that stage where I'd like a long term relationship but I am pretty similar to the girl (we'll you around 26!) which you described above. But a lot of people I've seen into BDSM openly are fairly older. Thank you x

 

[9to5]

Hi, thank you for your really interesting post quoted above I was just wondering, did you communicate those with your boyfriend or was it just his personality. I'm at that stage where I'd like a long term relationship but I am pretty similar to the girl (we'll you around 26!) which you described above. But a lot of people I've seen into BDSM openly are fairly older. Thank you x

not all are older. maybe just more open about it.
I have seen a few in their 20's that are into bdsm weather Dom or sub

 

[DarkBee]

It got gradually introduced when one of my exes said she liked to be spanked and tied up; she was 21 and I was 30.

 

[DaddyIssues06]

Sexual fantasies came earlier to my brain than they should have, and I instinctively knew I was "different." Fantasies of bondage, rough sex, & fuck machines, etc. I read all my mom's romance novels and masturbated like a little fiend. I finally found a name for my interests and acknowledged/accepted/embraced my interests at around 28 or so.

 

[Hansdrexler]

So young

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I don't like to bossed around all the time but of a woman excites me I could be sub for a while. I learned I like to be dom later when I got to dominate girlfriends and enjoyed talking to them about watching them with other women.

 

[SquishyBits]

I didn't realize I was submissive until I joined Lit. I have always been a bit shy and passive. I don't like being in control and for years I was turned on by the stories where women had their control taken away from them. I feel a bit dense when I think about it now but once I started reading the forums all the pieces started to fall in to place for me. It explained so much about my personality and desires. I wish I knew this years ago! Oh, I was 27 at the time of my realization.

 

[JenniBean]

I wasn't submissive until I began having sex with this boy I was tutoring. It's like he owns me. I will do pretty much anything he asks me to do.

 

[zoesubslutx]

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[MistressMaggie]

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[*professorx*]

realized it by accident actually in my first year of college
all these petite lil gymnasts wanted to be controlled and power fucked
something about sweaty bodies
and because of their flexibility they wanted to be tied up

 

[Eva_Star]

I probably should have had some clue about my true nature when I got aroused by a lesson about wives submitting to their husbands in a young adult bible study class...but nothing came to fruition until I met my husband in my early 20s.

It was something like.."the man will be the master of your household. You will submit to his will...your body will be his.."

Ok! Sign me up! haha

Who knew that the Pentecostals were into bdsm?!?

 

[cascadiabound]

Reminder

This thread is dangerously close to violating Lit's rules on underage content. Please do not post details about sexual activity before age 18.

No content under 18

 

[Username_of_Sean]

I've always had odd fetishes, for as long as I can remember, but I hadn't actually considered BDSM until 27, when I realized that I was a Sadist.

Always been into imagery of blood & painful things. Didn't realize I was a Sadist. Feels so obvious now... I kind of kick myself for not realizing and joining the scene much sooner.

 

[DominantOne00]

Discovered

For me, I discovered my dominant desires in college. It was first revealed to me by going to cam sites. It was thrilling to tell a sexy woman just what to do and how to do it. I already liked a bit of dirty talk before then, but things just got hotter and hotter and I discovered new things. I started chatting and becoming a more practiced Dom. And the rest is history . . .

 

[Gabriel1664]

Yes Cascadia

Beautifully said, Cascadia.

And as a guy, I can say that one way I have been able to tell when a woman is or may be submissive is how she responds to that kiss, that aggressive possessive kiss, or even to having her hand held or my arm around her waist, or hand in her hair.

G

I think becoming sexually aware pre-internet and without the plethora of porn and images and terms means that labels like "submissive" and "dominant" weren't really in my vocabulary as a way to understand my sexuality until rather recently. I was mostly just me. And my life experiences have shaped me - both in making me perhaps less aware and unwilling to access my "submissive" tendencies than might have been desirable in a perfect sexually judgment free world.

Hindsight being 20/20... I would say that being kissed aggressively and possessively from my very first encounters really sent me reeling. I did not want it all soft and with a lot of checking and sweetness. I wanted my hair pulled back, my neck exposed, and that feeling of being a bit ravaged. Not many boys knew how to do that. The ones who did... I could not get enough of them.

It was not until I discovered Lit that I really understood the full spectrum of control and submissive behaviours and that a woman who is a feminist and powerful and competent could also be sexually submissive. I am grateful to be able to embrace this duality.

 

[Gabriel1664]

First

First realized --- long ago --- in those playfighting moments with other kids, when it was clear that as a guy, I enjoying being in charge, so to speak. Nothing sexual then, just the knowledge. And there were, of course, then girls who....

G

 

[gretchenmilliner]

It was when I was at Uni. An old school friend and I discovered the pleasures of sapphism during the holidays, she loves to tease and one day she decided to tie my hands behind my back and as she did so I found myself thinking, 'tie my ankles too, please hold my legs wide and tie my ankles.'

 

[sterculius]

As young adults, my best friend and I would jerk off together but we quickly escalated to mutual masturbation and then taking turns sucking each others cock. We had agreed beforehand to NOT cum in each others mouth, but to warn the one sucking when we got close to orgasm and finish off by hand as before. This worked out well at first until the time he chose not to warn me and just flooded my mouth with warm, acrid semen. I was surprised and shocked at what he had done but I instantly realized that I LOVED that he had cum in my mouth!! And especially that he did it IN SPITE of having promised not to! It made me feel so "USED". And I liked feeling used. I felt like a slut. He apologized but next time he did it again. I admitted that I liked it and soon after he stopped reciprocating. I continued blowing him on a regular basis and became his personal cocksucker

 

[Herr_daddy]

For me it was after I left the Navy. I was two years younger and till after graduation I was significantly smaller than the other boys and even some of the girls. Kids are mean, it was the early 80's in a hillbilly town, do the math, lol.

I go away to the Navy and come back a different man. I reveled in the girls fawning all over themselves and shot them down with glee after taking what I wanted. I was a total ass. Very dominate, but a total ass. Shiny new sports car, money in the bank, 5 inches taller, dressed to the hilt and played them like a pimp.

I am not bragging, I look back now 30 years later and realize I was wrong and doing it for vengeance, completely degrading them after I got bored. But it taught me I liked being in full control, in every aspect and that I had a knack for it. That knowledge has served me well in both business and my 27 year marriage. I've toned down, it is more a quiet dominance now. I have nothing left to prove so no reason to be a raging bull anymore.

 

[firebelly75]

the first time i put on an "I dream of Jeannie" costume for Halloween! its like i became her, and wanted to live it or some sort of Arabian Nights fantasy!

 

[SissySalina]

i really think it was when i finally realized how controlling my mother was about age 16. It downed on me that she was treating me more like her daughter than her son.