Where are all the men?

[ZRT]

I don't do lines.

When I'm in a good mood, conversations flow easily for me. Since I've been just about everywhere in the US, geography is an easy bet- 'You're from West Virginia? First fireflies I ever saw were in WV, on the way to Nitro.'

That's just a general icebreaker I tend to use in conversations with everybody. When a woman strikes my fancy, I just start paying more attention to them and the conversation.

Since I usually only pay about half-attention to conversations anyway, I've been told that when I focus in on what somebody's talking about, it's like turning a spotlight on.

Then I just start asking questions and showing real interest. It comes across as sincere. Probably because it is sincere. If I'm interested in a woman, I'm interested in -knowing- the woman.

I don't talk much about myself, in part because I don't share much.

(As it happens, this is the first time I've ever really discussed how I get acquainted with women. I don't call it picking up, because that strikes me as disrespectful.)

Anyway, I also don't talk much about myself because every loser who wanders up on an attractive woman can't wait to tell her about his car and his job and his supposedly awesome adventures. Fuck that shit, I drive a fifteen-year-old car, my job interests me but doesn't interest most because it's pretty technical, and my awesome adventures aren't for public consumption.

Wait, my car is nineteen years old. Whoops. And it's the newest one I've ever owned, too.

Funny thing, too. Because I'm pudgy (okay, fat), my voice is kind of high, and other than being moderately tall and large, I'm not what you'd call physically pre-possessing. Yet everywhere I work, the women tend to adore me. Mothers try to introduce me to their daughters. (Oh, if only they knew...)

Guys will ask me what my trick is, and the answer is that there isn't a trick and that's the trick.

I don't go through the whole song and dance, but I tell 'em it's simple- respect and attention are the winners. Treat women like people, 'cause, y'know, they are. It's amazing how much further one gets that way over treating them as life support devices for pussies.

I think pheromones have some play in it too. God damn, but women in my life have liked smelling on me, even when I'm ganky.

 

[Keroin]

I don't do lines.

When I'm in a good mood, conversations flow easily for me. Since I've been just about everywhere in the US, geography is an easy bet- 'You're from West Virginia? First fireflies I ever saw were in WV, on the way to Nitro.'

That's just a general icebreaker I tend to use in conversations with everybody. When a woman strikes my fancy, I just start paying more attention to them and the conversation.

Since I usually only pay about half-attention to conversations anyway, I've been told that when I focus in on what somebody's talking about, it's like turning a spotlight on.

Then I just start asking questions and showing real interest. It comes across as sincere. Probably because it is sincere. If I'm interested in a woman, I'm interested in -knowing- the woman.

I don't talk much about myself, in part because I don't share much.

(As it happens, this is the first time I've ever really discussed how I get acquainted with women. I don't call it picking up, because that strikes me as disrespectful.)

Anyway, I also don't talk much about myself because every loser who wanders up on an attractive woman can't wait to tell her about his car and his job and his supposedly awesome adventures. Fuck that shit, I drive a fifteen-year-old car, my job interests me but doesn't interest most because it's pretty technical, and my awesome adventures aren't for public consumption.

Wait, my car is nineteen years old. Whoops. And it's the newest one I've ever owned, too.

Funny thing, too. Because I'm pudgy (okay, fat), my voice is kind of high, and other than being moderately tall and large, I'm not what you'd call physically pre-possessing. Yet everywhere I work, the women tend to adore me. Mothers try to introduce me to their daughters. (Oh, if only they knew...)

Guys will ask me what my trick is, and the answer is that there isn't a trick and that's the trick.

I don't go through the whole song and dance, but I tell 'em it's simple- respect and attention are the winners. Treat women like people, 'cause, y'know, they are. It's amazing how much further one gets that way over treating them as life support devices for pussies.

I think pheromones have some play in it too. God damn, but women in my life have liked smelling on me, even when I'm ganky.

Bold text: Any woman with half a brain can smell a pick up line from a kilometer away. Likewise, she can also tell when a man is genuinely interested in her, globally, not just southern hemisphere. I always choose the latter.

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me."

Looks are important but only moderately so, for me. People are often surprised at my choices in men, based on their physical appearance, but as soon as they get to know them they understand. So I totally groove with with what you're saying about outperforming your more physically "manly" counterparts.

In a BDSM context, I actually prefer the dichotomy of a male who appears very passive and non-threatening on the outside while harbouring very bad desires on the inside. I find that sexy, not sure why. Hm.

 

[LilyBart]

I'm curious...for the men who find it easy to meet women, do you think you find it easy to just meet people in general, whether or not there's a sexual motive behind it?

I was struck by an exchange that I had this morning while waiting in line at a coffee shop. The line was deep so I was killing time by scanning the front of the WSJ on the counter when I suddenly felt a gentle (friendly) poke in the arm from the person behind me. It was a guy who was considerably younger than I am, reading over my shoulder, pointing out the little box on the cover of the paper announcing the astounding price that Real Madrid had paid Manchester United for Cristiano Ronaldo.

Now while I like to think that I am reasonably attractive, I don't think most 20 year olds would be looking at me as potential date material. The point is, the story caught his eye, he thought the news was amazing, and he wanted to share it with someone...anyone. Who knew that he was going to end up sharing it with someone who actually knew who Ronaldo was? (Not that I am a soccer expert, but I at least knew the talents of this player). We ended up chatting for the next 15 minutes or so and I thoroughly enjoyed it. His enthusiasm was infectious and actually made me happy for hours after. There was nothing more than sharing something exciting (to him), with another person. And the bottom line is, he was genuine. And I think that is the trait the comes across very quickly.

I have no idea what his sex life is like, but I suspect he doesn't lack. And he might be someone's idea of Adonis, but not everyone's.

I think genuineness is something to cultivate in oneself. Its certainly up there in the top 3, anyway.

~LB

The only downside to the exchange was that he kept calling me Ma'am. Even when I'm eighty, I'm pretty sure I still won't be used to that.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I think genuineness is something to cultivate in oneself. Its certainly up there in the top 3, anyway.

And if you can't be sincere, fake it!

 

[LilyBart]

And if you can't be sincere, fake it!

Arghhh! You missed my point!

Intentionally, I am sure.

~LB

 

[ZRT]

I'm curious...for the men who find it easy to meet women, do you think you find it easy to just meet people in general, whether or not there's a sexual motive behind it?

Yup.

I'm the king of getting the 'I can't believe I'm telling you this' story. When I was working on the road, people used to give me their life stories all the time, after a few minutes of conversation it'd always start. And man, the things people confess to a total stranger.

It's not even so much that I'm a good listener as that I've heard the stories so much by now that I can fill in the blanks and give the pertinent insights without having to grasp the unique details. Occasionally I'm off, sometimes spectacularly so, but most people fall into general templates. Also I'm pretty nonjudgmental- don't hurt the women and the kids, and otherwise I'm pretty laid back about people's lives.

It's kind of sad how lonely American culture is. It seems to me like most people are just drifting around, looking for somebody to listen and absolve them of their perceived sins and failings. I'm genuinely surprised to meet truly confident and self-possessed individuals.

 

[ZRT]

And if you can't be sincere, fake it!

"Sincerity? Shoot, I can fake that!"

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Arghhh! You missed my point!

Intentionally, I am sure.

~LB

Quite right, my deah! I learned long, long ago, in a universe far, far away to avoid points whenever possible. They can get stick-y.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Quite right, my deah! I learned long, long ago, in a universe far, far away to avoid points whenever possible. They can get stick-y.

*giggles*

 

[gypsy*seer]

And if you can't be sincere, fake it!

Yup....some are very good at that.....

 

[LilyBart]

Quite right, my deah! I learned long, long ago, in a universe far, far away to avoid points whenever possible. They can get stick-y.

Agreed, more or less.

But can you answer my question?

~LB

 

[gypsy*seer]

"Sincerity? Shoot, I can fake that!"

Hmmmm.....

 

[YourCaptor]

Pick up lines

If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together.

If I told you your body was gorgeous would you hold it against me?

I'm rich, bitch!

 

[ownedsubgal]

How do you get to be friends? Doesn't somebody, at some point, have to walk up and say: "hi, my name is __ , aren't you in my History class?" <chat, chat, chat> "Really? You like __ ? Me too. Hey, I'll be __ this Saturday, would you like to come?"

Sexual or not, a connection is a connection, and people don't just spontaneously build connections without effort on somebody's part. Barring introduction by a third party mutual friend, isn't there always a "cold call" of sorts?

i disagree. no friendship i've ever had in life ever started out by anyone making some sort of conscious effort to get to know the other person. it always just flows naturally. like, we're coworkers and in each other's face all day everyday, and make aimless chitchat just for the relief of communicating with another human being. complaining and joking about the job eventually turns into complaining and joking about the personal life, then you start doing lunch, then phone calls, then voila...a friendship has blossomed.

the whole "let me introduce myself"/"let me ask out this near or total stranger" approach has always freaked me out, in a major way.

 

[rida]

If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together.

*blank stare*

If I told you your body was gorgeous would you hold it against me?

*double blank stare*

I'm rich, bitch!

*triple blank stare*


I'm trying to think back to pick up line used on me (did not happen that often) ... mmmmmm

"what's your name" in a noisy disco
"do you come here often" in a bar
"my friend thinks you are pretty and would like to talk with you" in a club
"move with me to Okinawa" while out drinking

I'm too nice (someone would say too subbie) and always end up at least chit chating for a few seconds with them. Unless they are being overly rude and put their hands on me. That wins them my scary look where I channel all my fury. It does look scary, I've been told.

 

[DVS]

*blank stare*



*double blank stare*



*triple blank stare*


I'm trying to think back to pick up line used on me (did not happen that often) ... mmmmmm

"what's your name" in a noisy disco
"do you come here often" in a bar
"my friend thinks you are pretty and would like to talk with you" in a club
"move with me to Okinawa" while out drinking

I'm too nice (someone would say too subbie) and always end up at least chit chating for a few seconds with them. Unless they are being overly rude and put their hands on me. That wins them my scary look where I channel all my fury. It does look scary, I've been told.

Pick up lines? I've always thought they were useless. Well, they never work, at least not for me.

I think I can make some up, though.

You've got a nice ass. I'll bet it's nice and tight, too.

If I said you have a nice ass, would you hold it against me?
(that's a variation of an old one...I changed it to suit my needs)

Wanna go back to my place and scream in ecstasy?

Wanna go back to my place and sweat all over each other?

You've got nice eyes. What color are they? 36D?

You've got nice hair. I'd like to grab hold of it and force your face into my crotch.

You look sweet. Could I taste you to see if it's really true?

So, does this tell you why pick up lines never worked for me? LOL.

 

[Keroin]

Pick up lines? I've always thought they were useless. Well, they never work, at least not for me.

I think I can make some up, though.

You've got a nice ass. I'll bet it's nice and tight, too.

If I said you have a nice ass, would you hold it against me?
(that's a variation of an old one...I changed it to suit my needs)

Wanna go back to my place and scream in ecstasy?

Wanna go back to my place and sweat all over each other?

You've got nice eyes. What color are they? 36D?

You've got nice hair. I'd like to grab hold of it and force your face into my crotch.

You look sweet. Could I taste you to see if it's really true?

So, does this tell you why pick up lines never worked for me? LOL.

Yeah. Ick. Gotcha.

Actually, the cutest line ever used on me was from this waiter at a nice restaurant I frequented quite a bit. It was small place so we knew each other, so to speak. As I was walking by him one evening, he said, "Do you ever get tired of it?"

I said "Tired of what?"

He said, "Lighting up every room you walk into."



Cue the Awwwwwwwww. That one got him a kiss on the cheek.

 

[JMohegan]

Of course, but I think there's a huge difference in the kind of exchange you're talking about up there and the "Hey, you've got a pulse and a vagina. Let's go out!" method.

Some men can put a woman at ease, and some cannot. I think the ability to put another person at ease can be learned, but the problem is, most people try too hard and appear too earnest and, thus, creepy.

Huge difference indeed.

Why would I want to take a ditz, snotty bitch, total bore, or Ann Coulter clone to dinner? Preliminary conversation is no guarantee of a perfect evening, of course, but I'm gonna need at least a few positive signs in the compatibility department before I invite somebody out.

This is the way I meet anybody, though.

Exactly! My point is: it's no big deal.

People are people, women are people, an introduction and casual conversation is just an exchange of words. If you click, you click, if you don't - move on.

That's the way friends are made, and that's the way lovers are made as well.

 

[JMohegan]

I'm curious...for the men who find it easy to meet women, do you think you find it easy to just meet people in general, whether or not there's a sexual motive behind it?

Yes.


.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Agreed, more or less.

But can you answer my question?

~LB

Oh, I sort of missed that in my smart-assery. But then, I don't qualify to answer it, either, because I'm not one of those who find it easy to meet women. Or anyone, quite frankly. I'm rather shy, believe it or not.

 

[ZRT]

Yeah. Ick. Gotcha.

Actually, the cutest line ever used on me was from this waiter at a nice restaurant I frequented quite a bit. It was small place so we knew each other, so to speak. As I was walking by him one evening, he said, "Do you ever get tired of it?"

I said "Tired of what?"

He said, "Lighting up every room you walk into."



Cue the Awwwwwwwww. That one got him a kiss on the cheek.

Now see, that's done in the form of a compliment and not a 'Hi, my introduction is designed to get me into your panties' form.

 

[Keroin]

Now see, that's done in the form of a compliment and not a 'Hi, my introduction is designed to get me into your panties' form.

Exactly. There was no, "I'm saying this to impress you" feeling. It was just a lovely compliment.

Exactly! My point is: it's no big deal.

People are people, women are people, an introduction and casual conversation is just an exchange of words. If you click, you click, if you don't - move on.

That's the way friends are made, and that's the way lovers are made as well.

Yes, but the sentence following that one is the important one:

This is the way I meet anybody, though. Usually, the asking-out portion doesn’t happen until further down the road when we’ve formed a friendly connection.

By "further down the road" I'm talking two or three more non-one-on-one meetings, at least. The chances of me agreeing to go out, even for coffee, with a man I've only had one conversation with are very slim - not saying it couldn't or hasn't happened but that's just not my usual MO. Maybe that's just me, though? Instances where I've rushed into things, with men, have always proven disastrous, so I try to employ my logic no matter what my crazy hormones are saying.

Instant chemical attractions are powerful stuff. Fun, yes, but they cloud the mind.

Added and slightly off topic: I know lots of people do it and have terrific experiences but, personally, I can't fathom ever meeting someone online and becoming romantic. Friendship, of a limited variety? Yes. Relationship, either romantic or sexual? No. Maybe I'm just too picky?

 

[nh23]

Your daughter at 8 will bring different questions to you then you 4 year old. Just answer the questions at the level they understand. If they ask more, follow their lead no matter what the question but you don't need to tell them stuff beyond their development. "Where do babies come from?" will probability be resolved with "inside mommy" at first. "How do they get out" is a bit more complicated but a simple "there is an opening" might deal with it. "What does it look like" might require a pen and paper and basic drawings. "How do babies get there" is not answered with "god puts it there" but is the start of relationships talks as well as "part A goes into part B" sorts of talk.


We suggest the following in general after the No, Go Tell stuff:
The difference between a bribe and a gift.
They have a right to set their own personal boundaries.
Adults are not always right.
It’s ok to talk about sex.
Saying “No”: Children need help practicing to say “no”.
Sex education: Provide information about development and provide a safe environment to talk about sex – Be the “Sexpert”. Do not let the 3rd grade kid who has watched his big sister screw her boyfriend tell your kid that he does not have a wee-willy but has a penis and exactly what is does beside go pee-pee.
No “Secrets”: No secret games are allowed.
Honor requests for personal space.
Privacy: Teach to knock and model that behavior
By the first grade children should use bedrooms and bathrooms at separate times.
Be conscious of what is worn outside of the bedroom
Tell them the truth to your child.
Provide the moral compass without shaming - Know that they will see other messages and teach how to deal with them
Model the behavior you speak

When, not if, your son runs into your room naked with an little erect penis saying "LOOK WHAT DOES!" let him know that most all do that we don't go running the house that way, we stay in our own room or the bathroom.

All kids touch there "privates" just direct them where and when that can be done.

The Mayo Clinic has some great info link

as does Rutgers link

Thank you so much! We've already got past how babies are made with my little girl. She was 4 when I had my son. I was very honest with her and explained menstruation and the basics of sex.

I've also told both of them that touching their privates is alright as long as they are in their room, or alone in the bathtub etc.. so I feel good two down so far.

My son does run around yelling about his erect penis. LOL Not to show it off though he's usually saying "mom, it's up and it won't go down" He gets all pissed off over that. The only advice I know to offer him is "stop touching it then!"

 

[JMohegan]

Yes, but the sentence following that one is the important one:



By "further down the road" I'm talking two or three more non-one-on-one meetings, at least. The chances of me agreeing to go out, even for coffee, with a man I've only had one conversation with are very slim - not saying it couldn't or hasn't happened but that's just not my usual MO. Maybe that's just me, though? Instances where I've rushed into things, with men, have always proven disastrous, so I try to employ my logic no matter what my crazy hormones are saying.

Instant chemical attractions are powerful stuff. Fun, yes, but they cloud the mind.

I don't see why coffee is a big deal, and I don't see why a dinner date is a big deal, either. That notion is just really foreign to me.

Rushing into things = making *commitments* without knowing each other well.

Dinner = conversation with food, period.

I'm not saying your perspective is "just you," but I've had success getting to know women one-on-one through coffee, dinner, athletic endeavors, sporting/music/art events, etc. all my life.

Coming from me, an initial invitation to dinner just means: "I want to get to know you better." It's no guarantee of an invitation to my bedroom, a 2nd date, or anything else. It is what it is: dinner. That's all.

If dinner goes well, then I may extend an invitation for something more. At which point, she would be free to accept or decline. And so on, and so on. That's the way pre-commitment dating works, in my world.

 

[graceanne]

I talk to everyone. And people talk back to me. K said that if he was as friendly as I am that people would just stare at him, but I have conversations with people in lots of different places. I'm the one who learns that the checkout girl is preggers and not feeling well.

Heck, the last time we went to this store that sell lingerie and other stuff for women, K sent a slightly lingering glance at the stripper shoes and I said "Do you want me to get stripper shoes?" he said no and walked on but this other girl in the aisle kinda laughed. I was like "well, only strippers wear those" and she said "I know. I'm a stripper" But by the time we left I learned she was putting herself through college, and going to be in management and all that stuff.

K said on the way out the door "i almost expected you two to exchange numbers." LOL