Where Dad Jokes Go To Die

[Cogan]

What does Beethoven do in his grave?
???????
He decomposes.

 

[Cogan]

What is Peter Pan's favorit place to eat out?
???????
Wendy's.

 

[CuriousRick]

I married my wife for her looks …..

Though not the ones she has been giving lately.

 

[CuriousRick]

A guy tried to sell me a coffin.

That’s the last thing I need.

 

[sallysparrow23]

A crossover with Oedipus and King Midas?

That would be pure, mother fucking gold!

 

[VoraciousValue]

 

[Apisto42]

How did the farmer make crop circles?

With a Pro-tractor.

 

[sallysparrow23]

In ancient Rome there were four types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would kill you instantly. Poison IV just made you itchy.

 

[Sapphiresailor]

Why don't you ever see Barbie pregnant?
Because Ken cums in a different box

 

[sallysparrow23]

The difference between walking to the bar, and walking home from the bar is staggering.

 

[Sapphiresailor]

I went to the Doctor a few days ago. He told me I need to quit jacking off. I asked him why? He said he couldn't examine while I was jacking off.

 

[sallysparrow23]

Why does everyone in Athens, Santorini, and Mykonos sleep until noon?

Because dawn is tough on Greece.

 

[sallysparrow23]

My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet.

It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe leeeeeaaaan.

 

[Chernosoth]

My wallet is just like an onion.
Every time I open it I cry.

My mental predictive text saw wife instead of wallet.

 

[HoneyMeadows]

This thread is gold! Thank you all

 

[muddler35]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No-eye-deer?

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no-eye-deer?

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no dick?

Still no-fucking-eye-deer?

 

[CuriousRick]

I have a fear of elevators.

I am taking steps to avoid it.

 

[sallysparrow23]

Scientists have developed a breed of transparent cattle. Unfortunately they are super aggressive.

Steer clear.

 

[Sinstories]

Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole on one.

 

[Sinstories]

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth....

Then it's a soap opera.

 

[Sinstories]

I thought the drier was shrinking my clothes....

Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.

 

[Cindy027]

A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies, "No, I'm traveling light."

 

[Sinstories]

I asked my dog what is 2 - 2, he said nothing.

 

[Pantyboy74]

Whats the difference between the sun and boobs.

Nothing. It's safe to glance but don't stare without sunglasses.

 

[Justme4813]

I found a wooden shoe in the toilet.
It was clogged.