Why are there more gay men then gay women?

[none2_none2]

That would make my dating life so much easier.

...Some people think lesbians are completely wrong but gay men are fine, some others feel the opposite. The fact is, there is a difference...

I've never known someone who felt gay men are fine, but lesbianism is completely wrong. Now plenty of guys think lesbians are fine, but I think that is because of their understanding of lesbianism. They have this idea that it is some kind of very feminine, wild, sexually liberated woman who dabbles into kinky lesbian sex, but will jump on a cock if one is available and she loves to share her girlfriends too.

Now when a straight man is surrounded by a lot of real lesbians (meaning he doesn't have a shot in hell of getting any), then some of them can be rather anti-lesbian. Though I'm a guy, I talked to such a guy who was angry at the display of lesbianism affection in Provincetown, MA. (I had a business trip to Boston, and I just have no big interest in large cities, so I headed to the rural coast. I also wanted to see the monument to the pilgrims there since some of my ancestors were on the Mayflower.) Anyway that particular weekend just so happened to coincide with some Womyn's Festival. I choose to stay at some youth hostel that happened to have openings since it was past their big season. Well an oriental guy also happened to come late that night and stayed there too. I met up with him again at the room the next night, and he was very ANGRY. His English wasn't very good, but he was trying to say that the women were very sick. I wasn't about to tell him I was a gay man, as I seriously doubt he would have been fine with that. I did want to disarm his anger, so I just told him that American women simply tend to hug, kiss, and hold hands with their best friends. I think he just figured I was stupid and didn't comprehend what I was trying to say. Anyway, he left the next morning. It was kind of silly why he would be so angry. I don't think he was looking for sex, but I guess it was just too far out of his tolerance. All they did was hug, kiss, and hold hands. There wasn't anything that a child would have seen that would have prompted a question as to what was going on.

I will admit that even for me, it was an adjustment. Not that I was grossed out or anything, but I had never seen that many gay people of either gender in once place. (There were literally hundreds of lesbians.) Plus when I had seen gay crowds, the men usually outnumbered the women unless it was something like a gay spiritual event. I didn't see any gay men except the final night when I stumbled into a gay men's bar. Then I saw maybe 25 gay guys total.

Since plenty of straight guys do have lots of problems with gay men, I do wonder if some straight women may feel the same about lesbians. However, I cannot imagine them embracing gay males. Although, I will say that some of them might be ok with gay guys in certain professions -- like the ones that do their hair or play the church organ. But it might be that they see them less for what they may do in bed as much as they think they are good at doing their profession. I think I hold this idea that gay men are despised more because a man's role is more ridged. For instance, recently there was a story of an add that had a picture of the owner painting her son's toenails pink. There was a lot of hate mail for what she had done. As someone pointed out, if it had been a picture of a little girl rolling around in the mud or hammering a nail, few would have raised an eyebrow. (That article is at: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/04/13/earlyshow/living/parenting/main20053508.shtml)

 

[Stella_Omega]

yeah, I once talked with a guy who complained that Provincetown was elitist... It turned out that he'd tried to flirt with a girl in the store, and got told off by her-- and her girlfriend. He felt the two of them had set gay rights back about a hundred years by being so intolerant towards him. He thought that they should be nicer to str8t tourists.

Oh man... this so explains the deja vu I've been feeling!

The only woman I know who is professedly lesbiphobic-- claims that's only in relation to herself. Most men don't make that distinction.

 

[none2_none2]

What impressed me at Provincetown was just how non-stereotype it was. Their was not some common "lesbian" fashion, look, behavior, accent, whatever. Other than if someone is upset with same sex affection in public, there would have been nothing to grasp on to say to reduce them to some stereotype. They were just going about their life like they wanted to with the added freedom of knowing they had the numbers that they didn't have to please the usual majority heterosexual crowd. I'm sure a bigot would have classified the minor shows of affection as an act of flaunting homosexuality. In actuality, a heterosexual couple kissing or hugging or holding hands would have seemed more flaunting given their insignificant numbers. Though I am a gay man and was alone on that trip, it really was a breath of fresh air to think for once that the pressure of the yoke of conformity outside your house was lifted even if it was only for a weekend.

Most of them spent their day doing things that any other tourists would do -- eat, shop, spend time talking with friends, taking photos, etc. They were the perfect example of how normal people are if seen for what we do all day -- and not just what might happen in the bedroom.

An analogy I would make was when I was once passing through Paducah, KY during a quilting festival. Again there were many more women than men, and plenty obviously didn't bring a man with them. They just weren't that different. Sure the quilting ladies didn't hold hands, but women don't shop, eat, or socialize any differently when there are no men hanging around just because they are lesbians.

The ONLY thing that did stand out in my mind in Provincetown is that I saw several women with injured arms, injured wrists, and crutches for an injured leg. While there wasn't hundreds this way it was more than I would have expected to see in a crowd of straight guys, gay guys, or for that matter straight women. (No, it didn't lead me to the conclusion that there was lots of S&M, or spousal abuse, or some bizarre lesbian practices that I am clueless about.) These were not sickly looking women. In fact they looked rather the opposite. So what came to my mind is perhaps lesbians more than straight women might be more likely to participate in sports where they just might have pushed themselves hard and gotten injured or maybe they didn't have enough calcium or iron for an active sports life. I don't know; I didn't ask them, as I wasn't there to gawk or do some scientific study on lesbians. It is just something I observed that stood out in my mind for some reason.