Why nice guys are never seen

[KatNW1]

No offense my friend but you need to cowboy up.Get grip on yourself.,accept things for what they are.It is virtually impossible to keep attracting scanks if you were right in your mind.Something is making you vulnerable to these attacks so to speak.

Woman have the same problems attracting losers.It is what you are doing or not doing that is bringing this shit on.Good guy's bad guy's,dumb guy's and smart guys it does not matter.Instead of creating a melodrama about your feelings getting trampled man up and put a stop to it.

Dig deep and find some self esteem and grow a back bone.Like I said no offense or disrespect intended.But whining and licking your sack is not helping your situation.Man up and take control of your life and quit giving everyone else power over your life.You are in charge of your existence.

A real woman wants a man that is confident in his feelings and his emotions.She wants to feel protected and sheltered.How can you do that when you can not deal with or handle your own emotions.You are not attracting women you are attracting immature teenie bobbers who have no more of a clue than what you do.

What are you going to do with a woman?.,a real woman?.,better yet what could you possibly do for a real woman?

And I have never hit a woman and have little patience for those who do.I feel I am a nice guy.,why?.,Because I am me.,I am legit and I am 100% confident with my existence.When in a relationship I commit.,But in turn I refuse to let anyone walk all over me.

You get ran thru the ringer because you are passive.,you are promoting this :Nice Guy" persona but are not conducting business as a man.

Just wanted to cite this and give it a 'hell yeah'....

I'll go a bit farther, though, and say maybe not all women want to feel 'sheltered' per se - I think you're going for 'safe' - and yes, I believe that's universal. There are many levels of 'safe' and every woman I've ever known is looking for whatever her level of 'safe' is.

Me, well, I like feeling protected, sheltered, and safe - but I'm a bit classic and old-fashioned; I am and will always be 'Daddy's girl' so that's probably where it comes from. My dad is the most amazing man in the world to me and they've all had that to compete with, including poor SO, who's pushing 50 and is terrified to meet him....

I'm up with my insomnia...just thought I'd put my two cents' worth in here....anything to get through the night...

 

[Numnuttz]

O.k.,.,This is my opinion.,.,Just like assholes.,everyones got one.,so here is mine.

It takes a bigger man to treat a woman with some dignity and respect than it does to humiliate and slap,poke or kick someone.A women is a gift to man.,I love women.,I love their smell.,the way they sweat.,the curves.,hips.,thighs.,lips.eyes.,the way they walk.,making love to them oral sex by them.,I mean come on.,how are you going to abuse the greatest gift to man?.,

If guys would handle their business as a man.,a real man.,then silly posts like this one would be in the funny sections of the sunday papers.Treat your women right.,.,or send'm to see Numnuttz.,.,hahahaha.,LMMFAO!!!!!

 

[KatNW1]

O.k.,.,This is my opinion.,.,Just like assholes.,everyones got one.,so here is mine.

A man should act like a man.,he should work.,pay his way.,depend on no one for anything..,.,A woman should act like a woman and depend on no one for anything..,They should treat each other with respect.PERIOD!!!!!!.,.,

If a guy acts like a fuck shit because he thinks women want that type of treatment or they think women want it without knowing it.,.,then they are lacking common sense.You get what you give.You act like a prick and slap your woman around.,then bad things will come your way.Women were not put on this earth to be used as a punching bag or to be beat/raped or tormented by some fucknut who has problems controlling his baby,child like temper..,

It takes a bigger man to treat a woman with some dignity and respect than it does to humiliate and slap,poke or kick someone.A women is a gift to man.,I love women.,I love their smell.,the way they sweat.,the curves.,hips.,thighs.,lips.eyes.,the way they walk.,making love to them oral sex by them.,I mean come on.,how are you going to abuse the greatest gift to man?.,

If guys would handle their business as a man.,a real man.,then silly posts like this one would be in the funny sections of the sunday papers.Treat your women right.,.,or send'm to see Numnuttz.,.,hahahaha.,LMMFAO!!!!!

Uh, have I ever professed my undying love to you? Ever? Because I think I'm about to!

 

[Numnuttz]

Uh, have I ever professed my undying love to you? Ever? Because I think I'm about to!

But I am a "Nice" guy who is never seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnn.,.,(Lips pouting,,eyes watering,shoulders slumped.,nuts shrunk,tugging on my wee wee)hahahahahaa.,.,I love you too.,.,hahahaha

 

[Ransack]

You cannot prove that I, in particular, have always gone for the jerk
Kat ya got me, this whole post was set up so i could accuse you, personally, that you always go for jerks. As I said at least twice already (caps so maybe it'll be read this time) THIS WAS NOT INTENDED TO BE READ BY WOMEN. Not any women, not women on lit, and certainly not you Kat. It was intended to be read by 'nice guys'.


I didn't get involved with anyone else seriously until just over a year ago - and I'm 38, well on my way to 39. Mainly because I kept meeting arrogant pricks who assumed women want to be treated like shit and refused to listen to reason on the subject.

Did you actually read what I wrote? I specifically said no women want to be treated poorly.

And SO? He's ANYTHING but a jerk.
I'm glad you met a good guy who treats you right.


We just take offence at your insistence that we and all the women on Lit (and everywhere else, for that matter) always fall for the asshole. Because we don't, plain and simple.
I'm not insisting anything but that it's my opinion when a woman is certain that a man will be good to them, support them, and in some cases provide for her and their family she gets bored, she loses interest. She doesn't WANT to be treated like shit, my opinion is that a woman needs to know the man she's considering starting a relationship with is capable of being an asshole otherwise whats the challenge? Whats the risk/reward? What's the point of being the best woman you can be when even if you don't try at all your man will always be devoted to you? If this doesn't match you don't get all huffy and take it personally, how the hell should I know what kind of woman you are? I've never even spoken to you before.

I'm no troll, I derive no joy or satisfaction that I've offended you or anyone else. As I said before I come here to take and give ideas, points of view. To help people or to learn from them.


If you've read so far get ready for the biggest, nerviest part yet: I think what I've proposed is based on a fundamental respect and admiration for women. What the hell am I talking about? I think that women want a challenge just as much as any man does. It's just a different type of challenge. Being a nice guy right off the bat to a woman is the same thing as handing her a rubix cube that is already solved, telling her a riddle answer first. It's a form of underestimation and condescention. Grant a woman the respect and benefit of the doubt that she is capable of conquering the natural, jerky, slimy part of a man. That's what I think drives women to bad boys. Consider the paradox that a self respecting man doesn't find himself attracted to a slut yet wants so desperately to turn the self respecting woman into his own personal slut, so to speak. It's the same for women, they want their man to treat them well but the don't need that granted automatically. Being a 'nice guy' to a woman you meet is like chewing her food for her.

 

[Shadoweyes]

wow ... you all took this in so many directions! ... damn get dumped for some guy i know is a asshole (quoted "sweetest man alive" what she told me ) and then go get a drink with a friend at a bar and stumble into them and then watch her lose most her lower teeth cause she wanted to drive his drunk ass home and then hear (over allot of laughter ) her scream out "i still love you" to said asshole. yeah ... those where the assholes i was talking about. i understand if i date someone who has had 5 boyfriends in the past 3 weeks yeah she in 8/10 gonna be fucking someone else by tuesday i know that and i hate to tell you im a nice guy but im not a push over. but when someone goes out of their way to cheat on you ... its not called being a push over its called being fucked over so get that shit straight assholes!

oh well ... sad thing is ... she still blames me for the break up ... ha! some how cant see her logic there...

some people are just mentally fucked from day one!

 

[Numnuttz]

wow ... you all took this in so many directions! ... damn get dumped for some guy i know is a asshole (quoted "sweetest man alive" what she told me ) and then go get a drink with a friend at a bar and stumble into them and then watch her lose most her lower teeth cause she wanted to drive his drunk ass home and then hear (over allot of laughter ) her scream out "i still love you" to said asshole. yeah ... those where the assholes i was talking about. i understand if i date someone who has had 5 boyfriends in the past 3 weeks yeah she in 8/10 gonna be fucking someone else by tuesday i know that and i hate to tell you im a nice guy but im not a push over. but when someone goes out of their way to cheat on you ... its not called being a push over its called being fucked over so get that shit straight assholes!

oh well ... sad thing is ... she still blames me for the break up ... ha! some how cant see her logic there...

some people are just mentally fucked from day one!

It is all your fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.,.,This is a erotic forum not Dr. Phil.,.,It is your fault because your balls are the size of BB's and bad thing about it is your balls are in her make up case.,

 

[Shadoweyes]

well that was adult of you. seriously ... grow lil man. you make me sad to know your allowed to procreate.

 

[southern_slut]

wow ... you all took this in so many directions! ... damn get dumped for some guy i know is a asshole (quoted "sweetest man alive" what she told me ) and then go get a drink with a friend at a bar and stumble into them and then watch her lose most her lower teeth cause she wanted to drive his drunk ass home and then hear (over allot of laughter ) her scream out "i still love you" to said asshole. yeah ... those where the assholes i was talking about. i understand if i date someone who has had 5 boyfriends in the past 3 weeks yeah she in 8/10 gonna be fucking someone else by tuesday i know that and i hate to tell you im a nice guy but im not a push over. but when someone goes out of their way to cheat on you ... its not called being a push over its called being fucked over so get that shit straight assholes!

oh well ... sad thing is ... she still blames me for the break up ... ha! some how cant see her logic there...

some people are just mentally fucked from day one!

Sweetie, I've fucked over and I've been fucked over. That being said, if this was TRUE, you'd have not written about being the nice guy finishing last. It'd have been her fault. If this is a series of women, then you either are with the wrong type or can't accept your own faults. As a woman, when a man can't admit any wrong, it sends me packing. It becomes a matter of time before everything becomes my fault. Point is, maybe you're not Mr. Sweetheart-Perfect like you think you are.

 

[KatNW1]

I'm no troll, I derive no joy or satisfaction that I've offended you or anyone else. As I said before I come here to take and give ideas, points of view. To help people or to learn from them.


If you've read so far get ready for the biggest, nerviest part yet: I think what I've proposed is based on a fundamental respect and admiration for women. What the hell am I talking about? I think that women want a challenge just as much as any man does. It's just a different type of challenge. Being a nice guy right off the bat to a woman is the same thing as handing her a rubix cube that is already solved, telling her a riddle answer first. It's a form of underestimation and condescention. Grant a woman the respect and benefit of the doubt that she is capable of conquering the natural, jerky, slimy part of a man. That's what I think drives women to bad boys. Consider the paradox that a self respecting man doesn't find himself attracted to a slut yet wants so desperately to turn the self respecting woman into his own personal slut, so to speak. It's the same for women, they want their man to treat them well but the don't need that granted automatically. Being a 'nice guy' to a woman you meet is like chewing her food for her.

I might not AGREE with you, but I certainly can SEE this side of the argument...

I actually **CHOKE** like the sentiments I bolded above.

I, too, am fascinated with social psychology and what makes people tick (you strike me as somewhat the same). I also love debate and intelligent conversation. You're providing both without belting me over the head with it. I like that.

I don't know about it being a form of condescension, but I can see where you make that connection. I don't know about being rooted in admiration, but again - I can now see your point as presented. I think you're wrong, though, about it not being granted automatically, because while I'll admit that SO came off as an ass the first time I met him (he'd had a couple too many drinks, was under the impression I was quite younger than I am, and essentially rammed his own foot down his throat several times during the evening - usually when I wasn't doing it for him), had he treated me like crap when I eventually went out with him, I'd have taken myself home before the mains arrived to the table.

(As it was, watching him grovel on two other occasions before I actually let him take me out was rather fun. Then he went out of his way to prove he's truly not an ass.)

I think you're a bit misogynistic to think women wouldn't read this post, though. In fact, I don't think you thought that at all, really.

 

[Numnuttz]

well that was adult of you. seriously ... grow lil man. you make me sad to know your allowed to procreate.

Little man?.,.,I am not the one wearing my nuts on my chin.,crying about some skank that is banging everyone but me.

 

[KatNW1]

Copied this from your response to my post:

I'm not insisting anything but that it's my opinion when a woman is certain that a man will be good to them, support them, and in some cases provide for her and their family she gets bored, she loses interest. She doesn't WANT to be treated like shit, my opinion is that a woman needs to know the man she's considering starting a relationship with is capable of being an asshole otherwise whats the challenge? Whats the risk/reward? What's the point of being the best woman you can be when even if you don't try at all your man will always be devoted to you? If this doesn't match you don't get all huffy and take it personally, how the hell should I know what kind of woman you are? I've never even spoken to you before.

Okay, I'll give you parts of this one as well.

God help me.

I wouldn't say 'capable of being an asshole' but I would say 'capable of surviving without her'. I don't want a puppy dog and I doubt the man does either. I also don't want Mr. Flawless. 'Yes men' piss me off and bore the shit out of me. But I have to be certain of a few things or I can't trust the person - and no relationship can exist without trust. I HAVE to trust that someone won't run around on me, fuck me over, fail to live up to agreed expectations (I don't expect to be kept - that would also bore the shit out of me) - and that trust lends itself to certainties. Otherwise, there's no relationship - you have a roommate/playmate/FWB. (But even with a roommate, you have to trust they'll pay their half the expenses...)

On some level, if there's not some sort of devotion (however the pair decides to define that), there's no real relationship, no commitment, none of that.

 

[AgntSmth]

Woman need to know that they are less important to you than you are to them.

My theory about this: all women are ultimately attracted to confidence, but there's a huge gray area where confidence and douchebaggery overlap in varying quantities. A lot of women (and people in general), through no fault of their own, have difficulty discerning between true confidence and varying levels of douchebaggery masquerading as confidence. As a result, pickup artists are able to get laid by being slightly douchey to women because the women they're trying to game mistake it for confidence. It helps that the pickup artists are usually targeting women in an environment where they're not really being particularly discerning (e.g., at clubs or bars where the women have already been plied with alcohol and are probably not looking for something serious anyway).

The bottom line is, if you're just looking for a quick lay in a bar, or maybe need to run up a string of throwaway conquests to boost your own self-confidence, being slightly douchey might help you turn that corner. If you're looking for a serious partner, there's no substitute for respectful confidence, and if you try to pull the slightly douchey approach, you're either going to wind up out in the cold, or with someone whose self-esteem is so low or whose judgment is so bad that they conflate even the most extreme instances of douchebaggery with confidence, which is just going to be bad news in the long run.

 

[Shadoweyes]

Southern it was just her not a series of women and i know im not perfect never said i was at all.


and to lil man grow up seriously ... grow up

 

[KatNW1]

wow ... you all took this in so many directions! ... damn get dumped for some guy i know is a asshole (quoted "sweetest man alive" what she told me ) and then go get a drink with a friend at a bar and stumble into them and then watch her lose most her lower teeth cause she wanted to drive his drunk ass home and then hear (over allot of laughter ) her scream out "i still love you" to said asshole. yeah ... those where the assholes i was talking about. i understand if i date someone who has had 5 boyfriends in the past 3 weeks yeah she in 8/10 gonna be fucking someone else by tuesday i know that and i hate to tell you im a nice guy but im not a push over. but when someone goes out of their way to cheat on you ... its not called being a push over its called being fucked over so get that shit straight assholes!

oh well ... sad thing is ... she still blames me for the break up ... ha! some how cant see her logic there...

some people are just mentally fucked from day one!

If that's what she puts up with - if that's what she's attracted to - if the whole cheating thing is the kind of person she IS - then obviously she wasn't worth your time and it has absolutely nothing to do with you in the first place.

You're a nice guy who met a creep. I'm a nice girl who married a creep. It happens. He was certainly not worth me, so to hell with him. And to hell with her as well, as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Numnuttz]

Southern it was just her not a series of women and i know im not perfect never said i was at all.


and to lil man grow up seriously ... grow up

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.,,.I guess I can play your bleeding heart game.,Your right.,I am a little man..,I am worthless.,how can I ever be worth anything since I am watching the minutes roll by.,I have no self esteem.,I have very little self worth.,.,why is this happening to me ??.,

You post an ad on an erotic personals section of an erotic internet site boo hooing about your train wreck relationship issues.

You put all that goofy shit out for the world to read.,what did you think would happen??.,What type of a response did you think you would receive?

Literotica Personals is a place to meet and exchange erotic based post's.,Are you confused with the "personal" part of the thread?

You know what.,I am above this dumb ass ping pong debate you are trying to play with me.Bottom line is.,Until you grow some balls and control the way you are treated then your love life or whatever the fuck you call it will be a repitition.,A revolving door of heartbreaks and endless nights posting ads looking for an answer.Crying yourself to sleep in a bed of kleenex.,

Quit being an out of control episode of Jerry Springer or Steve Wilko.Accept it for what it is.,she was a skank and obviously wanting someone else or many others.Quit beating yourself up and keep your head up.,shoulders back and chalk it up as a learning experience.,

The true definition of ignorance is doing something several times and failing.,.,only to repeat it expecting different results.Try taking a baseball bat.,Hit yourself in the face with it.,try that every ten minutes.,everytime it will hurt.,.,Once you realize it hurts.,hit yourself again.

 

[Shadoweyes]

i agree Kat 100%

oh lil man ... who gives a fuck what you think. i know where i posted and i posted for my reasons which are my business and you responded for your reasons ... i see them as you have nothing better to do then bitch at some guy you don't know/ giving shit advice that has nothing to do with anything i said at all ... where as you could be ( and i say could be cause i think even you could find a someone ) talking with and or spending time with some girl somewhere.

so night night lil man! i so hope one day you will grow the fuck up!

 

[Numnuttz]

i agree Kat 100%

oh lil man ... who gives a fuck what you think. i know where i posted and i posted for my reasons which are my business and you responded for your reasons ... i see them as you have nothing better to do then bitch at some guy you don't know/ giving shit advice that has nothing to do with anything i said at all ... where as you could be ( and i say could be cause i think even you could find a someone ) talking with and or spending time with some girl somewhere.

so night night lil man! i so hope one day you will grow the fuck up!

Lmao.,.,regardless I will go to bed me.,and you will cry yourself to sleep thinking of her.,

It has everything to do with what you posted.You posted on a site that I am a member of.Typically I would care less about crybabies like you but you have struck a nerve with me.

It is hard to see a "man" as a part of the gender sobbing the way you do.I will not say I am sorry because IMO your post shows a weak side of the male gender.

Everyone has gotten hurt before.,oh yes.,even me.,the one who has nobody.,but the difference is alot of people learn from it and grow from it.,they don't lay around screaming to the gods above WHY ME?????

If I misread your post or somehow am under the complete opposite impression that I felt you portrayed then with that accept my apology.,but IMO I am dialed in right on the money.

 

[Ransack]

I might not AGREE with you, but I certainly can SEE this side of the argument...

I actually **CHOKE** like the sentiments I bolded above.

I, too, am fascinated with social psychology and what makes people tick (you strike me as somewhat the same). I also love debate and intelligent conversation. You're providing both without belting me over the head with it. I like that.

I don't know about it being a form of condescension, but I can see where you make that connection. I don't know about being rooted in admiration, but again - I can now see your point as presented. I think you're wrong, though, about it not being granted automatically, because while I'll admit that SO came off as an ass the first time I met him (he'd had a couple too many drinks, was under the impression I was quite younger than I am, and essentially rammed his own foot down his throat several times during the evening - usually when I wasn't doing it for him), had he treated me like crap when I eventually went out with him, I'd have taken myself home before the mains arrived to the table.

(As it was, watching him grovel on two other occasions before I actually let him take me out was rather fun. Then he went out of his way to prove he's truly not an ass.)

I think you're a bit misogynistic to think women wouldn't read this post, though. In fact, I don't think you thought that at all, really.

Well it seems we might've come to a mutual respect? If so I'm glad. I'm just a guy who has some opinions who isn't afraid to share them, even if they can be offensive. Truthfully it really didn't occur to me that women would read a thread about guys whining to each other. If I had thought about it I would've just assumed all the women on LIT were too busy sifting through their over filled inboxes to pay any mind to the subject. At any rate my little suggestions are (if ever) valid only in the first phase, or before, of a relationship. Once you get to the trust phase there should be no need to pretend you're anything you aren't.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

There actually are some nice guys on lit. Trust me. They're just burried.
Though, I think it goes back to the OP's original (if badly worded) intent.

The nice guys on the site. The ones that want to talk, want to get to know some one, want to do more than just fuck and bugger off (though, no arguing that fucking is always fun ) - they're lost. You may see one or two threads in the first two pages of the Personals section. But they're burried under the mountain of "I want you to suck me right now" or "I want to abuse you and you know you like it".

There are guys on here that don't want to be a dom, don't want to slap you around, use you like a fuck toy, degrade you, want to cum all over you and leave when they're done.

The problem is - they see that the assholes of lit are getting some. They're getting the time and attention of the smexy women and they're left bumping their own threads until they give up.

This is, of course, something that they are percieving incorrect - as the good women of lit. The ones you want to get to know, get to be friends with - aren't going for those guys. But it's hard - when the jack asses seem to get all the time.

But I don't think "being an ass" yourself is the way to go about things.....

You couldn't be further off in your assumptions The guys that I talk w/ are not assholes. They are confident men! The only guys that typically create threads in the personals area (w/ some exceptions) are those who are desperate one handed typists. They don't want to take the time to get to know the women in the playground (which is a friendly place) and their laziness holds them chained to the futile "bumping" of their posts.

 

[Brave Maximus]

You couldn't be further off in your assumptions The guys that I talk w/ are not assholes. They are confident men! The only guys that typically create threads in the personals area (w/ some exceptions) are those who are desperate one handed typists. They don't want to take the time to get to know the women in the playground (which is a friendly place) and their laziness holds them chained to the futile "bumping" of their posts.

I know, hence me adding the line right after your bolded one

 

[Sensualdreamer]

I know, hence me adding the line right after your bolded one

I think my medication made me miss that part

 

[SmileyGirl]

I noticed a couple things about the reaction to my responses.

1. women disagree with me
2. they seem to be agitated by me
3. not one has offered anything constructive

A big motivator in all that I do is that I may help or learn from people. It was my intention to help but I guess this is a learn type situation. Why don't some of you women offer your explanation as to why you and other women don't go for the "nice guy"? It shouldn't be too hard to wow me since my post was so terribly wrong. I'm all ears.

Of course I fully expect to be either ignored or given a variant of "well if you don't know then I'm not going to tell you". But I live for surprises.

I think that women are attracted to the bad boys for the challenge of "domesticating" them. They want to select a jerk and bring out the nice guy in him in a way no other woman has been able to do. B] Personally to me utter bollox I have zero interest in 'domesticating' a 'bad boy' (depending on your definition ofcourse) I give them a wide berth as the thought of them having so little respect for me thinking I will believe every word they say feeding me lines that make me want to vomit? No thank you
To me a 'nice' guy is somone who treats me with respect treats me as an equal who is confident within himself and his abilitles not someone who will agree with everything I say just to get what he wants or just to shut me up!!
What she wants or needs is to know that she COULD be treated poorly but isn't because there's something about her, inside her that convinces her man to be good to her.
Bollox to that too I find that statement to be utter shite! I have never expected to be treated poorly by a guy and neither do I think I can or would waste my time and effort making a man 'good' toward me!
Women thrive on the constant possibility of heartbreak. Do you assume all women to be that weak? As that's how your opinion comes over to me. That you see women as inferior that they need to make a guy be 'good' to them. Nobody should have to make anyone be good to them. I think if anyone feels like that then there's something lacking within themselves!

 

[Ransack]

Women thrive on the constant possibility of heartbreak. Do you assume all women to be that weak? As that's how your opinion comes over to me. That you see women as inferior that they need to make a guy be 'good' to them. Nobody should have to make anyone be good to them. I think if anyone feels like that then there's something lacking within themselves![/QUOTE]

That is where I think women are strong, not weak. They know a heartbreak could be just ahead of them and instead of hiding under their covers they go out and take the risk. And I think that risk is what drives women.

 

[SmileyGirl]

Women thrive on the constant possibility of heartbreak. Do you assume all women to be that weak? As that's how your opinion comes over to me. That you see women as inferior that they need to make a guy be 'good' to them. Nobody should have to make anyone be good to them. I think if anyone feels like that then there's something lacking within themselves!

That is where I think women are strong, not weak. They know a heartbreak could be just ahead of them and instead of hiding under their covers they go out and take the risk. And I think that risk is what drives women.[/QUOTE]
Isn't that the same for a guy? For both parties not just women?