Will my wife actually cuck me someday? I feel like there’s momentum..

[Rugburn349]

Either. But especially relationally. Men will have a tendency to push for what they want, which is normal. To the extent that your wife feels like she needs to set boundaries, she needs to be clear about them and she needs to enforce them. And she needs to vet any men she is with to ensure that they are compatible with her boundaries. A lot of guys won't perceive the hotwife dynamic in a healthy, respectful and constructive way. Even among those that do she can't count on them to always have her or your best interests in mind.

A hotwife is afforded exceptional sexual latitude by an understanding cuckold. He will experience cuckold angst along with titillation. She needs to be aware of his feelings and be aware of how her actions and the actions of her lovers affect him.

For instance, if she has sex with a man who is inclined to be indiscrete about it and that somehow causes her husband emotional harm, that is entirely her responsibility. It was up to her to ensure her lovers are discrete and avoid those who are incapable of doing so. Sometimes things will go wrong anyway, but if something like that happens it isn't sufficient for her to blame the other man. She needs to own that.

Thanks for all these considerations. I will certainly keep them in mind. To some extent, this almost seems like something best enjoyed in a way where there are ways to minimize complications. Say, when we’re out of town, or something like that.

I’d like to think she will be a good discerner of who is and isn’t a good partner for this type of activity if we do end up trying it local someday. To bring up the “her being a unicorn” scenario again, I can’t help but think that they may be a great way to try this with less potential drawbacks (thought maybe things could get bad if the other wife/gf involved suddenly becomes upset during or after the act if it’s the first time the couple has brought a third in.

 

[policywank]

Yes her being a unicorn might be a good way to start. But it might difficult to find a situation that is to her liking. And the vetting the couple to see if they are a good fit can be a challenge.

Meanwhile, for here to simply meet a man the way she would if she were single provides much more opportunity and potentially fewer complications at least at the outset. Longer-term there may be greater risk that he wants more than what she can offer. But if it is just a matter of dipping her toes in the water she can go on one or two and not worry too much that.

 

[Rugburn349]

Do

Yes her being a unicorn might be a good way to start. But it might difficult to find a situation that is to her liking. And the vetting the couple to see if they are a good fit can be a challenge.

Meanwhile, for here to simply meet a man the way she would if she were single provides much more opportunity and potentially fewer complications at least at the outset. Longer-term there may be greater risk that he wants more than what she can offer. But if it is just a matter of dipping her toes in the water she can go on one or two and not worry too much that.

Will it be relatively easy to find guys to her liking, you think? Not that you can speak for her, but in general is it easy to find attractive guys who will play along with this type of thing?

 

[policywank]

Do


Will it be relatively easy to find guys to her liking, you think? Not that you can speak for her, but in general is it easy to find attractive guys who will play along with this type of thing?

Yes. But don't think of it as playing along with a hotwife or cuckold dynamic.

All she is looking for is men who are willing to date a married woman and who find her attractive. There are plenty of such men and for the most part they aren't particularly concerned with why she is dating outside the marriage. They just need some kind of positive indication that she is receptive. Eventually the topic of her dating outside the marriage may come up and she should think about how she wants to respond. But for starters I'd suggest she say as little as possible. Then if things take she can decide later how much to tell him.

It is primarily a matter of putting herself out there - not so different than if she was single, but perhaps a little more emphatically.

When I say put herself out there I broadly mean engaging with prospective partners in a casual setting away from you. Engaging means striking up conversation and light flirting. That can further be enhanced by her choice of attire. It need not be slutty or provocative, just consciously chosen to flatter her and the best aspects of her body (as opposed to pretty and girly).

The horny guy version of this would go further and have her in a slinky dress at a hotel bar. Personally I don't recommend that unless the idea of it really turns her on. Reality is that it is difficult to get to know someone in that setting and the experience is very hit and miss. Online dating is also an option. It gives her a chance to correspond and get to know a guy, but there are lots of frauds and charlatans.

Personally, I prefer something like going out for drinks with co-workers or spending time with single friends. It takes time, but the key is to be actively sociable. She doesn't need to hit on guys. Just don't sit back and be a wallflower. If she does that guys will assume she isn't interested and the ones that do hit on her will be jerks who are just playing the numbers (i.e. hit on as many women as possible and hope 1 in 50 responds). Conversely, if she strikes up a conversation she can quickly establish whether he is interested without having to say or do anything sexual.

The thing is that guys are so used to having to do all the work to connect with women that if she takes even modest initiative it will get a guy's attention. If he is interested he will stick around. At that point the subtle flirt (i.e. touch his arm when you talk to him) or choice of clothes we get him thinking and hoping. She will know from his demeanour if he is interested. He won't play hard to get or feign disinterest like women do. There will be clear signals. From there he may take the initiative or she may need to do it, but it will be in the context of relative certainty.

She just needs to be careful to keep it light and playful. Then after that first kiss or fuck or whatever make it clear that she wants to keep it casual. Some guys may recoil, but most won't. If she does this over time she will build up a stable of more than one lover. That will also help you and your position. If she had one hot and heavy boyfriend you would naturally feel threatened. But if she has multiple partners their equal status relative to one another establishes more clearly that they are all casual connections.

 

[Rugburn349]

Yes. But don't think of it as playing along with a hotwife or cuckold dynamic.

All she is looking for is men who are willing to date a married woman and who find her attractive. There are plenty of such men and for the most part they aren't particularly concerned with why she is dating outside the marriage. They just need some kind of positive indication that she is receptive. Eventually the topic of her dating outside the marriage may come up and she should think about how she wants to respond. But for starters I'd suggest she say as little as possible. Then if things take she can decide later how much to tell him.

It is primarily a matter of putting herself out there - not so different than if she was single, but perhaps a little more emphatically.

When I say put herself out there I broadly mean engaging with prospective partners in a casual setting away from you. Engaging means striking up conversation and light flirting. That can further be enhanced by her choice of attire. It need not be slutty or provocative, just consciously chosen to flatter her and the best aspects of her body (as opposed to pretty and girly).

The horny guy version of this would go further and have her in a slinky dress at a hotel bar. Personally I don't recommend that unless the idea of it really turns her on. Reality is that it is difficult to get to know someone in that setting and the experience is very hit and miss. Online dating is also an option. It gives her a chance to correspond and get to know a guy, but there are lots of frauds and charlatans.

Personally, I prefer something like going out for drinks with co-workers or spending time with single friends. It takes time, but the key is to be actively sociable. She doesn't need to hit on guys. Just don't sit back and be a wallflower. If she does that guys will assume she isn't interested and the ones that do hit on her will be jerks who are just playing the numbers (i.e. hit on as many women as possible and hope 1 in 50 responds). Conversely, if she strikes up a conversation she can quickly establish whether he is interested without having to say or do anything sexual.

The thing is that guys are so used to having to do all the work to connect with women that if she takes even modest initiative it will get a guy's attention. If he is interested he will stick around. At that point the subtle flirt (i.e. touch his arm when you talk to him) or choice of clothes we get him thinking and hoping. She will know from his demeanour if he is interested. He won't play hard to get or feign disinterest like women do. There will be clear signals. From there he may take the initiative or she may need to do it, but it will be in the context of relative certainty.

She just needs to be careful to keep it light and playful. Then after that first kiss or fuck or whatever make it clear that she wants to keep it casual. Some guys may recoil, but most won't. If she does this over time she will build up a stable of more than one lover. That will also help you and your position. If she had one hot and heavy boyfriend you would naturally feel threatened. But if she has multiple partners their equal status relative to one another establishes more clearly that they are all casual connections.

Online I think is the route we would go. She has slowly opened up to the idea of a Tinder account just to “see” what there would be out there. I think this will really open her eyes to her options; she really underrates her desirability.

If she had someone already in real life, be it a co-worker or whatever, I’d be A-OK with that also. Over the time of us RPing and getting more into the fantasy side of things she has become more comfortable saying the guys that she would fuck if she was single.

I hear you on the idea of having multiple partners would make them “less special” or make her less susceptible for getting too entangled into one guy. Since she has still not truly expressed a desire to do this IRL yet, I’d imagine that more than 1 is definitely out of the question of the time being. Unless, sleeping with one other guy is a “dam breaking” moment so to speak.

 

[jimmyturtleman]

I’ve had a long, twisting journey since admitting my Hotwife/cuck fetish to my wife of 10 years. Her first thought was shock, and maybe even a little anger. She expressed that she made it feel like I didn’t really love her, or that I was trying to justify an open marriage in general - which, I’ve never wanted to sleep with someone else.

However, little by little, she has begun to understand it more. Originally we used a dildo, before she even knew I was interested in hotwifing. It was primarily for me to see how she would react to more size. Long story short, she really enjoyed it despite denying it at first and now it’s a regular part of the rotation. Would love to elaborate in DMs or on here if there’s interest but want to keep moving for sake of brevity.

When she learned about my fetish and had that initial repelled reaction, the dildo was shelved for a bit. Until, we did finally use it again and the dirty talk was more intense than ever. She called it a big cock, said it was gonna make her cum harder, etc. it was electric and made me wonder if she started to somewhat see the potential sexiness of the idea.

Flash forward a bit to like a few months ago. Wife and I watched porn for the first time (not literally, but for the first time while masturbating together.) She has really taken to this. We started with more typical clips and videos, but steadily I’ve incorporated Hotwife/cuckold clips (particularly from Reddit) and it’s gotten a lot more intense. Now, we will dirty talk during the porn sessions, she’ll talk about “how good that would feel,” and “I wish I was her.” The other night, I asked her while we were watching if doing this has made her think about getting fucked more often, think about bigger cocks more often, and she said yes. Will move on, but again if anyone would like to know more about the clips I’ve shown her or how this part has gone I’m happy to elaborate.

Now, I’m left wondering if there really is a chance she would do this someday. I don’t have that expectation of her, and as I have repeatedly told her about many things, the only reason I would enjoy it is if she wants to. Otherwise it’s not appealing to me. However, I do wonder if her mind is opening to it. While the dirty talk is much, much more intense while we watch porn or use the dildo, she is saying and doing more outside of that now. Pretty casual, “oh that celebrity is hot, I’d fuck him” type stuff which is not a big deal but nothing like she would have said even a couple years ago.

Thanks for reading, just wanted to share and vent the journey so far. I’m excited but very deliberately not pushing things fast (or at all, really) and letting them play out how she wants it too. Would love to know if anyone has similar experiences, or what they think my odds are etc.

After having read most of this thread, there is a lot of good advice for you to digest and decide just how you want to proceed. Just remember, there is an old saying to be careful what you wish for, because you might actually get what you wished for. Be sure you can handle your wife being intimate with another man. I understand the abstract thought of her being fucked by another man can be very erotic and exciting, then you must be at least reasonably certain that you can handle the reality. And that she needs to be totally committed to your marriage, in the final analysis.

I am guessing that her initial reaction, concerning your love for her, and your desire for other women are the two most common thoughts of any married woman, when offered to cuckold their husband. How would I know? My wife and I played some of the same games in bed, as you and your wife. The vibrator being a stranger fucking her, the reclamation sex after, watching 'cheating wife' porn movies. It all played out about the same script as you have written about. Then one day, she realized this wasn't just about bedroom talk. She wanted to know if I was totally serious, about her finding and fucking other men. She asked me two questions. The same two your wife asked you, and countless other wives have asked their loving husbands. Do you still love me, and find me sexually attractive? Does this mean you want to fuck other women? Okay, that's sort of like three questions, but the answers are very important. She needs to know she is still the sexiest woman on the planet, to you, then she needs to know you are not doing this to get yourself a free pass to fuck other women.

I am always open to DM's, if you wish. Good luck, I hope it works out for you, and your wife.

 

[Rugburn349]

After having read most of this thread, there is a lot of good advice for you to digest and decide just how you want to proceed. Just remember, there is an old saying to be careful what you wish for, because you might actually get what you wished for. Be sure you can handle your wife being intimate with another man. I understand the abstract thought of her being fucked by another man can be very erotic and exciting, then you must be at least reasonably certain that you can handle the reality. And that she needs to be totally committed to your marriage, in the final analysis.

I am guessing that her initial reaction, concerning your love for her, and your desire for other women are the two most common thoughts of any married woman, when offered to cuckold their husband. How would I know? My wife and I played some of the same games in bed, as you and your wife. The vibrator being a stranger fucking her, the reclamation sex after, watching 'cheating wife' porn movies. It all played out about the same script as you have written about. Then one day, she realized this wasn't just about bedroom talk. She wanted to know if I was totally serious, about her finding and fucking other men. She asked me two questions. The same two your wife asked you, and countless other wives have asked their loving husbands. Do you still love me, and find me sexually attractive? Does this mean you want to fuck other women? Okay, that's sort of like three questions, but the answers are very important. She needs to know she is still the sexiest woman on the planet, to you, then she needs to know you are not doing this to get yourself a free pass to fuck other women.

I am always open to DM's, if you wish. Good luck, I hope it works out for you, and your wife.

DMed you. But, will add here that every time my wife has “escalated” this fantasy so far or expressed enjoyment about it it has been after me fiercely refuting the notion that I have an ulterior motive to sleep with someone else.

 

[LeaHaven]

After having read most of this thread, there is a lot of good advice for you to digest and decide just how you want to proceed.

Jimmyturtleman, you and I will have to disagree. I've read this entire thread. I don't see any good advice here. I am not sure how to explain, but I can't right now. I'm at work. Maybe I can write more later, but this thread makes me very concerned for any wife on the receiving end.

 

[Rugburn349]

Jimmyturtleman, you and I will have to disagree. I've read this entire thread. I don't see any good advice here. I am not sure how to explain, but I can't right now. I'm at work. Maybe I can write more later, but this thread makes me very concerned for any wife on the receiving end.

I would absolutely love an alternate perspective if you get the chance, even if it’s a summary of just a few points.

 

[SlutAddicted]

It is important that you have both taken time to talk about it and explore the fantasy. Whether she ever decides to move forward in real life it will help to have spent time digging in to your true feelings. I don't think that you have said much about the degree to which you have discussed what this dynamic looks like in real life versus fantasy. You can't really know what it will be like IRL until it happens. But you can make a conscious effort to take yourself out of the fantasy and think about the possibilities and prepare yourself for the inevitable cuckold angst.

I agree with @policywank that I would steer clear of pushing any of the typical male fantasies about how to approach things. If she wants that then fine. But these dynamics often seem to turn to the husband meddling in her thought process a bit too much. Even if you are simply trying to be supportive and constructive (as opposed to pushing for what turns you on) she needs space to decide what works for her.

In my view the hotwife lifestyle really is firstly about her sexual freedom. In that context she is just a woman engaging in casual dating and sexual adventure for her own enjoyment. That is different than dating for romance or to find a long-term partner. And if it doesn't appeal to her on a stand-alone basis it is difficult to see it working. In that context she has to decide what works for her in terms of how she goes about it and who she dates.

The fact that she is married is a factor in how she manages her lovers and her exposure, but that is sort of ancillary to her first establishing what she wants from these experiences.

Then after all of that, is the dynamic of her cuckolding you and what you both desire.

I know all of these factors are ultimately linked, but as you explore the possibilities it helps to think of them each on their own as well so that you can establish clarity of thought. For instance, being a married woman who is dating will likely affect how she approached and deals with her lovers. But she still needs clarity on what she wants out of the experience without other factors clouding her thinking on that. Likewise her enthusiasm for any one given experience shouldn't cloud her thinking on how she manages her lovers and her cuckold and her attitudes towards discretion.

 

[Rugburn349]

It is important that you have both taken time to talk about it and explore the fantasy. Whether she ever decides to move forward in real life it will help to have spent time digging in to your true feelings. I don't think that you have said much about the degree to which you have discussed what this dynamic looks like in real life versus fantasy. You can't really know what it will be like IRL until it happens. But you can make a conscious effort to take yourself out of the fantasy and think about the possibilities and prepare yourself for the inevitable cuckold angst.

I agree with @policywank that I would steer clear of pushing any of the typical male fantasies about how to approach things. If she wants that then fine. But these dynamics often seem to turn to the husband meddling in her thought process a bit too much. Even if you are simply trying to be supportive and constructive (as opposed to pushing for what turns you on) she needs space to decide what works for her.

In my view the hotwife lifestyle really is firstly about her sexual freedom. In that context she is just a woman engaging in casual dating and sexual adventure for her own enjoyment. That is different than dating for romance or to find a long-term partner. And if it doesn't appeal to her on a stand-alone basis it is difficult to see it working. In that context she has to decide what works for her in terms of how she goes about it and who she dates.

The fact that she is married is a factor in how she manages her lovers and her exposure, but that is sort of ancillary to her first establishing what she wants from these experiences.

Then after all of that, is the dynamic of her cuckolding you and what you both desire.

I know all of these factors are ultimately linked, but as you explore the possibilities it helps to think of them each on their own as well so that you can establish clarity of thought. For instance, being a married woman who is dating will likely affect how she approached and deals with her lovers. But she still needs clarity on what she wants out of the experience without other factors clouding her thinking on that. Likewise her enthusiasm for any one given experience shouldn't cloud her thinking on how she manages her lovers and her cuckold and her attitudes towards discretion.

I agree with everything here. I want to restate that I have no intention of injecting anything into her decision making process, even if that means it never happens IRL ever. Again, the whole point is that she is having enjoyable experiences she can’t with me, and that she sees those experiences as warranting the risk that comes with the lifestyle. If she decides it’s not for her, or even if she does, I certainly won’t push anything on her because the second she’s not into it is the second the fetish dies for me.

I absolutely hear the importance of her managing things, lovers, etc. it’s not an area I thought about much, and obviously would be part of this situation should it proceed. I guess I just imagined it as simple as, “this guy is going along with what my intentions and desires are, lets keep it going,” and the opposite if that’s what happens.

 

[jimmyturtleman]

Jimmyturtleman, you and I will have to disagree. I've read this entire thread. I don't see any good advice here. I am not sure how to explain, but I can't right now. I'm at work. Maybe I can write more later, but this thread makes me very concerned for any wife on the receiving end.

That is your point of view LeaHaven, but until you have some constructive options, maybe you should save your posts for another thread. I stand by my original post by saying there is a lot of good advice. Not ALL of it is good, but that is up to Rugburn349 to sort out.

 

[LeaHaven]

That is your point of view LeaHaven, but until you have some constructive options, maybe you should save your posts for another thread. I stand by my original post by saying there is a lot of good advice. Not ALL of it is good, but that is up to Rugburn349 to sort out.

**shrugs** Works for me!

 

[Rugburn349]

Date night tonight: excited!

 

[jimmyturtleman]

I bet you are. Hope you have a "GREAT" time.

 

[SlutAddicted]

I agree with everything here. I want to restate that I have no intention of injecting anything into her decision making process, even if that means it never happens IRL ever. Again, the whole point is that she is having enjoyable experiences she can’t with me, and that she sees those experiences as warranting the risk that comes with the lifestyle. If she decides it’s not for her, or even if she does, I certainly won’t push anything on her because the second she’s not into it is the second the fetish dies for me.

I absolutely hear the importance of her managing things, lovers, etc. it’s not an area I thought about much, and obviously would be part of this situation should it proceed. I guess I just imagined it as simple as, “this guy is going along with what my intentions and desires are, lets keep it going,” and the opposite if that’s what happens.

I think that last part relate to the distinction between fantasy and reality. Certainly in reality there is an element of just go with the flow. And ideally things just keep flowing. But there is always potential for hiccups or necessary course corrections and it helps to be ready for those in advance so that she can quickly re-establish that great flow Arther than get put off by the interruption.

 

[policywank]

I think that last part relate to the distinction between fantasy and reality. Certainly in reality there is an element of just go with the flow. And ideally things just keep flowing. But there is always potential for hiccups or necessary course corrections and it helps to be ready for those in advance so that she can quickly re-establish that great flow Arther than get put off by the interruption.

This is how I "manage" things. I mostly want to just go with the flow and enjoy my sexual adventures. So it isn't like I am constantly managing my relationship dynamics with my lovers.

But I set the boundaries and have sense of the direction I'd like things to go so that if I need to make correction I have clarity of thought at the time and can do so smoothly with minimal interruption to the flow. Otherwise I would get caught off guard which can led to a bad decision in the moment or unnecessary frustration because of the interruption to the flow.

In my experience most times that a guy goes in a direction that I don't like, he is perfectly willing to make an adjustment to my liking. But he can't read my mind. So he just needs a conscious, clear and patient redirection.

 

[bobsch703]

Date night tonight: excited!

Ooooh, can you share any details? What has lead up to getting to this point? Would love to PM you but I'll bet you have plenty to answer and I don't have much input, just want to hear about your wife and you..

 

[dz2681]

Date night tonight: excited!

very nice, you two looking to explore a little more on your date?

 

[docoral]

Date night tonight: excited!

So, what's your fantasy again?? How does a date night affect you? Sending her on a date night does nothing more than exclude you from the fantasy. If she has the freedom to entertain any guy she wants, anytime she wants then why does she need you? You're the one controlling factor. Her watching you watch is the glue that makes this whole fantasy a totally enjoyable experience. It's liberating for her by virtue of you being there encouraging her to enjoy and it also sets the foundation for further events. Her going out on her own is reckless, could lead to some serious guilt on her part, a potential for a more emotional relationship with her date as well as a safety issue. When she walks out the door you should perhaps find a good divorce attorney.

 

[Rugburn349]

So, what's your fantasy again?? How does a date night affect you? Sending her on a date night does nothing more than exclude you from the fantasy. If she has the freedom to entertain any guy she wants, anytime she wants then why does she need you? You're the one controlling factor. Her watching you watch is the glue that makes this whole fantasy a totally enjoyable experience. It's liberating for her by virtue of you being there encouraging her to enjoy and it also sets the foundation for further events. Her going out on her own is reckless, could lead to some serious guilt on her part, a potential for a more emotional relationship with her date as well as a safety issue. When she walks out the door you should perhaps find a good divorce attorney.

She hasn’t even slept with anyone else yet nor agreed to lol. Just her and I tonight, though she wants to dress slutty.

 

[Rugburn349]

Ooooh, can you share any details? What has lead up to getting to this point? Would love to PM you but I'll bet you have plenty to answer and I don't have much input, just want to hear about your wife and you..

Feel free to PM anytime

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

Slippery slope but an exciting one.

 

[dz2681]

She hasn’t even slept with anyone else yet nor agreed to lol. Just her and I tonight, though she wants to dress slutty.

nice, going somewhere where she might be able to flirt with or tease other guys? Or more having her dress more revealing and comfortable doing so?

 

[Rugburn349]

nice, going somewhere where she might be able to flirt with or tease other guys? Or more having her dress more revealing and comfortable doing so?

Possibly, if it comes up organically. A brewery or a bar probably. She will definitely dress hot though!