Women of Lit: A Safe Place To Share

[JennyCapricorn]

Gillian Anderson seems comfortable both sides of the Atlantic. I follow these Fearne Cotton interview/chats and Gillian's thoughts, expressed by contributors to her book, chime with much of our wishes here. Worth a view

Thanks for sharing!

 

[JennyCapricorn]

Here’s a question: about how many unsolicited dick pix do you get a month? I get a lot more on the chat side than the forum side but there are always some each month

 

[stickygirl]

Here’s a question: about how many unsolicited dick pix do you get a month? I get a lot more on the chat side than the forum side but there are always some each month

I'm reluctant to reply here

 

[lil_jenni]

I'm reluctant to reply here

We could refer to them as "the pics that shall not be named."

 

[stickygirl]

We could refer to them as "the dics that shall be maimed."

IFYPFY

 

[AngieGZC]

Here’s a question: about how many unsolicited dick pix do you get a month? I get a lot more on the chat side than the forum side but there are always some each month

A few, I usually just ignore them

 

[stickygirl]

I thought I'd share this as a decent bump. Saoirse Ronan finally manages to get a word in amongst the male guests on the popular UK Graham Norton show. This YT even comes with a mansplaining commentary, though he doesn't point out how she was at first spoken over by Mescal and Norton, but hey...

 

[genzsub]

I thought I'd share this as a decent bump. Saoirse Ronan finally manages to get a word in amongst the male guests on the popular UK Graham Norton show. This YT even comes with a mansplaining commentary, though he doesn't point out how she was at first spoken over by Mescal and Norton, but hey...

Yes! Whatever could give us another second to run. Phone, keys, nails, pepper spray, heels, a glass of wine, a day-old baguet (yes, that last one is real). Where was that bear again?

 

[JennyCapricorn]

Yes! Whatever could give us another second to run. Phone, keys, nails, pepper spray, heels, a glass of wine, a day-old baguet (yes, that last one is real). Where was that bear again?

After a brutal attack in my home town I've now got one of those screamer alarms on my keychain. Along with the keys themselves. The wine in the eyes is another good one...

Bears? Bears are sweet. Beside you ever see a bear with 40' feet?
https://tenor.com/view/bernadette-peters-intothewoods-gif-20597528

 

[stickygirl]

Yes! Whatever could give us another second to run. Phone, keys, nails, pepper spray, heels, a glass of wine, a day-old baguet (yes, that last one is real). Where was that bear again?

The reactions are still echoing in my corner of the web. Elle magazine wrote a piece adding their voice of explanation ( though I'm guessing their audience doesn't need it... or maybe they do? )

The remark elicited a rapturous applause in the audience and has since gone viral online, with many viewers praising the 30-year-old for calling the men out for being so myopic. After all, it’s not like Ronan was sat alongside a bunch of men’s rights activists. Far from it: she was with the famously liberal Norton, the wildly popular Washington, and Mescal and Redmayne, who are globally adored. Put simply? These are ‘nice guys’. Men who, we assume, are emotionally intelligent, kind, and, well, safe. These are men who, I suspect, most women would trust.

And yet, as the clip showed, even men like that can be completely unaware that, while they’re joking about the lengths they might go to in order to defend themselves from potential perpetrators on the street, these are serious, ongoing thoughts women have on an almost daily basis. And they aren’t remotely funny.

Because even the ‘nice guys’ move through the world with a privilege they’re reluctant to acknowledge. And until they do, well, nothing will really change.

We each know decent men, but only a very few are savvy enough to appreciate the problems women face in terms of daily safety. How could they - it doesn't even feature on their radar? It's only bears, right?

 

[genzsub]

The reactions are still echoing in my corner of the web. Elle magazine wrote a piece adding their voice of explanation ( though I'm guessing their audience doesn't need it... or maybe they do? )

The remark elicited a rapturous applause in the audience and has since gone viral online, with many viewers praising the 30-year-old for calling the men out for being so myopic. After all, it’s not like Ronan was sat alongside a bunch of men’s rights activists. Far from it: she was with the famously liberal Norton, the wildly popular Washington, and Mescal and Redmayne, who are globally adored. Put simply? These are ‘nice guys’. Men who, we assume, are emotionally intelligent, kind, and, well, safe. These are men who, I suspect, most women would trust.

And yet, as the clip showed, even men like that can be completely unaware that, while they’re joking about the lengths they might go to in order to defend themselves from potential perpetrators on the street, these are serious, ongoing thoughts women have on an almost daily basis. And they aren’t remotely funny.

Because even the ‘nice guys’ move through the world with a privilege they’re reluctant to acknowledge. And until they do, well, nothing will really change.

We each know decent men, but only a very few are savvy enough to appreciate the problems women face in terms of daily safety. How could they - it doesn't even feature on their radar? It's only bears, right?

I had to read an article in my college philosophy class called, "What it's like to be a bat." It was all about how humans could never possibly fully understand what it is like for a bat to navigate using echolocation. As empathetic as some men are, I don't think they can ever grok the experience of being a woman. I don't blame them or hate them for it, it's just a result of nature. I do blame the guys who don't even seem to try.

 

[AngieGZC]

I had to read an article in my college philosophy class called, "What it's like to be a bat." It was all about how humans could never possibly fully understand what it is like for a bat to navigate using echolocation. As empathetic as some men are, I don't think they can ever grok the experience of being a woman. I don't blame them or hate them for it, it's just a result of nature. I do blame the guys who don't even seem to try.

This is interesting and must have been a very interesting article. I wonder if blind people have a similar experience but, I guess it's another thing those of us with sight will never know.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

I had to read an article in my college philosophy class called, "What it's like to be a bat." It was all about how humans could never possibly fully understand what it is like for a bat to navigate using echolocation. As empathetic as some men are, I don't think they can ever grok the experience of being a woman. I don't blame them or hate them for it, it's just a result of nature. I do blame the guys who don't even seem to try.

My husband, whom I love to death, sometimes displays this same sort of myopia. Not to the point of making a joke over it but more just... not seeing it. Places/circumstances where he feels perfectly comfortable walking through or talking to someone and wondering why I'm not, until he stops to think about it.

It's the stopping to think about it that matters. But it would be nice if he didn't have to stop to think about it at all.

 

[Zrosey]

So much hate for women in this country.
Women die without medical help
Rape seems to be becoming accepted, "she shouldn't have gone there" "she shouldn't have worn that"
People voting against their own daughters, sisters, moms

I am so fucking sad....

 

[stickygirl]

The country may have failed us, but we won’t fail each other.
Strong words from Jessica Valenti ^^

"...There’s a reason that so many of the laws attacking our bodies and rights target our ability to help each other; they know that community is our most powerful weapon. That’s what we’re going to lean into, and it’s where you’ll find your strength and energy..."

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

This showed up on my Instagram feed today, and I thought I'd share it because I know that several of us who haunt this thread have been victimized by domestic violence. Early on, my therapist told me to expect this reaction. Stay strong my loves

“Our bodies can remember anniversaries of trauma, even when our minds try to help us forget. If you're feeling raw, overwhelmed, or triggered around a certain time of year without a clear reason, it could be your body's way of holding onto a painful memory. Our bodies often remind us of things we don't consciously remember. It's okay to feel these emotions, they're part of the healing process.”

 

[lil_jenni]

I have been taking my twins to an infant class the last few weeks. Up until last week, there were only moms in the class. A dad joined last week with his baby girl, and everyone welcomed him. But before Thursday's class, two women confronted him, told him they didn't feel safe with a man in 'their' class, and told him to find another class. Several of us stood up for him. The two women who objected ended up leaving when the center staff said they couldn't exclude him based on his gender.

I have mixed feelings. In the moment, I stood up for the guy because he hasn't done anything wrong. On the other hand, those woman didn't feel safe, for whatever reason, and I didn't support them. They had to leave to feel safe, and it all seems so unfair. But, I think I would have thought similarly if he had been forced to leave.

Anyway, I don't really have a point, I guess, other than to say I feel guilty about doing what felt right in the moment, and I don't know if I should.

 

[stickygirl]

It's understandable that you should have mixed feelings - it's a minefield isn't it? The name of the class presumably doesn't make a gender distinction, so there's an end to it. The dude might learn something anyway.

 

[genzsub]

It's understandable that you should have mixed feelings - it's a minefield isn't it? The name of the class presumably doesn't make a gender distinction, so there's an end to it. The dude might learn something anyway.

Unfortunately, he will probably "learn" that some women are bitches instead of the fact that society has made it so that there are no safe spaces for women. Like @lil_jenni, I feel sorry for this guy who probably did nothing wrong but safety is a precious and fragile commodity. At the same time, I wonder if the two women who complained got a vibe off of him they didn't like and why. Sometimes you just have to go with your intuition about someone. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with the guy but I tend to trust other women's gut feelings.

Maybe a different group needs to be created that is explicitly gender specific but, then, would there be anyone left in the original group? Or possibly just the two women in the new group? It's a tough situation.

 

[AngieGZC]

I have been taking my twins to an infant class the last few weeks. Up until last week, there were only moms in the class. A dad joined last week with his baby girl, and everyone welcomed him. But before Thursday's class, two women confronted him, told him they didn't feel safe with a man in 'their' class, and told him to find another class. Several of us stood up for him. The two women who objected ended up leaving when the center staff said they couldn't exclude him based on his gender.

I have mixed feelings. In the moment, I stood up for the guy because he hasn't done anything wrong. On the other hand, those woman didn't feel safe, for whatever reason, and I didn't support them. They had to leave to feel safe, and it all seems so unfair. But, I think I would have thought similarly if he had been forced to leave.

Anyway, I don't really have a point, I guess, other than to say I feel guilty about doing what felt right in the moment, and I don't know if I should.

You did the right thing

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

I think I'm finally gonna pull the trigger and get my tubes tied. I live in a conservative area and people are freaking me out. I only hope I have enough time.

I admit that sometimes the thought of another baby makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but I'm on the older end of fertility and I can't do up all night again with a newborn.

 

[lil_jenni]

I think I'm finally gonna pull the trigger and get my tubes tied. I live in a conservative area and people are freaking me out. I only hope I have enough time.

I admit that sometimes the thought of another baby makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but I'm on the older end of fertility and I can't do up all night again with a newborn.

I had the surgery done during the C-section for the twins. Three was enough for me, especially since it's one more than I wanted. Twins kinda fuck up plans.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

Sorry to have been silent. It’s all just overwhelming. Don’t know how much I’ll be around in future, until I adjust to this, but I love you all.

 

[Strixaluco]

Sorry to have been silent. It’s all just overwhelming. Don’t know how much I’ll be around in future, until I adjust to this, but I love you all.

Life happens. I hope it eases for you.

For me the thread just stopped popping up in my alerts - an annoying thing that sometimes happens for threads I am following...

 

[stickygirl]

I think I'm finally gonna pull the trigger and get my tubes tied. I live in a conservative area and people are freaking me out. I only hope I have enough time.

I admit that sometimes the thought of another baby makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but I'm on the older end of fertility and I can't do up all night again with a newborn.

Your post has been troubling me. You said you hope you have time - to get your tubes tied. Is that procedure another thing the Reps intend to ban? I hope my assumption is wrong