Your "AHA!" moments...

[Netzach]

One of my get over yourself and you don't know what anyone else is dealing with mini-lessons was from a waitress so bad I wasn't going to tip her.

Context: I love restaurants and waitstaff, and you really really have to be a total fuck up to get me to consider not tipping you. I think I've done it twice ever.

I was sitting there fuming and then I heard her utter those magic words to the next table "it's my first day."

I've been that person. I've had that job. It's either so crazy I couldn't cut it, or do dead I didn't make money, I never got really good at it. I tipped her her 20% and I realized that five or six bucks was absolutely no additional skin off my ass.

I realized that being in a power position, and tipping someone is, doesn't mean you have to enforce just because you can. It wasn't worth it to sit there developing an ulcer over what amounted to five bucks.

 

[graceanne]

When will I learn not to post on vicodin?

 

[DVS]

I really don't know if I should join in on this thread, or not. I've read about some of these epiphanies, and see them in different ways. Sure, I understand that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and this probably holds true with an epiphany, too, so who am I to burst any bubbles?

I have also had my share of personal events that made me sit down and catch my breath. I could go in to vast detail and bore the whole lot of you with my reasons and rationalizations of life and death, but why would I want to ruin a perfectly good thread?

 

[Homburg]

Best waiter I've had was at a Dennys. I left him a tip, then went out and got the number for corporate. I explained what an excellent server he was to his district manager.

 

[MisterSir]

Call me pink, but I'm not such a big tipper. If I think the server did a good job or had a good attitude - smiles go a long way - I'll toss in something, but an average job gets nothing. I might make an exception if it's their first day or for other extenuating circumstances, but it's not my problem if they're in the situation where tips are necessary for them to survive.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... "it's my first day."

I've been that person. I've had that job....

First day server? Yep, he/she'll get a decent tip from me... and perhaps a little friendly advice from another someone who's been there before, too.

I was lucky, though. I learned table service first from being an army brat and observing *good* servers in officers' clubs and good restaurants in several countries besides the U.S. Second, I learned by getting a job at Tony's Restaurant in Houston (the old Tony's, on Post Oak) as a busboy when I was 20. Everyone who wanted to be a server had to bus first, while learning service from Gabriel DiCesario (the maitré d'), Tony Vallone himself, and the senior servers (almost all were women). When a busboy/girl graduated from "back floor" (no contact with customers, just travel between bus stations and the kitchen and the storeroom) about two months after starting, to "floor," Tony or Gabriel presented him/her with a personalized gold-plated cigarette lighter that *must* be carried on the person at all times while at work, to light customers' cigarettes and cigars. I still had that lighter until, I think, divorce number two (1997-8), when it disappeared.

The next step, usually about six months after getting to "floor," was, for those deemed capable, apprenticing as a server with one of the senior servers, which took another three to six months. After a year to a year and a half, an apprentice could graduate to server and get his/her own station. About one out of ten or twelve (if that many!) who initially applied and got hired to start with ever made it to server. Servers at Tony's, in 1970, averaged about $300 a week, or $15,000 a year. In comparison, "in 1970-71, public school teachers averaged $9,729" ("Salary of a Teacher," The Physics Factbook, Glenn Elert, 2006).

I didn't make it; I moved away. But I learned a whole lot about how to be a good server, and I appreciate fully that whether one is serving at Waffle House or Tony's or Bern's Steakhouse in Tampa, it's a difficult job that not everyone can do.

Oh. I have to admit that one of the reasons I got the job to start with (they usually only hired people with at least two years of service experience) was that I still spoke fairly fluent Italian seven years after leaving Europe, and Gabriel and Tony both loved talking to me and correcting my grammar!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Call me pink, but I'm not such a big tipper. If I think the server did a good job or had a good attitude - smiles go a long way - I'll toss in something, but an average job gets nothing. I might make an exception if it's their first day or for other extenuating circumstances, but it's not my problem if they're in the situation where tips are necessary for them to survive.

Please read my post above, and then reflect on the fact that by governmental policy, servers almost everywhere are paid substantially less than minimum wage because it is assumed that they will make enough in tips to reach or exceed that "standard."

Please, unless service is pretty damn bad, tip your server at least 10%, and scale upward from there according to the increase in the quality of service. No, it's not your problem if they're "in the situation where tips are necessary for them to survive," but to deliberately short them is to show reckless disregard for your fellow human being. Remember, too, that for many servers, it's a second job that they've had to take in order to pay their bills and support their families. Thank you.

 

[00Syd]

My most memorable epiphany happened when I was 12 years old. I was sitting in 7th grade humanities class and we were discussing, I don't remember what, probably Catcher in The Rye, which we read that year. So, I was sitting in class, probably half paying attention to the lesson, and half daydreaming. Suddenly, out of the blue, it occurred to me that I would never, ever in my life be anyone but myself. I realized that I would never know what it was like to be a boy, or to be the girl sitting next to me, or to be a different animal, or to be older or younger than I am. I realized that I would never be able to see the world out of anyone else's eyes, that I would never be able to get into anyone else's head, no matter how hard I tired. I thought about this and then promptly burst into tears.

 

[Cattypuss]

I can't get my head round there being a plural form of the word "epiphany". Just looks weird.

Any road up....

I had one less than a month ago. I was approaching orgasm with a man's hand up my bum at the time. There are things you know intellectually for years, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you find you really know them, wth your gut/soul. Anyway, I came to REALLY know that it's not being a person who is loved that matters. It's being a person who loves that matters. Love is what makes us whole - the giving of it, not the receiving of it.

 

[MisterSir]

Please read my post above, and then reflect on the fact that by governmental policy, servers almost everywhere are paid substantially less than minimum wage because it is assumed that they will make enough in tips to reach or exceed that "standard."

That sucks, yeah, but that's not my business. The system might be screwed, but I'm not going to pay because some cheap bastard won't pay his staff enough; I'm already paying for food and the service - because I've eaten in maybe two places that don't tack on a 15% service charge already - so I'm a) not paying for service twice and b) not taking on more costs.

Please, unless service is pretty damn bad, tip your server at least 10%, and scale upward from there according to the increase in the quality of service.

There's not a lot different between you and me, really - you just set the bar lower.

 

[Shankara20]

I could go in to vast detail and bore the whole lot of you with my reasons and rationalizations of life and death,

but why would I want to ruin a perfectly good thread?

& a

 

[Shankara20]

If I think the server did a good job or had a good attitude - smiles go a long way -

Please try that "smile" with your MD, or at the grocery store, or your landlord, or auto mechanic and see if that settlers the tab.

Table service is hard work. It also take a higher skill level then most of us understand. In addition these folks are working at times when the rest of the community is out relaxing - at lunch time, evenings, holidays, weekends.

Tipping is an arcane way of doing business, but, sadly, I don't expect it to change anytime soon.

Please, if possible, revisit your point of view. There folks are not submissives in service, they are professionals doing a job that keeps you out of the kitchen dealing directly with the cook yourself. If that is of no value to you, please go to fast food places and be sure to clean up your own table as you leave.

It is not my intention to attack you personally. Way too many years in the food service industry have jaded my view. Thanks goddess I'm free of that now....

 

[00Syd]

When traveling around Europe last month, I kept finding myself pleasantly surprised with the tipping customs in every country we visited. The tipping etiquette in most of the places we visited was to simply round up the bill, leaving a few coins on the table. Some places we went nobody expected a tip, though it was customary to leave a small tip for exceptional service. When I went to Japan two years ago, I was completely surprised that nobody tips there, and that if you leave money on a table, a waiter will run after you to return the money you "forgot." And the reason that it is customary to leave either a small tip, or no tip at all, in these foreign countries? Service people (waiters, taxi drivers, etc.) already make a living wage and do not rely on their customers charity to pay their rent.

Ah, how civilized.

 

[midwestyankee]

That sucks, yeah, but that's not my business. The system might be screwed, but I'm not going to pay because some cheap bastard won't pay his staff enough; I'm already paying for food and the service - because I've eaten in maybe two places that don't tack on a 15% service charge already - so I'm a) not paying for service twice and b) not taking on more costs.



There's not a lot different between you and me, really - you just set the bar lower.

You are an ingrateful dickweed.

 

[Keroin]

Sorry, hijacking my own thread.

Sigh.

Just heard from my sister that my dad was taken to emergency by paramedics last night. He's weak and dehydrated, apparently from a virus that has become serious and because he's old and not well, well it's beating him up pretty bad.

He signed a "do not resuscitate" paper. I don't know if this is standard procedure or not. Anyway, once again I'm on the other side of the world and in the dark.

This has nothing to do with epiphanies I'm just worried and far away. I'm not usually this melodramatic.

 

[midwestyankee]

Sorry, hijacking my own thread.

Sigh.

Just heard from my sister that my dad was taken to emergency by paramedics last night. He's weak and dehydrated, apparently from a virus that has become serious and because he's old and not well, well it's beating him up pretty bad.

He signed a "do not resuscitate" paper. I don't know if this is standard procedure or not. Anyway, once again I'm on the other side of the world and in the dark.

This has nothing to do with epiphanies I'm just worried and far away. I'm not usually this melodramatic.

{{{{{{{Keroin}}}}}

DNR paperwork is relatively routine as I understand it.

 

[Keroin]

{{{{{{{Keroin}}}}}

DNR paperwork is relatively routine as I understand it.

Thanks, it actually helps tons to hear that.

LOL. Sorry, didn't mean to be a thread killer. Please carry on.

 

[00Syd]

Sorry, hijacking my own thread.

Sigh.

Just heard from my sister that my dad was taken to emergency by paramedics last night. He's weak and dehydrated, apparently from a virus that has become serious and because he's old and not well, well it's beating him up pretty bad.

He signed a "do not resuscitate" paper. I don't know if this is standard procedure or not. Anyway, once again I'm on the other side of the world and in the dark.

This has nothing to do with epiphanies I'm just worried and far away. I'm not usually this melodramatic.

HUGS!

Feel free to hijack your thread all you like. We're here for you. As "here" as we can be, anyway.

 

[MisterSir]

Please try that "smile" with your MD, or at the grocery store, or your landlord, or auto mechanic and see if that settlers the tab.

Never said it did, don't expect it to, but being polite doesn't take much effort and every so often, it makes the gears work just that little bit smoother.

Please, if possible, revisit your point of view. There folks are not submissives in service, they are professionals doing a job that keeps you out of the kitchen dealing directly with the cook yourself. If that is of no value to you, please go to fast food places and be sure to clean up your own table as you leave

You may not believe this, but I do, and I seem to be the only person who realises trays don't actually belong on the tables. Speaking of fast food servers, they have more or less the same job, just with less walking about involved - and saying that, I'm seeing more and more occasions where certain items aren't quite ready when the entire order's made and the servers have delivered them to the customer's table. How many of the people sitting back and judging me for not tipping have ever considered giving them something?

There's only one place I regularly tip - that's somewhere a) I go often enough that they know what I'm going to order without me having to say it, b) everybody's polite at the minimum, c) they're efficient and d) they don't stick me with a service charge to begin with. If other places could offer two of the latter three, maybe I'd feel differently.

You are an ingrateful dickweed.

And you're the reason the service people are getting shafted in the first place.

Good talk.

 

[Keroin]

HUGS!

Feel free to hijack your thread all you like. We're here for you. As "here" as we can be, anyway.

Thanks Syd. I loved your epiphany about not being able to experience the world as anyone else.

I wonder if some people have more epiphanies than others? I seem to have them all the time.

 

[subgirl2]

Hey SG2, sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I have been there, exactly there, more than once in my life. I know how it feels to say "Fuck the rest of the world", and I think it's probably a necessary part of the healing process but I also think giving to others for the sake of giving, is a wonderful thing. The catch is figuring out how much you want to give and to whom, then learning to set definite borders, then learning to give up expecting anything in return - not because you're not worth it but because the act of giving, to be properly enjoyed, should be totally selfless.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't an easy process and a certain amount of time being angry is good for growing a back bone and honing your bullshit detector. It may seem hard to believe now but the best way not to get hurt is not by putting up a wall and blocking yourself off but by being so open that the bad stuff just passes right through you.

Thank you Keroin for those kind inciteful words. I know you are right and you make a lot of sense but I just get so sick of being shit on all the time.

There are more important things happening in the world though....how is your Dad doing and are you ok?

 

[00Syd]

Thanks Syd. I loved your epiphany about not being able to experience the world as anyone else.

I wonder if some people have more epiphanies than others? I seem to have them all the time.

After I burst into tears my teacher took me out of class and asked me what was wrong and I just couldn't for the life of me explain it to her. She must have thought I lost it.

I feel like I used to have more epiphanies than I do now, but that could just be because I'm past the part of my life where I was actively coming to terms with and making sense of the world. Now everything seems much more "as is" and less "OMG WTF."

 

[Keroin]

Thank you Keroin for those kind inciteful words. I know you are right and you make a lot of sense but I just get so sick of being shit on all the time.

There are more important things happening in the world though....how is your Dad doing and are you ok?

You are welcome and I don't blame you for feeling how you do. I think I'll write about one of my other big epiphanies later today, because it relates to this.

I'm good. It's just always a shocker to open the inbox in the morning and find out that kind of news, especially when I'm so far away that I can't do anything about it. But my sister is the best. She'll be looking out for him and keeping me up to date. Thanks again.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Sorry, hijacking my own thread.

Sigh.

Just heard from my sister that my dad was taken to emergency by paramedics last night. He's weak and dehydrated, apparently from a virus that has become serious and because he's old and not well, well it's beating him up pretty bad.

He signed a "do not resuscitate" paper. I don't know if this is standard procedure or not. Anyway, once again I'm on the other side of the world and in the dark.

This has nothing to do with epiphanies I'm just worried and far away. I'm not usually this melodramatic.

A good vibes antenna is pointed his way, and another yours.

 

[midwestyankee]

And you're the reason the service people are getting shafted in the first place.

Good talk.

This simply does not compute; you must be using a form of logic with which the rest of humanity is completely unfamiliar.

As for my choice of language: I call 'em like I see 'em but I'm also moderately polite, even to dickweeds.