….pick up younger woman at a bar, what makes older men attractive to younger woman

[Britva415]

So how do you stay out of ‘nice guy friend zone’

I’ve got that game in spades!

If bars are really where you'll be seeking, I wouldn't really worry about getting friendzoned. That happens with women you already know.

Friendzoning is a kind of rejection, but not the only kind. If you can handle being rejected by strangers, getting friendzoned is not going to be an issue.

If what you're asking about is how to not appear unsexy by being a nice guy, that's different. Here, "be a nice guy" means "don't be an asshole." It doesn't mean be that guy who's too "nice" to be sexy.

That guy gets rejected not because he's a nice guy but because he's unconfident, possibly insincere, unexciting, uninteresting and probably has kind of an entitled attitude ("what does she see in those asshole meathead broheims when I am the perfect nice guy"). They don't have any male friends and don't have anything fun going on on their own. They're clingy and they transparently surround themselves with female friends because they're desperate, and they seem like it.

Anyway this topic isn't about friendzoning which is a subject we could go on about quite a lot, but yeah. You might get frienzoned if you pursue women you're already friends with, but strangers at a bar half your age? If they want to reject you then they'll just ignore you, or maybe insult you if you push them. But they won't put you in their friendzone.

 

[ColinPiper]

To flip the money aspect around - I like the Contours' take on it in "First I look at the Purse"

"She can be covered in a rash
As long as she gots some cash"

Contours - First I look at the Purse

Back to the original topic - in my experience in the workplace there may be young women in their late teens or early twenties in their first job who feel completely out of their depth. They assume everyone else is much smarter and knows what they're doing (ha!). If they're also the shy or introverted type, and single, you may find they like the idea of an older man who can take care of them, rather than a boyfriend of the same age. I'm not advocating predatory behaviour, and it's not something I'd ever do - just an observation.

 

[Reader1225]

Women aren’t looking for money or cash? What the heck? That must surely be less than 1% of women who would do that!

As Colin days, experience and age go hand in hand as that’s so sexy.

It sounds to me that the Op isn’t yet single. Any chance on working on your current relationship? We women do love repairing broken hearts so I think telling your love story at the bar will work as long as you don’t go to deep, no tears! You could probably rest your head in my bosom.

Online dating seems to be the way forward. Good luck.

 

[THoney269]

Not true, friend. Gotta stay hopeful. Another music quote, different genre, spoken by the man to the lady: “You got the money, honey, I got the time.” Probably won't work, but it's a nice thought.

That fucking quote would work on me!! I love the song to begin with, and would definitely be cracking up when I answered

 

[littlecordelera]

This thread is asking "what makes an older man attractive to a younger woman." I am trying to be honest without being blunt, but that's not working. The answer is, younger women are not attracted to old guys. If a 50-something guy approaches a 20-something girl in a nightclub, forget the friend-zone, he's in the sleaze-zone. Please stop approaching them. She's not stupid. She knows you're just an old guy after young cake. There's nothing attractive about that.

However, if you should cross paths with a younger woman by some other means and there is time to develop a friendship, then you may have a chance of developing a romantic relationship. But guys, I'm just being honest. If you approach a young woman online or in a nightclub, she's only thinking, "WTF?"

 

[littlecordelera]

However, if you should cross paths with a younger woman by some other means and there is time to develop a friendship, then you may have a chance of developing a romantic relationship. But guys, I'm just being honest. If you approach a young woman online or in a nightclub, she's only thinking, "WTF?"

Hold on. That's going to be misinterpreted.

If you should develop a friendship with a younger woman, DO NOT try to turn it into a romantic relationship. Only allow that to happen if SHE leads things that way; otherwise, you will enter the ultimate sleaze-zone.

 

[stickygirl]

I've always been puzzled by the slur that's intended by being friendzoned. If you use teenage slang, invented by young girls, tired of being pestered by a variety of men, then do so. It was always intended as girl-speak language to express their exasperation and, if it quickly leaked into common parlance, then SFW?

I question why it is so awful to find yourself 'friendzoned' if it amounts to "He's okay, but I wouldn't fuck him"? If men take offence at being regarded simply as a friend, their reaction justifies the description. It's often said a man can't just be friends with a woman because of the assumption he really wants to fuck her. What does that say about them?

If the offence is indignation "I'm not that kind of guy, honestly I just wanted to be friends" then don't blame the woman - blame other men for pushing women into a sexualised corner and provoking an understandable reaction. Don't use your indignation as another stick with which to beat her, just move on - hold up your open hands, smile and step back.

It's traditional that men do the chasing and that women are the goal. If men are crap at chasing, how is it women get the blame? "But it's not fair!" they cry. "It's not my fault, so ... it must be theirs" and resentment follows.

Besides, chasing is a crap strategy for most men. Wear good shoes, shower, be comfortable in your own skin and she'll find you. That's why older men can be attractive - because they've got nothing to prove and, damn, there's nothing hotter. If they've got money, because they've spent a lifetime focused on their passions and been financially rewarded, then that's a bonus. I've met older artists, passionate about their work, with barely enough cash to keep a roof over their heads, who are irresistible.

 

[Isabelangel]

OK, so now we're getting somewhere. You see, every guy in this scenario promotes himself as good in bed. I suggest you never go there. For me, that's an instant turn-off, and from an old guy, it would feel creepy. I agree with what Isabelangel said. "Just [be] nice and fun to talk to." Be interested in me, the person, not me, your-potential-sexual-conquest.

I totally agree with you!

So how do you stay out of ‘nice guy friend zone’

I’ve got that game in spades!

For me I try to show him that I like him more than in a friendly way
Like some touching and flirt with him give him some hints that I am interested

I respect this response. But I have seen that lose to the ‘hotter’ guy every single time.

Maybe it’s the caliber of the woman I am attracted to?

it sounds so boring but it is true
The guys I enjoy the most being with are not the hottest guys more the ones that are interesting to talk and also have fun with
Those guys are more in my memory than the very hot but boring

 

[shizzz]

I totally agree with you!


For me I try to show him that I like him more than in a friendly way
Like some touching and flirt with him give him some hints that I am interested


it sounds so boring but it is true
The guys I enjoy the most being with are not the hottest guys more the ones that are interesting to talk and also have fun with
Those guys are more in my memory than the very hot but boring

But which ones were the ones that you had one night stands with? The hot and boring? Or the fun and easy to talk to?

 

[Isabelangel]

But which ones were the ones that you had one night stands with? The hot and boring? Or the fun and easy to talk to?

Actually both but if I had to pick I would pick the fun to talk to guy

 

[littlecordelera]

I've always been puzzled by the slur that's intended by being friendzoned. If you use teenage slang, invented by young girls, tired of being pestered by a variety of men, then do so. It was always intended as girl-speak language to express their exasperation and, if it quickly leaked into common parlance, then SFW?

I question why it is so awful to find yourself 'friendzoned' if it amounts to "He's okay, but I wouldn't fuck him"? If men take offence at being regarded simply as a friend, their reaction justifies the description. It's often said a man can't just be friends with a woman because of the assumption he really wants to fuck her. What does that say about them?

If the offence is indignation "I'm not that kind of guy, honestly I just wanted to be friends" then don't blame the woman - blame other men for pushing women into a sexualised corner and provoking an understandable reaction. Don't use your indignation as another stick with which to beat her, just move on - hold up your open hands, smile and step back.

It's traditional that men do the chasing and that women are the goal. If men are crap at chasing, how is it women get the blame? "But it's not fair!" they cry. "It's not my fault, so ... it must be theirs" and resentment follows.

Besides, chasing is a crap strategy for most men. Wear good shoes, shower, be comfortable in your own skin and she'll find you. That's why older men can be attractive - because they've got nothing to prove and, damn, there's nothing hotter. If they've got money, because they've spent a lifetime focused on their passions and been financially rewarded, then that's a bonus. I've met older artists, passionate about their work, with barely enough cash to keep a roof over their heads, who are irresistible.

If only I could have been so eloquent.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

This thread is asking "what makes an older man attractive to a younger woman." I am trying to be honest without being blunt, but that's not working. The answer is, younger women are not attracted to old guys. If a 50-something guy approaches a 20-something girl in a nightclub, forget the friend-zone, he's in the sleaze-zone. Please stop approaching them. She's not stupid. She knows you're just an old guy after young cake. There's nothing attractive about that.

However, if you should cross paths with a younger woman by some other means and there is time to develop a friendship, then you may have a chance of developing a romantic relationship. But guys, I'm just being honest. If you approach a young woman online or in a nightclub, she's only thinking, "WTF?"

Agree hundred percent, my wife before we met had a significant relationship with an older guy but it was because their paths crossed in a setting where they could talk and develop beyond immediate attraction. I think his affluence helped but it was less about subsidies more being exposed to a much more sophisticated life. Plus probably a good dose of daddy issues

 

[Purple_Fronds]

I've always been puzzled by the slur that's intended by being friendzoned. If you use teenage slang, invented by young girls, tired of being pestered by a variety of men, then do so. It was always intended as girl-speak language to express their exasperation and, if it quickly leaked into common parlance, then SFW?

I question why it is so awful to find yourself 'friendzoned' if it amounts to "He's okay, but I wouldn't fuck him"? If men take offence at being regarded simply as a friend, their reaction justifies the description. It's often said a man can't just be friends with a woman because of the assumption he really wants to fuck her. What does that say about them?

If the offence is indignation "I'm not that kind of guy, honestly I just wanted to be friends" then don't blame the woman - blame other men for pushing women into a sexualised corner and provoking an understandable reaction. Don't use your indignation as another stick with which to beat her, just move on - hold up your open hands, smile and step back.

It's traditional that men do the chasing and that women are the goal. If men are crap at chasing, how is it women get the blame? "But it's not fair!" they cry. "It's not my fault, so ... it must be theirs" and resentment follows.

Besides, chasing is a crap strategy for most men. Wear good shoes, shower, be comfortable in your own skin and she'll find you. That's why older men can be attractive - because they've got nothing to prove and, damn, there's nothing hotter. If they've got money, because they've spent a lifetime focused on their passions and been financially rewarded, then that's a bonus. I've met older artists, passionate about their work, with barely enough cash to keep a roof over their heads, who are irresistible.

This is the best critique I’ve heard on the friend zone stuff and from observation I agree that it’s exactly that, she’s not that into you and if what you as the guy wanted was the sexual then have some pride and self-confidence and walk away. I have women that I have no attraction to who are my friends and I care a lot about and others that I was into but it was not reciprocated which is fine that’s life and you move on. In all cases you need to have some self respect.

As an older married guy I‘ve sometimes got myself in trouble not because I’m hitting on a young girl at a bar, that is super creepy. But because I end up talking and listening to younger women I cross paths with. I‘m funny and I’ve got my shit together, I’m just sometimes a little late in realizing they think it’s going to go somewhere and I have to back it out pretty fast.

 

[stickygirl]

As an older married guy I‘ve sometimes got myself in trouble not because I’m hitting on a young girl at a bar, that is super creepy. But because I end up talking and listening to younger women I cross paths with. I‘m funny and I’ve got my shit together, I’m just sometimes a little late in realizing they think it’s going to go somewhere and I have to back it out pretty fast.

Shame that's how it is. Them's is the rules we have to abide by...

 

[shizzz]

This is the best critique I’ve heard on the friend zone stuff and from observation I agree that it’s exactly that, she’s not that into you and if what you as the guy wanted was the sexual then have some pride and self-confidence and walk away. I have women that I have no attraction to who are my friends and I care a lot about and others that I was into but it was not reciprocated which is fine that’s life and you move on. In all cases you need to have some self respect.

As an older married guy I‘ve sometimes got myself in trouble not because I’m hitting on a young girl at a bar, that is super creepy. But because I end up talking and listening to younger women I cross paths with. I‘m funny and I’ve got my shit together, I’m just sometimes a little late in realizing they think it’s going to go somewhere and I have to back it out pretty fast.

I like that. Except “that is super creepy”

The advice is good and I see what you mean. Seems like there is a lot of nuance, which can be hard for someone who does not catch ‘nuances’ and subtleties very well. Maybe I’m just blind

 

[Booboobear84]

OK, so now we're getting somewhere. You see, every guy in this scenario promotes himself as good in bed. I suggest you never go there. For me, that's an instant turn-off, and from an old guy, it would feel creepy. I agree with what Isabelangel said. "Just [be] nice and fun to talk to." Be interested in me, the person, not me, your-potential-sexual-conquest.

This describes how I almost picked someone up. I wasn't in any way trying to, I just found her very interesting. I spent the night as we danced asking about her teaching job. At the end of the night of dancing, she said she was trying to pick me up. I explain she would have succeeded if I were single: she had somehow missed my wedding band. Apparently by being very sincerely interested in her, she thought I was looking for more. Final truth, if I were single, I probably would have blown it by being too self concious and thinking of the possibility picking her up.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Shame that's how it is. Them's is the rules we have to abide by...

Indeed, but still fun. After all spending a little time with someone and getting to know about their hopes and desires is always enjoyable.

 

[Britva415]

I've always been puzzled by the slur that's intended by being friendzoned. If you use teenage slang, invented by young girls, tired of being pestered by a variety of men, then do so. It was always intended as girl-speak language to express their exasperation

I had no idea it's a slur. I've only ever heard it to describe the situation - guy wants more than friends, girl wants just friends.

I don't know whether it's true that young girls invented this term, but even if they did, the cat's out of the bag. It means different things to different people, I guess. Most people got it from "Friends," not from young girls.

In what way/to whom is it a slur? Are there redpill/incel types out there who use it that way? If so, I guess it's not surprising, but that doesn't mean the expression is irredeemably tainted and isn't used innocently/factually/neutrally by regular people.

I question why it is so awful to find yourself 'friendzoned'

For the guys who it's awful for, and this isn't every guy, the reason it's awful is just 'cause they really want to be "more than friends" but they have no other real prospects because they're unconfident and can't picture themselves putting themselves out there to pursue others when there's this friend right here who they already have a crush on.

There's also the bit where she knows he feels like this and she maintains the friendship anyway, instead of doing a real rejection. What's up with that? It's almost like these two really are made for each other - he's too fragile to pursue anyone but her, she's too fragile to let him down - but still won't get romantic with him. I'm not saying she owes him that, I'm just saying it's a half-measure that's only going to prolong her own discomfort with his unwanted attention.

she’s not that into you and if what you as the guy wanted was the sexual then have some pride and self-confidence and walk away.

I completely agree. Women who allow there to be a friendzone when she knows the guy wants more should also have some pride and self-confidence and walk away too.

 

[Noor]

The age gap can be whatever you think. If you’re an older guy, what has worked for you? If you’re a younger woman, what would/could/has worked for you?

Older man who may be getting released back into the wild soon and have no idea what I’m in for…..

Make her laugh and enjoy being with you. Be flexible and creative. No one wants a guy stuck in his ways. Don’t bring your dog to the date unless she lives dogs and wants to meet your dog. Seriously, no dogs. It’s really sad when a date ends up liking the dog better than you.
Be kind. Don’t try to impress with money, wealth, lifestyle. Be welcoming. Find common ground. Sparkle.

 

[stickygirl]

I had no idea it's a slur. I've only ever heard it to describe the situation - guy wants more than friends, girl wants just friends.

I don't know whether it's true that young girls invented this term, but even if they did, the cat's out of the bag. It means different things to different people, I guess. Most people got it from "Friends," not from young girls.

In what way/to whom is it a slur? Are there redpill/incel types out there who use it that way? If so, I guess it's not surprising, but that doesn't mean the expression is irredeemably tainted and isn't used innocently/factually/neutrally by regular people.

For the guys who it's awful for, and this isn't every guy, the reason it's awful is just 'cause they really want to be "more than friends" but they have no other real prospects because they're unconfident and can't picture themselves putting themselves out there to pursue others when there's this friend right here who they already have a crush on.

There's also the bit where she knows he feels like this and she maintains the friendship anyway, instead of doing a real rejection. What's up with that? It's almost like these two really are made for each other - he's too fragile to pursue anyone but her, she's too fragile to let him down - but still won't get romantic with him. I'm not saying she owes him that, I'm just saying it's a half-measure that's only going to prolong her own discomfort with his unwanted attention.

The expression is childish and ridiculous but I've only ever heard it as a verb "Uh-huh? You've been friend-zoned" but to clarify your interpretation, girls can be frightened to hurt a guy's feelings because they don't know how he'll take rejection so she'll keep him safely at arms length.

The implication is that once you've been friend-zoned, you have zero chance of sleeping with her and that she is only being friendly because you're 6'3" but your knuckles still touch the floor.

 

[IrisAlthea]

If you’re a younger woman, what would/could/has worked for you?

What works for me to be interested, is someone who is attractive(to me), funny and interesting.
For it to end the way you hope, I need to be available, as in not there to hang out with some friends or with another guy.
A lady always leaves with the fella she came in with…, since we are doing musical references in this thread.

 

[Noor]

The expression is childish and ridiculous but I've only ever heard it as a verb "Uh-huh? You've been friend-zoned" but to clarify your interpretation, girls can be frightened to hurt a guy's feelings because they don't know how he'll take rejection so she'll keep him safely at arms length.

The implication is that once you've been friend-zoned, you have zero chance of sleeping with her and that she is only being friendly because you're 6'3" but your knuckles still touch the floor.

The thing that infuriates me about men complaining about friendzoning is that they think we made a choice not to pick them, when they were never anything else because we make the choice who to include not who to exclude. I’ve met thousands of men in my life, some are a lot of fun but very few are those I want as lovers, it’s not anything I or the other person can control, either we click or don’t. No amount of wanting, money, perfect body, whatever is going to change that. For me they also have to naturally smell right, I’m sure that is totally biological and beyond choice.
A guy can throw up road blocks like artificial scent, being obnoxious, and so on, but there isn’t much he can do to encourage clicking if we don’t click.

 

[Noor]

What works for me to be interested, is someone who is attractive(to me), funny and interesting.
For it to end the way you hope, I need to be available, as in not there to hang out with some friends or with another guy.
A lady always leaves with the fella she came in with…, since we are doing musical references in this thread.

Lucky be a lady …

 

[IrisAlthea]

Women who allow there to be a friendzone when she knows the guy wants more should also have some pride and self-confidence and walk away too.

I’m not sure I get what you mean?

To keep going on dates with someone when you know it’s not going where the other person wants, to keep you occupied untill something better comes along or even because it’s somehow still the 50’s and they are paying all the time, is obviously an asshole move.
I would not be leaving my social circle though, because there is someone who ”stares at me with puppy eyes and tongue hanging out”.
But then I never quite got the argument between Harry and Sally either.

 

[K155]

The age gap can be whatever you think. If you’re an older guy, what has worked for you? If you’re a younger woman, what would/could/has worked for you?

Older man who may be getting released back into the wild soon and have no idea what I’m in for…..

Hi!
I've always had a thing for older men (neither daddy issues or gold digger vibes either as someone stated) and been picked up by older guys a fair bit through the years. When I was younger (like 20) I assumed the 40 year old man was just the pinnacle... I'm 40 now myself and find myself drawn to men a lot older.

As for the pick up... confidence is key, not cockiness just a quiet understated confidence. You have been around the block, you know how everything works, you are experienced and expert... for initial conversation I'd start light, buy a drink, ask her questions about her life, touch her - but not in a creepy way, just let your leg touch hers or touch her arm as you laugh at something she says. Touch is a great way to test if there is a spark! If you are getting good vibes then push a little further, tell her she smells great, tell her she's beautiful...

A lot of women love a silver fox!