a companion to 30 in 30

[Angeline]

My Neonurotic Faves

1-2 Too Close
Very quirky writing. A heavy sad subject with some lines that feel like punches and then that odd whimsical ending. Really pulled me in.

1-11 and 1-12 What the Birds Say: Coldness and What the Birds Say: Shiver
I'd love to see these two in a block, one illustration next to the other because it'd emphasize even more how well the images and words work together. That little broken heart is such a good way to reinforce the words. Of course you got the perspective right so it's unobtrusive but effective.

1-18 Atop A Cedar
Love this poem because though it's short it is full of color and movement.

1-19 We hold onto Christmas
Hey there's a reason everyone loves this one. It's a beautiful sentiment, sweetly stated.

1-27 Cat Haipu
What can I say? It made me laugh.

1-28 Untitled
This has the same balance of black humor and whimsy that I noticed in your earlier poem. It works really well for me.

 

[Tsotha]

Continuing.

butters

1-2: "too?"
Yet another from you with beautiful imagery, ("did she / touch his face / in the dark / spill sorrow's dreams / to track hot cheeks") and lines that genuinely make me scratch my chin until I assign them some meaning of my own ("make plans for salad days"). Beautiful + strange images. I like it. It's good exercise. These lines touched me: "tuck cold hands / around his form / to seek a warmth she / only ever fooled herself she'd found"

1-6:
This poem has a calming effect on me. It's magic.

1-13: "carols, cathedrals"
Oh, this is one is excellent. My first read put me in cathedral, listening to pure voices. My second one, considering one word a typo...

1-14:
"The inappropriate gift". Such a beautiful poem, and yes, bleeding ink seems to be the expected response in all such situations.

1-15:
Again, beautiful thought. Writing is a form of communication, even if it is often reduced to a one-way street. If no one *truly* listens, it becomes like throwing a bucket of water at the ocean.


Remec

1-7: "Cleaning Day"
These stories you tell have a gripping effect to them... And then, when you reveal the twist, it's an amusing thing (nothing amusing about that stain, though!). It was fun to read. I'd actually prefer if it didn't have a title, because then the revelation of what the mockery is would be stronger.

1-15:
Indeed, why? Still, it needs to be done, it seems.

1-16:
Bottling up yells that keep coming, like a production line. But for how long, since Fate is unyielding? Certainly, not forever.

1-17: "Day's End"
Short and to the point. I really like this: "the way / my head and neck both / keep bending themselves / towards nonexistent / pillows". I don't often bend my head to nonexistent pillows, but when I do, it's hopefully not in public.

1-18: "Traveling the Tarmac"
This one was really inspired; as windows to other realities go, this one is a feast.


todski

1-6:
You picked a fight with the climate, tod, and it's a fight I very much approve. Working under an unrelenting sun, your life-water pouring from your skin until there is nothing left to give and it begins to ache... And that is just the physical part of it. You put it best: "the dregs of energy that remain / utilised to keep you sane". And yet: "I will / I can / you will not / stop me". It certainly feels like carrying a heavy load at times, every second a struggle managed only by sheer willpower.

1-8:
Starts with a punch, ends with another. A quick, brutal ride through another reality. Like opening a door, being hit by a shift of temperature / pressure, and then closing it again. It's the exact length it needs to be, for me, with such an intense experience. The way you've written it adds an urgent pace midway through it. Very good.

1-9:
"Fingers fing". I really like the way you wrote this, and it mirrors my feeling as I read others' work.

1-13:
Another beautiful scene. Reading this one and Neonurotic's 1-19, I realize I'm perhaps too young to appreciate children and the way they see things... But this is the magic of seeing through another's eyes—I can appreciate your thoughts on it.

1-23:
Like so much of what you write, this one is visceral. It's impossible to make it my experience, because it's not. It's also impossible to read it and not be touched by what you put in it. To me it is a sign of really good writing.


Angeline

1-4:
This is a strange one. Cryptic. I like the way it sounds, and the questions it poses, but the revelation at the end leaves me confused. Behind the horn is a man? And if I could see beyond, and if I could listen to the low reeling ballad, then what? But then, questions are more important than answers...

1-13:
"I forget / everything but our world / my home in his heart". What a beautiful feeling.

1-14:
This one was really cool. I thought it worked well without the "wabi-sabi / wabi-sabi kemosabe" part, and I'd actually say I'd have liked it even more without the reference. What you wrote stood taller, in my humble opinion.

1-22:
I like this: "a fire warns the storm: think twice". And "gormless" was a new word for me. I like new words.

1-23:
This one was fun. And yeah, very little rhymes with stanza.


UnderYourSpell

1-2:
Damn birds be crazy, I keep saying. Beautiful scene, though (despite my mild dislike of birds, hehe).

1-4:
I never considered the possibility of what you describe here. Heart wrenching; I can only imagine what it actually feels like to be in this situation.

1-5:
Ouch. Sometimes a box of faces is all one has. The idea that it hides something that is ugly underneath is a bit scary. Very interesting thought, however.

1-6:
"He tries to break her silence / with words harsh and severe / but she just looks back and smiles." These words make me see her as more mature than him. What a wonderful ability to have, smiling at harsh and severe words... And then, this: "Madness has no boundaries / no pattern to break,". The word "pattern" has a special meaning to me, of "changing / breaking the pattern through willpower", so the connection I made is this: "madness is a terrible thing, it cannot be fixed just by willing it away". Maybe not what you intended, but still. I liked it.

And I'm done. I hope I haven't annoyed anyone by commenting like this; all the above is a big "in my humble opinion", of course. Thank you all for sharing these words / ideas.

 

[Angeline]

My Tzara Faves

1-2 Blue Curaçao
A mesmerizing poem with a powerful ending.

1-7 Galliano Cocktails Lead to Failed Relationships
Metaphoric, erotic and delightfully ironic

1-11 Kahlúa
A very sophisticated and balanced piece of writing imho. The use of assonance and a repeated hissing sound pull the whole thing together. Sinuous indeed.

1-18 Qi
Wonderful dry humor and a spare essential tone to match the sentiment, which I think is the whole point.

1-20 Strega
Wicked good.

1-22 Umeshu Rokku
Works great at face value and as a metaphor.

1-25 Xaica
Beautiful writing, evocative and a glosa!

 

[champagne1982]

I am so very impressed that so many who started finished!!! Very wonderful stuff all you challenge winners.

Thank you for taking the time to comment on my abbreviated tries, folks. My first poems were all about me venting out the compression accumulated while my mate was in hospital labouring to continue.

You can see it even in A Week Of Daze that Tsotha was bewildered by. I was trying to illustrate that 20 day period when we were in and out of crisis as often as the ER doors opened. I find stress tends to compress time on me and that 3 weeks felt like just 7 days. Those are highlight days and actually, did fall on the ones named, I just can't tell you where in the month they fall. Strange nu?

But, I will return to attempt to finish a 30 in 30 (I figure I'm good for a couple of failed attempts since I think I completed around 9 of them on the old thread. LOL maybe it just feels like that many, stress does compress my timeline). I have read almost all of the poems in the 30 in 30 redux thread and all I can say is ... WOW! Thank you for the wonderful poems, it was amazing to read your journey.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Not at all butters it makes interesting reading somebody elses take on ones efforts. 1-6 I was saying that he had broken her, but she had gone far away from him now into her happy place where he couldn't reach her any more. Where only she could see the sparkling kaleidoscope in her eyes.

 

[todski28]

I'm hoping to get some fav's and comments up on the weekend, 3 days of 47 degrees inside the factory have melted what little brain I have, so thinking hurts me, tomorrow forecast, 46 degrees, hottest day since 1930, should be about 54 degrees at work, wooo fun times,

funny to think that on the other side of the world Niagra falls froze!

 

[champagne1982]

I'm hoping to get some fav's and comments up on the weekend, 3 days of 47 degrees inside the factory have melted what little brain I have, so thinking hurts me, tomorrow forecast, 46 degrees, hottest day since 1930, should be about 54 degrees at work, wooo fun times,

funny to think that on the other side of the world Niagra falls froze!

That would be the American side, I'm sure.

 

[todski28]

That would be the American side, I'm sure.

http://www.weather.com/news/science/stunning-photos-niagara-falls-freeze-20140110

 

[Angeline]

Desejo Faves

These were hard to pick because most of the poems are equally good. Assume I love most of them lol. Just some gorgeous writing overall. I came away from reading Des' poems thinking this woman writes with real muscle (a very good thing) and is way versatile. Girlfriend you need to publish!

1-1 Abstinence
I love how this poem starts and ends in pure sound and in between takes you on a journey from sober to beyond.

1-4 Chibuku Shake-Shake
My favorite of them all. The poem took me to Africa and delighted every sense. Just wonderful.

1-6 Earl Grey Redux
I love that it's a poem and a letter and the imagery is beautiful and the whole thing flows like honey.

1-7 Fuzzy Navel
An incredibly erotic metaphor.

1-15 Sleeping things, #1
I actually loved the whole series, which covers a range of emotions and images related to the theme, but this one is just lush and sweet and overflowing with mama love.

1-25 And Eve created Terracotta
Another poem that creates a milieu and fills it with sense triggers even as she tells a story that I read as strongly feminist. Or maybe it's matriarchal animist...I really like it.

 

[Angeline]

Tristesse faves (so far)

1-4 Nothing But Nonsense
Surreal and a delight to read. Reminded me of jabberwocky and jazz.

2-2 The Longest Night of the Year
A poem that, for me, manages to sound both human and ethereal, prayer-like.

3-3 Ice storm
A strangely beautiful poem with wonderful imagery.

3-6 The Romance of the Steam Train
I love a good train poem and this one expresses the range and nuance of train life really well to me.

3-12 Dendrophylax lindenii
There's something really sensuous about this poem and I feel like it's on the verge of erotic metaphor. Wouldn't take much to get it there.

3-15 Imposition
Sad brave and beautiful. My favorite of hers in the thread so far.

3-20 Mah-jong Friday
Another favorite because it's so evocative and draws you into the story. The scene comes to life.

 

[butters]

remec, your A.S... lmao. hideous

 

[champagne1982]

Yes Indeed, todski that's the American side. The photo is shot from a lookout on the Canadian side looking across the gorge to the US falls which have much lower volume. Still pretty darn COLD! Nothing like the 47 below celcius I woke up to several days ago. But to turn things on their head... it's currently +5 and has been all day. I'm just hoping there's no flash freeze lurking in the wings

 

[butters]

annie - your 1-11 is really atmospheric. intriguing, unusual. like it lots!

 

[Neonurotic]

Wow all. Love the reviews on the work in 30 in 30, that's reward enough for sure. Inspiring too. I will do the same this weekend and reply to reviews also!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

annie - your 1-11 is really atmospheric. intriguing, unusual. like it lots!

Thanks I think I'm going through a weird poetry period lol

 

[Angeline]

Tess your 3-28 about the date is great.

 

[Angeline]

butters faves*

1-4
A seeming throwaway that just bubbles along to a really strong finish. It's not really a "no poem" at all.

1-8
This felt like Yeats (which I adore) because it's dreamy and lyrical plus it has evocative imagery and some exquisite turns of phrase. My favorite in a really strong run of poems.

1-10
Love that it begins so practical then morphs into a waterfall of images and you see a painting. Then you read the end and realize it's a love poem. That's three shifts and they are seamless.

1-16
Another piece that is short and whimsical and dreamy. Would work great as an illustrated piece. I also though it could join up with 1-18 and work really well.

1-26
A beautifully balanced piece that all hangs on variations of "wish."

*Please forgive my lack of links from here on in. My laptop died and I'm working on a beat-up old desktop with a keyboard the size of a Buick.

 

[Angeline]

Remec faves (so far)

1-2
A balanced and subtle poem about Christmas that seems to me to have the perfect touch of bittersweet to it.

1-4
Just a wonderfully creepy retelling of (I think) Hansel and Gretel. The tone is kind of blase and ironic ("the entire space reeks of oranges"), which works so well with the nightmarish theme.

1-6
I read this as an office party on a boat--maybe a cruise to nowhere type thing. The whole poem conveys a slight regret and seasickness and in a really subtle way. And anyone who has been to an office Christmas party knows they can make you seasick on or off a boat!

1-13
Really captures that Christmas Day feeling of all that build up and then too much, too fast and over too soon.

1-17
A snapshot kind of a poem that seems really well balanced (good line breaks imho) and accessible--easy to relate to the feeling it conveys.

1-18
My favorite thus far because it's such a clear and lively poem written from a perspective that should be fresh to most readers. I love that it gave me a different way of seeing something I think I already know.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Tess your 3-28 about the date is great.

thank gods for the American verse.

 

[Angeline]

thank gods for the American verse.

When I saw it on day 28 of my first run, I swooned. I actually think it's a fascinating form and I'm loving exploring it, but yeah it makes the 30/30 almost fun.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Great spatial remec.

 

[Remec]

remec, your A.S... lmao. hideous

Great spatial remec.

Thanks to you both...I actually started to work on something from one of Annie's link of invented forms, but the ambient noise around the house made me resort to the AS instead.

Today, I switched gears to a different invented form and managed to pull one together (even if I had to use some near rhymes in places )





Oh...and thanks for all the notes/comments from everyone on items they've liked from the current 30/30 run...if I can to so this weekend, I may see about writing up my own lists of favorites.

 

[butters]

just saying my comments list ain't done yet and i'll get back to it soon. ish.

 

[Desejo]

just saying my comments list ain't done yet and i'll get back to it soon. ish.

Me too - also not done.

 

[Tzara]

When I saw it on day 28 of my first run, I swooned. I actually think it's a fascinating form and I'm loving exploring it, but yeah it makes the 30/30 almost fun.

It's an interesting form, and a surprisingly difficult one (for me, anyway). It makes me really miss line breaks.

You give me seventeen syllables with line breaks (not, of course, the hackneyed 5/7/5 break, but where I want to put it, even if just a single one) and I feel like I can write to that. I'm struggling a lot with no line breaks.

It ends up being like a hypercompressed prose poem.

Anyway,y'all are proceeding quite well without my input. Carry on.