A Different Kind of Vogueing

[destinie21]

Oh god.
I have seen the end and it is stupid. I do love the person who said with conviction that god didn't mind fashion. This is like chicken soup for the idiotic soul. Maybe they can have jesus dressed in the latest Marc Jacobs. Maybe they could make a bible video game where you're god and you go around smiting people and causing plauges.

 

[raphy]

Oh god.
I have seen the end and it is stupid. I do love the person who said with conviction that god didn't mind fashion. This is like chicken soup for the idiotic soul. Maybe they can have jesus dressed in the latest Marc Jacobs. Maybe they could make a bible video game where you're god and you go around smiting people and causing plauges.

Think they did that already.....

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by destinie21 Maybe they could make a bible video game where you're god and you go around smiting people and causing plauges.

That would be cool. First, grid your lions, then go around smiting folks hip and thigh.
MG

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

Rafaelo,

way cool AV.

'dita

 

[ffreak]

Si, it is, muchacho (that's cali-spanglish for way cool AV, dude).

And just in time for the tough-guy boot-attired hero's in the movies. I think Raphy is picking-up on the fashion trends.

-FF (gotta go see if I can still fit into my deerskin boots)

I didn't get my growth spurt until I was 19. Now, I'm on my slow shrink leak.

 

[scarlet vixen]

Christ on a cracker (as a wise woman once said.) We get pure on a looong coffee break and no one has a thing to say whether a 'teen bible' makes any sense' or has a look at Revolve.

But hell it's as good a place to griddle my lions as anywhere.

Math Girl can smite my ass with a feather any time.

sv

 

[Guest]

 

[destinie21]

gonna try and dredge up a copy of that.

rhino-hope it does not further taint my religion of choice.

Really rhino think about it how much more tainted can our religion become

The Mrs who is waiting for the plagues.

I hope it's a plague of riches this time and not a sucky buggy plague

 

[snooper]

... Religion is ridiculous, and should be replaced by good shrinks...

Yes, and no, Sv'a.

Organised religion is a group of people who promise a 'better' life after you are dead if you give them money to live at your expense now. They promise to talk at you regularly, but little more. I agree that this is ridiculous and those who 'earn' a living this way are either deluded or hypocrites; those who pay them are deluded.

Shrinks are a group of people who promise a 'better' life eventually if you give them money to live at your expense now. They promise to talk to you regularly, but little more. I think that this is also ridiculous and those who 'earn' a living this way are either deluded or hypocrites; those who pay them are deluded.

 

[Guest]

 

[Pure]

Snooper, perhaps you'll accept an amendment:


Shrinks are a group of people who promise a 'better' life eventually if you give them money to live at your expense now. They promise to talk to you regularly, but little more.

Shrinks generally don't talk much to any one patient, any more. Few do the old one-hr-a week 'talking therapy' (psychodynamic psychotherapy). They hand out pills, Prozac, Effexor, etc., The 'regular' talk, then, is indeed regular, but amounts, often, to 15 mins every two weeks, to allow adjustment of medication. This would cost you or your issurance 50-100 dollars a visit, afaik.

 

[scarlet vixen]

Ummm... heavy stuff.
SV

 

[Leslie again]

Should we make teen friendly literature?

Hmm well I can say only this, we get the society we raise.

So in 20 years when society is being run by morons, remember, someone else elected to raise them that way.

You can either make an idol of Bart Simpson, or you can force kids to actually learn how to be something other than yet another under achieving stupid burger flipping service industry cog.

I am not planning on letting my son rely on the education system. I will ensure he can out perform a college graduate with or without the aid of the education system.

I would rather he was a smart self employed self taught individual, as opposed to a a college educated illiterate burger flipper personally.

Currently, he is also the top ranked reader in his class.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Hey I'll take my NT and you can have your Prozac and if things get really bad, your good shrink's ECT, now making a welcome comeback for the worshippers at your Temple of Psychiatry.

SV

PS: no I got nothing against your religion if you just keep the damn needle full of Modecate away from my butt.

You're funny! Must be the christian thing of turning the other cheek...

Me, on the other hand, would use my martial arts training instead.

 

[gauchecritic]

Hmm well I can say only this, we get the society we raise.

So in 20 years when society is being run by morons, remember, someone else elected to raise them that way.

Good points until you realise that it's not only you and/or your partner that raises your children.

What leads you to believe society isn't being run by morons* now?

Gauche

*distasteful word but quoted

 

[Leslie again]

Well, actually, I am not much excited by society now actually

I am not sure if it will get much worse, but hmm, I am not sure it will get better soon either.

 

[Pure]

In line with what Gauche says, it's important to realize that for thousands of years, most societies have been run by illiterates.


Indeed, a major Western power is currently headed by one.

J.

 

[MathGirl]

I am not planning on letting my son rely on the education system. I will ensure he can out perform a college graduate with or without the aid of the education system.

Currently, he is also the top ranked reader in his class.

Dear L,
1. That doesn't do much for a resume, though.
2. I thought he wasn't relying on the educational system.
MG
Ps. Didn't we recently go through this?

 

[Leslie again]

Your comments are a bit odd Math Girl

Yes it won't do a resume much good, so what, I can show him how to be the guy reading the resume, not submitting it.

Big difference.

As for his being the top reader in class, well yes he goes to school eh. I am not going to pretend I am able to single handedly replace all of the school experience.
But the fact he can out read the rest is enough proof, that all the teaching he gets here at home, does just fine to ensure he is not relying on the education system alone.

What part of that was not clear the first time I said it?

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by Leslie again What part of that was not clear the first time I said it?

Dear L,
Only the part you left out.
MG

 

[Guest]

Jesus Doesn't Wear Prada

Jesus Doesn't Wear Prada - The New Testament gets a "sassy" teen fashion-mag makeover. And you thought Britney was scary
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Friday, September 19, 2003 - ©2003 SF Gate

URL: http://sfgate.com/columnists/morford/

These are the things to imperil young girls.

These are the things to corrupt young gullible minds and short-circuit self-expression and demean the desperately needed impulse toward spontaneous self-awareness and individuality and happy guiltless vaginal investigations.

These are the things to make Mary-Kate and Ashley's alarming and utterly demonic stranglehold on the world of vacuous saccharine multimillion-dollar teendom seem like a boring day at the mall, with lots of makeup and tube tops and Hot Dog on a Stick.

Here's the gimmick: Take a weird, modern conservative revisionist New Testament and wrap it in faux-hip fashion-mag duds and hawk it to unsuspecting young maidens who otherwise wouldn't get within ten low-rise jean lengths of the gray-bearded dust-choked finger-wagging dogma of King James and all his hoary misogynistic machismo. Clever indeed.

It's called "Revolve: The Complete New Testament" and it's apparently racing up the Amazon.com sales charts -- whatever that means -- as it sucks up all the accoutrements of a teen fashion rag and rams them through the cute Christian grinder of humorlessness and sexual rigidity and homophobia, and regurgitates them as kicky dumbed-down slightly numb virginal tidbits of advice and admonition and, yes, Biblical storytelling.

Because apparently girls don't already have enough hollow dogma out there telling them what to do. Apparently they don't already face a large enough mountain of misinfo and scorn and sexual mixed messages, and not a single one of them telling them how to really tune into themselves, listen to their own unique voices, find their own sex and their own power and their own divine potency.

Nope. Instead they get this, a sweetly uptight, revisionist Bible cross-bred with a bad fashion magazine, full of Top-10 lists and quizzes and Q&As, telling them to "pray for a person of influence" every day and check the "godly" quotient of the boys they date, and that Jesus doesn't really like it when they wear, you know, thongs and sexy bras and low-slung jeans. Yep, that should clear things right up.

"A 'Revolve' girl makes a point of dressing modestly. She might wonder to herself, Would God find this too revealing or too suggestive?" That's a direct quote from the ultra-prim Laurie Whaley, one of "Revolve's" editors over at Thomas "Bibles 'R Us" Nelson publishing house, whose picture graces a recent interview in the Mew York Times.

Wonder not, my children, at the status of Laurie's chastity. Wonder not at what kind of pristine white underwear she might be wearing. Wonder not at her desperate need for a Hitachi Magic Wand and a bottle of Anejo Silver and a long, hot summer night, all alone. Oh, Laurie. Come back to us.

What, not scary enough? Fine. How about this: "Revolve" takes a decidedly conservative view of the Bible, condemns homosexuality, encourages virginity until marriage, and informs girls that excessive makeup and jewelry and revealing clothes are to be avoided and chastity is to be rewarded because, well, Jesus really loves baggy sweaters and granny underwear.

More? You got it. It also tells them to quietly shut up and always listen to your parents and don't take the initiative by actually calling a boy on the phone, ever. Did Mary Magdalene ever call Jesus? Of course she didn't. And "Revolve" tells these befuddled girls, in all seriousness, that it's best to let the males lead the relationship.

There now. All better. Screw the female cause. Screw individuality and divine feminine power. Sure Jesus loves you, Jenny, but he loves you more if you wear long shapeless wool skirts and minimal mascara and not think too darn much, K?

And yet, weird little makeup tips abound in the book, outright groaners for all but the most painfully gullible Bible-belted girls. "You need a good, balanced foundation for the rest of your makeup," says one "tip." "Kinda like how Jesus is the strong foundation in our lives."

Yes that's right. Jesus is the Chapstick for the dry lips of your sinning self. Jesus is the holy Clearasil for your Satanic shin zits. Jesus is that amazing clenched feeling you get when you lie back and aim the shower massager just right and... oh, never mind.

"Make sure that Jesus would be pleased with what you wear. You don't have to look frumpy, just make sure you look like a child of God." This is the advice. This is what passes for serious religious assistance. Has it really come to this? Are girls supposed to believe God really cares what they wear, and is watching their every purchase at the Esprit outlet like some supreme pervert stalker? "Revolve" says, hell yes!

"The fire of God's love burns out the sin the same way the hot steam routs the dirt out of your pores. This kind of relationship with God will do more to improve your looks than any amount of facials," reads the part on "Spiritual Facials." Isn't that clever? Doesn't it just make your colon clench right up in divine bliss? Sure it does.

Maybe you'd be tempted to think this is progress. Maybe you'd like to think it's somehow a good thing that Christianity and certain publishers of mutant bibles are trying to reach new audiences, to break down barriers and make themselves "hip" while striving to hook a new generation into Christianity's lair or gentle oppressive patriarchal fun.

Or maybe you think "Revolve" is really chock full of nice, safe, wholesome messages teen girls can really use in a world of teeming, roiling sexual anxiety and confusion and way, way too much Britney and MTV and premarital sex and poor condom awareness.

You would be wrong. "Revolve" is actually very much like a mind-control experiment, very much like some sort of sinister trick wherein they, like Christian rock bands, surreptitiously infiltrate a world the girls actually care about and use the teen's own anxieties and angst against them to instill a certain, narrow Christian agenda, induce a fluffy sense of guilt and shame, all while imparting a bleached, sanitized morality that includes not a whit of funk or style or messy icky sex or intuition or sly winking cosmic knowledge. Almost makes "Glamour" look like "The Celestine Prophecy," no?

"Revolve" is basically a sheep in wolf's clothing, a prim training manual for future well-Valiumed housewives who let their husbands rule the roost and don't strive too hard for anything and don't think overly much or who have long given up notions of exploring the diversity of the world, or divinity, or sexuality, or much of anything, really. And yes, it's a bestseller.

"Revolve" devolves the teen cause. Not a word about how individuality is cool and self-exploration is way bitchin' and that they themselves are divine, are all-powerful, and that sex is a gorgeous powerful wondrous sticky joy to be respected and enjoyed and explored and consented upon and well learned. Heaven forefend. That way debauchery and hellfire lies.

Are these really the only choices? Is it really either vapid anorexic fashion mags or an uptight prudish revisionist New Testament designed to reduce the female teen spirit to shrill hollow pious guilt-addled automaton Formica?

Where, pray where, can a young teen turn for true unadulterated perspective and inspiration? For insight and anxiety relief and a big heaping dose of the gloriously convoluted, slithery, well-accessoried mess that is modern life? Hmm. Maybe that's why God invented books.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mark Morford's Notes & Errata column appears every Wednesday and Friday on SF Gate, unless it appears on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which it never does. He also writes the Morning Fix, a deeply skewed thrice-weekly e-mail column and newsletter. Subscribe at sfgate.com/newsletters.

 

[Guest]

 

[destinie21]

What am I missing when did teen girls become empty headed scare crows who had to be directed only by the magazines? Also I'd like to say the teens that they're targeting aren't going to buy this vamped up version of the bible anymore than kids would play with Virgin Mary Barbie or GI Jesus Who thought of this sucky marketing idea? And have they been fired?

 

[Guest]

What am I missing when did teen girls become empty headed scare crows who had to be directed only by the magazines?

Dest, judging from what you've written of your youth you were a different teen girl entirely. Unfortunately it is still reality that girls are so considered and directed by the masses.

Rhino, yeah it's a bashing and well done. Makes sense to me. Most people know I'm Catholic but I don't let Rome, Jesus or the Holy Ghost into my sex life or fantasies. I don't believe sex is sacred in the least. Dogmatic drivel that tries to mold one's self identity is evil in my mind including that found in 'divine' revelation.

Fuck good intentions when they're based on capital gain.

Perdita