A interesting theory... do you think it applies?

[Netzach]

Eh, I work for a corporation now, but I'm a field guy and work out of my home. I talk to my employer perhaps once a quarter or so, and it is usually because I am calling him to have him do something for me. Other than that, I really only speak to clients. I've had office jobs where I interfaced with people above me in the corporate chain, and, wow, I was utterly miserable, and they always felt challenged. Part of it was that whole "I'm not going to kneel to you, you sonuvabitch" even in the distant ritualised way corporate culture asks for.

I have four kids though. Gotta keep food on the table and a roof over their heads. So I take what I can get career-wise. It kills me sometimes though. There are days I feel like I'm mortgaging my soul to buy bread for my family.

I've been relentlessly abused all week by a client. Don't ask. 300 emails, countless revisions, the whole payment sunk in materials and me working for walmart rates all week. Yeah I'm totally on top. LOL.

I get to fire her after I'm done though.

I was relegated to positions like "idiot, peon, level 2" and "lead desk potato" when I tried to play The Game. It didn't last long fortunately. It only occurs to me in retrospect that it was mainly because I wasn't trying with my heart in it at all. I'm not uber alpha, my soul doesn't cry out to lead the people. But it does scream relentlessly "leave me ALONE and let me do my magic!"

 

[WriterDom]

Ya know waaaaaaaay before I'd ever heard of BDSM (gads I was sheltered), I knew I wanted a traditional, man makes the decisions marriage. I insisted on having the verse about a wife submitting to her husband in my marriage vows (which almost caused my family to walk out on the ceremony).

*

I wonder how common that is here in the bible belt.

 

[Homburg]

I've been relentlessly abused all week by a client. Don't ask. A Tiara, 300 emails, countless revisions, the whole payment sunk in materials and me working for walmart rates all week. But I get to fire her after this project is done! Yeah I'm totally on top. LOL.

I had a file last week that included 6 hours of billable drive time. 6 hours, and the drive was more like 8.5, I just cut some off trying to be fair. I check the bill later to get the proper figure, no drive time. I call up my admin person, and she tells me that certain clients won't pay drive time to certain areas, and that we won't get the file at all if we charge drive time. I'm like, "The file isn't worth taking if I don't get paid well enough to do it."

So I basically drove all day to get to the site and back, spent a ton of time there, and will get paid the frikken same as if I'd seen the site in my goddamn backyard. And my admin person didn't think that cutting 6 hours billable off my fee was something she needed to tell me about.....

I wish to goodness that I could fire my clients. I envy you.

 

[SheDevilShay]

I wonder how common that is here in the bible belt.

I always fought my submissive nature.. the idea of submitting made me balk... it took the "right" dom to make me "want" to submit to him...

 

[ecstaticsub]

But what exactly is compromise...??? sure you guys can agree on things, but when you "can't"... one person has to come more into middle ground... hence the compromise... or you both do... yet one still is more in charge then the other on the final decision....

If you are in charge of the finances... (doesn't matter if its easier or not..) then he'd submit to most of the decision you make in that area out of respect...

D/s is all about respect... I think it applies to more then just a married relationship...


Look at the work lifestyle... Even if you hate your boss, you typically do what he tells you to do... you may not even agree with what he says... but you still do it. Unless its putting someone at risk... there's no reason not to and you don't know what his reasonings are... sure, he could be a jerk too, but on top of that, he may be privy to information in the company you are not, so why it doesn't make sense to "you"... it does to him and that is why he asks you to do what he does....


Here's another example -- If everyone does the "same" job.... something else is going to get neglected...

Like my husband and I... if we both only do the laundry and dishes ... than the floor doesn't get done... you have to delegate responsbilities, based on who is more capable of doing what....

It does not mean you are "slaved" by any means.. its just as simple as submitting to the compromises...

In a submissive relationship were both are submissive, compromising may be easier because you both are willing to "give in" and meet in the middle...

In a relationship were you have to 2 dom personalities... one has to submit more often to the other or nothing would ever be agree'd upon.

Perhaps it is that we both have somewhat submissive personalities. Either that or that we simply don't sweat the small stuff. I really don't feel either of us is in charge on any issue.

We are coming up very shortly on a major decision. He is retiring from the military. For the first time in 20 yrs we can live whereever wwe want to. That decision will be made by both of us equally. We we both agree on a place and job situation then we will move. I can't see for us how it could be any other way.

Even the decision over two years ago for me to enter into my extramarital D/s relationship. There was no compromises. It was completely discussed, certain guidelines were set and agreed upon and then we re-evaluate the situation as things came up. No arguements, no compromises, no feelings that I am not getting what I want or he isn't getting what he wants.

I know many D/s couple are also married. But for me personally I don't think I could do it. Not after being so used to the marriage I have. It simply wouldn't work for me. I do see how it could work for some people, and that it could work beautifully. I am even envious of some aspects of it. But, at least for now I'm happy the way things are.

Oh, and about the 50/50 vs 100/100...I thnk sometimes in a happy marriage a spouse has to give more than 100% and make up for what the other is putting in just because of the normal eb and flow of life. But it works out even in the end.

 

[ecstaticsub]

When I talk of power being present, I don't necessarily mean one person is blatantly in control and the other either submits or not... someone always has to make the final decision. To *me* that places the decision maker in the "top" position in a relationship, even if the decision is to hand XYZ thing (such as finances, how the household is run, etc) off to the other partner, and not make those decisions. Sometimes you're lucky (and well matched) enough that both people agree, and there's no struggle, but that doesn't mean there can't still be an undercurrent that one person has 51% control of things, instead of 49%.

(I'm not making any sense this morning... too little sleep.)

I understand what you are saying. The final decision for us though for the big things--home buying, schools, etc are always done together. I honestly can't remember a situation where one or the other made a decision that the other did not approve of.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

This is all very interesting.

But it seems peeps miss the whole point. Take lions for example.

The lion is the king of beasts. My Plantagenet ancestors decorated their shields with lions; RICHARD I was "lion-hearted.' When you see a lion on a coat of arms, it refers to the Plantagenets. But I digress.

Lions are a matriarchal society. A female runs the show. The females hunt together, etc. The males kinda relax and hang-out. They have 3 functions: they fuck the females, they steal food from the females, and they kill hyenas. Female lions are intimidated by hyenas. Male lions go fucking apeshit around them. A male lion's hate for a hyena starts at psychotic and gets worse.

When the male lion isnt fucking, feeding, or fighting hyenas; he takes it easy. If the girls wanna run things...hey! Go for it.

He doesnt get into struggles with the females. He doesnt negotiate anything with them. Life is not a BIG fucking math problem.

 

[Homburg]

I have opposable thumbs. As a result, I enjoy a level of complexity to my life beyond fucking, feeding, and killing hyenas.

 

[FurryFury]

I have opposable thumbs. As a result, I enjoy a level of complexity to my life beyond fucking, feeding, and killing hyenas.

ROTFLMFAO!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

HOMBURG

I like to keep my life simple and math free.

 

[FurryFury]

I've found that life is rarely, if ever simple, or math free, but good luck to you in those areas.

*chuckles*

The principles of life may be simple though.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

FURRYFURY

It's my experience that you can get most anything if you want it bad enough.

Some people hanker for the complex, and some like it sweet & simple.

JJ

 

[Homburg]

I like complex.

For example, it is easy to buy a watermoelon and obtain a knife. Said knife used properly on the watermelon can give you a aperture whereby to get a good feeling on a warm summer day.

It is much more complex to find, obtain, and train a good submissive. However, barring fruitfuck fetishists, very few people would prefer the violated watermelon over a willing human.

Watermelons don't squirm and yelp when you spank them.

Complex, rawr.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

HOMBURG

I think you confuse d/s with kink & kostume.

Getting you ass spanked is getting your ass spanked. Thats all it is.

The leather and the collars and the negotiating and the tantrums and acting out is happy horse-shit. Thats all it is.

And if you like it, more power to you.

Wearing a uniform and yelling orders doesnt make you a warrior.

 

[CutieMouse]

HOMBURG

I think you confuse d/s with kink & kostume.

Getting you ass spanked is getting your ass spanked. Thats all it is.

The leather and the collars and the negotiating and the tantrums and acting out is happy horse-shit. Thats all it is.

And if you like it, more power to you.

Wearing a uniform and yelling orders doesnt make you a warrior.

Being a blustering fucktard and rude asshat doesn't make you one, either.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

CUTIEMOUSE

Look up the terms: negative transference & straw man. Then get back with me.

 

[Homburg]

HOMBURG

I think you confuse d/s with kink & kostume.

Getting you ass spanked is getting your ass spanked. Thats all it is.

The leather and the collars and the negotiating and the tantrums and acting out is happy horse-shit. Thats all it is.

And if you like it, more power to you.

Wearing a uniform and yelling orders doesnt make you a warrior.

*blink*

You post this, then you tell Cutiemouse to look up Straw Man?

Where, pray tell, did I make some sort of equivalence between kink and D/s? I was speaking rather pointedy about how I prefer complex to simple, and chose a sexual example. As this board, last time I checked, revolves almost entirely around sexual content, that example is a good fit.

I don't wear uniforms. I don't yell orders. And I don't claim to be a warrior.

Now, go clean up that straw you're scattering around. It's messy.

Edit: Forgot to add, the term that you should be telling Cutiemouse to look up is "ad hominem", not Straw Man. If you are going to bring in the logical fallacies at least use the correct terms for fuck's sake.

2nd Edit: This should not be seen as an indictment of Cutiemouse. I'm just correcting an improper use of terminology on the part of JBJ.

 

[CutieMouse]

CUTIEMOUSE

Look up the terms: negative transference & straw man. Then get back with me.

So does that mean you are of the opinion that Dominants are blustering fucktards and rude asshates?

 

[RJMasters]

I think often it is the tendency to make things fit because we want them to.

I have learned to live comfortably with the thought that there is/are areas of overlap and simillarities, but that it doesn't necessarily make them the samething.

I think because there are some areas of overlap, good things can be learned, shared, or applied across these lines in an attempt to personalize and balance it out in your own mind and life.

I don't mind that my beliefs tend to square with some of my views regarding D/s, I also appreciate some areas that don't, because it makes me question, myself and my own wants, desires and motives for what it is that I do.

If someone asks, I don't mind sharing from my perspective some things which I see as being similar or overlapping, and I don't have a problem also stating that is one of the reasons why religious type scenes in BDSM is a limit of mine.

I like what Val Kilmer said as... Doc Holliday, in the movie Tombstone after killing Johnny Ringo....When Wyatt told him he could keep and wear the sheriff's star....

"My hypocrasy only goes so far"

Two things I would like to note when it comes to submission and viewing it through the lense or religion.

1. From the religious point of view...consent = believing that God exists and that he is truly the Master over all things. This would make all those who believe.... submissive to him in a cosmic sense.

2. I am not a fan of the idea that a woman submits because some creed has told her too and if she doesn't that she would be considered disobdiant or unseemly as far as a woman or person goes. I much prefer a woman who has personalized her own want, desire for submission.

Besides, Wife and husbands are title or roles within a marraige, they are not neccessarily gender specific, though traditionally they have implied meanings as to gender.

eh....shrugs...gotta go...bye

 

[HB1965]

So does that mean you are of the opinion that Dominants are blustering fucktards and rude asshates?

I say we kick his crazy ass and be done with it.

 

[BiBunny]

I identify as agnostic because it's the easiest label to use when trying to explain my beliefs in 25 words or less, but I do believe that there's a Higher Power somewhere. I haven't figured out the specifics or what I'm working toward yet, but I find that my knowledge of this Higher Power increases as I get older. At one time, I thought it didn't exist. Now I've seen so many things in my life that I absolutely can't deny it, even though I certainly can't even come close to fathoming it.

That being said, my D/s has nothing to do with spirituality in that sense. My D/s is about closeness with my partner(s) and the soul-deep connection I feel with him/her/them, not my connection or lack thereof with this uncertain Higher Power. I think the only thing the Higher Power has to do with my relationships is that It brings me to these people. Beyond that, I'm on my own.

Once again, as a switch, I find myself unable to fit into those neat little boxes that people like to draw to over-simplify things. And I'm fine with that.

 

[CutieMouse]

I say we kick his crazy ass and be done with it.

Nah... the guy's vaugely amusing in a trainwreck sort of way... besides, he has as much right to post here as anyone else.

 

[HB1965]

Nah... the guy's vaugely amusing in a trainwreck sort of way... besides, he has as much right to post here as anyone else.

Trainwreck...that's a good way to describe it

 

[subkitty72]

Being a blustering fucktard and rude asshat doesn't make you one, either.

 

[alexanna]

I say BDSM is the hefalump in the corner, because DD people seem to be so busy using the Bible to defend their kink, while distancing themselves from BDSM as if it's an ugly stepchild. I've gotten the impression from the reading that I've done, that DD has a holier than thou attitude towards spanking/etc... the fact that she gets wet and he gets a raging hard on from popping her ass with a birch backed hairbrush, is glossed over [hello hefalump!], while continuing a conversation about the enlightenment to be obtained by using the Bible to defend one's non-kinky kink.

Gotcha...and definitely agree!