A question about meeting someone from bondage.com

[Mr. Bootie]

I agree with everyone else here lilminx.

Be careful and cautious. I don't have the experience of others, but I do think that thier is something not quite right with him.


kgboot
aka "Mr.Bootie"

 

[Shadowsdream]

pics and Dominants...

One of the first requests I get online is can I see Your pic...My reply is either..." are you collecting pictures for your album?" or " I don't send OR recieve pics!"

Some people..many people...simply are picture collectors..something like name droppers...

If they stick around and I begin to enjoy their conversation I will eventually send them to My web site...they can take any picture they wish. I am an odd ball because I seldom have enough curiousity to recieve a picture unless the conversation shows some intellect and has lasted for at least a few weeks.

I think your response was right on the money..and fast out of the gate...gut feelings should always be listened to.

 

[WriterDom]

Re: Hmmmm....

Hmmmm.. I guess I misread the posts then.

Never mind!
Lance

Oh come on, everything here is archived. You disagreed with (one) of my posts and concocted a Literotica fairy tale to support your arguement. That's pretty weak.

 

[Lancecastor]

Weak? Fairy Tale?

Oh come on, everything here is archived. You disagreed with (one) of my posts and concocted a Literotica fairy tale to support your arguement. That's pretty weak.

Har-umph!

Here's what you said...your words.... in two separate posts to this thread:

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by WriterDom


WD Quote 1. "I'd trust your instincts on this guy and break off all contact."


WD Quote 2. "...I don't recall ever telling a sub to break all contact .... "

___________________________________________________

If that's a weak fairy tale...then I wanna be that Prince dude that gets Sleeping Beauty, please and thank-you.

Lance "Charming" Castor
Just callin' em as I see em.

PS : On point: I dont do pics and avoid people who want them out of the gate....I look for inner beauty first....that's the cool advantage about meeting minds online instead of merely judging by a cute bum. Cute bums have gotten me into more trouble.....

 

[lilminx]

Well, I need to be physically attracted to that person as well as mentally attracted to them. I have been disappointed one too many times. I have also seen pics of someone, found them attractive, and tehn got to know them and realized that they were not my type. It can go either way, but I want it all: looks, brains, and the ability to see to my needs. Now, I know a certain someone who has all that, but he is a few thousand miles away from me...

 

[Lancecastor]

I've found......

Well, I need to be physically attracted to that person as well as mentally attracted to them. I have been disappointed one too many times. I have also seen pics of someone, found them attractive, and tehn got to know them and realized that they were not my type. It can go either way, but I want it all: looks, brains, and the ability to see to my needs. Now, I know a certain someone who has all that, but he is a few thousand miles away from me...

....that if I first find someone lovely for her mind, values, humour, heart....that I invariably find her attractive physically as well.

As for your dreamboat...perhaps you just need a wormhole.

Oh how happy I'd be with a portable wormhole!

I know what you mean, jellybean.

Lance

 

[WriterDom]

Re: Weak? Fairy Tale?

Har-umph!

Here's what you said...your words.... in two separate posts to this thread:

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by WriterDom


WD Quote 1. "I'd trust your instincts on this guy and break off all contact."


WD Quote 2. "...I don't recall ever telling a sub to break all contact .... "

___________________________________________________

If that's a weak fairy tale...then I wanna be that Prince dude that gets Sleeping Beauty, please and thank-you.

Lance "Charming" Castor
Just callin' em as I see em.

Yes, when the shoe fit, I did say that once, but your comment was:

"which is the same thing the doms here typically suggest to the submissives here whenever a male dom from elsewhere (allegedly) "demands" something."

There are very few Doms here and we typically offer no advice to submissives about their Dom problems. If you had been here for more than a month you'd know that.

You also said:

"I've seen it here before, for years. It's typical, standard D/s advice on Lit. I am of the opinion it's stale, linear and unimaginative...and that there are alternatives."

You saw it here tonight, not for years, and it isn't typical standard D/s advice on lit.

 

[SexyChele]

lilminx, I think you did the right thing. You really didn't cut off all communication with him, you just simply left the ball in his court. That is a wise move. It's his call now, and perhaps you are correct. Maybe now that he realizes your standards, he may send you a pic. Who knows how these things work out sometimes?

But you know, it's strange. I, too, felt I had to have a certain "type" physically, and when the gentleman I'm currently getting to know sent me a pic, I didn't think I would be interested. But then I met him face to face and talked to him. Suddenly I started to see the inner him, and qualities about him that might make him a caring and sensitive Dom, while maintaining degrees of firmness. I'm sure you know what I mean, so excuse the babbling and accept my wishes for luck!

 

[tassie]

WD, Lance, come on boys, get a room

 

[Hecate]

On topic AND a side note

First: on topic of picture request and e-mails re. ads

I too - wonder oh wonder - have a little ad on b.com (albeit mine says loud and clear NOT INTERESTED IN PERSONAL CONTACT)

You would think that was sufficiently selfexplanatory , alas, I do get very explicit (mostly male) shots of certain body parts in first mails, along with crappy lines Monika sure already has dozens of in her "Deppen" folder. Discard immediately! Geee - I wouldn't want anyone I don't know to stick their naked genitals into my face at any time under any circumstances

Then there are the nice ones who state that yes, they realize I am not available but thought they'd introduce themselves anyway, since maybe ... at some stage ... . Those usually do have a regular picture on their profiles anyway so it is not a big deal. Those get a polite reply, maybe inviting them to stay in touch on a loose level, maybe a thanks, but no thanks with a little word of explanation to the why.

Pictures.... do I send one? do I ask for one? Usually not unless I am feeling like continuing some form of relation - friendship - discussion over an extended period of time with the person.

I am keeping myself very very private - for several reasons like career and such, and as well just to not get harrassed. Who I am (including face and name and exact location) will be only revealed whenever I feel like it (take it or leave it and don't bother asking , I am very strict and straight forward about that with whoever I meet) - and that is not very often and usually only after I have developed a good feeling about someone (though that can take all from 2 weeks to 9 months before giving out that information about me). I usually though don't ask for that information in return unless I feel the relation needs to go to some level that requires that information. Usually at some stage I will be offered the option of looking at a picture in mail or on a web page *s* (which I usually do then - after all I am a curious female), I rarely ask for it.

So to answer the pic-exchange part: only do it when you feel ok, and indeed, as a woman be even more carefull! (as you have heard, you never know where your face might end up)

To the relation development via an ad... take it easy. You both know you are "searching", that you are willing to give a chance to something developing, and you both enter with expectations that may be widely varying. There is no other way than honest, open words to convey your feelings and rules and run the risk of being "dumped" for those. But on the other hand always ask yourself about how you would feel if someone went along with all you said and asked to then at a later point find out that it was all agony and only done for despair of not "loosing" a potential play partner or relation. BAD feelings for all involved.

Specially in our little power exchange corner there are so many many different approaches, concepts, expetations and skills that - as we see perpetually here in this tiny Lit-enclave - we can't define, agree, establish what we are all about. How much harder then to be confronted with all this on a much bigger scale.

Again - only way to get what you want out of the huge "lucky pot" is to be precise and firm in your search. .. and hey, if you draw your ticket at the Lottery you go by gut feeling too! It is not that much differnt with ads online


Second: another tip (maybe though a old one)

Most sites, like b.com, have bulletin boards, discussion threads etc. Instead of cruising through the profiles why not take a minute and head over there. Lurk, read posts, see if anyone posting attracts you. You will be getting a lot of insight into a person by reading what they write, comment on. And it is safe, neutral, and no strings attached.

Same way round, post! the intelligent, communicative, "real" ones (those just seeking a quick lay under the BDSM disguise are not likely to be reg. posters in those forums) will "see" you there, and they will get in touch if they like what they see.

By that you already crop out most of the really ignorant ones and get to the good ones. And this is how I met most people online - via message boards, and hardly any that were worth my time via the ad or mails themselves.


In a last - supportive - line let me say that most of us are somewhere "out there" with our ads, we are reading, responding ... and we are, I like to think, a bunch of genuine, intelligent, reasonably responsible and cool people. So if we are, chances are more "like us" are - and chances are that eventually you will attract that kind of response.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

we have ads up on both bondage.com and a few other sites. people must respect each others views and if he can not send a pic of himself first, and then tells you you have a lot to learn i would follow the other advice that has been posted and cut of contact with him.

 

[Lancecastor]

Truer words....

There are very few Doms here ...

...have not been spoken.


Lance

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Truer words....

...have not been spoken.


Lance

I suspect that there are more Doms who read the Forum, but do not post.

Ebony

 

[BBD]

*shrugs*
I don't trust anyone online when one of their first requests is for a picture. That's taken from elsewhere (D/s and non D/s sites), not something I've ever seen come up here at lit, much less as a standard response.

Take that for what it's worth.

 

[SirJavert]

Response is reasonable

lilminx,
It seems to me your response is very reasonable. As has been stated by several others, anyone that is that demanding and one sided may be a risk and you are wise to proceed cautiously. Does that necessarily mean you should break off all contact? Probably not, but that is a very personal and individual limit that I do not see as my place to impose on anyone. A good point was made that the risks for a sub woman are generally greater than for a Dom male.

Trust your instincts on this one. And thank you for raising a good point!

 

[Lancecastor]

Good value for the money, BBD

*shrugs*
I don't trust anyone online when one of their first requests is for a picture. That's taken from elsewhere (D/s and non D/s sites), not something I've ever seen come up here at lit, much less as a standard response.

Take that for what it's worth.

I found on vanilla sites that the most interesting...and often, beautiful...women had no pics up.

And the gals with pics were often shallow and not very lovely inside.

My real pics got the wrong responses.

No pic got the wrong responses.

So eventually, I googled up a reallly good looking guy and used his pic.

The traffic was incredible!

And so I filtered out "my" kind....and told them when they let their guard down, as Shaggy says..."It wasn't me."....which became the acid test for their sense of humour....or their shallowness....or their sense of fair play.

Naughty? yep
Unfair? guilty
WeaselLike? uh-huh

Did I meet great chix?

Yes!

It's a jungle out there.

LC

 

[lilminx]

Lance, that's fucking disgusting that you did that. You LIED, which is just as bad as someone demanding a pic. If you're going to lie about your appearance, what else are you going to lie about?

I actually had a thread up a couple of weeks ago - it started out about me bitching about appearance. It turned into a lot of people agreeing that lying is not cool- whether it's about what you look like, putting up old pics where you were 50 pounds lighter, or putting up fake pics. It's also wrong to lie about things in your life, like your job, or whether you have a car, etc. I have had to deal with men who have done all of those things, and I really didn't give a fuck HOW much we had in common or got along- they LIED.

To me, you're just as much a predator as someone who tries to take advantage of a sub. You're using things that aren't you to lure people in. Very uncool.

Here's the thread:

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=101843&highlight=online+dating

I just wanted to add: Why the hell is it shallow to want to see what the person looks like? I am a visual person, so looks as well as personality are important to me. It seems that you have issues because apparently, the women that you are interested in aren't thrilled with your looks.

 

[MzChrista]

Re: Good value for the money, BBD

I found on vanilla sites that the most interesting...and often, beautiful...women had no pics up.

And the gals with pics were often shallow and not very lovely inside.

My real pics got the wrong responses.

No pic got the wrong responses.

So eventually, I googled up a reallly good looking guy and used his pic.

The traffic was incredible!

And so I filtered out "my" kind....and told them when they let their guard down, as Shaggy says..."It wasn't me."....which became the acid test for their sense of humour....or their shallowness....or their sense of fair play.

Naughty? yep
Unfair? guilty
WeaselLike? uh-huh

Did I meet great chix?

Yes!

It's a jungle out there.

LC

So they dont like you lying, that means they shallow?
You a real gem, Lanciepants.

 

[Lancecastor]

Yeah yeah yeah...

Lance, that's fucking disgusting that you did that. You LIED, which is just as bad as someone demanding a pic. If you're going to lie about your appearance, what else are you going to lie about?

I actually had a thread up a couple of weeks ago - it started out about me bitching about appearance. It turned into a lot of people agreeing that lying is not cool- whether it's about what you look like, putting up old pics where you were 50 pounds lighter, or putting up fake pics. It's also wrong to lie about things in your life, like your job, or whether you have a car, etc. I have had to deal with men who have done all of those things, and I really didn't give a fuck HOW much we had in common or got along- they LIED.

To me, you're just as much a predator as someone who tries to take advantage of a sub. You're using things that aren't you to lure people in. Very uncool.

Here's the thread:

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=101843&highlight=online+dating

I just wanted to add: Why the hell is it shallow to want to see what the person looks like? I am a visual person, so looks as well as personality are important to me. It seems that you have issues because apparently, the women that you are interested in aren't thrilled with your looks.

....there's not a man alive that hasn't been passed a fake phone number in a bar, been given a fake name, etc.

The overwhelming majority of women online shave their weight, drop a few years off their age, etc.

Once, for two or three days, I used a fake pic to see what would happen, because I knew I was being lied to regularly online and thought it was time to level the playing field....everyone I replied to I told the truth to.

They all talk to me to this day. They have my real pics. Some enjoy my company IRL and I theirs.

No harm. No foul. In fact, I met lots of really cool chix that way.

I should always do it!

Goose, meet gander. Here's some of your sauce.

Save your bluster. I'm not buying.


LC

 

[Lancecastor]

Issues.

It seems that you have issues because apparently, the women that you are interested in aren't thrilled with your looks.

I'm fine with my looks, as are my galpals, but thanks for your concern.

I can understand your thinking and saying the things you've said.

For me it was more like Pygmalian than "predator".


LC

 

[lilminx]

Re: Yeah yeah yeah...

....there's not a man alive that hasn't been passed a fake phone number in a bar, been given a fake name, etc.
The overwhelming majority of women online shave their weight, drop a few years off their age, etc.
Once, for two or three days, I used a fake pic to see what would happen, because I knew I was being lied to regularly online and thought it was time to level the playing field....everyone I replied to I told the truth to.
They all talk to me to this day. They have my real pics. Some enjoy my company IRL and I theirs.
No harm. No foul. In fact, I met lots of really cool chix that way.
I should always do it!
Goose, meet gander. Here's some of your sauce.
Save your bluster. I'm not buying.

LC

The fact that some of these women you have lied to still talk to you really makes me question their judgement.
It's a very adolescent viewpoint you have ther- "oh, other people do it, so I can too". Well, coming from someone who does NOT lie about her info, it's really shitty when I come across someone who does. I'm honest about myself, and I expect nothing less from someone I potentially want to hang out with any any sense. I sincerely hope that you're not implying that I am one of those women by your "goose, meet gander" comment. If you are, you have a lot of fucking nerve.

Additionally, if you're fine with your looks, why did you feel the need to post a fake pic? That's pretty sad that you think it's ok to do that.

 

[WriterDom]

Pretty smooth Lance.

Just wondering, have you met any really cool chix here? Or have yet to exhaust your two day pic swap harem?

 

[Lancecastor]

Re: Re: Yeah yeah yeah...

The fact that some of these women you have lied to still talk to you really makes me question their judgement.
It's a very adolescent viewpoint you have ther- "oh, other people do it, so I can too". Well, coming from someone who does NOT lie about her info, it's really shitty when I come across someone who does. I'm honest about myself, and I expect nothing less from someone I potentially want to hang out with any any sense. I sincerely hope that you're not implying that I am one of those women by your "goose, meet gander" comment. If you are, you have a lot of fucking nerve.

Additionally, if you're fine with your looks, why did you feel the need to post a fake pic? That's pretty sad that you think it's ok to do that.

No, I didn't mean You, lilminx.

Like you, I've felt pretty shitty on occasions where I've been lied to and hurt.

Yes, the methodology I used was cheesy as hell.

But it produced stellar results.

Go figure.

I'd recommend it to any man out there in the sweaty stinky dating pools of cyberspace. It's a jungle out there.

Sorry you don't like it. Think of me as slime.

Slime with lots of dates.

ha!
Lance

 

[Lancecastor]

Thanks, WD

Pretty smooth Lance.

Just wondering, have you met any really cool chix here? Or have yet to exhaust your two day pic swap harem?

Yes, I've met several very cool chix here.

The place is full of totally interesting women who post.....and oodles more who don't. (who could blame them!?)

And only a handful of guys who ever say anything.

But you know that, you old dog.


LC

 

[lilminx]

I already do, don't worry about it. As I said, I question their judgement for talknig to you after they found out you lied to them.
I'd rather be an honest person who is dateless (which I'm not- I get dates with decent guys), than slime who lies about myself.

You say that you felt shitty and hurt when you were lied to- why would you subject others to that feeling?

It sounds like you need to go back to first grade- I try to teach my students to treat others the way they would want to be treated.