A question about meeting someone from bondage.com

[SexyChele]

Re: Good value for the money, BBD

I found on vanilla sites that the most interesting...and often, beautiful...women had no pics up.

And the gals with pics were often shallow and not very lovely inside.

My real pics got the wrong responses.

No pic got the wrong responses.

So eventually, I googled up a reallly good looking guy and used his pic.

The traffic was incredible!

And so I filtered out "my" kind....and told them when they let their guard down, as Shaggy says..."It wasn't me."....which became the acid test for their sense of humour....or their shallowness....or their sense of fair play.

Naughty? yep
Unfair? guilty
WeaselLike? uh-huh

Did I meet great chix?

Yes!

It's a jungle out there.

LC

Just when I was truly starting to respect you, you have to throw this into the mix?

Well, I suppose it is nice to know that, according to you, I am "shallow" and "not very lovely inside". I'll pass that information along to the men I've met who seem to think otherwise. After all, I must have been fooling them all this time. Of course, I'll have to apologize to them, because I didn't realize I'd been "shallow" and "not very lovely inside" because I'd already posted my pic to these sites.

On the other hand, if I were to remove my pic from these sites then I suppose I shall be inundated with men falling all over themselves to be in my company because then, obviously, I must be wonderful and beautiful. Now, that's a thought.

Frankly, I do have my pic online for the purpose that if a man wants to see what I look like before he expends the effort to write, he can. And, just to be upfront, the pic is about 6 months old. I do have a standard that if a man wants to initiate an email exchange he send a pic to me - after all, he already knows what I look like. And if I were to find out that the pic he sent wasn't really him, I would have nothing more to do with him. Joke or no, it's still a lie. My pic is the real deal. The least he can do is be truthful.

I gotta go with lilminx on this one. This is, simply put, lying.

 

[Lancecastor]

Okie Dokie.....here's why.

I already do, don't worry about it. As I said, I question their judgement for talknig to you after they found out you lied to them.
I'd rather be an honest person who is dateless (which I'm not- I get dates with decent guys), than slime who lies about myself.

You say that you felt shitty and hurt when you were lied to- why would you subject others to that feeling?

It sounds like you need to go back to first grade- I try to teach my students to treat others the way they would want to be treated.

Given the site in question was very much like a singles bar , with people lying left right and center, I simply found that being the nice man I am known to be was only producing misery for me there.

But, I'm not much for quitting, lilminx. Never have been.

So, rather than run away and sulk, I dusted myself off, watched Dirty Rotten Scoundrels...and got back in the game...a game that like you say about yourself, I have always (previously) been loathe to play in that particular fashion, preferring to go for years at a time without someone in my life if necessary.

I picked out a great looking dude off google, used my stats and launched a new man.

Hundreds wrote immediately. Next day....Hundreds and hundreds. From all over North America and Europe.

I selected a handful nearby I thought I'd like to correspond with, perchance to know, wrote them an introduction letter about Me, and asked for an address to send my real pic, giving my address in the note.

Meanwhile, I killed the pretty boy so as to limit the sense of loss for those who alas would simply would never hear from the handsome devil.

Those I wrote wanted to talk on the phone right away.

All found me charming in a badboy way...."Oh Lance, you are so naughty."

Yes, it was naughty.

But it was fun....I will admit to that.

Were they as nice as you? Were their values as solid?

Probably not. Obviously I'm not likely to find out now.

And understandably so.

So...there you go.....that's the way it went down.

If you have any other questions or want to call me more names, feel free to do so by PM or email...I've pretty much had my fill of getting clobbered here for one day.

Thanks;
Lance

 

[WriterDom]

That must have been some good looking guy to have hundreds and hundreds of women write from all over the US and Europe overnight. Could you pick out a guy pic for me and link me to the site? Sounds like some fun.

I don't want to write any of them back. I've just never gotten that many emails in one day.

 

[Lancecastor]

One last communique from the glass house.

Just when I was truly starting to respect you, you have to throw this into the mix?

Well, I suppose it is nice to know that, according to you, I am "shallow" and "not very lovely inside". I'll pass that information along to the men I've met who seem to think otherwise. After all, I must have been fooling them all this time. Of course, I'll have to apologize to them, because I didn't realize I'd been "shallow" and "not very lovely inside" because I'd already posted my pic to these sites.

On the other hand, if I were to remove my pic from these sites then I suppose I shall be inundated with men falling all over themselves to be in my company because then, obviously, I must be wonderful and beautiful. Now, that's a thought.

Frankly, I do have my pic online for the purpose that if a man wants to see what I look like before he expends the effort to write, he can. And, just to be upfront, the pic is about 6 months old. I do have a standard that if a man wants to initiate an email exchange he send a pic to me - after all, he already knows what I look like. And if I were to find out that the pic he sent wasn't really him, I would have nothing more to do with him. Joke or no, it's still a lie. My pic is the real deal. The least he can do is be truthful.

I gotta go with lilminx on this one. This is, simply put, lying.

Agreed...It was flat out lying.

My experience on the one site in question was that those without pics were, for me, better correspondents.

That doesn't say anything about you, as you surely know.

As I said to lilminx, I think I've pretty much said all I can say about this....it was lying, it was cheesy...and I met some cool women as a result.

I'm a pigdog slimebag....whatever works for you. Sorry to be flippant; I'm just tired of explaining how one wee fib brought me so much joy.

Liar! Where's Rollins when you need him?
LC

 

[Lancecastor]

Get your own!

That must have been some good looking guy to have hundreds and hundreds of women write from all over the US and Europe overnight. Could you pick out a guy pic for me and link me to the site? Sounds like some fun.

I don't want to write any of them back. I've just never gotten that many emails in one day.

Well, he was pretty cute, I'll give him that much.

Lance

 

[cymbidia]

What should I do? Is this response ok, or am I wrong?

This discussion sure got off-track. Drama wins out again, i guess. some of us are better at creating that and maintaining its flow than are others of us.

Minxie?
Your response was good.
Trust your gut.

I have ads up in the usual places, too. When i get an immediate request for a pic, my sensors go up. It's not cuz i'm ugly or horrid or have something to hide (R can attest to that), it's cuz i don't do pics online. There are no face pics of me floating around in the hands of people i don't know really well. There aren't going to be. Hard limit.

Here's a recent email exchange i had with someone at alt:
> > From: cymbidia
> > To: [insert appropriate nick here]
> > Date: Aug 3, 2002 6:26 AM
> >
> > Hello,
> >
> > Though your words intrigued me from a reality-quotient, i fear i cannot comply with your instructions to attach a clothed photo. Since i work with the public trust, i don't allow my face to be shown in any pics that are posted on the net, and i don't send pics of my face to strangers. There's nothing wrong with me and i'm more than reasonably attractive. I simply have to be careful.
> >
> > I did, however, want to let you know that i found your information to be of interest. Your location, "northern California", is a very large place, though, and it's more likely then not that you and i aren't geographically close. Distance is one of the bottom-line deal killers for me, and probably is for you, too.
> >
> > Be well,
> > b.


> From: [insert appropriate nick here]
> To: cymbidia
> Date: Aug 3, 2002 10:35 AM
>
>
> Message received ... thanks for your reply.
> Completely understand about not posting a photo.
>
>
> The other portion is less easily navigated. At what point would someone cease to be regarded as a stranger? That status certainly could (and sometimes should) remain in place until actually meeting. However, I am far too busy to correspond without having at least a minimal idea of potential chemistry and a reasonable, clothed photo helps to establish that with as little risk as possible.
>
> Friendly acquaintanceship if we're anywhere near each other might surely be welcome. I live on the coast, near [insert town name here].
>
> Good fortune in your search for quality human beings.
>
> Wisdom, Strength, and Beauty,
> [insert appropriate nick here]


From: cymbidia
To: [insert appropriate nick here]
Date: Aug 4, 2002 10:07 PM

Hello [insert appropriate nick here] and thank you for your quick reply. Unfortunately, as happens too frequently, you and i live too far from each other for anything of real substance to take root and grow. That part of the coast is, at best, a couple hours from my home. That's just too far, don't you think?

I wish you well in your continuing search for she who will be to you what you most desire.

Regards,
b.

 

[Jonnyray]

Re: Yeah yeah yeah...

....there's not a man alive that hasn't been passed a fake phone number in a bar, been given a fake name, etc.

The overwhelming majority of women online shave their weight, drop a few years off their age, etc.

Once, for two or three days, I used a fake pic to see what would happen, because I knew I was being lied to regularly online and thought it was time to level the playing field....everyone I replied to I told the truth to.

They all talk to me to this day. They have my real pics. Some enjoy my company IRL and I theirs.

No harm. No foul. In fact, I met lots of really cool chix that way.

I should always do it!

Goose, meet gander. Here's some of your sauce.

Save your bluster. I'm not buying.


LC

Please don't include at least this male in your hasty generalizations. Lying is lying - a breach of trust. If you're looking for trust, lying's a shitty way to start.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: A question about meeting someone from bondage.com

Well cym, there is drama and there is drama. It really just depends who is the author isn't it? As usual, the "in crowd" rules.

Ebony

This discussion sure got off-track. Drama wins out again, i guess. some of us are better at creating that and maintaining its flow than are others of us.

Minxie?
Your response was good.
Trust your gut.

I have ads up in the usual places, too. When i get an immediate request for a pic, my sensors go up. It's not cuz i'm ugly or horrid or have something to hide (R can attest to that), it's cuz i don't do pics online. There are no face pics of me floating around in the hands of people i don't know really well. There aren't going to be. Hard limit.

Here's a recent email exchange i had with someone at alt:
> > From: cymbidia
> > To: [insert appropriate nick here]
> > Date: Aug 3, 2002 6:26 AM
> >
> > Hello,
> >
> > Though your words intrigued me from a reality-quotient, i fear i cannot comply with your instructions to attach a clothed photo. Since i work with the public trust, i don't allow my face to be shown in any pics that are posted on the net, and i don't send pics of my face to strangers. There's nothing wrong with me and i'm more than reasonably attractive. I simply have to be careful.
> >
> > I did, however, want to let you know that i found your information to be of interest. Your location, "northern California", is a very large place, though, and it's more likely then not that you and i aren't geographically close. Distance is one of the bottom-line deal killers for me, and probably is for you, too.
> >
> > Be well,
> > b.


> From: [insert appropriate nick here]
> To: cymbidia
> Date: Aug 3, 2002 10:35 AM
>
>
> Message received ... thanks for your reply.
> Completely understand about not posting a photo.
>
>
> The other portion is less easily navigated. At what point would someone cease to be regarded as a stranger? That status certainly could (and sometimes should) remain in place until actually meeting. However, I am far too busy to correspond without having at least a minimal idea of potential chemistry and a reasonable, clothed photo helps to establish that with as little risk as possible.
>
> Friendly acquaintanceship if we're anywhere near each other might surely be welcome. I live on the coast, near [insert town name here].
>
> Good fortune in your search for quality human beings.
>
> Wisdom, Strength, and Beauty,
> [insert appropriate nick here]


From: cymbidia
To: [insert appropriate nick here]
Date: Aug 4, 2002 10:07 PM

Hello [insert appropriate nick here] and thank you for your quick reply. Unfortunately, as happens too frequently, you and i live too far from each other for anything of real substance to take root and grow. That part of the coast is, at best, a couple hours from my home. That's just too far, don't you think?

I wish you well in your continuing search for she who will be to you what you most desire.

Regards,
b.

 

[lilredwolph]

<snip> Liar! Where's Rollins when you need him?
LC<snip>

staying out of this one but i had to say i find myself asking myself that very question often

 

[cymbidia]

Well cym, there is drama and there is drama. It really just depends who is the author isn't it? As usual, the "in crowd" rules.

Eb, i respect and admire you but i don't know what the fuck you're on about with this. You don't see the tremendous drama enacted in this thread as self-serving? You don't see the thread topic corrupted again, all the focus on one person? Eb? Are you really that blind to these tactics?

In-crowd or out (and personally, i think utlizing that term in such a manner is just a handy-dandy way to poke sticks of non-issue stuff into the bonfire), it cannot be denied that this thread got way off-base. Don't you think the initial questions/concerns posted by lilminx warranted a bit more concern for and adherence to the thread topic?

We do no good by allowing such flaming departures from the concerns people bring to us. We fail in our most basic responsiblity when we play stupid word games and leave those with real life worries trailing after us and wondering whether we'll get back to thier worries.

I hate all this drama that's infecting the board of late. I fear we're losing people who *need* what we know because it's just too fragmented and harsh around here for them to find a comfortable place.

In-crowd be damned.

What about those who come here with questions? Don't they deserve our attention without wading through wild dramatics to get solid answers?

 

[Lancecastor]

Re: Re: Yeah yeah yeah...

Please don't include at least this male in your hasty generalizations. Lying is lying - a breach of trust. If you're looking for trust, lying's a shitty way to start.

How much Windex does it take to clean your glass house, anyway?

Stop pandering and be real.
Lance

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Yeah yeah yeah...

Please don't include at least this male in your hasty generalizations. Lying is lying - a breach of trust. If you're looking for trust, lying's a shitty way to start.

Oh puleeze, everyone lies or fibs about something. Most of the Avatars on this site are if you get right down to it, LIES!

Let us try to not be so holier than thou!

Geez!

Ebony

 

[WriterDom]

Re: Re: Re: Yeah yeah yeah...

Oh puleeze, everyone lies or fibs about something. Most of the Avatars on this site are if you get right down to it, LIES!

Damn, I will never look at an av the same way again.

 

[BBD]

Re: Re: Re: Yeah yeah yeah...

Oh puleeze, everyone lies or fibs about something. Most of the Avatars on this site are if you get right down to it, LIES!

That would really depend upon how one choose to present that Avatar, wouldn't it? If, for example, the one I use wasn't actually me yet I told everyone that it was then that would be a lie. However, if I was honest that it wasn't me then it wouldn't be a lie.

edited to add that I couldn't help myself on this one

 

[morninggirl5]

Re: Re: Re: Yeah yeah yeah...

How much Windex does it take to clean your glass house, anyway?

Stop pandering and be real.
Lance

Lancecastor's sigline

"Again, welcome to our community. We thank you in advance for respecting the deliberately cultivated atmosphere of acceptance, inclusion, reality, and calm discussion that we’ve so carefully fostered here over time. "

Glass houses



Pot meet kettle

 

[Jonnyray]

Re: Re: Re: Yeah yeah yeah...

How much Windex does it take to clean your glass house, anyway?
Stop pandering and be real.
Lance

Deal with it, Lance.

We all have faces that we hide behind from time to time, but I think lying to someone about matters isn't a joke. I'm not trying to pandering (that's illegal in most states ) but stating my position. If lying works for you, then hey that's your trip it just isnt mine.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Yeah yeah yeah...

Deal with it, Lance.

We all have faces that we hide behind from time to time, but I think lying to someone about matters isn't a joke. I'm not trying to pandering (that's illegal in most states ) but stating my position. If lying works for you, then hey that's your trip it just isnt mine.

You didn't answer me, I bet you have a lie or two under your belt.

Ebony <judge not, lest you have to own up to your own BS.>

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Yeah yeah yeah...

Glass houses



Pot meet kettle

Don't get me started mg

Eb

 

[tassie]

I love it when you get angry ebony...makes me go all fuzzy

 

[SexySusan]

Let's just see what we've got so far:

1. Everybody lies, sometimes, or at least has lied in his lifetime.
2. Some people lie about their appearence on-line, some don't.
3. Lance made some bad experiences with telling the truth, and some good experiences with lying. Which is sad, because that means he is likely to lie again.
4. It's not fair to accuse all people of lying on-line just because oneself does it. I don't see why I should doubt lilminx and Jonnyray are telling the truth.
5. To accuse someone of lying who is, in fact, telling the truth is one of the most hurtful things one can do. How can that someone prove s/he hasn't lied?
6. Tassie likes it when Ebonyfire gets mad.

 

[BBD]

You forgot "BBD goes off on tangential nitpicking".

 

[Lancecastor]

My thoughts.

I think I mentioned here a month or so ago that I had an ad up in bondage.com. I really haven't had much luck with it, as most of the men who contacted me were either married, too far away, older than I'd like, had different interests than I did, not looking for a relationship or were just plain unattractive to me.

Well, along comes a man who is very Dominant and seems to be compatible with me, sexually and relationship-wise. He contacted me and told me to reply to his regualr e-mail address with a picture. Well, I was very respectful towards him- I told him more about me, but I made it clear that I would not give him a picture without seeing one of him first. It's a policy I had made with myself since I have started online dating.

He replied by telling me that I seem to have great potential as a submissive, but that I have a lot to learn. I know this already, but then he proceeds to tell me that I'm showing disrespect and lack of trust by my reluctance to send him a picture, and that I shouldn't be questioning his integrity.

Well, my problem with it is this: I feel that I shouldn't trust so easily, that THAT would be foolish of me. Did I make a major faux pas by not wanting to give him my pic, or am I right in feeling this way? I started to write back to him, but before I sent it, I decided to get opinions here, since many of the people in this forum are so knowledgable. This was the response I typed out but haven't sent:

You talk about trust. I don't know You- You are a stranger to me, and for me to so easily trust you would be foolish. I have no idea what you look like, and until i find out, i will not be giving you a picture of me. That is one thing i stand by in terms of meeting someone online.

I know i have a lot to learn when entering a relationship such as this, but one thing i have learned already is not to trust so easily . You can tell me all You want about how You are a professional and how You are experienced, but trust has to be earned- it's not prized as much if it's just given so easily. I wish that You would try to at least understand my situation- for You not to, and to expect me to so easily trust a stranger is just as foolish.

What should I do? Is this response ok, or am I wrong?

I think there are two main issues at play in your post:


1. Do you want to take a chance on this guy and is it appropriate to do so?

If in fact he has "demanded" a picture of you and said the things you say he has....he's taking a big chance on you simply pissing off before you get to know each other. As we've all said, you really owe this guy nothing...probably not even a response...at this juncture. His flippance might be indicative of his true intentions. Maybe. Caution is called for.

On the other hand, you say you feel potential with and in him. If that's the case, a pic with your face masked....a real mask (I see you like crafts) might be both romantic and safe as a response method...or Photoshop your face to protect your identity.

Pictures are a dicey subject, as we discussed yesterday.

My view is that pics in an online meet market are counter-productive. Online meetings allow us to interact in a completely non-superficial way....to start from the inside, with our feelings, and work our way outward to our shells....if I want to judge books by their covers, I can go to any number of places where pretty young things line up for selection as if at a cotillion. No pic can tell me how you smell, move, smile...if I'm to have social intercourse with you online, I prefer to see your values before I see your bum, chum.


2. What does he look like?

After listening to you for a day, lilminx, I think you want to know what this guy looks like before you let him see what you look like.

Mexican Standoff?

I hear some traditionalism in that. I hear reluctance to submit....whether for rational safety reasons as you've outwardly asked for...or because you are being stubborn, maybe afraid to reveal first without having the reassurance and/or control of "knowing" whether you dig the way this guy looks.

If you knew this guy's heart and values better, I suggest the pic issue and the issue of superficial chemistry would cease to be as relevant. Or at least that's what should happen in my book.

Suggestion: I suggest you table the picture issue with him but continue to correspond and learn more of each other. If that doesn't appeal to him, well, there's lots of fish in the sea and you should cast your net elsewhere.

Cheers;
Lance

 

[WriterDom]

I think we've spent enough time on this. She's already handled it, and handled it well.

 

[Lancecastor]

Yes.

I think we've spent enough time on this. She's already handled it, and handled it well.

Yes.

I agree.

We have spent enough time on this.

She has already handled it.

And handled it well.



Thanks for sharing your fresh insights with me;
Lance

 

[WriterDom]

Anytime, Lance.

And I like your new av better than the old one.