thickspear
Really Experienced
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Adding a third into your relationship: for fun or commitment?
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ethereal~minx
challenge to your balance
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Re: Step at a time?
talking is so important and you really cannot allow any little bit to be implied~ unless of course that's what you're in for... it takes strength but when y'all know it's what you want, really want~ you gotta put forth the effort ---
back to my question, you said "The alpha sub is clearly identified."
everyone else probably knows what you mean, but I'm not sure. the 'dominant' sub? the one that will *thinking* kindof be dominant in a sub sort of way *laughing* over the other one in the threesome?.....
will you explain?
thank you : )
Prof Bill said:
talking is so important and you really cannot allow any little bit to be implied~ unless of course that's what you're in for... it takes strength but when y'all know it's what you want, really want~ you gotta put forth the effort ---
back to my question, you said "The alpha sub is clearly identified."
everyone else probably knows what you mean, but I'm not sure. the 'dominant' sub? the one that will *thinking* kindof be dominant in a sub sort of way *laughing* over the other one in the threesome?.....
will you explain?
thank you : )
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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Re: Re: Step at a time?
Depending on individual definitions, alpha sub usually is the one who is in a permanent relationship with the Dominant, and who does have certain consideration. For instance if there are problems in the three way which cannot be resolved, it is the alpha who remains and the other sub who leaves. There may be an element of dominance from the alpha sub, but not necessarily and they are always answerable and under the control of the Dominant. They may be the one who does all the communicating about when and where etc., arranging times that suit everyone, relating the rules and guidelines initially. All depends on the dynamics of the relationship and what the Dominant wants.
Catalina
ethereal~minx said:
Depending on individual definitions, alpha sub usually is the one who is in a permanent relationship with the Dominant, and who does have certain consideration. For instance if there are problems in the three way which cannot be resolved, it is the alpha who remains and the other sub who leaves. There may be an element of dominance from the alpha sub, but not necessarily and they are always answerable and under the control of the Dominant. They may be the one who does all the communicating about when and where etc., arranging times that suit everyone, relating the rules and guidelines initially. All depends on the dynamics of the relationship and what the Dominant wants.
Catalina
ethereal~minx
challenge to your balance
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Your responses are always soo thorough and informative!!!!
*big smiles*
Thank you kindly Catalina : )
*big smiles*
Thank you kindly Catalina : )
ownedsubgal
lost little girl
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decided to bump this one as my Master has recently added another Dominant into our lives. He is not a third per se, i have no commitment to him and he cannot make any decisions regarding me or anything of the sort. but he is not simply someone who uses me, or a Man i serve, either. He is permitted to train me, to discipline me (both for himself and for my Master, when Daddy is abent), and has many more liberties with my use than anyone with the exception of Daddy of course. everything he wishes to do with me or to me must be preapproved by Daddy first, but nothing has be discussed with or told to me, and i am to obey him blindly (meaning without questions or hesitation) as i obey Daddy, whenever i am with him. it has been a bit of a difficult transistion for me, i'm not used to another Man having such power over me, while it's not quite like having two Masters...more like having a Master, and then a sub-Master...the pressure i feel to be absolutely perfectly obedient and pleasing at all times is great. but Daddy has said that this will not only not be a temporary situation, but that he will be adding other Dominants to serve similar positions as time goes by and he finds the types he's looking for. unbeknownst to me, he talked and came to know this particular Man for quite a long time before introducing him to me and telling me what the new arrangements were going to be. so now i have to worry over what TWO demanding Dominants have in mind over me! 
was wondering, is this a common sort of situation in the D/s world...a relationship with two or more Dominants over one submissive/slave, but with only one real Master?
was wondering, is this a common sort of situation in the D/s world...a relationship with two or more Dominants over one submissive/slave, but with only one real Master?
FungiUg
Waves at Cats
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Well, I'm a Dominant with a dominant partner, hoping to add a submissive slut to the mix. Does that count? My partner is happy to be my "assistant", so I tend to be "in charge" of the submissive. But I do have to be careful that we don't tread on each others toes, discuss what we are doing with each other and so on.
ownedsubgal
lost little girl
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FungiUg said:
of course it counts.
different dynamic of course, as i would call a situation such as you described closer to a poly union than ours. whenever two Dominants are involved it does make things a bit interesting eh? occasionally the new Dominant has given me orders that go against rules or limits of Daddy's....the procedure with that is for me to do as told always, and like always tell Daddy absolutely every detail of everything that happens, and then he will take care of it accordingly. the closest analogy i can come up with to describe this relationship would be to think of a pre-civil war era Master, overseer, and slave. Daddy's the Master, owns me the slave and has total power over everything concerning me. the new Dominant is like the overseer, permitted to keep a wary eye over me and permitted to give me a lashing when needed to keep me in line...but, he has no real control.
MissTaken
Biker Chick
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FungiUg said:
Co topping can be fun!
As with any involvement that includes another, communication needs to be ongoing and in my limited experience, having those roles identified is helpful.
And in your case, fungiug, I think that sharing these experiences can do good things for your relationship.
It can be another level of intimacy and trust when you include a third.
FungiUg
Waves at Cats
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A good bump at that.
My partner and I have recently done the impossible: found a submissive to add to our relationship as more than just an occasional play partner. It's the oddest thing: it feels like we are "dating" her. Way more than just D/s play -- so social time, going out together, making plans to gether and the like.
It will be interesting to see how it evolves, but I have noticed one thing already: it is just as much work as I always suspected it would be. And very time consuming. Although we do enjoy the time, so that's not a hardship.
At the moment it's still a very open thing, with no commitment not to see/play with other people. But that's more to the people involved (none of whom are terribly possessive) than to our commitment to each other. It's been a relief to be able to take down a great deal of my personal ads, or at least change their status to say something like "not looking, but happy to chat." After coordinating three busy people, there's just not much time left for anyone else, so that's more the limiting factor there.
Having said that, I've decided that submissives are related to busses. You don't get any for years, and then not one but THREE turn up all at the same time! Thankfully the contact with the other two has just been a little one-off fun play (see earlier comment about time), but it was certainly bizarre to go from a "dry spell" to "on my god, when are we going to fit them all in?"
So we will be going on with our new playmate/friend/lover/subissive/insert label of your choice here... and it will be fun and a little mind bending and so on to see just how that evolves. A few fantasies to be turned into realities... for all three of us.
My partner and I have recently done the impossible: found a submissive to add to our relationship as more than just an occasional play partner. It's the oddest thing: it feels like we are "dating" her. Way more than just D/s play -- so social time, going out together, making plans to gether and the like.
It will be interesting to see how it evolves, but I have noticed one thing already: it is just as much work as I always suspected it would be. And very time consuming. Although we do enjoy the time, so that's not a hardship.
At the moment it's still a very open thing, with no commitment not to see/play with other people. But that's more to the people involved (none of whom are terribly possessive) than to our commitment to each other. It's been a relief to be able to take down a great deal of my personal ads, or at least change their status to say something like "not looking, but happy to chat." After coordinating three busy people, there's just not much time left for anyone else, so that's more the limiting factor there.
Having said that, I've decided that submissives are related to busses. You don't get any for years, and then not one but THREE turn up all at the same time! Thankfully the contact with the other two has just been a little one-off fun play (see earlier comment about time), but it was certainly bizarre to go from a "dry spell" to "on my god, when are we going to fit them all in?"
So we will be going on with our new playmate/friend/lover/subissive/insert label of your choice here... and it will be fun and a little mind bending and so on to see just how that evolves. A few fantasies to be turned into realities... for all three of us.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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FungiUg said:
Nice to see you here again...you have been missed. And nice to know things are on the move for you.
Catalina
Netzach
>semiotics?
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I've enjoyed being the hub of an elaborate little network. Me and 3 guys, then me and 2 girls who are involved with one another as primary.
I've found a few things in my case:
multiple men are a million bajillion kazillion times easier than multiple women. Men simply compartmentalize better and this is a huge advantage in poly
Women do not. I would certainly not tolerate another female taking remotely one fragment the importance that I do with the males of the network - it's about ME. I'm still a girl. The reason I get to play with the other girls at all and it works sort of OK is they each go home to one another- all 3 of the women involved have a warm bed and a smiling face at the end of the day and this is somehow key. Boys don't flip a freaking lid if they don't get that to the same degree.
as long as there is a clear alpha/butch male and you do not introduce anyone as butch/alpha as this guy you can have peace in the realm. I'm not sure why this is, it just is. The alpha does not have to be the primary partner, in my case he's not.
Normally this kind of mayhem cannot sustain itself. I find it's really about sorting temprements and accepting your own inner sexually selfish dick and its needs as ok if you are the person who wants to make it all happen.
I've found a few things in my case:
multiple men are a million bajillion kazillion times easier than multiple women. Men simply compartmentalize better and this is a huge advantage in poly
Women do not. I would certainly not tolerate another female taking remotely one fragment the importance that I do with the males of the network - it's about ME. I'm still a girl. The reason I get to play with the other girls at all and it works sort of OK is they each go home to one another- all 3 of the women involved have a warm bed and a smiling face at the end of the day and this is somehow key. Boys don't flip a freaking lid if they don't get that to the same degree.
as long as there is a clear alpha/butch male and you do not introduce anyone as butch/alpha as this guy you can have peace in the realm. I'm not sure why this is, it just is. The alpha does not have to be the primary partner, in my case he's not.
Normally this kind of mayhem cannot sustain itself. I find it's really about sorting temprements and accepting your own inner sexually selfish dick and its needs as ok if you are the person who wants to make it all happen.
FungiUg
Waves at Cats
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From my own past experience, this echoes something I had discovered. Relationships either form or don't form, and if they do, they either last for around 2-3 months, or years. There seems to be an initial bliss period of a couple of months, and after things that, the bliss wears off and the work factor sets in.
All relationships take work, and sometimes it's just not worth our while to commit to something we don't see as having a future.
Problems like what you describe can be worked through (that particular issue, playing favourites, tends to occur more between siblings I think, but I can see how it could arise in any poly relationship.) It does require a certain level of commitment and respect from all people involved, and that 2-3 month period seems to be the deciding point about making the effort.
So why not twelve months? Well, I think if everyone has made the commitment, then it can last for longer. You just need the right mix of people to make it worth everyone's while. And that is hard enough with just two people, it only gets harder as you add more.
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Kajira Callista
Empty
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oooooooooooo *duct tapes fungiug to lit*FungiUg said:
From the perspective of someone who has/does play the third on ocassion for fun I have to admit that I am not sure if I could do the same thing for a commitment. Some friends of mine have an open relationship which works very well for them and always for some interesting play variation which I am glad to be a part of.
Skipping the details, while I adore them both I don't know that I could have the same sort of relationship with them if it went beyond play. When it comes to commitments I am greedy enough to want to be my partners primary focus even if we both play with others on the side. Among friends however it works for me as long as everyone knows what our roles are and whose going home in the morning.
Skipping the details, while I adore them both I don't know that I could have the same sort of relationship with them if it went beyond play. When it comes to commitments I am greedy enough to want to be my partners primary focus even if we both play with others on the side. Among friends however it works for me as long as everyone knows what our roles are and whose going home in the morning.
