AFTER - hoping for some feedback

[ninefe2dg]

Pavarotti didn't do it alone.

Chris Farley and John Candy are dead, so now I'm intruiged.

OK, I can live with the mystery, and I'll leave you alone on that one!

Oddly enough, I think with this story, the only names I couldn't bear to part with, for different reasons, are: Avery Smith; James Riggs; Kosinski; and, yes, Lott.

On the others, I remain surprisingly flexible. I'm inclined to keep Hope, just because, as I said, I feel like her name speaks to what Eva and the others see in her/her arrival, and it's a name I think they'd really give her. Eva, though, I'm still keen on rethinking that one.

Logical, flawlessly logical (doing that Vulcan splitting the fingers signal thing)...makes sense they'd call her Hope. I can live with that.

Adorned, in certain views of the night sky, by the twin stars Romulus and Matryoshka.

Tell me Remus wouldn't be a shitty name to go through life with...

I'd sign on for a fiery romance between Tuvok and the wicked queen from...well, any of them, really.

Hmmm, may just be another passing reference...it'll either be Mulan or Beauty and the Beast. Mulan's my fave DP, I'd do her in a heartbeat...

I'm slacking off on the unpacking, and visiting my mom for a couple days, but it's nice to have dressers again-I was growing pretty weary of rooting around in plastic tubs trying to find matching pairs of socks, not to mention bras and panties. Having more than two glasses to drink out of is nice, too! Ah, civilization!

Welcome back!

[/QUOTE]

 

[ninefe2dg]

Ch 12

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed Chapter 12. The classic "plot thickens" I suppose. The transformation of Smith is intruiging to me. I'm looking forward to seeing what ends up happening to him. What struck me about this chapter is the extent to which all the sex in the other chapters really overwhelm the story. Don't get me wrong, I like those scenes, but this chapter is a very nice departure from that. It's definitely time for some context, re the dying, and you start to give some clues. It would be fine if they came earlier in the story though!

Eva and Karen…c'mon…I know you want to! OK, it's just me who wants you to…

I'm convinced Riggs is going to die. How, when, and why, I don't know. It just seems the logical outcome for his character. So if you're looking for a twist, don't kill him!

You seem to have set a new personal record for incomplete sentences. I for one have no problem with it, but others might. If it was purposeful, say, to set a more staccato rhythm to the prose, well, I'm fine with that, too. Consider is noticeable, that's all.

Thanks as always for the read!

 

[Varian P]

Aw, you're too good to me, commenting on every chapter in this monster epic.

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed Chapter 12. The classic "plot thickens" I suppose. The transformation of Smith is intruiging to me. I'm looking forward to seeing what ends up happening to him.

You can't make me tell! I'll take the secret to my grave!

Well, okay, here's a hint: I've just submitted Chapter 13, and that chapter closes the story of Eva et al, at least for a long while...

What struck me about this chapter is the extent to which all the sex in the other chapters really overwhelm the story. Don't get me wrong, I like those scenes, but this chapter is a very nice departure from that. It's definitely time for some context, re the dying, and you start to give some clues. It would be fine if they came earlier in the story though!

I'm considering filling more of the details of the apocalypse in earlier, when I rewrite...eventually. My initial worry about not revealing too much of the external threat can still be kept under control, while giving a bit more of everyone's history, I think.

Eva and Karen…c'mon…I know you want to! OK, it's just me who wants you to…

Hey, man, I put my first f/f scene (alright, technically a m/f/f scene) out there with "Down," and from you I didn't even get a yee-haw!?

I came very close to having Eva and John together gently re-introduce Karen to the Joy of Sex in chapter 13, but went a different direction, in the end...

I'm convinced Riggs is going to die. How, when, and why, I don't know. It just seems the logical outcome for his character. So if you're looking for a twist, don't kill him!

Consider the next chapter unexpectedly twisted, then.

You seem to have set a new personal record for incomplete sentences. I for one have no problem with it, but others might. If it was purposeful, say, to set a more staccato rhythm to the prose, well, I'm fine with that, too. Consider is noticeable, that's all.

Oh, dear. I've lost all sense of this complete sentence, business. I may have to rein myself in. Somehow.

Thanks as always for the read!

And thank you for being so generous with the feedback!

Prepare for me to come begging when the last chapter of the Eva story, and the first chapter of the next part post. I'm going to be very, very needy.

-V

 

[ninefe2dg]

My pleasure!

I must be the needy one...girl-girl or bust lol!

I look forward to the next installment

 

[bella15]

Chapter 14

I think I'm required to begin with a note on how much I"m enjoying After. I was a huge fan of Changed Girl, and I'm so glad that After has exceeded my expectations! Keep up the good work!

I did have a quick question. In chapter 14 the female character is referred to as Hope and then as Nix. Since there isn't any indication of her changing her name deliberately to throw off Gareth, I thought perhaps it was either a typo or the reader is supposed to assume she is lying.

You have great timing; ending Eva and beginning again with Gareth is brilliant. Thank you.

 

[Varian P]

I think I'm required to begin with a note on how much I"m enjoying After. I was a huge fan of Changed Girl, and I'm so glad that After has exceeded my expectations! Keep up the good work!

Hi, Bella,

Thanks so much for dropping in--your kind feedback on this tale couldn't have been better timed.

I did have a quick question. In chapter 14 the female character is referred to as Hope and then as Nix. Since there isn't any indication of her changing her name deliberately to throw off Gareth, I thought perhaps it was either a typo or the reader is supposed to assume she is lying.

I should have been more careful about this; the character in chapter fourteen is never referred to as Hope, but this is probably the sentence that tricked you:

Hope gave the dying man a final surge of strength and he hurled himself forward, his finger nudging the indifferent knife before she managed to yank him back.

I knew people would be looking for familiar faces in the chapter, and I should have taken care not to let false leads like that slip in.

You have great timing; ending Eva and beginning again with Gareth is brilliant. Thank you.

Music to my ears, Bella. The people who disagree are letting me know, loud and clear, so it's reassuring to know you felt the sudden shift made sense.

Gratefully,

Varian

 

[bella15]

Hmmm, the fault is mine, I should have slowed down and payed attention. The context is now embarrassingly clear.

Not to beat a dead horse, but its understandable that those who were highly attached to Eva would be upset (which is backwards kudos to your talent), but bottom line is the story isn't written for them personally. Please, stretch your artistic license as much as possible; I, for one, will stick with it.

 

[summerd]

This is such a complex story that it's impossible to tell yet if the break from Eva to Nix is perfect or not quite--I figure it is because I trust you as a writer. I just assume that there will be some kind of return to the past eventually. Not the actual past, maybe just some reference to those characters. Anyway, at least you know the strong response means you're getting to people. They care a lot about your stories.

I just know that once again, you've sucked me so far into a story, it drives me nuts that I can't read on. I even joined the community so I could blather on about it.

So far, the only chapter that bugs me is the Eva one in which everything is fine. It seems like there's a lot of telling and not showing in it. It's a "How To be A Utopia in a thoroughly rotten world" chapter. (Of course if you ask me which chapter that is, and I go back and look, it might turn out I'm full of shit because this is a vague sensation...I haven't analyzed your work like a critter, just as a reader)

Kate I love those dancing bananas. . . .

 

[summerd]

This is such a complex story that it's impossible to tell yet if the break from Eva to Nix is perfect or not quite-

that was supposed to be a Defending Varian sort of a remark. Addressed to any After:Eva fans who are reeling around, bereft and angry like Smith.


[why a frog ??]

 

[ninefe2dg]

Hi!

I read the last Eva, and the first Nix...will try to post some comments tomorrow.

Liked 'em!

 

[summerd]

Damn! Damn! WHY have you gotten so good at ending on a hook? Please tell me you've sent in more After: Nix?

It's getting better and better.

 

[ninefe2dg]

Hi Varian,

First of all, as usual, I very much liked the last chapter of Eva, as well as the first chapter of the new era. I'm struggling to give you useful comments, especially since I gathered you had some concerns about some comments/emails you've received. Not sure what issues people have taken with the story. For instance, is it fair to question the direction a plot takes? Can people be angry Eva dies at the end? Or argue that that's not the way it SHOULD happen?? I hope that's not the case, I'd hate to see you holed up with Kathy Bates with two broken legs until you resurrect dear Eva again!

I could be wrong, but I got the sense you posted these with some trepidation, and if so, I'm not sure why. Only you, not any of us, know where this will lead (then again maybe you don't either!). The ending of Eva seemed fitting. I was appropriately sad when Eva died, appropriately satisfied Riggs was redeemed, appropriately accepting that Smith the Eagle had changed for the better thanks to Eva, appropriately sad for John who, like the Scarecrow, loved her most of all! And, of course, that Lott met with a violent end!

I'm trying to rewind, and am wondering if someone were to buy "Eva" off the shelf and read if cover to cover (as I have not), does it all hang together? Is that what you struggle with? As you've said, you tell the story through the sex for most of this. Then in the last few chapters you changed gears. To be honest, I liked the respite from the sex. But again, if read cover to cover, is it too abrupt? Do you need to "taper" off the sex, or maybe make the "amount" more consistent?

As far as the new era is concerned, I read the whole chapter thinking Nix was Eva's baby girl, only to find out it was Artel who was Gareth. So if the gotcha was intended, you got me. Certainly the first chapter has whet my appetite, and am eager to see more! I'm also assuming at some point you'll bridge the gap back to t-zero?

Here's a piece of advice from someone with but a smidge of your talent, patience, and expertise...when you post something, make sure you like it first. I'm not sure you LIKE this. Again, I could be wrong, but I do sense something. Some of the stuff I've posted may not have been very good, but when I posted it, I was satisfied with it at the time. That way, I'm able to separate by own misgivings and critiques from others, and truly have an external view.

When I get comments from others, I'm able to process them, even when they contradict. I am able to relate that back to whatever it was I was trying to accomplish. I accept what makes sense and change accordingly, and then that's it. I wonder if sometime you ruminate on the comments, not so much the comments, but what they then trigger in your own mind. I think that you have that internal argument with yourself, and maybe drive yourself nuts over it. I don't mean this as a criticism, but if you and I both had the time, and me the energy, I'd still be rewriting Clueless! (making a point, you know how much I appreciate and hold dear your help!)

Maybe that's how the great ones do it (this the complement/encouragement portion of the note!)...Tiger Woods will hit the same shot on the driving range for four hours straight while the other pros are out hacking away with their kids. You're Michelangelo, and I'm Dogs Playing Poker, so perhaps I don't see the flaws that you seem to see so clearly. Maybe you see them too clearly? Is there such a phrase as perfect enough??

My advice, if you haven't already done so, is kick your feet up, and read Eva from start to finish, and make no more than tweaks to ensure the overall flow makes sense, and that the sex is balanced/tapered/whatever. Whatever you do, please don't blow it up again. You are, at worst, almost there!

 

[Varian P]

This is such a complex story that it's impossible to tell yet if the break from Eva to Nix is perfect or not quite--I figure it is because I trust you as a writer. I just assume that there will be some kind of return to the past eventually. Not the actual past, maybe just some reference to those characters. Anyway, at least you know the strong response means you're getting to people. They care a lot about your stories.

I just know that once again, you've sucked me so far into a story, it drives me nuts that I can't read on. I even joined the community so I could blather on about it.

So far, the only chapter that bugs me is the Eva one in which everything is fine. It seems like there's a lot of telling and not showing in it. It's a "How To be A Utopia in a thoroughly rotten world" chapter. (Of course if you ask me which chapter that is, and I go back and look, it might turn out I'm full of shit because this is a vague sensation...I haven't analyzed your work like a critter, just as a reader)

Kate I love those dancing bananas. . . .

OMG, Kate, how did I miss this?!

Well, hopefully your faith won't prove to be misplaced--we'll see!

I'll definitely be going back through everything, and I suspect I'll agree with your criticism of that chapter. I wanted to take a break from the doom and gloom, but as is probably clear by now, the doom and gloom is where I find the most to write about--it brings out the most interesting aspects of the characters and the dynamics between them.

Thanks for dropping in (and joining the community ) and, once again, encouraging me.



Varian

 

[Varian P]

Damn! Damn! WHY have you gotten so good at ending on a hook? Please tell me you've sent in more After: Nix?

It's getting better and better.

Not quite , but I can promise you that the next chapter will be a lot longer, and they're going to start rolling in more quickly.

 

[Varian P]

Hi Varian,

First of all, as usual, I very much liked the last chapter of Eva, as well as the first chapter of the new era. I'm struggling to give you useful comments, especially since I gathered you had some concerns about some comments/emails you've received. Not sure what issues people have taken with the story. For instance, is it fair to question the direction a plot takes? Can people be angry Eva dies at the end? Or argue that that's not the way it SHOULD happen?? I hope that's not the case, I'd hate to see you holed up with Kathy Bates with two broken legs until you resurrect dear Eva again!

Oh, don't struggle. You're an absolute sweetheart for giving me so much feedback on this story (not to mention others!). At this point, there's probably not much new to say without second-guessing the unfolding of the plot, given that style and other factors are pretty well established, by now.

I have, in fact, gotten some disgruntled feedback re: Eva's death, but so far, no drugs or sledgehammers have been brought into play, so I'm almost ready to stop looking over my shoulder.

I could be wrong, but I got the sense you posted these with some trepidation, and if so, I'm not sure why. Only you, not any of us, know where this will lead (then again maybe you don't either!). The ending of Eva seemed fitting. I was appropriately sad when Eva died, appropriately satisfied Riggs was redeemed, appropriately accepting that Smith the Eagle had changed for the better thanks to Eva, appropriately sad for John who, like the Scarecrow, loved her most of all! And, of course, that Lott met with a violent end!

Lott's dead! Yay! (He was fun to write, though). I have to say it was a supreme act of self-control, not having a long, brutal torture scene with him. But I thought it fitting that someone so into playing with people was dispatched so unceremoniously.

Well, it's good to hear that, at least for you, Eva's death didn't seem contrived, like a twist I just threw in to surprise the readers.

I've never killed a major character before, and I was amazed how hard it was for me to do. But that was the grand scheme from inception, and if anything, I would have been monkeying around (I'm just waiting for your Monkees pun, now) with the story had I deviated from that.

I'm trying to rewind, and am wondering if someone were to buy "Eva" off the shelf and read if cover to cover (as I have not), does it all hang together? Is that what you struggle with? As you've said, you tell the story through the sex for most of this. Then in the last few chapters you changed gears. To be honest, I liked the respite from the sex. But again, if read cover to cover, is it too abrupt? Do you need to "taper" off the sex, or maybe make the "amount" more consistent?

Interesting thought. I do worry, posting here, that readers will feel cheated if they get a chapter with no or very little sex. But I'm trying to put those worries aside, and just tell the story in a way that makes sense for that story. If the sex isn't driving some key plot or character development, I'm not inclined to toss in a freebie just for the wank factor, you know?

In this story, there are times when the sex is the driving force of the plot, it's the raison d'etre of the story; but once certain things are resolved, it becomes about the emotional bonds between the characters. I can see, though, how that gives the story a kind of split personality, and make it feel bumpy, in the read.

As far as the new era is concerned, I read the whole chapter thinking Nix was Eva's baby girl, only to find out it was Artel who was Gareth. So if the gotcha was intended, you got me. Certainly the first chapter has whet my appetite, and am eager to see more! I'm also assuming at some point you'll bridge the gap back to t-zero?

Without giving too much away, I do think the story comes around, full circle, by the end, both thematically, and in answering those pesky “What ever happened to...?” questions.

I need to address that whole who-is-Nix? confusion—you're not the only one who was/is looking for her to be Eva's baby. Originally, the Eva/Nix sagas were going to be completely separate, with no common characters, just to show the world in two slices of time and place.

When I decided to weave them together more, I wasn't really trying to pull a switch, but rather meant Gareth's appearance to be a fun surprise. But I think, because the story is coming from Nix's POV, it's a natural assumption to expect her to be the one with whom the Eva story is getting picked back up. I'll work on it.

Here's a piece of advice from someone with but a smidge of your talent, patience, and expertise...when you post something, make sure you like it first. I'm not sure you LIKE this. Again, I could be wrong, but I do sense something. Some of the stuff I've posted may not have been very good, but when I posted it, I was satisfied with it at the time. That way, I'm able to separate by own misgivings and critiques from others, and truly have an external view.

When I get comments from others, I'm able to process them, even when they contradict. I am able to relate that back to whatever it was I was trying to accomplish. I accept what makes sense and change accordingly, and then that's it. I wonder if sometime you ruminate on the comments, not so much the comments, but what they then trigger in your own mind. I think that you have that internal argument with yourself, and maybe drive yourself nuts over it. I don't mean this as a criticism, but if you and I both had the time, and me the energy, I'd still be rewriting Clueless! (making a point, you know how much I appreciate and hold dear your help!)

Maybe that's how the great ones do it (this the complement/encouragement portion of the note!)...Tiger Woods will hit the same shot on the driving range for four hours straight while the other pros are out hacking away with their kids. You're Michelangelo, and I'm Dogs Playing Poker, so perhaps I don't see the flaws that you seem to see so clearly. Maybe you see them too clearly? Is there such a phrase as perfect enough??

My advice, if you haven't already done so, is kick your feet up, and read Eva from start to finish, and make no more than tweaks to ensure the overall flow makes sense, and that the sex is balanced/tapered/whatever. Whatever you do, please don't blow it up again. You are, at worst, almost there!

I think I winged a little too much about my anticipation/receipt of negative reactions. No doubt every individual chapter, and the story as a whole can be improved upon, and will no doubt get some polishing when I go back to revise, once I'm done with round one. But overall, I'm pretty satisfied with where it's at, now.

I just knew that some folks would be upset at how I ended “Eva,” and was worried that it would kill their desire to pick up the thread with a whole different set of characters. There's also the worry that “Eva” ended on a rather big bummer note, and “Nix” is pretty dark and violent for the first few chapters, so I worry that people will get discouraged, thinking that it's just going to be non-stop fear and loathing, or that they'll just find Gareth and Nix too hard to ride with. But I am telling the story I want to tell, and, within the limits of time and ability, am satisfied that I'm tell it the way I want it told.

I appreciate the hand-holding, though! And how you repeatedly make me blush with all your praise.

Michelangelo and Dogs Playing Poker, indeed!

Righty-o, back to the nano madness, before the gang shows up and we're off to margaritaville!

 

[ninefe2dg]

Well...

...I'm just glad my comments are useful. Happy to ride through the next generation, but gawd, can we at least find out what the dying is some time??

Monkee pun? Might be a toughie...Eva took the last train to Clarksville? I dunno!

 

[bella15]

There are only one or two stories I consistently follow on this website, and I've posted on this forum before because I've especially enjoyed your writing. So, it was incredibly bizarre when you placed this last chapter at Sewanee. I graduated from Sewanee (I'm too paranoid to say the year, because the internet isn't the safest place on Earth and if you graduated from Sewanee you know how easy it is to find people), and lived in Hodgson my junior year. Unbelievable. I've read maybe 5 stories on this site, and of course I find the one story with Sewanee in it! I just can't get away from the bubble.

But besides for all that trivial stuff, pretty good chapter!

 

[Varian P]

There are only one or two stories I consistently follow on this website, and I've posted on this forum before because I've especially enjoyed your writing. So, it was incredibly bizarre when you placed this last chapter at Sewanee. I graduated from Sewanee (I'm too paranoid to say the year, because the internet isn't the safest place on Earth and if you graduated from Sewanee you know how easy it is to find people), and lived in Hodgson my junior year. Unbelievable. I've read maybe 5 stories on this site, and of course I find the one story with Sewanee in it! I just can't get away from the bubble.

But besides for all that trivial stuff, pretty good chapter!

Hi bella,

Eep! A Sewanee grad!

Well, I wanted a beautiful setting for the refugees, a campus seemed a likely place to set up the sort of commune-like living space I had in mind, and when I saw how lovely Sewanee is, I knew I had the spot. Hopefully I haven't forever tarnished your memories of your alma mater!

Writing "After" has made me want to take a cross-country train trip to visit all the places I've set the tale, but sadly I'm having to work from the internet and my imagination. Heaven help me if any tactical military types read the thing!

-Varian

 

[Varian P]

Nineteen down, one to go!

Chapter nineteen of After posted this morning.

In the words of one kind reader:

I have been waiting for more of your great story
12/29/07 By: Anonymous in USA
I have been waiting for more of your great story and here it is. You have my absolute attention when I read you. Your writing devastates me. I know that there are many post-apocalyptic stories that have been made into movies but your story would make a much better one.

So, if you're in the mood for some post-apocalyptic drama, you might enjoy this sordid tale.

Just one chapter to go!

 

[ninefe2dg]

It's taken me so long to finish this, but finish it I finally did. While with the first part I was able to keep up chapter by chapter, I had the pleasure of reading the second part as I might any other book. And I must say, it was a pleasure. I don't know if I can add anything I'm sure you've not already heard. The plot is captivating. The sex complements the story where in the first part I felt the sex was driving the story more. It was fitting to be that way in Part I, as it diverted my attention away from the question you don't want us to ask, at least too much, which was, what the hell happened to the fucking planet? The aftermath of the dying is what becomes important, and the sex is more in context.
At the same time, I gradually accepted the reality as just that, slowly but surely I stopped wondering what the dying was, figuring you'd either reveal it or you wouldn't. Interesting to me, my response, I was going nuts trying to understand in it in the first part. I was much more accepting of it in the second…kinda like that whole grief cycle.
I love how you're able to make ANYTHING sexual. Not to sound gratuitious, like when one is so infatuated with a woman she could do anything and it's sexy, so is your writing to me. I enjoy it so much you're able to make anything a turn on, for me at least! J
You challenge the fine line or eroticism and violence. Like in the story of Gareth and the prostitute there is something for everybody. A holier than thou, the preacher's wife who gets on lit while the good reverend sleeps, can be appropriately sickened as she quickly closes it to look for something a bit tamer or for ampics of Chippendale wannabes. Someone who is "into" non-consent can be turned on. A dime a dozen perv like me finds it at once fascinating, thought provoking, yet ultimately sad. I did wonder in that scene and in others, how you successfully circumvent "underage", that's all that concerned me.
I love the word "tawny", but evidently not as much as you do! J
I liked having gotten so lost in the world of Part II that I was able to set aside Part I and enjoy the next installment for what it was. I was as into the new characters so I could let go of my "little buddies" in Part I, much like I had to with the characters in the three ring circus that was the OJ trial lol! (OK I still think about Kato from time to time, I do hope he's OK). Point being, getting readers attached to characters in no small feat. As I said, I had a Kathy Bates in Misery response to Eva's death, but you appropriately replaced that attachment with new, just as interesting characters in Part II. (Though I still can't believe you'd do such a cockadoody thing to me. Eva still remains my fave VP character ever)
And if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, in my continued quest to show rather than to tell, I find your use of incomplete sentences to capture snippets of senses to be a quite effective tool. I like to use it now myself, and I think of you as I do it! It helps create subtle nuances you can't do anything other way, at least not any way I can think of. I'll never do it the way you can, but it has made my stories better.
I found the emptiness of the nonconsensual sex to be excrutiating. The emotions of the hope of it being more than just a "function" from Nix's POV, when she first tells her story, was very moving to me. Her strength, her ability to endure, made her a very admirable character to me.
Got all weepy as their love developed and grew. Thank you for that! J
"belonging to themselves"…love that phrase, just love it.
Now that he had a clear mandate, something simple he could do for her, a way to be better than useless, he worked efficiently, still terribly gentle
I've not read anything in a long time that shows such insight into men than the above line…and it's much appreciated, actually. Such glimmers into what really makes men tick are rarer than they ought to be.
The Nix/Kayla sex scene is the hottest thing you never wrote!
I also want to you I appreciate everything you've ever "taut" me J (the compliment is sincere, as is the ribbing!)
reflected the same demographic 'k now that I've begun ribbing you, thanks for the MBA phrase! I felt like I was at work for a moment. Refugee women happens to be our target audience haha.
John seemed reluctant to leave them, to let Gareth out of his sight after being lost from him for so long, but after asking twice if they needed anything, and reminding them three times that he was just down the hall if they did, he wished them good-night and softly closed their door.


I realized how much I missed John after reading that paragraph. Such a dad! Again, great male insight in a story that reminds the reader this is not male basher story at all, rather of otherwise regular men given to extraordinary stress in the absence or scarcity of women. (By the way in a world with so few women how does anything get found???) The atrocities are overt, the tenderness where tenderness is offered subtle throughout. Incredibly effective.
Interesting too, the social/ethical questions raised in a society where women become scarce. Some social orders have provisions for when the male population is decimated, such as in a war. Haven't seen anything in any rulebook regarding this one…
I thought the rehab sex scenes were really creepy. But I suspect they were supposed to be. My reaction was Nix-like. I never watched a how-to sex video (maybe I should!) but I would imagine it would have all the sex appeal of a Bob Vila how-to on remodeling a bathroom.
After another long silence he said, "I worry that when you touch me, when you hold me while we sleep, you're doing it only for me. Not because it's something you want for yourself. I've felt it from the beginning, from that first night you came into my bed and held me while I..."

"No. Back then, maybe. You're right. I wanted to be kind. To give you something you needed. But now, no. I never thought I could, I thought I never would, but I want. I want you."

"Whatever happens between you and me, Nix, I don't want it to be like it would have been with that woman in Sewanee. I want everything between us to be for you, for both of us. Please. Promise me you won't give anything, do anything only to be kind. Please."

"Alright, Gareth. I promise."

She kissed his palm, the inside of his wrist. Sensing his warm flesh against her lips, her want welled up under the sadness wrapped tight around her, squeezing her. So bad, so much, her need, this sudden overwhelming want. But beside her, in her arms, against her body, Gareth was more hurt, more scared than needful, so she wrapped him in her warmth and held him until he fell asleep.
Love is hotter than lust…hottest scene in the whole story, even hotter than the last scene, which, well was, just marvelous and sweet!
I'd love to see you write a love story with none or very little sex, or see one you might have done. I'm sure it would be very, very powerful.
By the end you convinced me I didn't really need to know what the dying was. No small feat.
Thanks for such a wonderful story, for sharing it, and for welcoming any comments I might have had. I also want to thank you for your guidance, your support, and your investment in me. It means a lot. Thanks to you the dozen or so people who read my stuff really seem to like it! But most importantly, I like it better than the stories I first wrote, and that's pretty gratifying.
Tawnily yours,
ninefe2dg

 

[Varian P]

Holy cow, tawny one! You've made my day, once again.

Gosh, there's nothing to compare to having a phrase or a piece of dialog I've written held up before me and praised. Where did you get your PhD in ego stroking, may I ask?

It was especially gratifying to hear that, in the course of part two of After, I wooed you back (most of the way, at least) from your grief for Eva, and your burning need to know just what that pesky apocalypse was all about.

And of course you're more than welcome for any help I've given along the way.

A thousand thanks for this.

-Varian

 

[Quesla]

Hi Varyan? Quesla here: I was disappointed when Eva died in childbirth. I almost dropped the story from that point and wouldn't've read any further! Nic's and "Ardell did not quite fit into the flow of the beginning story and Eva's coragious plan to refashion a new society where women had the strength to choose for themselves without being forced into guilt trips by fathers and familys and society in general! It really gave her power to choose for both love, power (Major Ssmith and Rigs for reform and revival/redemption! The accptance of Ardell as a fag" that took pleasure in sexual frusstration against men that rape and violently hate and use their power was quite the tool. Certainly a negative point of view, but it tells a lot about violent and anti-social behaviour that makes "real men rape and pilage! It proves that they are weak! Nics was a very strong and yet weak character! That she had to vacate her body to tolerate the evil that she was facing at the hands of men woke me and made me cry. In the end that Gareth's weakness was fear of hurting those he truly loved when he had never experienced gentle and passionate love! He thought that the feelings between his mother and John, his father and Major smith were violent encounters, as he had never seen love bring rough wildness in passion. I cry with the backgrounds that we all face with our family backgrounds with religious stricture forcing women to be week and men to be so strong that they are not even allowed in a lot of cases to cry. That they must show power by being territorial and owning their women and threatened if their singly owned women chose and try to love more than just him alone. That is selfish and has lead to just as many wars as religion itself! It really bares the destructive emotions of humans in general! Sadly and yet lovingly, smiling through my tears: Quesla

 

[Quesla]

Hi Varyan? I don't know whether it makes much differance in how one sees the human morale of your story: I am completely blind with a youthful memory of sighted life!? Yes, Blind people do cry. After: brings humanity up upon or down upon me! Love from the eyes of memory of a sighted idealist! Love & Light: Quesla

 

[Quesla]

After: Eva/Nics vs Changed Girl?There is so much difference between Changed Girl and After: I might just go back and read the rest of Changed Girl! Found Conrad a vile and irritating villian! He terrorized both Vaughn? sp? and the pig tailed woman who had written of imaagined sexual fantasies but never enacted them? A very frustrating story that one! I will certainly try again considering the feelings that After evoked! Love & Light: Quesla

 

[Quesla]

Melodrama, ... To me is William Shatner in the episode of classic Startrek in which he is nocked into amnesia in the oblisk. I found the control of Conrad in the "Changed Girl too rehersed. The man's control and manipula tion of the other two characters irritating! Perhaps it did mak her strong enough to force him to looose interest and leave, but his controlling nature was very distastful and turbbed tge conflict from a trauma into a scripted controlling scene under the whip master. As I mentioned in a previous message, I'm going to try tory to read it again and finish it. Conrad is definitely a chalange to read. Quesla Sory about Spelling: I'm COMPLETELY BLIND! and sometimes miss my place and end up re writting haf way through a thought! Love & Light. Thank The Lord & Lady and human inventors and software writers for word processers!!! It's just a case of getting the speech voice program to match with the word processor now! and the xp operating system! Quesla