Ages?

[CutieMouse]

My dad sat me down at 13, and told me I was free to have sex with anyone I wanted, but to please let him know first so he could get me on the pill.

My mom sat me down at 15, and told me in no uncertain terms that I wasnt' allowed to date, and anyone who went on the pill was a slut.

I told each of them during those really uninformative conversations, that my youth minister said sex before marriage was a sin, so I wasn't going to have sex until I was married.

Sigh.


The last time I visited my children (they live with their dad), my eldest and I were up late watching the Discovery channel. Some ad came on about a program on human sexuality, and my (very black/white) 12 year old announces : Oh my God. I can't believe they are talking about THAT on TV. It's profane! What if a kid saw that!

Pause.

Me: What???

Son: I mean they're talking about SEX mom. Can you think of a more profane subject? And on television no less! (I should note- very smart kid, larger than average vocabulary, lives with dad who has serious guilt issues regarding sex.)

Sigh. I corrected the misinformation that sex was dirty, bad, wrong, etc and told him if he ever wanted to discuss it with me, to let me know.

Yesterday, I had the enormously amusing experience of explaining to my roommate's 3 boys, that they are welcome to tie each other up, but to please make sure they can get a few fingers under the rope, and while the duct tape might have *seemed* like a good idea at the time (the 7 year old is gonna be pretty good at doing mummy wraps someday...), to please NOT use duct tape, because they could have a reaction to the glue. Then I cut/unwrapped them, and went into their mom's room, closed the door, explained the story, and we both laughed until we cried.

 

[FurryFury]

Fury:
I can say,from the chats with my mum, that such openness with children is unusual.

I am very open with close friends too and my best friend thinks that the openness me and my mum have is scary. I talk to her (my mum) about most of my sex life (with some bits excluded as I've previously said) but also two years ago when i found out I was accidentally pregnant she was the first person I called... not my then partner. She was also the one at my side when I was in hospital with a miscarriage.

I think that your children are very very lucky to have that, I know I am.

Thanks Arianna!

It's true that some people find such openness scary. I find being closed off scary! LOL.

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

I'd like to think that my kids feel safe coming to me with anything, even things I might not like.

Oh and Happy Birthday!

I hope you have a great day.

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

fury, you kind of remind me of my mother ( i think i may have told you this before). i never got fed the lines eiher, and while she wonders abuot my descision to be in a BDSM relationship, she (and my father) knows and supports me. not that they can realy complain... the apple doesnt fall far from the tree in the BDSM case...

LOL!

This is one reason why I won't freak out about BDSM if my kids are into it. Nor will I freak out if they are gay, bi or straight. I have no problem with any of that.

OTOH, if they were asexual I'd freak for sure!

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

My dad sat me down at 13, and told me I was free to have sex with anyone I wanted, but to please let him know first so he could get me on the pill.

My mom sat me down at 15, and told me in no uncertain terms that I wasnt' allowed to date, and anyone who went on the pill was a slut.

I told each of them during those really uninformative conversations, that my youth minister said sex before marriage was a sin, so I wasn't going to have sex until I was married.

Sigh.


The last time I visited my children (they live with their dad), my eldest and I were up late watching the Discovery channel. Some ad came on about a program on human sexuality, and my (very black/white) 12 year old announces : Oh my God. I can't believe they are talking about THAT on TV. It's profane! What if a kid saw that!

Pause.

Me: What???

Son: I mean they're talking about SEX mom. Can you think of a more profane subject? And on television no less! (I should note- very smart kid, larger than average vocabulary, lives with dad who has serious guilt issues regarding sex.)

Sigh. I corrected the misinformation that sex was dirty, bad, wrong, etc and told him if he ever wanted to discuss it with me, to let me know.

Yesterday, I had the enormously amusing experience of explaining to my roommate's 3 boys, that they are welcome to tie each other up, but to please make sure they can get a few fingers under the rope, and while the duct tape might have *seemed* like a good idea at the time (the 7 year old is gonna be pretty good at doing mummy wraps someday...), to please NOT use duct tape, because they could have a reaction to the glue. Then I cut/unwrapped them, and went into their mom's room, closed the door, explained the story, and we both laughed until we cried.

LOL!

Cute story about the rope and duct tape!

The other would bother me a great deal though.

Fury

 

[Blushing Bottom]

53 years young here and I was told a couple of months ago that I'm harder to keep up with than a 2 year old. We were in the bedroom at the time.

I have had years to perfect the perfect scene and work slowly at acting it out now that I am...out that is.

d

 

[graceanne]

I'm 29, got married when I was 19 and still married. I have three kids, ages 8, 5, and *sob* 4. I've always known that I liked pain, only realized it was ok in the last three or four years.

 

[Shankara20]

I'm 59 - I have been "out" with BDSM for about 15 years now, "out" as a bisexual for about 10 years. Before coming out I had struggled with my identity for about 10 years before taking the steps to eventually discover who I was as a sensual being.

None of these interests were evident to me the first 40 years of my life. Married, father of two kids, sexually active but in non-kink ways, wore only male undies – I was the model of a straight male. It slowly all started to come apart with several high-stress experiences in my early 40’s. Now, in spite of the pain of self-discovery, I am so very happy it did - I know who I truly am and what I want in my life.

Wishing you all the best in your discovery.

 

[Chicklet]

i'm 25. Have always known that i liked non conventional sex..was tied up by my first boyfriend at 15..but didn't really get heavy into BDSM untill a few years ago.

heh this is my experience exactly

 

[MechaBlade]

I'm in my mid-twenties. I've always been in to women submitting (or fighting back ), but I only recently became actively dominant. I always thought it was normal until my late teens or so, when I realized other guys didn't think like that. But I've never felt it was wrong.

 

[snake307]

BDSM Kinks and age groups

First, you have to realize that until the internet, most of us never would have met. The only place to get BDSM material was at seedy adult entertainment stores, where you had to be desperate for the information before you would enter it.

Second, those older than I am can confirm, that trying to comform to social norms, and BTW the Psychiatric Profession doesn't consider us insane anymore, was required to survive. The Psychiatric Profession considered us insane until the last 25 years or so. Imagine if you will, imagine if you dared to follow your desires, the risk of being labeled insane, disturbed, or nuttier than a fruitcake in May. Now, we enjoy more freedom, safe and anon access to information, and a supportive community. This didn't exist in the mid 1980's. I had a set of handcuffs, little decorative thumbcuffs really, hanging from my rear view mirror, and I used to hide them from first dates because I was concerned they wouldn't understand my kinks. This by the way was in the late 1980's, when kinky was becoming vogue.

Simple bondage was about all they would even consider accepting even then. The idea of a 24/7 relationship where dom/sub is clearly defined, well that was way outside the norm, into a land where you needed to be assisted into a facility that would help straighten your mind out.

Things are different now, and that is good and it's bad. It's bad because the kids today are trying to out extreme the previous generation. This desire to out do, to out extreme, to show the old folks what is really great is starting to push the bounds of the Safe Sane and Consensual principals in my opinion. This lifestyle is potentially dangerous, injuries and death can hapen if you aren't considering what you are about to do. I am happy I went slow, and found out how far my kink would take me. No one was hurt while I experimented in tying up various girlfriends over the years, but I know now that was due as much to luck as skill or knowledge on my part. I found out the hard way what my hard limits were. Things I wouldn't do to them, and things I wouldn't have done to me. Fear is often a part of our lifestyle, but Terror shouldn't ever be.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm 23 and a switch. I've known I was a masochist since I was very young (6 or 7). I tied myself up and inflicted pain on myself when I was a first-grader. I started connecting pain with sexual pleasure when I was maybe 8 or 9. My first "real" boyfriend and I experimented with pain play when I was 17 or 18. I started really exploring my bottom-y side when I was 19 and my Toppy side when I was 20 or so, when I discovered that I'm as a big a masochist as I am a sadist. I entered my first real M/s relationship last year, at the ripe old age of 22, when B. collared me. We're both switches, and while he's the mostly dominant one in our relationship, I do Top him from time to time.

 

[trisquel_astur]

Hi!

I'm 46 years young. Always liked kinky and rough sex, but didn't been involved in BDSM till 2 years ago, when my fiancee sent me a photo... tied and gagged. Now she is my wife and subbie.

Happy Bithday (with a day of delay, but sincerely).

 

[planetqueen]

I am 38 and have had fantasies about non-consensual sex and being hurt since I was really quite little.

I felt appropriate catholic guilt about it until about 10 years ago, and now I manage to have the most peverse of sex with a clear and happy conscience.

 

[Quint]

...........

 

[missofdarkness]

i'm 30 and i started to be dom at 1..

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I'm 57 (oh, Gawd/ess... I can draw early Social Security in less than five years????), and have known, at least subconsciously, what I was into from as early as I can remember (age 3 or so?), because I quite frequently slapped the bottoms of little girl playmates (and would have done it more often if I had thought I could get away with it). In my teens, I had one girlfriend who was as kinky as I (maybe even kinkier? lol), and we enjoyed our explorations, but were ashamed of them, because we knew the "rest of the world" wouldn't approve.

In my early 20s, I discovered the world of kink, and that there was such a thing, and explored it as best I could pre-Internet, found a local group, but left it because it didn't fit my needs (it was very much "Old Guard," with a lot of formality and - to me - needless BS). I did "my own thing" for a good while thereafter, including research in abnormal psych (!) books and such materials as I could find in the local seedy adult bookstore (see snake307's post above).

But to answer your key (IMNSHO) question

If people know that they have kinks when they are young, ... how come it can take so long ... to 'come out' ... or accept that their kinks are acceptable?

I would agree with snake that in "our time," being as open about anything about one's sexuality, let alone kink, just was not done. The pressure to "conform to the norm" in the late 50s, early 60s and even into the 70s and 80s, was tremendous for those who lived in the mainstream. (You can ignore those crazy beatniks/hippies/etc. - they're just the outside edges of the universe and don't count - or at least that was the attitude of the majority.) Therefore, those of us who were into kink concealed our interests and proclivities, often even from ourselves.

There is still a great deal of that concealment going on, as I'm sure you're aware, especially now that the Religious Right (Wrong!) has gained so much influence in the political arena, and particularly in that area of the U.S. known as the Bible Belt. In this area - most of the southeastern to midsouthern states - one can have a completely private play party, with only known friends in attendance, and get busted for - and convicted of - a substantial number of felony charges, including spousal/partner abuse, battery, battery with a deadly weapon, etc., etc. The fact that the so-called abuse or battery was completely consensual and desired would carry no weight with the courts. So, to paraphrase Descartes: "I kink, therefore I hide."

 

[HottieMama]

i'm 31 and have only recently come out in regards to BDSM behavior and a desire for a D/s relationship. i have been out as a bisexual for 13 years, and while my sex life has always included "rough sex" it is just recently that the need for a D/s relationship has manifested itself.

i was raised that sex was not something we discussed in "polite company," and i still deal with a lot of issues regarding that. It's almost as if i am embarrassed of my desires, even when i am talking to like-minded individuals. i have gotten better expressing myself, but i still have miles to go.

 

[graceanne]

My dad sat me down at 13, and told me I was free to have sex with anyone I wanted, but to please let him know first so he could get me on the pill.

My mom sat me down at 15, and told me in no uncertain terms that I wasnt' allowed to date, and anyone who went on the pill was a slut.

I told each of them during those really uninformative conversations, that my youth minister said sex before marriage was a sin, so I wasn't going to have sex until I was married.

Sigh.


The last time I visited my children (they live with their dad), my eldest and I were up late watching the Discovery channel. Some ad came on about a program on human sexuality, and my (very black/white) 12 year old announces : Oh my God. I can't believe they are talking about THAT on TV. It's profane! What if a kid saw that!

Pause.

Me: What???

Son: I mean they're talking about SEX mom. Can you think of a more profane subject? And on television no less! (I should note- very smart kid, larger than average vocabulary, lives with dad who has serious guilt issues regarding sex.)

Sigh. I corrected the misinformation that sex was dirty, bad, wrong, etc and told him if he ever wanted to discuss it with me, to let me know.

Yesterday, I had the enormously amusing experience of explaining to my roommate's 3 boys, that they are welcome to tie each other up, but to please make sure they can get a few fingers under the rope, and while the duct tape might have *seemed* like a good idea at the time (the 7 year old is gonna be pretty good at doing mummy wraps someday...), to please NOT use duct tape, because they could have a reaction to the glue. Then I cut/unwrapped them, and went into their mom's room, closed the door, explained the story, and we both laughed until we cried.

LOL I caught my son and daughter taking turns spanking eachother the other day.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I'm 59 - I have been "out" with BDSM for about 15 years now, "out" as a bisexual for about 10 years. Before coming out I had struggled with my identity for about 10 years before taking the steps to eventually discover who I was as a sensual being.

None of these interests were evident to me the first 40 years of my life. Married, father of two kids, sexually active but in non-kink ways, wore only male undies – I was the model of a straight male. It slowly all started to come apart with several high-stress experiences in my early 40’s. Now, in spite of the pain of self-discovery, I am so very happy it did - I know who I truly am and what I want in my life.

Wishing you all the best in your discovery.

I was just thinking that I have yet to see any women on this board my age. However I can sing that Shanky is olderrrrrrr.

Eb

 

[midwestyankee]

I was just thinking that I have yet to see any women on this board my age. However I can sing that Shanky is olderrrrrrr.

Eb

I suspect that there are a few, Eb, but they may not have happened across this thread or may not have been willing to provide something like full disclosure. Can speak accurately about one, but am also smart enough to keep such privileged information to myself.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I suspect that there are a few, Eb, but they may not have happened across this thread or may not have been willing to provide something like full disclosure. Can speak accurately about one, but am also smart enough to keep such privileged information to myself.

You are a wise man. [And a healthy one]

 

[Cheshire D]

19, to be 20 in August. I've known I was a sub since...well..I was young. I didn't know what it meant, but I just know that my fantasies involved me being the one having things done to, rather than being the one to do. (I was being experimented on, I was the imprisoned princess...one time, I was probably about 10, a girl and I down the block role played that I was a princess and she was my cruel mother....I'm just waiting to find her again in the community.) Only recently, within the past year, have I had a chance to be able to actually experiment with offline partners. I gotta say, it's been lotsa fun.

 

[lostsavage]

I am 36, raised as Roman Catholic (12 years of catholic education) So sex was not a subject that was brought up around my house. In my dating and my circle of friends sex/sexuality was never a big deal. The groups I hung out with and still do are very alternative. (needless to say the parental units don't know where the education they gave me failed)

I have always enjoyed pain, inflicting and receiving.(wrestled all 4 years in high school)

Me and my wife have been together since I was 21 and she 23. We led a happy all though not completely vanilla life (toys and some light bondage) until recently when we had a revelation that we both were lacking something in our sex lives. At this point we talked about and decided that 15+ years of monogamy was good but we trust and love each other enough that we will allow ourselves the ability to play outside of our relationship. The only stipulation we have is the we tell each other what is going on so no one comes home to any "surprises" and that out side of us we use protection. ( I was "fixed" a while ago so between us we don't need to use anything to keep from getting preggers) This has turned out to be overall a good thing for us. We are constantly learning and trying new things with each other that we never did in the previous 15 years. It had not been with out its hard time but those are minor compared to the many many pluses this has given us. this has also increased or communication with each other a ton.


LS

 

[trojan_man_co]

22 almost 23 here... im a domly switch

 

[FluteMaster]

Great thread

I'm 48, Male, love being a dominant.

I was raised a Catholic, and sex was NEVER talked about at home. My dad was a bully, and discussion was not an option.

So, I had a hard time as a younger man even dealing with vanilla sex with all sorts of guilt and hang ups, let alone anything kinky.

Just about the time of my first marriage I found "The Story of O" and was mesmersised by it...but assumed it was all unadulterated fantasy. My father in law had some interesting spanking magazines he kept hidden away, but that was my only awareness of the world of kink.

So, looking back, I would say that I had an interest, but absolutely no clue about how to fulfill it. And then, last year, I met someone online (hooray the net), who turned out to be an extreme submissive, and I discovered a talent for writing D/s scenes that made us both hot. It was like a switch had been thrown in me, and I came clean to myself about what I liked and wanted. However, at this point as a married man, I limited myself to reading and chatting on line.

Sadly, my current wife isn't so relaxed about Kink, and would rather I kept my interest to a little mild play with her, and doing some writing. However, after 40+ yrs of supressing/ignoring these desires, that just isn't enough, and we have agreed to part. So, I am on the brink of a new life, and finally I feel I am being honest about myself and what I want. It's taken a long while to get there, and I feel like I'm making up for lost time.

And a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY