ANDTHEEND's Highlighted Stories

[andtheend]

A Perfect Welcoming by regnglad

I've been off for a on a long weekend celebrating the Fourth of July holiday. Happy Independence Day everyone.

Here's a story story by an established author here at Literotica that has posted in the Erotic Couplings today.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=484508

Let's start with the good parts about this story. This is a young, talented author who knows how to tell a story and this story should and could have been much hotter than it is.

It's a very short story that is all narative, which is okay for a short story. The author has a gift for description, only he failed to describe his character.

Why? I don't understand. I had to double check the catagory to see if this was a Non-Human story and she was a ghost.

As the reader, I would have more enjoyed knowing if this woman of desire had short hair or long hair. Was she a blonde, brunette or a red head. Maybe she was a Nubian princess. Maybe she was an Asian chick. I have no idea, as the writer didn't want to reveal what this woman looked like?

Any time you don't describe your character, any time you don't develop your character by using imagery and/or a bit of dialogue to let the reader know who she is and why she's there, you miss the opportunity of taking your story from a 5 to a 10.

We readers what to see what the writer is seeing. That's the art of writing to put us in the room with you. We are all voyeurs. We want to be sitting there with you on the side of the bed, while your girlfriend is enjoying your naked body. Only, we have no idea what you look like or what she looks like and he missed the perfect opportunity to describe her, when she said she had been looking at some naked photos of herself.

Yeah? Duh? We're not pscyhic. How hot would that have been to be there looking over her shoulder while she was looking at herself naked.

Still, I recommend this story and, further, I'd like to see the author rewrite this with my suggestions in mind. I think this story, at twice the length could be a masterpiece.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Discovery by standingstones

Here's a new story by a well established writer, who has written here for years and that posted today in the gay male category.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=484489

Well, I dunno. I think the writer did himself an injustice by submitting this story in the gay male category, when clearly it should have been posted in the incest category. For certain, this story would have received much more attention, reads, votes, and comments, had it been posted as an incest story rather than as a gay male story.

Well, to be honest, it was an enjoyable read, realistic and different, a son having sex with his friend, and then the son having sex with the father.

However, my tired comment prevails. I would have found this story so much hotter had the characters been described. I would have enjoyed knowing what Chris, Rob, and Dad all looked like. I would have enjoyed the story more, if I could see what the writer was seeing.

A bit of imagery would have gone a long way with this story. Moreover, this story could have been longer and more interesting with more developed characters.

I had unanswered questions about the Dad? Was this his first gay experience? A story that was told from the father's point of view to begin with, it would have been ideal to show the reader the struggles and tensions that Daddy was having, when about to have sex with his son. Yeah, the writer touched briefly on that, but he could have written a page, just on that.

Even though I recommend this story to those who enjoy reading stories in this category, I can't help but view this story as unfinished. I didn't feel satisfied after reading this story, but confused.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

A Day In Oxford by madeira

Here's a new story by a new writer that posted in the Group Sex category today.

Welcome to Literotica madeira.

Below is the link to the story.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=484546

Aside that this story was a bit short, I thought it was rather well done.

It was an enjoyable read, but I stopped short of seeing Jane and Susan and I so much would have enjoyed this story more, if I could have seen them. Clearly, after the writer's description of them, I could see their tits, but it was as if they had headless bodies.

And what about Steve and Andrew, where they characters not worthy of a desciption, too, other than describing their cocks?

My complaint of this story is my common complaint for most stories I've highlighted. If only the writer would take the time to describe his or her characters, if only he or she would allow me, the reader, to see what it is they are seeing, then they will have a story that shows me the action without having them go through the effort of telling me the action.

I thought the story had a good mix of narative and dialogue. It was well balanced when it came to that and that takes a skilled writer to do that, to move the story along without the reader feeling manipulated.

I shall look forward to reading more submissions from this author and I recommend this story for those who enjoy reading stories in this category and who are looking for a light, fun read.

I hope my spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Their First Meeting by reteps

Here's a new story by a new author that posted in the Fetish Category.

Welcome to Literotica reteps.

The story link is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=484603

Well, let's see. This story is about fisting, whatever that is. I must be the English term for boxing. Maybe the writer's fetish has to do with being beat up by his girlfriend.

Whoa! Are you kidding me? That's what fisting is? I didn't know that. Gees, doesn't that hurt? I haven't been spread like that, since the birth of my son.

Okay, just give me a moment to collect my thoughts. I'm doubled over from the imagined pain of being fisted. I don't think I'm big enough to have two fingers inside of me at the same time, forget about an entire fist.

Do people really do this? Wow!

Anyway, I thought the story was well written and I recommend this story to those who are turned on by shoving them fist in a woman or a woman who enjoys having a fist twisted inside of her.

"Hey, Joe. What do you have? Did you find anything?"

"Well, I found another copy of Howard Hughes will and Jimmy Hoffa's ring."

Sorry, I'm just having a bit of fun with fisting.

Okay have the same complaint with this story that I do with nearly all the stories that I've highlighted.

Dear Author, show me your characters. Describe them. Write in a bit of imagery. I want to see whatever it is you are seeing.

What does she look like? Is she tall, short, blonde, brunette or a redhead. What do you look like. Do you have a big fist and hairy arms? Show me.

Any time characters aren't described writers fall into telling instead of showing. Other than that complaint, I thought it was a good story.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Bikini Top Fell Off by LadyAntebellum20

Here's a new story that posted today by a new writer in the Incest/Taboo category.

Well to Literotica LadyAntebellum20

The story link is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=483827

Well, let's see. Where should I begin?

If you enjoy reading incest stories and who doesn't then this has a good sex scene. Actually the entire story is pretty much just a sex scene.

Nonetheless, if you are looking to get off, especially if you are a stepfather lusting over our stepdaughter or a stepdaughter lusting over her stepfather, then this story is for you. Enjoy.

Now for the bad. The story was all narative, not always a bad thing, but usually a sign that the writer is intruding upon the reader by telling the story, instead of showing the story and allowing the reader to broaden the story with his or her own thoughts and imagination.

There was no description of the character, other than the main character was 20-years-old with 36C tits.

It would have been hotter if I could have seen what the writer was seeing. Was she tall or short? What color hair and eyes did she have?

What about the stepfather and his friend. What did they look like? And were was Mommy, when all of this was happening.

A bit of character development, a bit of backstory, and a bit of imagery would have turned this story into a real winner. It is still a story recommended for those who are looking for this type of stroy.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[mjw2577]

Here's a new story by a new writer that posted today near the bottom of the pile in the Erotic Couplings category.

Welcome to Literotica mjw2577.

Below is the link to the story.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=480975

Hmm...It's a very short narative filled story that is devoid of dialogue, except for two small lines of conversation that is buried and lost within the narative.

Let me start off with what's good about this story. It has a good sex scene. That's enough for most readers, who come here to read a dirty story, I mean, of course, erotic literature.

Now for the bad part, which, I'm afraid, outweighs the good about this story.

There's no character description at all. Told from the first person point of view, I would have like to know that Gen looked like, so that I could envision her and so that I could become more involved in the story.

Except for the author telling me, not showing me that he enjoys oral sex, there's no backstory or character development. Whenever characters are not described and whenever characters are not developed, stories, even those stories with decent sex scenes, tell the reader what is happening, instead of showing the reader what is happening.

We readers want to see the action. We don't want the writer getting in the way of the action by telling us. Our mind is busy trying to get a picture of the characters in the story, only we can't because there's no character description.

I dare say that this could have been a much better story. Perhaps, the writer will take some of my suggestions constructively and rewrite this or use my suggestions in his or her next story.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

Thanks for the feedback. I will certainly incorporate it into my next story. I wrote this from a good memory, and perhaps I should have invented some dialogue, since what I remembered was the sexual encounter itself. I appreciate you taking the time to critique my story. I hope you enjoyed the good bits.

-M

 

[andtheend]

The Special Thing About Me by vicburress

Here's a new story by a new writer that posted in the anal category.

Welcome to Literotica vicburress.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=485164

Well, first off, the story is very short for those of you who don't like to read a long story. And it has a decent sex scene for those who enjoy reading stories from this category.

It has a nice mix of dialogue and narative and it flows without bogging down, only the story could have been, should have been longer, especially the sex scene.

Now for my familiar gripe. There's no character descriptions. I would have more enjoyed the story if I knew what the characters looked like. It's a must, especially when you've taken the time to write dialogue to describe your characters, somewhat, even a little bit. Give me something, otherwise they are just talking heads and the reader cannot see your characters nor will the reader care about your characters.

A little description goes a long way, especially in a story so short. Fortunately, there was a bit of imagery (lol), I'll see if you can find that. Matter of fact, those who enjoy this category may enjoy the imagery that the writer wrote.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Her First Time by boundandgagged

Here's a new story by a new writer that posted yesterday in the First Time category.

Welcome to Literotica boundandgagged.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=484961

Well, what I like about this story is how the writer sets the stage, instead of just launching into a sex scene. Even though this is a very short story, by use of taking the time to use a few sentences for a backstory, he actually develops his characters, somewhat, which is good.

There are a few tense issues going from present tense to past tense and back. Minor things that can be fixed with a rewrite.

What I didn't like about the story is that it was all narative. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with stories that are all narative, but after the author went to the trouble of developing his characters, a little bit, he should have given them a few lines of dialogue.

I didn't like it how he or she dumped much of the sex scene into one, big, too long of a paragraph. Definitely, that should have been broken up into two or three paragraphs with some dialogue inserted to give the reader a break. The way it reads now made me feel as if I was about to run a race and had to read really fast.

The last point is character description. These were best friends. This was a First Time story, a romantic story. I would have more enjoyed the story had the writer taken the time to describe his characters, if only a little bit. Certainly, a bit of imagery for this type of story would go a long way.

Other than that, it wasn't bad and I recommend the story for those who enjoy reading this category.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Alone by seemeemee

Here's a new story by a new writer that posted today in the Toys & Masturbation category, one of my favorite categories, being that I have an entire collection of toys.

Welcome to Literotica seemeemee.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=484086

At first glance, I liked the story and I enjoyed reading it. It was good and I recommend this story to those who enjoy reading stories from this category.

I did have a couple suggestions, though. There was one paragragh that was too long and that would have done the story some justice by breaking into two or even three sections. The way that it's written now, as one big paragraph, unless, of course, this was the intention of the writer, left the reader a bit breathless.

Perhaps, it was the intention of the writer to leave the reader breathless, as a way of showing the reader that the character was feeling a bit breathless by touching herself. Still, even with that in mind, dismissing that as being intentional, I would have broken up the paragragh for a better pace to the story.

Why? Mainly because the story was so short. Breaking up the paragraph would have prolonged it and would have allowed the writer to make that part of the story, the most important part of the story, more engaging.

Of course, I would have more enjoyed the story, if I had an image of the main character. Was she short, tall, fat, thin, blonde, brunette or a redhead. Imagery and images, even though the writer did a good job in describing things are important in a short story.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and reads. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Dinner With Sister In Law by Wet_Orchid

Here is a new story that posted today in the Fetish category by a new writer for 2010.

Welcome to Literotica Wet_Orchid.

Below is the link to the story.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=486548

To be honest, I love in-law stories. Generally, though, in-law stories are posted under the Incest/taboo category. I'm intriqued to learn why Wet_Orchid posted it beneath the Fetish category.

"Wow! Yikes!"

To be honest, I never expected this one. This is a new wrinkle for me. Normally, it's the brother-in-law after the sister-in-law and it's the guy wanting to wear the panties but...I must not ruin the story for those who have not read this.

Even though the story is very short, I give this story an A and recommend that you read it, especially if you enjoy reading incest, lesbian, and fetish stories. It's all here.

Very well done, Wet_Orchid. I thoroughly enjoyed your story. Great job.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Them by SirJaerls

Here's a new story by a new writer that posted today in the BDSM category.

Welcome to Literotica SirJaerls ( I betcha can't say that tongue twister of a name fast 3 times).

Below is the link.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=486546

Ah, 'tis a pity. The story starts out great with some wonderful description and detail about the interior of the room. Then...

What about the character(s)? You didn't describe the woman being disciplined. I would have more enjoyed your story, if I could see her.

And what about the others in the room? What did they look like? Were they all men or were there women, too?

Perhaps, if there was even a line of dialogue, I many have had a glimpse of the character, but a story such as this, especially a bondage and discipline story must have characters that we, the reader, can see, so that we, the reader, can feel what they are feeling.

My suggestion is that this writer rewrites and resubmits this story with a bit more character development, definitely character description, and even a bit of dialogue.

"No, help! Get off me! Let me go!"

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Cold Vengeance by Sunamoon37

Here's a new story that posted today in the BDSM category by a fairly new author.

Welcome to Literotica Sunamoon37.

Below is the link to the story.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=485478

I think this is a decent story, especially for those readers who enjoy reading stories in the BDSM category. It has a nice mix of narative and dialogue, so that you're not reading a lot of black space.

Only, my common complaint, I so would have enjoyed this story more had the author described the character. What did she look like? I was curious and I couldn't picture her in my mind without the help of the author.

Just a litle bit of character development, along with character description, and a bit of imagery would have taken this story to new heights. Nonetheless, I recommend it.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[Sunamoon37]

Thank You for your insight. I do appreciate all comments. They make me a better writer. This was based on a personal experience. So I just didnt feel the need to give alot of details, it was more about the situation. Not how She looked. I do agree that It would have helped the reader to know what she looked like. She had green eyes and long blond hair was all I felt was needed in what I was thinking and feeling at the time. I will describe them better in the future... Thanks for the highlight and your thoughts on the story!
Suna

 

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Neighbor, Neighbor by Hayden Braeburn

Here's a new story by a new writer that posted today in the Exhibitionist & Voyeur category.

Welcome to Literotica Hayden Braeburn.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=487375

This was an interesting, albeit very short story. I liked how it started off with Roz standing in front of the full length mirror, while knowing full well that she was being watched by her neighbor.

A voyeuristic fantasy that men have, seeing a woman walking around naked, before she masturbates.

Only, especially since this category begs for it, I would have loved to know what Roz looks like. How else can I see what Gray sees, if the author doesn't tell me what the character of his voyeurism looks like.

The author briefly described Gray, but not enough to give me an image of him. For this story to really work, character descriptions are imperative.

Nonetheless, it was a decent story with a decent sex scene. Enjoy.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more view, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

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Theatre Fuck by MermaidsMermaids4

Here's a new story by a new author that posted today in the Exhibitionist & Voyeur category.

Welcome to Literotica MermaidsMermaids4.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=486915

Well, as a rite of passage, we've all been there, whether at a drive-in or in the balcony, who hasn't had sex in the theatre?

Only, I had sex with the person that I went to the movie with. This story is about having sex with a stranger. Now, it has my interest.

Ah, but I'm disappointed. What started out as a promising premise rang unrealistic. Yet, there is a silver lining at the end for those who enjoy reading this category, it has a good sex scene.

So, what did I find wrong with the story. No character descriptions, no dialogue. It was all narative with two very long paragraphs that should have been broken in halves.

Since I like the premise of it, I'd love to see the author rewrite this story. Only, don't launch into the sex so fast. Seriously, unless the woman is a hooker or an escaped mental patient, have sex with a stranger, without exchanging names, without even saying anything to one another is too unbelievable.

"I don't want to know your name. Don't talk. Just fuck me."

Now, if the author went down that road, that would have worked.

Still, it's a fun read and fun to imaged that this really could happen in real life.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

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Surprised Sister-In-Law by daddygoesdeep

Here's a new story by a new author that posted today in the Incest/taboo category.

Welcome to Literotica daddygoesdeep.

Below is the link to the story.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=487527

By the way, as a reminder, so many of your readers don't vote and seldom comment. Please do. These writers work hard to entertain you. The least you can do is give them a vote and a bit of feedback. Thanks.

Just one more aside, if I could. Many readers don't consider sex with in-laws as incest. May I remind you that the category is Incest/taboo. So, for those who don't think that sex with your sister-in-law, brother-in-law, mother-in-law and/or father-in-law, it is definitely taboo.

Now for the story.

Well, except for beginning sentences with ing words, working in a factory, opening my front door, stepping to the side, stabbing it again, stepping inside, and walking slowly, it was a decent story.

When you begin too many sentences with ing words, it focuses the attention of the read on that and throws the reader out of the story. In some cases, the sentence doesn't even make sense and/or is confusing as to what the author meant.

Then, towards the end of the story, either the author was tired of writing, editing, or excited by his own story, but he or she wrote one very long, too long, of a sentence.

"Walking slowly to the side of the bed, our eyes locked the entire time, Laurie never pulled the delicious thick cock from her cunt, holding it deep, listening to it's incessant humming, bringing her to another huge orgasm when I sat on the side of the bed and reached out, stroking one of her long fat nipples, standing up like marbles on her chest. Leaning over her shivering body, my hand closing over hers, I worked the huge cock in and out of her snapping pussy and her body went rigid, her back arched up and she squirted her exploding juices out around the edges of the invading hummer."

In a story so short, the above 109 word sentence could and should have been broken up into several sentences.

Lastly, I would have more enjoyed the story, had the author described his characters. I wanted to see what the author was seeing.

For those who love sister-in-law stories and incest stories in general, it does have a decent sex scene.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Please Yourself by asyoulikeit42

Here's a new story by a new writer that posted in the BDSM category today.

Welcome to Literotica asyoulikeit42.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=487858

I'd like to remind everyone to vote, at the very least, and comment, if you feel that you have some feedback and/or constructive criticism to offer the writer.

Well, to be honest, this reads like a masturbation scene. I was almost ready to grab my vibrator.

The sex is immediate and all consuming in his short, very short story. Only, because the character and the room is not described, the reader feels like a bystander, listening to the writer telling her story.

Certainly, the story would have been more engaging if the writer showed us what the characters looked like. Had we had some detail, a bit of imagery, we could have not only imagined the rest but also been more of a part of the story.

Perhaps, this writer meant to write it this way. It does read much like a fantasy written in a journal. Still, this is a readers's site as much as it is a writers's site and I remind writers not to forget your audience. Write to them and as a reader, we want to see what you, dear writers, are seeing, too.

I hope this spotlight garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

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After the Movie by Ivy_Isley

Here's a new story, one of three, by a new writer that posted today in the Erotic Couplings category.

Welcome to Literotica Ivy_Isley.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=487885

I'd like to remind readers to vote and comment, if you have feedback and constructive criticism to offer.

Let me say that if I was grading this story on the sex scene, alone, it would pass with flying colors. The sex scene starts immediately and continues through the whole story.

Only, as a reader, I feel much like a peeper. I feel, as if I was looking through the window and describing the action to my friend standing behind me, who couldn't see.

Is that good enough? No. As a reader, and this seems to be a common mistake with new writers, I want to see what the writer is seeing.

What does your characters look like? Are they short, tall, fat, thin, blonde or redheaded? Do they have blue eyes or brown eyes.

Listen, you don't have to list all their characteristics, a few hints is more than enough for the reader to imagine the rest. Sneak them in a line and further down in another paragraph. It doesn't work, as well, if you describe exactly how someone looks. That is jarring to the reader and knocks them out of your story, just as not describing your characters makes the reader feel detached from your story.

It was a good sex scene but who cares? Why don't I care? Because you didn't describe your character and I was unable to bond with your character. As a reader, I need to see your character to care about him or her and to feel something for them.

I suggest this writer rewrite this story and concentrate on bringing the characters to life. Make them three dimensional, instead of flat. When the characters jump off the page and take the keyboard from your hand to write their own story, is when you know you have a good one.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[Ivy_Isley]

Thank you so much for the feedback! It is much appreciated. As you've said, I'm new at this. I do need to get more into character development. This is actually part of a larger story that isn't primarily sexual (although it contains a lot of sex) and it is mid-relationship after you've already known them. I'm going to post an earlier story with this same couple with more description and story leading up to the sex. I'd be interested in your opinion. Thank you, once again.

 

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Sleeping by SkiOregon

Here's a new story by a new writer that posted today in teh Erotic Couplings category.

Welcome to Literotica SkiOregon.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=487944

Oh, darn.

As I was reading this story, I was hoping that the man was in the wrong room with the wrong woman. Now, that would have been a story. It's a pity.

Well, if you love reading stories in this category, you won't be disappointed by the lack of sex. The sex scene goes from beginning to end, which is good, but also which is what is bad with this story.

There's no character development. Who are these people and why are they there?

The story is all narative and there are a few typo mistakes, but not enough to knock you out of the story.

Again, I would have enjoyed this story so much more, if the writer had described the characters. He did a good job of describing the woman's sleeping attire and body, but little else. I had an image of a headless woman, while reading this.

Writers, especially new writers, must understand how important it is to describe your characters. Having a well developed character, one that, at the very least, has somewhat of a description, is what makes the reader care about your character and bond more with your story.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[jiskitten]

Quick Question

I started a new thread before reading yours. I'm a first timer and would appreciate some feedback from the pros. Though my story has been up for a week, and I've gotten some good responses, this is still my first foray into the world of erotic lit. That being said, how does one submit a piece for your review?

Many thanks!

And if I missed these instructions while looking back through the thread, my apologies.

Here's the link, just in case.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=487022

 

[andtheend]

I started a new thread before reading yours. I'm a first timer and would appreciate some feedback from the pros. Though my story has been up for a week, and I've gotten some good responses, this is still my first foray into the world of erotic lit. That being said, how does one submit a piece for your review?

Many thanks!

And if I missed these instructions while looking back through the thread, my apologies.

Here's the link, just in case.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=487022

All my stories are chosen by me and not submitted. I generally highlight new writers, first stories, especially those that were hidden at the bottom of the new list for the day.

I never highlight chapter stories, stories with a red H, and stories from long time writers. I figure their stories don't need highlighting.

I will take a look at your story, though.

 

[andtheend]

I started a new thread before reading yours. I'm a first timer and would appreciate some feedback from the pros. Though my story has been up for a week, and I've gotten some good responses, this is still my first foray into the world of erotic lit. That being said, how does one submit a piece for your review?

Many thanks!

And if I missed these instructions while looking back through the thread, my apologies.

Here's the link, just in case.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=487022

After reading your story and the 12 comments you received, you don't need me to highlight your story.

You are a fine writer and your story was very good, interesting, and engaging right from the first sentence.

The dialogue is spot on and your characters are real. There's a great mix of narative, just enough to further the story without bogging it down.

I recommend your story to all those who enjoy reading that category. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Warm Up by tyetyte

Here's a new story by a new writer that posted today in the BDSM category.

Welcome Literotica tyetyte.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=488830

Immediately, I see a couple of problems with this story that hopefully this writer can address with his or her next story.

First of all, it's very short. Secondly, it's all narative. Lastly, it's in the first person.

Now, ordinarily there's nothing wrong with first person stories, but in this story, I feel the writer is holding me back from getting too close. I can feel a hand on my chest, while I'm reading the story.

The good part is for those of you who enjoy reading stories in this category, you won't be disappointed with the sexual content, but it's all there.

Only, and again, there is no character description. Without a character description, without seeing who the writer is writing about, I am further distanced from the story.

You need to show us, dear writer, who you are writing about. We, the reader, what to see her. Is she tall, short, fat or thin? Is she blonde, a brunette or a redhead? Is she white, black or Asian.

At this point, especially since this story is so short, a bit of imagery would have gone a long way for the reader to become more involved with the story.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Baby and Lover by Darling_Nikki25

Here's a story from a writer that we haven't read in a couple of years that posted today in the Lesbian Sex category.

Welcome back to Literotica Darling_Nikki25.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=488825

The dialogue is good and there's a nice mix and flow from dialogue to narative.

And even without a character description, because of the talent of this writer, I can almost see one of the characters. Yet, I was wishing for some more character description. Definitely, this story would have improved, jumped off the page, if they characters weren't as flat.

Nonetheless, the sex scene was real and believable. There were a few very minor typos, but with a story so short, the writing, as well as editing, should have been flawless.

I shall look forward to reading more from this writer.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more views, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.