ANDTHEEND's Highlighted Stories

[sr71plt]

Yeah, yeah, Freddy, you're just pissed that my story posted today is near the top of the list rather than down near the bottom where you are doing your reviewing.

(That paragraph near the end in Freddy's posting that contains that outrage description of himself--which no doubt is intended to mock you as well--should exhibit the sort of crap he gets into his postings, SamuelX. All of this, of course, has little to do with your story, which might be sterling--it just doesn't have much to do with the reason why Freddy posts his "reviews.")

 

[andtheend]

Blondie at 30,000 Feet by BBW_Blondie

Here's a new story from a new writer that posted today in the Exhibitionist & Voyeur category.

Welcome to Literotica BBW_Blondie

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=479508

The first thing I notice about this story is that it's written in the 2nd person. Immediately, I feel detached from the action. Unless I'm reading a 1940's detective novel, I'm not a fan of stories written in the 2nd person.

The story reads more like an internal monologue, a dream. It would have helped with a bit of dialogue, character development, even character discription.

Yet, it was short enough that I understand what the writer was trying to do. I'm still not sure why it posted in the Exhibitionist & Voyeur category. I may have posted this in the Erotic Couplings category, even in the Non-Erotic category, as there wasn't any sex, just hinted at sex.

Yet, for those of you who enjoy stories written in the 2nd person, for those of you who enjoy BBW stories, then this story is for you and I recommend it highly.

I hope this spotlight of attention will garner you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Your Sexy Body by trainman2K

Here's a new story that posted in the Erotic Couplings by an established writer.

The link is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=479538

Well, what can I say about Your Sexy Body.

Let's see, it's well written. To be honest, it's a weird story.

I wish the writer had given the reader a bit of background or foreshadowing why he wrote this. Certainly, as there is no sexual content in this story, it really should not have posted in the Erotic Couplings. It should have posted in the Non-Erotic or in the Reviews and Essay category and because of that some readers may open this story thinking that it's something else entirely and take their frustration out on the writer.

Even though the story is about "Your Sexy Body", the person that he is writing about is not even describe. That's a big mistake.

For the reader to care about the character, for the reader to share what the writer sees and why he wrote such a story about her sexy body, we need to see what he is seeing.

Character development would have went a long way in improving this story.

Yet, maybe this story is over my head. Maybe it's one of those artsy stories and I just didn't get it. If it was, then I apologize.

Nonetheless, I hope this spotlight of attention gets you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Brother to Brother by sr71plt

Here's a new story that posted today in the gay category by an established writer. Truly, it's a shame that we only have the one category to capture all gay and lesbian stories, as this writer vehemently claims that he's not gay, but bi-sexual. Whatever. Maybe he'll feel comfortable enough one day to emerge from the closet.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=479592

This story is by one of the favored sons of Literotica. Nearly everthing this man writes posts near the top of the new story page. This story posted 3rd. Truly it doesn't seem fair to the rest of the writers here who work so hard to write their stories to have others favored. Yet, please do not take out your frustration on this writer's story. That would be wrong for you to do that.

Also, allow me to introduce you to this writer. He is a great writer of E-books, so he self-professes. Also, he claims to be famous. He's not shy about telling everyone and anyone, who will listen, that he's a supersonic pilot, an actor, writer, model, spy, singer and a diplomat. Also, he teachers Bible in his spare time. Wow, what a guy. Where does he find the time to write stories and post thousands of non-sensical comments to the forum boards? If I forgot to list anything, I'm sure he'll post his list of other credentials.

Now, let us highlight his story Brother To Brother.

Well, like huge weeds growing in a swamp, we are greeted by a lot of black space. There seems to be an awful lot of needless narative for a story so short. Yet, let's give this story a chance.

It's not until paragraph 21 do we even find a hint of dialogue and action. Strange for such a self-professed great writer of E-books, as he claims to be, to bog his story down with so much useless narative. Odd. It makes me wonder if this writer has over exaggerated his talents as a writer. This story is very disappointing, thus far.

The author spends most of the story telling instead of showing, such an amateurish mistake for such a self-claimed great writer. Gees, I dunno, but either he's not that great or I'm missing something. Weird.

Still, let's continue to trudge through this boring story, so far, to see if it improves at all.

Well, with the very limited amount of sex in this story, I think I would have posted this story in the Non-Erotic category.

Yet, if you are a reader who loves narative, loves being told everything, instead of being shown, and prefers stories that have no imagery,character development, and sex, then this story could be for you.

If I was grading this story, I'd give it a C minus. Sorry.

Now that I think of it, maybe this sr71plt is not a writer at all, but an editor. I could have been mistaken about him being a great writer. Yeah, definitely, by this terrible story, I think he's a great editor because the only good thing that I can really say about this story is that there were no spelling errors. Good job.

Well, certainly, I hope this spotlight attention gets you more reads and the votes and comments that you truly deserve for writing such a story. Good luck with your story.

 

[sr71plt]

I knew you couldn't resist. You are so easily maneuvered.

(At least this should clue SamuelX in to you.)

 

[andtheend]

I knew you couldn't resist. You are so easily maneuvered.

(At least this should clue SamuelX in to you.)

Oh, I'm sure that SamuelX already knows that he's a much better writer than you are. Is that what you mean, honey?

I'm sorry you have taken offense by my highlight, sir, but I only highlight what you write. Perhaps, this will motivate you to write a better story. Maybe you should take a creative writing class. Good luck to you.

 

[sr71plt]

Oh, I'm sure that SamuelX already knows that he's a much better writer than you are. Is that what you mean, honey?

No, of course that's not what I mean. You don't read much better than you review, Freddy.

(Getting all of this, SamuelX?)

 

[andtheend]

No, of course that's not what I mean. You don't read much better than you review, Freddy.

(Getting all of this, SamuelX?)

I started this thread to highlight stories and to encourage readers to read new writers.

You sir, sr71plt, are a basher. Begone with you.

We don't need people like you here, people who criticize other writers. Everything you have written here has been mean spirited.

I'm sorry that I did not, could not, give you a positive highlight to your story, but you are a terrible writer.

Listen, writing is a lifelong apprenticeship. Perhaps, if you took a basic course in creative writing, you'd improve.

Good luck to you and I hope you will stop bashing writers, just because they are better writers than you are.

 

[sr71plt]

I started this thread to highlight stories and to encourage readers to read new writers.

You sir, sr71plt, are a basher. Begone with you.

No, Freddy. You started this thread to mock and to pump yourself up. And then no one objected and indicated they thought that such a thread was a good idea. And then you spun it out for a while, but it didn't serve your sick sense of humor (and inferiority complex), so you started bending it--and then bending it some more.

And nobody is fooled who keeps track of who you are and what you do. And there will always be folks around who will ensure that you are revealed for who you are and what you do. Pathetic.

 

[andtheend]

No, Freddy. You started this thread to mock and to pump yourself up. And then no one objected and indicated they thought that such a thread was a good idea. And then you spun it out for a while, but it didn't serve your sick sense of humor (and inferiority complex), so you started bending it--and then bending it some more.

And nobody is fooled who keeps track of who you are and what you do. And there will always be folks around who will ensure that you are revealed for who you are and what you do. Pathetic.

Basher.

 

[sr71plt]

Basher.

Why thanks,Freddy/BFW/AndtheEnd. Is that an admission that I can do it so much better than you can? And that maybe you'll get the hint that you are wasting your time and effort and over-the-top nastiness here?

Cause you know, I'm not going to back off. And I'm a whole lot smarter and good at this than you are. (Primarily because I don't care or need this and because this is soooo much of the world that you want, that you do. And it's eating you that you just . . . aren't . . . good . . . enough. )

 

[andtheend]

Why thanks. Is that an admission that I can do it so much better than you can? And that maybe you'll get the hint that you are wasting your time and effort and over-the-top nastiness here?

Cause you know, I'm not going to back off. And I'm a whole lot smarter and good at this than you are. (Primarily because I don't care or need this and because this is soooo much of the world that you want, that you do. And it's eating you that you just . . . aren't . . . good . . . enough. )

Really don't know or care what you're going on about. I just highlight stories and now you're mad at me because you suck as a writer.

Sorry, but it's not my fault that you don't have any talent. Take a writing course. Buy a book.

Good night.

 

[sr71plt]

Really don't know or care what you're going on about. I just highlight stories and now you're mad at me because you suck as a writer.

Sorry, but it's not my fault that you don't have any talent. Take a writing course. Buy a book.

Good night.

Love the endorsement. It's very helpful. (Sorry that it worked out so badly for you. Umm, no I'm not. )

 

[BBW_Blondie]

Thanks for the praise and for the constructive criticism. Most of my stories are short and to the point...the point being to turn someone on not necessarily to get them off!

 

[andtheend]

Thanks for the praise and for the constructive criticism. Most of my stories are short and to the point...the point being to turn someone on not necessarily to get them off!

Now there's something that I can agree with you about.

Anyone can write a sexy story, but not everyone can write erotic story.

It's more difficult to hint at something than to just reveal it and be obvious about it.

I shall look forward to reading more of your stories. Thank you for your post.

 

[andtheend]

Lucy's Bitch by Bakeboss

Here we have, yet, another short, abbreviated story by our famed resident Survivor Contest winner for 2010, Bakeboss posting today in the Anal category.

Because of these type of writers, who write these too short, nonsensical stories, just to score a point on the Survivor Contest and at the detriment to the rest of us, I'd like to see the Survivor Contest abolished or, at the very least, a change in the rules to make the stories not only longer, but to have them make sense by mandating that they have a beginning, a middle, and an end.

That said, the link to Bakeboss's latest offering is below. Enjoy.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=479664

First of all, at 1,300 words, this story is nearly twice as long as Bakeboss's typical stories. The fact that the story is longer gives me hope that it's a real story and not just random words. We shall see.

Well, I have to give Bakeboss credit, he did describe his character well enough to give me an image of her. Good job Bakeboss. After reading your first paragrah, I want to continue reading the rest. Maybe Bakeboss has put my prior suggestions to good use with this latest story.

Well, the first paragraph was the best of the story, I'm sorry to report. The next few paragraphs, blackened with extraneous narative tells the reader, instead of shows the reader.

Then, even after all the stories this person has written, you'd think he or she would know enough to separate out dialogue when two people are speaking and not lump them together in the same paragraph. Is this amateurish or does this writer just not care about the reader and will dump any story out there, just to score his or her precious Survivor Contest point.

With no character build up and little plot, this story is just terrible. For those who enjoy the anal sex category, don't bother reading this story. The anal sex scene is just an extraneous scene hoping to make this story forced to fit in the Anal category without being disqualifed and moved to the category where it belongs, the Non-Erotic category.

It just too bad that we must suffer this writer's contempt with writing stories. It's only going to get worse as the contest comes to a close and Bakeboss dumps dozens more of these nonsensical stories on the board.

Good luck with your story Bakeboss. You're going to need luck with this...story.

 

[MistressKimmie]

Here's a new story from a new writer that posted to the Anal category today. The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=477122

Actually, the way that this story was written, I'm surprise that it wasn't posted in the BDSM category. Nonetheless, it is an anal type of BDSM, so it intersects both categories.

I have the same complaints with this story as I have had with so many other stories, character development.

Without developing characters, it is difficult to involve the reader. We don't care about your characters, dear writer, if we cannot see them, imagine them. Yet, you do not even give us a description of either of your characters.

And with this being such a character driven story, a story that you wasted so much time building up tension and suspense, it was all lost when you failed to develop your characters.

Yet, there are those who will enjoy this story because of it's there, Anal sex and BDSM.

Good luck with your story. I hope you will more develop your characters with your next story. If you make your characters real and believable, they will move off the page and take the keyboard from your hands and write their own story. That is when you know you have a story, when your characters take control of it.

Yet, this story was better, by far, than Bakeboss's story.

I hope that this spotlight of attention will garner you more votes and views.

Thank you for your feedback. I will use the information wisely. This is my first story to submit. I have many stories that I have written only for my panty-boy slut to read.

 

[andtheend]

Thank you for your feedback. I will use the information wisely. This is my first story to submit. I have many stories that I have written only for my panty-boy slut to read.

I am sure there are many readers here who'd love to read the exploits of your panty boy slut, as well as any other anal or BDSM adventures you'd care to write.

Good luck with your writing and I shall look forward to reading you again.

 

[TxRad]

Here we have, yet, another short, abbreviated story by our famed resident Survivor Contest winner for 2010, Bakeboss posting today in the Anal category.

Because of these type of writers, who write these too short, nonsensical stories, just to score a point on the Survivor Contest and at the detriment to the rest of us, I'd like to see the Survivor Contest abolished or, at the very least, a change in the rules to make the stories not only longer, but to have them make sense by mandating that they have a beginning, a middle, and an end.

That said, the link to Bakeboss's latest offering is below. Enjoy.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=479664

First of all, at 1,300 words, this story is nearly twice as long as Bakeboss's typical stories. The fact that the story is longer gives me hope that it's a real story and not just random words. We shall see.

Well, I have to give Bakeboss credit, he did describe his character well enough to give me an image of her. Good job Bakeboss. After reading your first paragrah, I want to continue reading the rest. Maybe Bakeboss has put my prior suggestions to good use with this latest story.

Well, the first paragraph was the best of the story, I'm sorry to report. The next few paragraphs, blackened with extraneous narative tells the reader, instead of shows the reader.

Then, even after all the stories this person has written, you'd think he or she would know enough to separate out dialogue when two people are speaking and not lump them together in the same paragraph. Is this amateurish or does this writer just not care about the reader and will dump any story out there, just to score his or her precious Survivor Contest point.

With no character build up and little plot, this story is just terrible. For those who enjoy the anal sex category, don't bother reading this story. The anal sex scene is just an extraneous scene hoping to make this story forced to fit in the Anal category without being disqualifed and moved to the category where it belongs, the Non-Erotic category.

It just too bad that we must suffer this writer's contempt with writing stories. It's only going to get worse as the contest comes to a close and Bakeboss dumps dozens more of these nonsensical stories on the board.

Good luck with your story Bakeboss. You're going to need luck with this...story.

Good hatchet job there Freddie, for a review that is.

 

[andtheend]

Family Honour by Tabukhan

Here's a story by a first time writer that posted today in the Incest/Taboo category.

Welcome to Literotica Tabukhan.

Below is the link to the story.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=479896

It's a short little story that has the similar problem of not having any character descriptions or character development. Especially where this story was set in a foreign country, India, no doubt, with familar names to the people there, it was difficult to get a feel for the characters, especially because of their odd names and especially because there were no descriptions to help out the reader.

Now, if this writer is not a foreign writer, then he or she nailed the accent. Excellent. Good job. Still, if this writer is a foreign writer, he or she accomplished something that many first time writers never do, that being, discovered her or his voice because clearly I could hear the writer voice telling the story.

Now, normally hearing the writer's voice is a good thing when the story is filled with narative, as this story was. Unfortunately, when we hear the writer's voice is oftentimes when the writer is intruding on the story by telling instead of showing.

Nonetheless, for those of you who enjoy the Incest/Taboo category, you may enjoy this story, especially if you are a countryman or countrywoman of the writer.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more reads, votes, and feedback. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Quiet in the Kitchen by Orangefish4

Here's a new story by a new writer that posted today in the BDSM category.

Welcome to Literotica Orangefish4. I think I know your sister, Pinkdog3.

The link is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=479880

Well, immediately, within the first paragraph and continuing, the first jarring that the reader notices is the story begins in first person and then goes to second person. Back and forth from first to second back to first and again.

Stay either in the first, second, third, or ominiscent person, especially in a short story. A talented writer can pull this change of person in a novel, but never in a short story, especially one that is this short.

Dialogue should be broken out from within the paragraph for easier reading. Breaking out the dialogue helps the reader to know that the person is speaking and what they are reading is not internal monologue.

My last criticism of this story is one that I have had with nearly all stories, that being character development. The writer doesn't even give the reader so much as a description of the characters. Any time a writer does this, forgets to describe characters, always the story becomes a tell me story, instead of what it should be, a show me story.

With a little bit of character descriptions, character development, and some imagery thrown in, this writer has the making for a good story with a rewrite. I suggest this writer ask the help of an editor. We have dozens of them around.

For those readers who enjoy the BDSM category, this story is not without sexual content and you may find some pleasure in reading that part of the story.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Kellie's Massage Barter by kellie_beth

Here's a story by a new writer that posted yesterday in the Exhibitionist & Voyeur category.

Welcome to Literotica kellie_beth.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=479743

Of course, the things that got my attention to this story is the category, Exhibitionist & Voyeur. I love this category. Next was the title. Kellie's Massage Barter intrigued me enough to open it an begin reading.

Now, according to the writer, this is a true story. Hmm...I've used that line before, myself.

Well, well, well, I'm pleasantly surprised. I enjoyed this little story. My only complaint comment is there is some extraneous narative, a paragraph or tow, that can be replaced with a line of two of dialogue. Other than that, I didn't even notice any spelling or grammatical errors. Hmm, why was that?

Why didn't I notice any spelling or grammatical errors. Maybe there weren't any or maybe, I was so involved, drawn in, to read the story that I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors, even if there were.

So, what magic did this writer do to draw me into her story? I'll tell you.

Character descriptions, first of all and before that, with a bit of backstory that added to her development of characters, I was already there in the massage room with her.

I highly recommend this story to those who enjoy this category and this type of scenario invovling a naked massage.

Great job. I loved it. I give this story a B plus.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story. I shall look forward to reading more of your stories.

 

[andtheend]

Love Pt. 01 by BLoved

Here's a multiple part story that posted a few days ago in the BDSM category by a new writer.

Welcome to Literotica.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=479008

The author has already grabbed my attention by the few first lines of the story.

"The cancer wasn't diagnosed until it had spread throughout her body. All the months of fatigue finally made sense.

She was dying."

I'm curious to know who "she" is and how this ties into the BDSM category.

Even without the use of character development per se, by creative use of dialogue, instead of narative, by showing the reader, instead of telling the reader, we already have sense of the main characters in this story. Good job, so far.

What's good about this story, what I like about this first chapter is that I'm not struggling to read it. The writer has pulled me into the story enough to want me to read more.

So, how did the author do that? By real, raw emotion? Is this a true story? Dunno? Don't care. It's a story the way stories should be written.

Complaints?

If I was into BDSM, I'd be disappointed because there was not sexual content in this story whatsoever, never mind, BDSM. This story should have been posted in the Non-Erotic category. I imagine the other chapters have BDSM, perhaps, but this first chapter is sans sex.

Nonethless, it's a well enough written story to make me want to read more from this writer. If interested, he or she has already posted the next two chapters and I highly recommend you take a read of this author's work.

I hope my spotlight of attention will garner you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Ella by foreignbacon

Here's a new story by a new writer that posted yesterday in the Lesbian Sex category.

Welcome to Literotica foreignbacon.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=480160

Ah, already, even though this story is a very short story, this writer has grabbed my attention by describing one of the main characters enough for me to envision her.

Why is describing a character so important in a short story? Actually, everything is important or should be in a short story. Unlike writing a novel or novella length piece, if the information doesn't belong there or should be included there to make the reader see, imagine, and feel what the writer is seeing, imagining, and feeling then it's imperative the all the information the reader needs to enjoy the story be there and anything extraneous be excluded.

"Wow!"

For those of you who enjoy the Lesbian Sex category, this story is for you. Hey, I'm not lesbian and I loved this story enough to want to read the second chapter, which has already posted.

The dialogue is spot on and there's just enough narative to forward the story without getting in the way. Good job, Foreigenbacon.

I hope this spotlight of attention will get you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[BLoved]

What's good about this story, what I like about this first chapter is that I'm not struggling to read it. The writer has pulled me into the story enough to want me to read more.

So, how did the author do that? By real, raw emotion? Is this a true story? Dunno? Don't care. It's a story the way stories should be written.

Thank you for your review.

The story builds slowly, as it takes time to establish characters. However, I trust readers will be satisfied by the end.

I will continue to watch for your comments.

namaste