ANDTHEEND's Highlighted Stories

[andtheend]

Gloryhole Lunch Break by handyGman

Here's a new story from a writer we haven't heard from in a couple of years. Welcome back handyGman.

The story posted in the Gay category. The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=481488

Actually, fitting himself with a cock ring, this story could almost have been posted in the Fetish category. Yet, after reading more of the story, definitely, without a doubt, this is a Gay category story.

Just the title, Gloryhole Lunch Break, should be enough to give the reader and idea of the story. I can say that, if you are into reading this particular category, you won't be disappointed because, for such a short story, there is plenty of sexual content from the beginning to end.

The story is all narative told from the writer's point of view. Yet, the story lacks character descriptions, something that would heighten the erotic nature of this story.

Nonetheless, it's a decent story and I recommend it.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Just a Peeper by Bakeboss

Ah, God help us all, Bakeboss has another story that posted today. This one posted in the Exhibitionist & Voyeur category.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=481360

Just A Peeper, should be called, just a teaser because all of Bakeboss's stories, well, aren't much of a story.

If a writer makes an error in the title of his/her story, not capitalizing the A, that pretty much tells you what you can expect from this writer.

So, why do I bother highlighting another story from Bakeboss? Well, this author's stories are useful, helpful, actually, in showing other writers what not to do when writing a story.

Obviously, this writer doesn't give a care about you, the reader. Moreover, he doesn't even care if you read his/her story or not. So, why does he bother writing these 800-1,100 abbreviated non-sensical stories?

He/she writes them to score a point in the Survivor Contest. That's it. That's the only reason why this poor story is posted here.

Well, now that I poisoned the atmosphere, "Oops," let's give this story and this author the benefit of the doubt, shall we? After all, how bad can it be having been posted in the Exhibitionist & Voyeur category, a very popular category?

What do I notice? The story is short, very short. Normally that's a bad thing, but with this writer, it's a good thing.

The story is all narative, not a line of dialogue. So, what does that tell me? Typically a story that is all narative, generally, not always, but definitely always in the case of Bakeboss's stories, it's a telling story, instead of a showing story.

A telling story keeps the reader at a distance and never engages them. When reading telling stories, your mind wanders away from the action. Conversely, a showing story draws you in and you can't put the story down, until you finish it. Those stories, showing stories, with rich imagery is like drinking a fine, age, imported wine, instead of drinking a polluted, tempid glass of water, when reading a story by Bakeboss.

Bakeboss doesn't bother with imagery. He/she doesn't show us anything. He/she just tells us it all, so that he/she can get on with writing, yet, another abreviated story.

You would think that an author who has written so many stories would improve. Not so with Bakeboss. I dare say, this author is getting worse. So sad, really. Truly, he/she would do us all a favor, if he/she stopped writing and started reading some of the very fine stories of some of the other writers and others that I've highlighted here. He/she could learn much.

Typical of a Bakeboss story, it's devoid of character descriptions and character development. Most of this author's stories are devoid of a beginning an end. They kind of just start in the middle and end abruptly, thank God. Now, normally, it's good to start story in the middle of the action. It's a great way to engage the reader, but not so with Bakeboss's stories. If anything his/her stories leave you confused and make you not want to continue.

If I was his creative writing teacher, I'd give this story a C minus.

Well, I hope this spotlight of attention gets you the reads, votes, and comments that such a story deserves.

"How dare you post this piece of crap?"

Sorry, did I just write what I was thinking? Good luck with your, ahem...story.

 

[sr71plt]

If a writer makes an error in the title of his/her story, not capitalizing the A, that pretty much tells you what you can expect from this writer.

Yep, this does pretty much tell us all we need to know--since the "a" in that title shouldn't be capitalized. (Methinks you need to open your copy of the Chicago Manual of Style more often.)

 

[andtheend]

I appreciate your words, thank you so much for this wonderful encouragement! I have to go find my sister "washmycar" now.

*i most certainly am, over 18 years, and I am just beginning to learn to write of a more erotic nature

You're most welcome. I enjoyed your story and shall look forward to reading more of your stories.

 

[vixxenFoxdragon]

thank you so much for giving me this feedback i will keep it high in mind when writing my next story.
filthee was actually a journal entry. it healed me through a hard time. im so glad you read it!!!

 

[kingdodo]

Here's a new story by a new writer that posted today in the fetish category.

Welcome to Literotica kingdodo.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=480460

Interesting little story about Becky and 'The Machine', literally a cum machine.

There were a few grammatical errors but not enough to knock you out of the story.

Damn, I try to be careful with my grammar. I'd like to know where I've gone wrong. PM me with the details if you don't want them cluttering up the thread.

Although the writer did give a description of the character and tried developing her character, somewhat, I was still unable to see Becky. 'Twas a shame that I couldn't imagine her.

Yes, my descriptions need a bit of work. I've written a few stories "on spec" for people, so describing them wasn't too important, as I've had photos to work with. She is my first fictional central character.

Well, let me say this, the story is a different one and for those who enjoy reading the fetish category, this is one story you may enjoy, as there are some of you into machination and machines. If you are, then this is the story for you.

Only, I was left with a question. What does Becky do with this rather large machine, when he parents return from their world cruise. Perhaps, she'll loan it out ot Sarah.

I honestly hadn't thought that far ahead! That certainly sounds like a plan, if anyone wants to see a sequel.

Well, I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

Thanks for the feedback, I'm always willing to receive constructive criticism. I'm glad to see that someone liked my first post.

 

[andtheend]

thank you so much for giving me this feedback i will keep it high in mind when writing my next story.
filthee was actually a journal entry. it healed me through a hard time. im so glad you read it!!!

You're very welcome, it was my pleasure highlighting your story and I hope you receive lots of reads, votes, and comments because of it.

 

[andtheend]

Damn, I try to be careful with my grammar. I'd like to know where I've gone wrong. PM me with the details if you don't want them cluttering up the thread.



Yes, my descriptions need a bit of work. I've written a few stories "on spec" for people, so describing them wasn't too important, as I've had photos to work with. She is my first fictional central character.



I honestly hadn't thought that far ahead! That certainly sounds like a plan, if anyone wants to see a sequel.



Thanks for the feedback, I'm always willing to receive constructive criticism. I'm glad to see that someone liked my first post.

Really, the grammatical errors weren't more than spelling and typo errors, things that you would have caught had you read it over, again. There was nothing to sweat about.

One of the most common mistakes that writers make is they get so wrapped up in the story that they forget the character. The reason for that is they can see the character in their mind's eye, of course, but they forget that the reader can't. A well developed character always makes for a better story. And as far as descriptions go, you don't have to give us a checklist, a bit of imagery works equally as well.

"He was tall, taller than most, and he had the bluest eyes I've ever seen."

See? The reader has a picture of the character and now, at the very least, can fill in whatever else he or she needs to make the story work for them. If you describe your characters too much, then you run the risk of telling and not showing.

Some of my best stories are rewriters, stories that I wrote years ago and then revisit them. Put your story on the shelf and then go back to it with a fresh outlook and you'd be surprised what you else you may want to include.

What works for me is working with a dozen stories at a time. Every day, I jump to a new story. Then, by the time I complete the cycle, it feels as if I'm seeing the first story for the first time.

Good luck with your writing. I shall look forward to reading more of you stories.

 

[andtheend]

Backscratcher (A Slave's Fantasy) by oneiria

Well, here is a new story by a new writer. This writer has been busy, as he/she has posted half a dozen stories just today, one of which was a Green E winner, I Am Joe's Penis.

Congratulations on your green E win and welcome to Literotica.

Backscratcher (A Slave's Fantasy) posted in the BDSM category.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=481550

The good stuff first.

Now, I'm not into BDSM, but I can see that this would be a story that someone who is into this category would love. There's lots of action, right from the start. If you enjoy being made helpless and humiliated, then, this is your story. Good job with this story. I highly recommend it.

Now for some of the not so good stuff.

I sense that the writer wasn't sure where to end and begin new paragraphs. Some of the paragraphs were shorter than they should have been and would have worked better in flow were they combined with the few truncated lines that began the next shorter than necessary paragraph. Then, there were other paragraphs that were much longer and could have been split in two.

Why is this important? Well, it ruined the flow of the story. Actually, the shorter paragraphs knocked me out of the story, interrupted the flow, while the longer paragraphs made me anxious for them to end.

Lastly, there is no description of characters, not to mention this story is devoid of character development. Yes, I understand it is what it is, it's a BDSM story, but, seriously, wouldn't you rather read a story that was longer and that had well developed and described characters that kept you involved with the story?

Nonetheless, I am sure there are readers who don't care if there is character descriptions, development of paragraphs that are too short or too long (lol), so long as there is sex. Even though this is a very short story, this story has plenty of sexual content.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

A Man's Man by chatbug

Here's a story from a writer who has been writing stories for a long while. This story posted in the Erotic Coupling today.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=481662

Typical story by a typical untalented writer is what I thought. Then, something unexpected happened. Without describing his characters, one of my big sore points, without developing his characters, another one of my sore points, he managed to get me involved in the story.

How'd he do that?

He stopped the pace of the story by inserting a word of dialogue. I'm not going to ruin the story for you, but I loved it. This was a great little story with a surprise ending.

Chatbug, I wish I could give you a Green E for this story, but I'll give you an A. How's that?

Good job. I haven't read any of your other stories but, after reading this, I shall look forward to reading other of your stories.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[chatbug]

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

Thank you for the nice comments.

I'm hoping the story, "A Man's Man" attracts a different audience than most of my other stories. Although, judging from your comments, it appears to have hit the mark I was aiming for.

 

[andtheend]

Thank you for the nice comments.

I'm hoping the story, "A Man's Man" attracts a different audience than most of my other stories. Although, judging from your comments, it appears to have hit the mark I was aiming for.

It was my pleasure highlighing your story. I hope you'll get more reads from it. It's always nice to read a good story.

 

[andtheend]

My Date with Mum by JDeMerit

Here's a new story that posted today by a new writer in the Incest category.

Welcome to Literotica JDeMerit.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=481928

I love most incest stories and the English write the best incest stories. I wonder why that is? Do they have more incest than Americans? Or do the people who live in West Virginia and Florida can't write or don't bother posting stories because they are too busy having incest?

Anyway, this guy is from Manchester, England, just a stones throw across the pond from me. By the way, JDeMerit, I used to have a Manchester terrier, an English dog. He was such a beautiful dog. His name was Hurricane because he was so fast and came from Kansas. I got him from my grandmother. She was a Manchester terrier breeder. He had a brother Cyclone and a sister Tornado.

Well, I digress. Let's get to the story, shall we?

Unbelievably as this sounds, the first thing that I notice about the story is his English accent and I can't help but thing of Minnie Driver reading this story to me. Sorry, I'm digressing again.

Okay, the story had some issues with spelling and grammar. So what? And I disagree about the SamuelX comment that someone made. I like SamuelX's stories.

Well, for those of you who love incest stories, especially mother and son incest stories, buckle up, I mean, unzip, because you're gonna love this story. It's hot.

I only wish it was longer.

He had a decent description of his Mum and there was a nice mix of narative and dialogue.

Good job. Good story. I shall look forward to reading more of your stories. Only, pay more attention to the spelling and grammar issues the next time.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

One Night in Cougar Town by Mysticals71

Here's a new story that posted today in the Mature category by an already prolific writer with this, her second story, along with several poems.

Welcome to Literotica Mysticals71.

The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=482144

Gawd, you are such a slut (lol).

Actually, by her description, I thought she was describing me. Do I know this woman, I thought?

Well, from the first word, it's obvious to me that this writer is a good writer and she knows how to tell a story. Normally with a story so short, I prefer more of a mix of narative with dialogue and even though the entire story was all narative, it held my interest.

How'd she do that?

Well, she described her character. Admittedly, other then her telling me that she's 37-years-old, I would have enjoyed to know what the writer looked like. A description of some imagery of her character would have gone a lone way in making me more part of the story had I been able to visualizer.

Nonetheless, she described the male character in this story and admittedly, he sounded like my twin. When she called him 'eye candy', there's a bit of imagery with just two words that goes a long way in the mind of the reader. Good job with that.

For those who enjoy this Mature category, for those, especially woman, who are looking for hot sex with an older woman or a younger man looking for some sexy action from an older woman, I recommend you read this. I was wishing it was longer, with more developed characters and more of a back story, yet, it was very good.

I hope this spotlight of attention garners you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[andtheend]

Dinner by KillingFrost

For all you romance lovers, here's a story that posted in the Romance category today by a new writer.

Welcome to Literotica KillingFrost, but Frost is already dead. Let's hope by this story, he doesn't turn over in his grave.

Below is the link to the story.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=482141

Okay, with apologies to Frost, let's jump right into this story.

First of all, the good parts of the story. It's a dark romance. It could even have been posted in the BDSM category and by what the writer writes about eggs, he likes chickens.

It's unfortunate that I couldn't find more to like about this story but...

The story starts out with a word ending in ing and there are a few of those. Sentence structures beginning with ing words just don't work, sometimes they don't even make sense.

"Pulling you out of the car, I slap you upside your head. Pushing you down on the pavement, I kick you. Dumping your body in the grave..." Well, you get the point.

You know me by now with character description and character development and this story has none. I want to see what the writer is seeing. Show me your character. Describe her. Write a bit of imagery so that I, the reader, can be part of your story.

The dialogue that he had inserted was not really dialogue. Who was talking? Dunno.

"What a beautiful sight, your body wet and full of desire solely mine tonight, mine to take and have as I choose!"

"Your swollen sex and full lips glistening from your forced orgasm, your body begging for my touch, this is beauty perfected!"

Is the above actual dialogue or is it the writer's thoughts. Dunno.

Lastly, in the way that the story is written, it distances the reader. I can actually feel the writer's palm pressed against my chest, not wanting me to get closer, not wanting me to read the story over his shoulder, but instead having him read it to me.

Whenever this happens, whenever I feel excluded from a story is when the writer is telling, instead of showing.

Now, I happen to believe that this writer has a bit of talent and maybe with a rewrite and including some of my suggestions, he can make this story better work.

I hope this spotlight of attention will garner you more reads, votes, and comments. Good luck with your story.

 

[driphoney]

I thought that was a very generous review.

 

[andtheend]

I thought that was a very generous review.

I try to be fair, while keeping it real. I don't want to smash someone's love of writing, but encourage it. Still, it doesn't help a writer for me to sugar coat something and tell them what they want to hear that a story was good when it wasn't.

I've been writing long enough and have been in enough writer's workshops to thicken my skin but many beginning writers are fragile. Until things, such as point of view, dialogue, character descriptions and development, the right mix of narative, imagery, and showing instead of telling become natural and second nature, it's difficult posting a story here, especially in certain categories.

Too many readers who don't know what it's like to pour out your heart will bash, instead of point out what they liked about the story. Too many writers are jealous of other writers. Too many readers and writers have personal agendas and personal problems that they take out on others here and we writers are their targets. I hope this thread is a safe haven from all of that nonsense.

I give no more constructive criticism than any creative writing instructor would give. Yet, I'm not here to be a teacher, just a resource.

I like to read. I read a lot. Some of these writers were once me. I know what it's like to have that need to write in the pit of your stomach but you don't know how to put the words that you feel on paper and even after you've written them, you think it's the greatest story ever written, until you revisit that story months from now and you see how much you've improved.

I'm only trying to help.

 

[scouries]

[size=+3]THANK YOU andtheend!!![/size]

I always knew you were a nice person at heart.

That you’d accept the will of the people and only enter one story in the

[size=+2]OFFICIAL 2010 NUDE DAY CONTEST [/size]

Brother & Sister Celebrate Nude Day is a wonderful story! A mature, literate work from a talented author. I was happy to give it a “5”.

I recommend this story to everyone.

Good luck in the contest!​

jim

 

[andtheend]

[size=+3]THANK YOU andtheend!!![/size]

I always knew you were a nice person at heart.

That you’d accept the will of the people and only enter one story in the

[size=+2]OFFICIAL 2010 NUDE DAY CONTEST [/size]

Brother & Sister Celebrate Nude Day is a wonderful story! A mature, literate work from a talented author. I was happy to give it a “5”.

I recommend this story to everyone.

Good luck in the contest!​

jim

Sorry to disappoint you, dear Scouries. Thank you for giving me a 5 vote but you are a bit premature in your supposition that I only have one story to post. Yes, it is true that I am only posting one story at a time, but I have nine more to post.

I hope you will favorable award me with 5's on my other stories, as well. Thank you, again.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Brother & Sister Celebrate Nude Day by Andtheend



HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL YOU DAD'S.

I don't normally post here and I usually ask Andtheend's permission to post, as I did when I reviewed a story, if you want to call it that, written by Bakeboss. Yet, I know that Susan will never highlight her own story, so I thought I'd highlight her Nude Day Contest story, Brother & Sister Celebrate Nude Day.

The story posted today in the Incest/Taboo category. The link to the story is below.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=482564

Ah there's nothing like Nude Day and the Nude Day contest at Literotica. As many of you may know, incest is one of my favorite categories, especially mother-in-law and sister-in-law stories. I realize that some may not discern that as being incest, but it is definitely taboo.

First of all, immediately by the style of the writer, you are drawn into the story. Even though it starts off with some narative, I found the narative not overly burdensome and necessary to give the reader some background. Good so far.

The dialogue is subperb. Tommy is characterized as the horny younger brother fascinating in seeing his older sister naked. Sandra plays the cock teaser perfectly. Both characters battle back and forth so much that you can feel the tension and you wonder if Tommy will get all that he wants.

I can tell you that this story will not disappoint you. The suspense is drawn out and as one commentor wrote, the writer makes you feel that you are actually in the room watching Sandy strip.

It's so nice to read the writings of a great writer and I can't recall the last time I've been so privelaged. Actually, I do recall the last time that I read such a great writer and a wonderful story, it was when I was reading and writing my own stories, which I really haven't written anything new, since 2008. I'm retired from writing free stories here at Literotica.

You may read a selection of my work under my pen name, Stephen King.

Anyway, I loved this story. I don't know how the writer did it but she took a delicate issue, incest, and turned it into a love story between brother and sister, yet, without losing at of the forbidden lust of sex between a brother and a sister.

I recommend this story highly and since it is a contest story, I hope that everyone who Andtheend has been kindly generous in taking the time to highlight their stories will give her the 5 vote that she deserves.

Great job, Susan. Good luck in the Nude Day contest. I sincerely how that this highlighted story recommendation will get you more reads, votes, and comments. We are all fortunate to have such a talented writer in our presence.

 

[TxRad]

This is hilarious.

Scouries congratulating BFW for posting to the Nude Day contest under his alt, The alt winding Scouries watch with the promise of nine more stories. Scouries still not understanding that he's being jacked with by his own accomplice and last but not least, BFW critiquing his own story.

The soaps on TV have nothing on this thread.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

This is hilarious.

Scouries congratulating BFW for posting to the Nude Day contest under his alt, The alt winding Scouries watch with the promise of nine more stories. Scouries still not understanding that he's being jacked with by his own accomplice and last but not least, BFW critiquing his own story.

The soaps on TV have nothing on this thread.

"Duh! You forgot about me being Stephen King."

Hey, just because you don't like me, Tex, don't go pulling other innocent writers on this board into your lunacy. Andtheend did nothing to you to deserve your crap. I can assure you that I am not her and she is not me. I've never even met the woman.

Here she is doing something nice by highlighting stories for other writers, something that you don't do, help anyone, and you are there to attack her. She's the type of person, no doubt, who won't defend herself, so fuck off, asshole and mind your own business.

"Oh, and have a happy Father's Day or Mother's Day, whatever your sexual orientation is, who knows?"

 

[sr71plt]

Just in case any reader doesn't already know this, ANDTHEEND and BOSTONFICTIONWRITER are one and the same poster.

 

[andtheend]

Just in case any reader doesn't already know this, ANDTHEEND and BOSTONFICTIONWRITER are one and the same poster.

Thank you, kind sir, for the compliment that I am that great writer, Bostonfictionwriter but, alas, I am not. I am but a mere hack compared to him.

I'm just here to post a few stories. He posted hundreds of stories and millions of words.

Perhaps, you are angry with me because when I highlighted your story, I'm sorry to say that it wasn't very good.

I can only highlight what I read and if you cannot write, well, I'm not going to lie. Perhaps, you should take a creative writing course. Have you ever taken one of those? A creative writing course may help you. Otherwise, I'm afraid you're just going to be stuck writing not very good stories.

You know, if your writing improves, maybe one day, an E-book publisher will offer to publish some of your work. I heard that happens a lot here.

Good luck with your writing and seriously consider taking a creative writing course. There's no shame in starting from the beginning.

 

[TxRad]

Thank you, kind sir, for the compliment that I am that great writer, Bostonfictionwriter but, alas, I am not. I am but a mere hack compared to him.

I'm just here to post a few stories. He posted hundreds of stories and millions of words.

Perhaps, you are angry with me because when I highlighted your story, I'm sorry to say that it wasn't very good.

I can only highlight what I read and if you cannot write, well, I'm not going to lie. Perhaps, you should take a creative writing course. Have you ever taken one of those? A creative writing course may help you. Otherwise, I'm afraid you're just going to be stuck writing not very good stories.

You know, if your writing improves, maybe one day, an E-book publisher will offer to publish some of your work. I heard that happens a lot here.

Good luck with your writing and seriously consider taking a creative writing course. There's no shame in starting from the beginning.

And the post above is a perfect example of the truth of that statement that ANDTHEND and BFW are the same person.

Nice try BFW but everyone already knows as you've outed yourself several times already in other threads.

Play nice and don't try to bullshit anyone and you will be left alone, as you have been except for when you try to do a hatchet job on someone from the Survives Contest that you don't like or stupid shit like the above.