Annoncing my poem! You jey!

[Tathagata]

Are you Jimmy Buffet in disguise?

I knew a guy who would always put on Jimmy Buffet records ( records...jesus I'm old) at his house when we drank there.

I told him if I heard fucking Margaritaville one more time I was going to open a vein and get Red Stripe all over his marvelous herculon sofa.

His wife didn't care for me for some reason.
Snooty twitch

 

[Tathagata]

. Can't help but secretly admire that sort of self-flagellation, at least a little.

Self flagellation is my hobby
some people collect stamps.....

 

[Picodiribibi]

I don't think he was talking about the alcoholic beverage, honey. Just a guess. What nationality are silverbacks, anyway? Are they considered Irish?

These are all excellent. Can't really do alcohol as such; Kansas is strict on that sort of thing. However, chocolate pudding presents some excellent possibilities. They're also making frosting in squeeze tubes now...

We tried offering foot massages a while back but yeah, with bar patrons that can be problematic. I give a great Tahitian head massage, though, and just stop thinking that right now cause I'm talking about the scalp. The jello thing is an excellent idea also, and if i just leave out the alcohol there wouldn't be any legal issue. If they buy their own shots from the bar, they can imbibe them however the wenches choose to let them, for the right price...

y'all are wonderfully twisted...
bijou

You could sell impromptu poems written on bar napkins for $10 each. Throw on some lipstick and sign with a kiss. 100% profit (Guys with dates can't refuse; I saw the movie)
I don't know about your girls but you could pull it off.

 

[Sara Crewe]

All the smartest grrrls tend to play dumb if they think it's to their advantage, I notice. And they do it so much better than the actual dumb girls.

Myself, I make a hobby of pointing out the obvious. I haven't had enough coffee yet today to be too clever.

A twisted monkey indeed. Can't help but secretly admire that sort of self-flagellation, at least a little.

Playing dumb keeps me out of trouble (most of the time). When you get called on something nasty, you just point to your toe nail polish and ask whether they think candy pink or hot pink is better to wear on Sundays. Random stupidity confuses people and makes them think you are harmless.

'Course it's only fun if someone knows you are actually not stupid. Otherwise, jokes on you.


And Tathy-wathy is Irish. I am thinkin' they are born self-flagellating. It starts with rattles and moves to whips and poems.

 

[Sara Crewe]

I knew a guy who would always put on Jimmy Buffet records ( records...jesus I'm old) at his house when we drank there.

I told him if I heard fucking Margaritaville one more time I was going to open a vein and get Red Stripe all over his marvelous herculon sofa.

His wife didn't care for me for some reason.
Snooty twitch

Call a bitch and bitch!!

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I knew a guy who would always put on Jimmy Buffet records ( records...jesus I'm old) at his house when we drank there.

I told him if I heard fucking Margaritaville one more time I was going to open a vein and get Red Stripe all over his marvelous herculon sofa.

His wife didn't care for me for some reason.
Snooty twitch

Perhaps that was his goal - I mean, if I ever decided to do myself in, I would most certainly use Buffet as my soundtrack. Nothing makes me want to drink bleach like his music does...

except maybe the brilliant stylings of Bread.

bijou

 

[Eluard]

except maybe the brilliant stylings of Bread.

bijou

I was in a hotel in New Zealand a few years ago, in Arthur's Pass (great spot — where is WSO these days). They were playing Bread over and over again. Bread and nothing else, all morning, afternoon and night. Finally when I had heard Baby I'm-a Want You for the 30th time, I commented to the owner: 'You must really like Bread'. He looked surprised, as though it was a revelation that it was on. 'Huh. No one's ever commented on that before.'

Isn't it amazing that whenever you complain about anything the response is always 'No one has ever complained before.'

I want to say 'Well, you'll never be able to say that again, will you.'

 

[Tzara]

Finally when I had heard Baby I'm-a Want You for the 30th time, I commented to the owner: 'You must really like Bread'.

In the spirit of "know your enemy," I offer this. Immature Audiences Only.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

In the spirit of "know your enemy," I offer this. Immature Audiences Only.

Argh! Gak! My brain is melting!

Immature? Hardly - it's music best suited for barcalounger-bound 87 year olds who wear house slippers to the mall. Immature poster? possibly...

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Last night, among other things, I made $70 for Kiva.org in about 10 minutes, by flogging a lovely (and extraordinarily eager) young woman in the back parking lot of a bar while five people watched. (That syntax was monstrous, but I'm tired today, for some reason).

No total yet, but it looks to be somewhere between $500 and $600 raised. My wOOt will be even louder when I get the final count.

We did stuff like that all night so that some nice woman in Paraguay can support her kids by running her own shoe shop. There's a certain bizarre irony in that, but I think it's the good kind.

I had a great deal of help last night, from numerous perfect strangers who pitched in to behave badly for charity. It's always extraordinary to watch people throw themselves into a good cause like that. I'm honored to be a part of this species.

just had to offer some gratitude. And a nice tribal whoop.
bijou

 

[tungtied2u]

Last night, among other things, I made $70 for Kiva.org in about 10 minutes, by flogging a lovely (and extraordinarily eager) young woman in the back parking lot of a bar while five people watched. (That syntax was monstrous, but I'm tired today, for some reason).

No total yet, but it looks to be somewhere between $500 and $600 raised. My wOOt will be even louder when I get the final count.

We did stuff like that all night so that some nice woman in Paraguay can support her kids by running her own shoe shop. There's a certain bizarre irony in that, but I think it's the good kind.

I had a great deal of help last night, from numerous perfect strangers who pitched in to behave badly for charity. It's always extraordinary to watch people throw themselves into a good cause like that. I'm honored to be a part of this species.

just had to offer some gratitude. And a nice tribal whoop.
bijou

I'm either too drunk, too obtuse or a combination of the 2 to understand what the hell you are talking about. Is there a primer available ?

 

[Tzara]

I'm either too drunk, too obtuse or a combination of the 2 to understand what the hell you are talking about. Is there a primer available ?

She said that for fourteen bucks you could watch some chick get flogged in a midwestern parking lot and at the same time microcaptialize the third world. At least, I think that's what she said.

Or maybe that's my hopeliness. KS seems somehow a more attractive place, at that.

It seems like a good organization, though.

 

[tungtied2u]

Thanks, Tz. Hey I'm going to I am music, hopefully to post some peope I saw today at our Asheville Bele Chere music festival. Wish me luck on finding clips of the local groups.

She said that for fourteen bucks you could watch some chick get flogged in a midwestern parking lot and at the same time microcaptialize the third world. At least, I think that's what she said.

Or maybe that's my hopeliness. KS seems somehow a more attractive place, at that.

It seems like a good organization, though.

 

[Tzara]

Thanks, Tz. Hey I'm going to I am music, hopefully to post some peope I saw today at our Asheville Bele Chere music festival. Wish me luck on finding clips of the local groups.

Best 'o luck, Tom.

Yer music things are all ways great.

 

[tungtied2u]

Best 'o luck, Tom.

Yer music things are all ways great.

would you say terrific ? ...or am I pushing my luck ?... I feel the same way about the gems you post....thanks so much....and a toot toot of the hat to you..

 

[unpredictablebijou]

She said that for fourteen bucks you could watch some chick get flogged in a midwestern parking lot and at the same time microcaptialize the third world. At least, I think that's what she said.

Or maybe that's my hopeliness. KS seems somehow a more attractive place, at that.

It seems like a good organization, though.

That's about right. My secret superhero identity throws fund raising events in bars, takes all the money away from a bunch of drunks while they're having too good a time to notice, and then donates the take to various charities.

this past February, we took over a local bar for the "Annual Aphrodisiac Party." We got all the women in the bar to behave badly and charge their boyfriends and admirers lots of money for it, which we then donated to the local Humane Society. $1100, to be exact. Last Xmas it was $2300 for Adopt-a-Family, and no one will ever speak of what happened at those events.

The Humane Society has officially dedicated a kennel to us. With a plaque and everything. So if you ever get a phone call at 4 am, you'll know where to bring the bail money.

Sorry to have been so abstract. I forgot anyone was actually reading this.

bijou

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I am bringing the food fight in here. No throwing pies at Her Highness the Nymph unless you've bribed the Vizier first.

I checked on the holidays. Turns out this week is International Gerard Manley Hopkins Appreciation Week, here in our small but proud nation of Nymphomania. (Hey, do we have a flag yet?)

Citizens are encouraged to write overly alliterative and enthusiastic poems about Wonderful Things. In keeping with the food fight theme, here's mine:

God's Groceries

Glory be to Stouffer's for their orange box bounty,
for solid bricks of spinach souffle, sparkling with the rime
of slippery frost and slickly wrinkled cellophane,
for lasagna laved in meat-sauce, masterfully melted,
its pasta placid and piquant, reheated into rubber.

All praise to solar squares which shine from charming freezer cases,
row upon regal row of revamped recipes reclining,
ready to be moistly melted in Mother's microwave.

And macaroni, masterpiece of starchy staples,
the best of all the line, and brightest beacon
for my rumbling, grumbling tummy, its cheesy genius
bubbling and rotating in mysterious radiation
till steaming, it stops, and the caroling of beeps
calls me to its saucy accomplishments,
naughty noodles nestling, parabolic pasta
in that cheerful cheddar bed of palate's pleasure.
Glory!

 

[Sara Crewe]

I am bringing the food fight in here. No throwing pies at Her Highness the Nymph unless you've bribed the Vizier first.

I checked on the holidays. Turns out this week is International Gerard Manley Hopkins Appreciation Week, here in our small but proud nation of Nymphomania. (Hey, do we have a flag yet?)

Citizens are encouraged to write overly alliterative and enthusiastic poems about Wonderful Things. In keeping with the food fight theme, here's mine:

God's Groceries

Glory be to Stouffer's for their orange box bounty,
for solid bricks of spinach souffle, sparkling with the rime
of slippery frost and slickly wrinkled cellophane,
for lasagna laved in meat-sauce, masterfully melted,
its pasta placid and piquant, reheated into rubber.

All praise to solar squares which shine from charming freezer cases,
row upon regal row of revamped recipes reclining,
ready to be moistly melted in Mother's microwave.

And macaroni, masterpiece of starchy staples,
the best of all the line, and brightest beacon
for my rumbling, grumbling tummy, its cheesy genius
bubbling and rotating in mysterious radiation
till steaming, it stops, and the caroling of beeps
calls me to its saucy accomplishments,
naughty noodles nestling, parabolic pasta
in that cheerful cheddar bed of palate's pleasure.
Glory!

My dear, Vizier (oh wasn' t that poet-y of me in the cheesiest of ways),
I refuse to write any more poems but I will happily read yours and any other pie-throwers who come to visit.

I am feeling all grumbily because I have been editing and preparing submissions today which is a nasty and seriously grumpy-making process. In the end, I just feel like screaming at the world, "JUST TAKE MY FUCKING POEMS WOULD YOU 'CAUSE I WANT TO WRITE MORE AND I NEED ROOM IN THE CLOSET!" Ahem, it makes me a little tense. I think it irks me because everybody's rules are different and you just know that if you mess one thing up, your stuff is heading to the garbage.

In addition, could the literary journals in my fucking country be any more backward in their guideline restrictions? No. I don't think so.

Okay. Rant done. Somebody give me a pie. I need to either throw it or eat it.

Also, I am happy to receive any pies thrown my way. They are so much less painful than tomatoes.


BTW, Eluard said we could throw pies at him. OKay, that's not what he said but I reserve the right to rearrange words to suit my purpose.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

My dear, Vizier (oh wasn' t that poet-y of me in the cheesiest of ways),
I refuse to write any more poems but I will happily read yours and any other pie-throwers who come to visit.

I am feeling all grumbily because I have been editing and preparing submissions today which is a nasty and seriously grumpy-making process. In the end, I just feel like screaming at the world, "JUST TAKE MY FUCKING POEMS WOULD YOU 'CAUSE I WANT TO WRITE MORE AND I NEED ROOM IN THE CLOSET!" Ahem, it makes me a little tense. I think it irks me because everybody's rules are different and you just know that if you mess one thing up, your stuff is heading to the garbage.

In addition, could the literary journals in my fucking country be any more backward in their guideline restrictions? No. I don't think so.

Okay. Rant done. Somebody give me a pie. I need to either throw it or eat it.

Also, I am happy to receive any pies thrown my way. They are so much less painful than tomatoes.


BTW, Eluard said we could throw pies at him. OKay, that's not what he said but I reserve the right to rearrange words to suit my purpose.

Allow me to offer you the ceremonial Aw Bubbie of Comfort and Consolation for your day. Round my place the Aw Bubbie is a very important and sought-after conciliatory gesture.

Here's a pie, and a reminder. As Grand Nymph of Shenanigans, rearranging the rules to suit your every little whim is not just your right, it is your Sacred Duty.

No poems required. That's for the CITIZENS. You are the RULER. You keep forgetting that, darling.

bijou

 

[Sara Crewe]

Allow me to offer you the ceremonial Aw Bubbie of Comfort and Consolation for your day. Round my place the Aw Bubbie is a very important and sought-after conciliatory gesture.

Here's a pie, and a reminder. As Grand Nymph of Shenanigans, rearranging the rules to suit your every little whim is not just your right, it is your Sacred Duty.

No poems required. That's for the CITIZENS. You are the RULER. You keep forgetting that, darling.

bijou

Hmm, I am not sure if the Aw Bubbie is a sincere or mocking gesture but I am such a suck when put out that I dont even really care. I will happily accept it.

I am used to misbehaving in the shadows. It's much more difficult to do it front of everyone but if I must I must. It will be a good test for my poker face. I will begin by licking out the good parts of the pie and throwing the rest at the next unsuspecting person who steps on my metaphoric toes.

Just listened to your audio stuff. I almost didn't want to because I hate it when someone's voice doesn't fit with what I think it should sound like. Your's fits and they were good recordings. It would be great if you put a link to your member's page in your sig line so people can get to your posted poems quickly. There are lazy nymphs out there who rarely read the new poems list and only read poems on the threads or follow links in people's sig lines.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

The Aw Bubbie is quite sincere and compassionate, but also designed to remind one that very few things are all THAT bad... There are people in my life who will actually call me and specifically request an Aw Bubbie. It's a good tonic for Minor Non-Specific Ailments of the Poetic Soul.

hm. Maybe I will experiment with learning how to put links into my sig line. It's a skill I do need to acquire. Although during my learning curve, if my various posts start melting like Dali watches or spouting passages from Finnegan's Wake or automatically diverting everyone to FuckingMachines.com, please have patience.

bijou

 

[Sara Crewe]

The Aw Bubbie is quite sincere and compassionate, but also designed to remind one that very few things are all THAT bad... There are people in my life who will actually call me and specifically request an Aw Bubbie. It's a good tonic for Minor Non-Specific Ailments of the Poetic Soul.

hm. Maybe I will experiment with learning how to put links into my sig line. It's a skill I do need to acquire. Although during my learning curve, if my various posts start melting like Dali watches or spouting passages from Finnegan's Wake or automatically diverting everyone to FuckingMachines.com, please have patience.

bijou

For some reason, that's how it sounded to me. Like a hug with a little, 'get over yourself' pinch. The perfect combo. I am weird. I only whine about the inconsequential. The bigger stuff goes in poems and the monumental stuff gets swallowed.

I knew how to do it at one point when I had poems here. None of my poems live here anymore though so I deleted the link. If we shine a big T in the Western sky, you think Tzara will show up and give you some lovely sig line instruction?


Oh wait, I remember an easy way to do it. FInd someone else who has a link to their page in their sig line and quote it. You will see the code then that you need. Go to your member's page and copy and paste the link for it into the code you used from the other person's sig. Deleting their link, of course and then add it to your sig line.

And um, don't blame me if it doesn't work. I am after all nymph-ish.

 

[Eluard]

BTW, Eluard said we could throw pies at him. OKay, that's not what he said but I reserve the right to rearrange words to suit my purpose.

Hogaaaannnnn!!

 

[Sara Crewe]

Go ahead and throw a pie at me, Sara. I like it!

So agreeable today, Eluard. Well, if you insist. What flavour would you like first?

 

[Eluard]

So agreeable today, Eluard. Well, if you insist. What flavour would you like first?

You're…you're…you're — dethpicable!