Totally_Unsure
~Forever yearning~
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2005
- Posts
- 1,050
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Goodness, where shall I begin. I appreciate your thoughts and your concerns about the things I have mentioned here at Alt. I kinda thought that there was going to be some "judging" about my post pertaining to me saying that I am married, yet seeking out other "activities" online. I am not trying to justify anything that I may do online by things that are wrong in my marriage. I fully understand that I should talk with my husband about anything that I may be going through within me about our marriage. I know that any type of communication online with someone that is not my husband is a betrayal agasint him. And I know that even if I am communicating online , that is a betrayal in itself as well. Whenever I speak with someone online, I do not withhold the info that I am married.
I know that most of you can not grasp nor are you able to understand my chatting online while I am married, and nor do I expect you to. That is something that I deal with on my own. I am not seeking a master or a dom in real time, much less online. In fact, I am not seeking any form of real time activites with someone from online, or from someone just walking down the street. I know I am being unfatihful within my mind, but physically with someone, no.
A couple of you mentioned again why not open up to my husband about my desires and wants. And yes I know he should automatically be my first choice. But, sadly, that will not happen. I've been with him for many many years now, and sad to say, I'm not in love with him any longer. Why stay? We have 3 children and grandchildren. We are more like friends than anything. We get along majority of the time as well. But I don't feel that I should seek out my desires at the risk of my childrens happiness. I could go on and on about more things. But sharing with him the desires of my heart, are not possible. I do not expect you to understand or accept my decision. I do what I think is best, for now. And I've come to accept that the way my marriage is now is how it will be until, well, I don't know the answer to that one myself.
I do struggle with this on a daily basis. I know that my mind yearns for something more. But, I know that there is no way to fulfill it, and maybe it will never be fulfilled, even though the hunger is there. Well, I am at loss for words now. I'm sure there may be more words following this post. But hopefully, this response has enlightened some of you. Just don't 'lash' out at me too harshly.
Thank you again for your time and your thoughts.
Goodness, where shall I begin. I appreciate your thoughts and your concerns about the things I have mentioned here at Alt. I kinda thought that there was going to be some "judging" about my post pertaining to me saying that I am married, yet seeking out other "activities" online. I am not trying to justify anything that I may do online by things that are wrong in my marriage. I fully understand that I should talk with my husband about anything that I may be going through within me about our marriage. I know that any type of communication online with someone that is not my husband is a betrayal agasint him. And I know that even if I am communicating online , that is a betrayal in itself as well. Whenever I speak with someone online, I do not withhold the info that I am married.
I know that most of you can not grasp nor are you able to understand my chatting online while I am married, and nor do I expect you to. That is something that I deal with on my own. I am not seeking a master or a dom in real time, much less online. In fact, I am not seeking any form of real time activites with someone from online, or from someone just walking down the street. I know I am being unfatihful within my mind, but physically with someone, no.
A couple of you mentioned again why not open up to my husband about my desires and wants. And yes I know he should automatically be my first choice. But, sadly, that will not happen. I've been with him for many many years now, and sad to say, I'm not in love with him any longer. Why stay? We have 3 children and grandchildren. We are more like friends than anything. We get along majority of the time as well. But I don't feel that I should seek out my desires at the risk of my childrens happiness. I could go on and on about more things. But sharing with him the desires of my heart, are not possible. I do not expect you to understand or accept my decision. I do what I think is best, for now. And I've come to accept that the way my marriage is now is how it will be until, well, I don't know the answer to that one myself.
I do struggle with this on a daily basis. I know that my mind yearns for something more. But, I know that there is no way to fulfill it, and maybe it will never be fulfilled, even though the hunger is there. Well, I am at loss for words now. I'm sure there may be more words following this post. But hopefully, this response has enlightened some of you. Just don't 'lash' out at me too harshly.
Thank you again for your time and your thoughts.
