Anyone out there who is into BDSM but your partner/spouse is NOT?

[Pure]

Johnny, if it's so simple, so be it:

JM: It isn't about me, or you....it is about advising other people that maybe they should seek a better road than some of the ones we have walked.

I shall leave ALL the advising of people to 'seek a better road' to you. You shall be responsible for all messages of moral uplift. I shall offer roses for each one I see.

I will merely describe what I've seen; as James G has nicely done, I will discuss alternatives, without making recommendations.

I like to hear stories and talk about imperfect beings as such. All urgings to or towards perfection shall be left to you!

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Johnny, if it's so simple, so be it:

JM: It isn't about me, or you....it is about advising other people that maybe they should seek a better road than some of the ones we have walked.

I shall leave ALL the advising of people to 'seek a better road' to you. You shall be responsible for all messages of moral uplift. I shall offer roses for each one I see.

I will merely describe what I've seen; as James G has nicely done, I will discuss alternatives, without making recommendations.

I like to hear stories and talk about imperfect beings as such. All urgings to or towards perfection shall be left to you!

You are still a cunt.

You just hate it when someone tries to be better than a horny animal, don't you? It just throws your own lack of effort into sharp relief, huh?

 

[Pure]

to hone these attempts at degradation, you'd best confer with Netzach. if you can afford her.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I personally do not feel that the motivation of a professional Domme or Dom by that matter can be taken into account here. The main motivation is money, they are paid for a service and to be honest when they are being paid they just do not give a shit with whom they are doing it, of course if you are really disgusting or have not taken a shower in a couple of weeks it might have some influence. But basically it is the money that talks.

The sex question; well ask the partner of the persons who is being beat up how they feel about the difference of not having sex and being beaten up. It is a dream and an illusion to say that just because you are not having sex you are not cheating. If my partner gets beaten up by someone else without my permission I consider that cheating. It is not only cheating when the dick enters the cunt, or the fingers caressed the clit.

To make a simple and straightforward comparison, a whore while being at the job does not care if her customer is married or not, has a boyfriend or girlfriend is gay or straight, the only thing they are interested in is money. Now the same whore will when at home not accept that kind of behaviour from their partner. Ask a professional Domme what she will do if her sub cheats on her. The motivation of a professional Domme is money; straightforward and simple, if not why ask money for it and as far as I am informed and based on Pure remark they ask a lot of money for it.

This is the same fantasy so many men have about whores. They do it because they enjoy sex, she cums with me, and she likes me, I am a special customer for her. In reality what happens is quite the contrary, to a professional you are nothing more then a bag of money and most professionals need to have this outlook on life, it is the only way they can actually survive mentally. They even have special names for customers so they do not have to see them as persons, clients are called tricks.

For the rest I can agree with most what James G5 says.

I personally believe that the only way out of the dilemma is honesty and openness. Sometimes you might have an increased risk because of it but you will certainly have an increased risk if you do not talk about it, that is what the data and numbers say, we can putt them all aside and say that they do not matter, any case is different and any case is unique.

A gun is a gun though and for risk calculation it is totally irrelevant if you are unique and different then your neighbour at the end you will just end up a statistic, a unique statistic maybe but still a statistic.

So like I have said before it is your life and your destiny and your future, so be smart fulfil your needs in an open honest and as risk free possible way as possible.

Francisco.

Edited to make some small changes and correct some spelling errors.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Pure, can we get past this preoccupation you have with superiority and moral high ground? What is it which makes it such an all consuming life purpose to label anyone who does not advocate your way as the better way to consider themselves above you and everyone else. That statement alone says IMHO that this is how you are seeing yourself. Or is it you are a frustrated priest sitting in the confessional twisting your hands in angst at the unfairness of it all?

As to the cheating question, Francisco can likely quote the recent figures better than myself as to the rate of successful relationships, or should I say unsuccessful relationships, resulting from those who have cheated on a partner initially in the interests of having their needs met. No murder, no rape, no melodrama, just simple facts that show the chances of moving onto a successful happy relationship are slim. Cold, hard facts aside, how can anyone in their right mind believe they can carry out, or find a real relationship through cheating. The most obvious factor against it IMO apart from, but usually pertaining in part to, is that you are having a relationship in which you have to deceive and be careful, so the relationship is coloured by that much more than reality.

No wonder many find when they don't have all that cloak and dagger stuff to worry about, there is no longer much substance left. Add to that more time to think about the deception as a result of new found freedom, and many all of a sudden become extra vigilent and suspicious of their partner fearing/expecting they too will be cheated on as they see it as a possible option, and sadly, some see it as inevitable as they see their own behaviour as an incorrect reflection of how everyone lives their lives.

Catalina

 

[Lady Emerald]

O.K. It looks like we have a good discussion going here. I think Pure and James G have a lot of interesting points to make. I have to sort out absoloute needs from wants. Its a question of what can I live without?
Johnny seems very angry in general (that non specific anger reminds me of my h).
It was sweet of you to call Pure a cunt----afterall that's one of the sweetest things---and the best place to be.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

O.K. It looks like we have a good discussion going here. I think Pure and James G have a lot of interesting points to make. I have to sort out absoloute needs from wants. Its a question of what can I live without?
Johnny seems very angry in general (that non specific anger reminds me of my h).
It was sweet of you to call Pure a cunt----afterall that's one of the sweetest things---and the best place to be.

Not angry in general...Pure pushes my buttons, which is why I have him on ignore now. Every time I try to make a point, he turns into a snotty 10 year old.

 

[Pure]

Catalina said

//Pure, can we get past this preoccupation you have with superiority and moral high ground? What is it which makes it such an all consuming life purpose to label anyone who does not advocate your way as the better way to consider themselves above you and everyone else.//

As all readers will be aware, the moral labelling was begun by you and Johnny; the latter introduced the term 'slimeball', for instance. No moral labels or comparisons have been made by me
(if so, quote me); no derogatory insults have been applied (if so, quote me.).

So the reason for the 'pre occupation', my esteemed colleague, has been the continual attempts to disparage and discredit the person(s) whose views differ from you own.

I will let any readers draw their own conclusions about who is raising her or himself above others, who's making the demeaning remarks, etc.

J.

 

[Pure]

Francisco said,

I personally do not feel that the motivation of a professional Domme or Dom by that matter can be taken into account here. The main motivation is money, they are paid for a service and to be honest when they are being paid they just do not give a shit with whom they are doing it, of course if you are really disgusting or have not taken a shower in a couple of weeks it might have some influence. But basically it is the money that talks.

The sex question; well ask the partner of the persons who is being beat up how they feel about the difference of not having sex and being beaten up.
To make a simple and straightforward comparison, a whore while being at the job does not care if her customer is married or not, has a boyfriend or girlfriend is gay or straight, the only thing they are interested in is money. Now the same whore will when at home not accept that kind of behaviour from their partner. Ask a professional Domme what she will do if her sub cheats on her. The motivation of a professional Domme is money; straightforward and simple, if not why ask money for it and as far as I am informed and based on Pure remark they ask a lot of money for it.

Let's see, folks. Johnny says I'm a liar and a slimeball; you say my [cyber]friend N is a whore. So, why listen? right? Rather, listen to the paragons, those who truly care about others---unless the other is a whore and other discreditable creature.

Beyond the not-subtle inuendo, let's look at some of the dubious points you attempt to make. One suspects they are dubious in light of the razzle dazzle of insult that accompanies them.

1) You claim the motivation of the pro dom/me is irrelevant, and cannot be "taken into account"-- "here." Where is 'here'? Do you mean this person cannot take part in any moral discussion or even discussion of life's alternatives? Why is that? S/he 'just does not give a shit....' The whore is additionally a kind of psychopath, uncaring of ... yes, the homes she wrecks.

What a comfortable view! Can it be a surprise that I say that moral superiority is high on your and Johnny and Catalina's agenda.

Further, paid dom/mes provide an outlet in many cases where a marriage is stifling. That is a statement, not a recommendation. Turning to a 'pro' is a way of remaining faithful, for some! (Horrors! Horrors!).

2) You have a theory of 'cheating' namely,
It is a dream and an illusion to say that just because you are not having sex you are not cheating. If my partner gets beaten up by someone else without my permission I consider that cheating. It is not only cheating when the dick enters the cunt, or the fingers caressed the clit.

So you can perhaps give the authoritative definition of 'cheating'-- is it anything behind the partner's back? Is whacking off to an SM story, cheating, if done on the sly?

I suppose you have all the answers regarding cyber contacts as well: is a flirtatious email cheating? cybersex (IM)? These are debatable questions for many, but the assurance with which you tackle any issue, the Calvinistic rigor, is truly amazing.

In any case, even if we speak your moralistic language, where, as the Bible says "to look at a woman with lust" is already to commit adultery, many problems remain for the lesser mortals. Those who lack Johnny M's high degree--self said-- of genital control, and his great self-described ability to rise to greater heights than lowly animals like myself.

J.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Pure, try to discredit all you want, and undoubtedly make good use of the edit feature as many have noted to make your former posts look clean....and no, I haven't checked them as once was always enough for me, but I am used to your past use of the edit feature, not to correct grammar and spelling but to eradicate elements in your posts which don't go with what you later want to appear to be saying, or evidence you want only on show for a limited time, and presume as other parts of your approach haven't changed, this hasn't either. Others who have been here for some time and know you well remember the past pre-edited posts (and hasn't it been commented on frequently by other than myself?), and your accusations of high moral ground and superiority directed in my and others direction, and why?....from what we all saw, just based on your inability to accept some of us like to live with honesty and have nothing to hide.

What makes your innuendos it was us who started the language laughable, is it is not even the type language I or others on this board ever use, but unless you want to edit out or rewrite 99% of your posts on all boards, the populace can see it is very much a language trait of your own, and an unnatural preoccupation in your thoughts and analysis. I tired of your tactics last time as I am now, and will not scare at the talk of threats when I live a life that ensures there is nothing you can reveal about me I have not already done myself. I worked out as a child it is far better coming from me than being used as a weapon against me by someone with ulterior motives, so I live openly and take respnsibility for my actions. I am sure your mind, and we have seen evidence of this, is capable of more intellectual levels of discussion than continually policing the BDSM board for acceptable 'moral behaviour' according to your standards. I personally would like to see you revert to using your brain in the former manner rather than the latter.

Catalina

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

My husband is not at all interested, he thinks its all a bit silly and embarassing--so we can't even talk about it. I have offered to fulfill any fantasy he has, but I get no response. If any of you out there manage to combine BDSM and vanilla realtionships, how do you do it?

Getting back on topic...


...I don't know exactly what elements of BDSM you are interested in, so I can't really advise you in what you should do.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Lady Emerald, if you still seek advice on how to make it work, I guess the short and sweet of it is you are going to have some soul searching to do because whether you choose to neglect your need/wants, cheat, end a marriage, obtain your SO's permission to explore your desires, or continue to try and get your partner to cooperate, your life is going to change forever and there is never going to be a time you can take it back to this moment in time, or more exact, to your pre BDSM desire days. That can be either a positive or negative experience, or even a mixture of both, and at least in some part it is in your power to direct. Good luck in your pondering.

Catalina

 

[Pure]

Hi Catalina, just one note, since I can't follow much of your long speech above. (I will stipulate that it's a devastating commentary on my failures as a person, a self-said thinker, and as a poster to these boards. OK?)

your [Pure's] inability to accept some of us like to live with honesty and have nothing to hide.

I say to you, as to Johnny, who apparently is a comrade in arms.

I AGREE that your self-ascribed level of honesty is FAR greater than my humble amount, if indeed mine even can be said to exist, next to the loftiness of your self-said moral achievement.

I further AGREE that based on your statements and on Johnny's, NEITHER of you, according to what you've said here, has anything to hide, as so many folks do, me in particular. Your self-described 'openness' of life is indeed of a self-ascribed magnitude I can little comprehend due to my residence in the gutter of moral life.

Now, to the topic. Is it in Emerald's interests to fully disclose her leanings to her partner? to partially so disclose? to disclose the amount(strength) of compulsion she feels?

Another question that comes up: Given your (E's) relative (?)lack of experimentation (?) ---no doubt from avoiding sinister and psychpathic pro doms -- how do you know the strength/depth of your need? in particular, is it worth making a crucial, make or break issue in marriage? Can one know how badly one needs a Ferrari --should one sell one's house to get one?--, if one has never driven one?

J.

 

[Netzach]

Wow, I don't really get that irked easily. Broad classification applied to me and people I know and situations I have a grasp on, that kinda does it.

I personally do not feel that the motivation of a professional Domme or Dom by that matter can be taken into account here. The main motivation is money, they are paid for a service and to be honest when they are being paid they just do not give a shit with whom they are doing it, of course if you are really disgusting or have not taken a shower in a couple of weeks it might have some influence. But basically it is the money that talks.

I see. Well, if you talk to any good and successful professional Dommes you will soon find that if you don't have the least inclination towards SM, if you are completely jaded on the whole concept, everyone worth her salt will tell you to get the hell out of the business. You won't be good at it. As for clients it's true that money talks, and I'll put up with some things that bore the hell out of me. I don't do repulsion for pay, personally. I do give a shit about my client, I do try and provide a quality scene and interaction, and at it's high points my career is no different than playing at a party casually with a very pleasant person I don't know all that well. That, to me, is a great day on the job. If prodommes as an undifferentiated whole don't give a fuck about their clients and bottoms, why do they burn out emotionally at a high rate, go to events, write books, and mentor people and why do they factor into the history of the community so much? It must be our tireless publicity hounding nature, none of us give a shit about the scene.

Perhaps it hasn't occured to you that some people do this work not out of economic desperation or sheer greed but because we know we are good at it, and we don't have identical moral hangups to you.

Versus a lot of people out there who are not good at it and don't care if they injure a client or present a halfassed and shitty scene. Perhaps you've never bothered to survey the people you are so expert on.


The sex question; well ask the partner of the persons who is being beat up how they feel about the difference of not having sex and being beaten up. It is a dream and an illusion to say that just because you are not having sex you are not cheating. If my partner gets beaten up by someone else without my permission I consider that cheating. It is not only cheating when the dick enters the cunt, or the fingers caressed the clit.

To make a simple and straightforward comparison, a whore while being at the job does not care if her customer is married or not, has a boyfriend or girlfriend is gay or straight, the only thing they are interested in is money. Now the same whore will when at home not accept that kind of behaviour from their partner. Ask a professional Domme what she will do if her sub cheats on her. The motivation of a professional Domme is money; straightforward and simple, if not why ask money for it and as far as I am informed and based on Pure remark they ask a lot of money for it.

For someone who dis-equates SM and sex a lot, you really need to make up your mind. Perhaps it puts you at ease to think that no professional Dominant likes her job because it is less of a threat to your sense of "realness" I have no idea.

I find it laughable and insulting to compare a non-sexual prodomme to a whore right off the bat, rather than a dentist or a therapist and actress or a lawyer, all of whom provide a service for a fee and don't fuck anyone either. I suppose married men who go to strippers to be titillated or masturbate to pornographic images all shall rot in the same firey furnace. Not to mention calling someone for phone sex.

This is the same fantasy so many men have about whores. They do it because they enjoy sex, she cums with me, and she likes me, I am a special customer for her. In reality what happens is quite the contrary, to a professional you are nothing more then a bag of money and most professionals need to have this outlook on life, it is the only way they can actually survive mentally. They even have special names for customers so they do not have to see them as persons, clients are called tricks.

I suppose you have talked to a wide sampling of sex workers again to have come up with a neat generalization of how everyone, from the crack-addicted streetwalker to the single mom escorting long enough to pay off her VISA to the out of work actress considering the massage parlor feels about her job, and her clients, every last one. Congratulations, you make so much of my conversing with people for their take on their lives completely redundant.

For the rest I can agree with most what James G5 says.

I personally believe that the only way out of the dilemma is honesty and openness. Sometimes you might have an increased risk because of it but you will certainly have an increased risk if you do not talk about it, that is what the data and numbers say, we can putt them all aside and say that they do not matter, any case is different and any case is unique.

And here's the irony, I would AGREE that the best way to handle your situation would be honesty and .....openess! I do! I also understand that that's an ideal that cannot always be maintained. No one solution is going to fit every last freaking person on earth, and nobody but you has the answers for you!


A gun is a gun though and for risk calculation it is totally irrelevant if you are unique and different then your neighbour at the end you will just end up a statistic, a unique statistic maybe but still a statistic.

Yes it is. My fiance had one pulled on him while escorting our trash to the door last night in our nice, but decidedly urban neighborhood. Is this because of my degenerate ways? Or is this just bad fucking luck?

Imagined jealousy and jealousy with a basis don't really distinguish one another if you are worried about crimes of passion. Was Desdemona guilty? She didn't have to be. Sucks to be her like it sucked to be M last night.


So like I have said before it is your life and your destiny and your future, so be smart fulfil your needs in an open honest and as risk free possible way as possible.

Francisco.

Edited to make some small changes and correct some spelling errors.

I think you should do so too, it may sink in with your husband, it may not. You have every right to be a happy person, bottom line.

I think that risk-free would be a horribly dull existence. Just keep yourself safe and don't do anything you can't look in the mirror over. You have the answers already, I imagine.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Well Pure I did not say N was a whore, but even if I would have I do not see the problem. A whore is just someone who sells sex; it is a legal profession where I live (and Australia also) and we do not attach childish stigmas to it. I made a motivation comparison between having sex for money and having a BDSM scene for money. It is a very valid comparison, going to a whore is considered by most as cheating, IMO the same can be said of visiting a pro dome. Again you are the one who is making the moral judgment.

The point I am making is very simple, the pro Domme in this situation is making a living, her main motivation is the money they make, so yes I would say that their views would be colored on this subject especially considering that many of their clientele exist out of married men. Without them they perhaps would not have a sustainable income.

For your information, and for clarity, I will give you two definitions, not mine but out of the Webster’s dictionary. They will make it very clear what is and what is not considered cheating. If you do not like the definitions go and complain not to me but to the Webster’s dictionary.

To cheat:
transitive senses
1 : to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud
2 : to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice
3 : to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting <cheat death>
intransitive senses
1 a : to practice fraud or trickery b : to violate rules dishonestly (as at cards or on an examination)
2 : to be sexually unfaithful -- usually used with on

SEX:
1 : either of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or male
2 : the sum of the structural, functional, and behavioral characteristics of living things that are involved in reproduction by two interacting parents and that distinguish males and females
3 a : sexually motivated phenomena or behavior
b : SEXUAL INTERCOURSE

I think that makes it pretty clear, cheating is being sexually unfaithful; sex is sexually motivated phenomena or behaviour. So basically any sexually motivated behaviour that is unfaithful is cheating.

The constant referral to moral superiority is getting a bit old Pure, the only thing you are showing here is that you cannot argue this with facts and that you become extremely defensive when this subject comes up. Calvinistic rigor is a very interesting remark, but you see he was a protestant and me being a Catholic and Spanish and of course of a member of the inquisition (the Spanish one that is), I would have burned him alive after almost torturing him to death.

Francisco.

 

[A Desert Rose]

... going to a whore is considered by most as cheating, IMO the same can be said of visiting a pro dome.

Francisco.

Visiting a brothel for sex is not cheating, in my mind. But then, I too, live in an area where brothels are legal and the stigma that many have for prostitutes is not part of the equation for me.

Cheating to me, is when your heart leads your cock, (in the case of men, that is.)

 

[Netzach]

A "arrogant stuck up prick" is just someone who thinks they are helping people with their opinions. In my home town of NYC, we attach no importance to this, unlike the rest of the known planet and most people in common parlance.

Had I actually called c or F or both this, I would certainly not be insulting and there would be no reason for them to take offense. I would be gravely misunderstood in my meaning. Of course I get to tell everyone how they should respond to me in advance.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Netzach apparently you have been gravely offended by my comparison between Pro Dommes and whores. Well in that case I apologize not for what I have said but for the way you have interpreted it, because you see now I am also morally responsible for the way I am misread and misquoted, such is life. About the name-calling, I am not going down that path, if you feel you have to please go ahead. I do not think it is a secret that we in The Netherlands have a different view about whores and sex workers than in some other countries. I am a stuck up arrogant prick, I admit it, I am an arrogant son of a bitch, I am always correct in everything I say and am always right. Comes with the job of being the higher, morally superior Dom. It is not for nothing I have been called the saintly Dom before.

In any case I did not say Pro Domme’s do not give a shit about BDSM or scene or lifestyle. I said that they do not give a shit about with whom they do it when they are being paid for it. I have no moral hang-ups with Pro domes, quite the contrary, I would say it is a very realistic view. With how many of your clients would you scene if they would not pay you for it?

Also I have not said that a Pro Domme does not like her job, lets stop misquoting and start reading and comprehending. I am sure there are many Pro Domme’s who like their job just as there are many other professionals that like their jobs; and like with any profession, if you want to be really good at it you have to like what you are doing or at the minimum be proud of what you do.

Now about my personal experience with street whores, crack whores and what else, beside the fact that I grew up in the Red Light neighborhood in Amsterdam. I have not had any professional contact with sex workers. I used to regularly visit as a young man the bars where sex workers, whores and prostitutes would come after work and make jokes about their tricks. I remember very well the remarks made by many, if not all of them, about their clientele, not too many viewing them as the light of their lives, just a paying customer. It might also surprise you my last submissive was a former sex worker, whore, whichever term protects the sensibilities.

I have made a motivational comparison between a prostitute and a Pro Domme. I do not see the problem with comparing a Pro Domme with a whore, like I have no problem comparing a whore to a dentist or a lawyer. If there is anything proven by this is that it is you who is making the judgement call and denigrating the profession of a prostitute. To me a whore is no more or no less than a lawyer, teacher, or the butcher on the corner.

And I agree with you a complete risk free environment would be very boring, but why take risks you can avoid.

Francisco.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Visiting a brothel for sex is not cheating, in my mind. But then, I too, live in an area where brothels are legal and the stigma that many have for prostitutes is not part of the equation for me.

Cheating to me, is when your heart leads your cock, (in the case of men, that is.)

Interesting remark Rose, so if your boyfriend, dom or significant other would visit a whore and not tell you about it you would see it in the same light as him forgetting to mention he had gone to the dentist?

Francisco.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Interesting remark Rose, so if your boyfriend, dom or significant other would visit a whore and not tell you about it you would see it in the same light as him forgetting to mention he had gone to the dentist?

Francisco.

I don't think he would "forget" to tell me about it. And if you are inferring that he would "forget" (as in a deliberate omission) I am sure he would not. He would tell me because I have no problem with it and he knows that.

Prostitution is not an issue for me. It's an occupation.

As I said, cheating to me is when one is led away by the heart and not the genitals.

 

[catalina_francisco]

So if I understand you correctly, you have no problems about it because he tells you, he is being open and honest and stays within the agreed boundaries of the relationship.

Well that is not being unfaithful to me, so I would not see that as cheating either.

Francisco.

 

[A Desert Rose]

So if I understand you correctly, you have no problems about it because he tells you, he is being open and honest and stays within the agreed boundaries of the relationship.

Well that is not being unfaithful to me, so I would not see that as cheating either.

Francisco.

Yes, you understand me. And to be clear, the "agreed boundaries" are truth and honesty.

When anything becomes such a secret that it requires sneaking around to accomodate certain needs, then it is cheating.

The basis of cheating is dishonesty and disrespect, ground that has been covered ad nauseum on this board. To that, I am sure you agree with me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yes, you understand me. And to be clear, the "agreed boundaries" are truth and honesty.

When anything becomes such a secret that it requires sneaking around to accomodate certain needs, then it is cheating.

The basis of cheating is dishonesty and disrespect, ground that has been covered ad nauseum on this board. To that, I am sure you agree with me.

I fully agree with you ADR that the basis of cheating is dishonesty and disrespect.

Francisco.

 

[Pure]

Francisco said,

[based on unnamed dictionary:]
//I think that makes it pretty clear, cheating is being sexually unfaithful; sex is sexually motivated phenomena or behaviour. So basically any sexually motivated behaviour that is unfaithful is cheating. //

Well it's pretty obscure, and full of holes, but I'll let others have a go at it. The central problem is 'unfaithful' (or 'faithful'), which you have not defined. Does it mean fucking someone else? fucking someone else without your spouse's permission? Does it require physical contact with someone else? Would listening to one of those pre-recorded sex tapes on the phone-- or the audio version of Lit. story (without the knowledge and permission of ones' spouse)-- be 'unfaithful.'

In saying 'sexually motivated' you are not even requiring that I experience arousal, not to say orgasm. I suppose every time I "sneak" a glance at a woman on the street (when my SO is not around), I'm being unfaithful. Your motto is indeed "He who looks at a woman with lust in his eye, has already committed adultery with her in his own heart."

I stand corrected: your zealotry may be more analogous to the Spanish Inquisition; iirc correctly, the body is examined for a 'mark of the devil' (e.g. something like a mole). If one is found, you have a witch. One generally was, if the search was minute enough.

You are just a little TOO good are catching the majority of the world in your morally rigorous net. But you have a good mind. A St. Thomas Aquinas of sexual ethics.

Best,
J.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Francisco said,

[based on unnamed dictionary:]
//I think that makes it pretty clear, cheating is being sexually unfaithful; sex is sexually motivated phenomena or behaviour. So basically any sexually motivated behaviour that is unfaithful is cheating. //

Well it's pretty obscure, and full of holes, but I'll let others have a go at it. The central problem is 'unfaithful' (or 'faithful'), which you have not defined. Does it mean fucking someone else? fucking someone else without your spouse's permission? Does it require physical contact with someone else? Would listening to one of those pre-recorded sex tapes on the phone-- or the audio version of Lit. story (without the knowledge and permission of ones' spouse)-- be 'unfaithful.'

In saying 'sexually motivated' you are not even requiring that I experience arousal, not to say orgasm. I suppose every time I "sneak" a glance at a woman on the street (when my SO is not around), I'm being unfaithful. Your motto is indeed "He who looks at a woman with lust in his eye, has already committed adultery with her in his own heart."

I stand corrected: your zealotry may be more analogous to the Spanish Inquisition; iirc correctly, the body is examined for a 'mark of the devil' (e.g. something like a mole). If one is found, you have a witch. One generally was, if the search was minute enough.

You are just a little TOO good are catching the majority of the world in your morally rigorous net. But you have a good mind. A St. Thomas Aquinas of sexual ethics.

Best,
J.

LMAO...

and not AT you, Pure. But this is funny.

Let's just ressurect that old thread again and rehash this cheating topic all fucking over...

But let's all be clear right off the bat... these words posted by all, are OPINIONS and not commandments written in stone. I don't agree with lots of opinions here (and I know there are many who do not agree with mine.) People have trouble posting their opinions in a dispassionate way... it's a fact.